gold coast doulas

Lexi wearing black while wearing a baby in a colorful ring sling in an autumn forest

Baby Registry Trends: Podcast Episode #169

Kristin chats with Lexi Tabor of Hatchling CLE about the latest baby trends and services.  You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes, SoundCloud, or wherever you find your podcasts.

Welcome.  You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting.  Let’s chat!

Kristin:  Hello, hello!  This is Kristin with Ask the Doulas.  I am so excited to chat with Lexi Tabor today.  Lexi is the founder, postpartum care specialist, certified lactation support counselor at Hatchling CLE.  Welcome, Lexi!

Lexi:  Hi, Kristin.  Thank you so much for having me.

Kristin:  Our topic today is all about registries and prepping for baby showers and what you need and what you don’t need, since a lot of your business – it’s not mentioned in the title – is being a baby registry consultant, in addition to all of your skills in lactation and postpartum doula work.

Lexi:  Yeah, it’s something that I actually – so I started postpartum work in 2020 and got my lactation certification in 2021, but how this all started was that I’ve been – I was a career nanny for 12 years, so I got to work firsthand with a bunch of baby stuff with various families.  Families of newborns and toddlers and things like that, and they were always asking me about which things they should have or what works for this and kind of figuring it out there.  I starting offering, I guess, consults.  I started asking my friends who were expecting, “Do you want to send me your registry?  Do you want to do this together?  I like to do that.  I know a little bit about products,” and that kind of evolved into what I do now.  And then I realized, oh, I have this business.  I might as well add that as an add-on.

Kristin:  It makes perfect sense since you already had so much firsthand knowledge working with nanny families and postpartum doula clients in their homes with the products.

Lexi:  Exactly.

Kristin:  So what is, as far as the percentage of your business, what would that make up, just to get an idea or a sense?  At least in my area, I don’t know of any baby registry consultants.

Lexi:  I’ve never crunched the numbers with it, really.  I guess it would be about 25%.

Kristin:  That’s what I would have guessed, yeah.

Lexi:  I’ve also started – I actually am starting to offer it now as – so it was mostly just a standalone service, but now I’m starting to market it more as an add-on for my current clients and kind of giving them a discount and saying, like, hey, you know, would you like me to look over your registry, or do you want to build this together?  It helps me get to know their needs on a whole different level when I’m working with in-person clients, too, which is kind of cool.

Kristin:   Yeah, that makes sense.  I know as birth doulas, we have add-on prenatals if a client wants help working on a birth plan or a birth preference sheet.  So it make sense to do add-ons in that way.  So you know so much about the industry itself as far as marketing goes and what’s going on with baby products and services and the registry market in general.  What tidbits do you have to share with us, Lexi, on the market itself?

Lexi:  So I guess my experience and my personal values also kind of drive what it is that I do within registry consults.  So I’m trying to get away from the $12 billion industry of baby stuff.  How many times have you heard a parent say, “I didn’t need that,” or, like, throwing their baby items at their friends who are pregnant because they never used it?

Kristin:  Constantly.

Lexi:  Or have so much stuff, right?  Especially in this country, unfortunately, we’re not really set up to succeed postpartum.  It’s all about the things and making everything look good and all about the birth, which are important, but then you have this baby that you come home with, and then you’re like, okay, now what?  So what I try to plant the seed – I try to plant the seed with clients to kind of reframe it as, yes, you’re going to need things, but most of what you will need is support.  Getting them in touch with people in their area or even virtually if, depending on their location, they don’t physically have access to those services.  And just kind of reframing, like, what is it that you actually need and also what is it that will work for your family, right?  Because there is also a lot of people ask their friends what they’re going to need, and if they had other babies or have taken care of other children, they tend to go towards those products, which sometimes work, but every baby is different, so it’s kind of tailoring their registry to their exact needs and their familial buildup, the logistics of their housing, their relationship situation.  All of that is all custom tailored to them.

Kristin:   Yeah, the Snoo doesn’t work for every baby.  You know, different swaddles or baby carriers can be very specific to the individual needs, even if you have multiple kids.  There could be preferences in your household.  So I know that you have ties to Be Her Village, and I’m so excited to take your baby registry training through Be Her Village, and that is all about really incorporating services and experts within the birth and baby field versus registering for things.  For registering for a doula or a lactation consult or postpartum doula and so on.

Lexi:   Yes.  So this course that I’m going to be teaching that you are also taking is – it was kind of born randomly, naturally, in a meeting that I was having with Kaitlyn and JD from Be Her Village.  I don’t even remember what the chat was about.  I think it was just a casual chat, and by the end of it, we kind of had a private conversation, and we’re like, hey, should we make this happen?  And so the focus of the gift registry expert certification through Be Her Village is, again, it’s not going to be, “Don’t buy stuff; only do services,” and all about Be Her Village, because that’s not practical, either.  It’s going to be about exploring the different subjects.  Each week, we have a different breakdown of things from, like, sleep, feeding, things for parents, baby travel, play and development, all of those different things that we’ll take a deep dive into, and each week, we will discuss support resources versus product resources versus, like, different options that you can give people and give people who are taking the course the tools to implement this into their business, as well, so they can kind of spread the word of also planting seeds of, hey, like, you – what do you think this product would do for you?  In some cases, it might be more appropriate to have a service instead.  Like, oh, it sounds like this is something you might actually be looking for that this product could do, but also this person, I know, would do a great job at it, kind of thing.  So just connecting families with that kind of support, as well.

Kristin:   I know we get a lot of questions from doula clients at Gold Coast about everything from the best pump to bottles and a lot of swaddle questions.  So what are you seeing from clients as far as really, like, the most overwhelming registry items?

Lexi:  A lot of my clients are registering through major registry sites that work well, but again, they’re not custom tailored.  So it’s just kind of more of crowdsourcing and what’s in at the moment.  As someone who specializes in feeding, bottles and pacifiers that are in at the moment are actually like the bane of my existence.  But that’s also a good talking point and a point to bring up.  It’s a good lesson to educate.  It’s a good point to educate parents on.  Like, oh, this is really popular right now.  Did you know XYZ about this product?  Or here are some pros and here are some cons about it; what do you think?  There are a lot of questions; bottles, pacifiers, swaddles.

Kristin:  Car seats, I’m sure.  Strollers.

Lexi:  I actually don’t get a lot of questions on car seats, which is surprising.  Usually it’s how to install my car seat, but not which one to get.

Kristin:  And you think of everything that’s interchangeable; anything from a crib that turns into a toddler bed to the car seat with stroller combo and things like that.  So I’m sure that you get some of those questions when you’re in clients’ homes.

Lexi:  There’s so many different choices out there, too, which is – you know, it’s good and it’s bad.  We’re kind of met with this decision paralysis.  Some people like me really enjoy doing the research and kind of scoping out all these products and things like that, and for most expectant parents, it’s just so overwhelming because they’re already dealing with so much.  And going down Google wormholes for six days about which car seat is the best and whatever – if you hire someone who knows this information, they can tell you all that without you having to get into this anxiety blackhole.

Kristin:   Yes, because your time is valuable, and reducing stress, especially during pregnancy, is key.  Win-win to hire an expert who’s really gone through all of the ratings and reviews, and obviously, recalls.  Keeping up with the recalls is, I feel like, almost a full-time job.  I just got an email today about two more recalls.  So keeping on top of that for our clients is also important.

Lexi:  Yes, and that’s something, again, a lot of parents don’t know about these things until we tell them, so hopefully people who are listening to your podcast will now know, if you don’t already, sign up for the weekly emails from the CPSC website.  It’s really easy.  They send you a weekly email, and you get to see what products or recalls.  Sometimes it’s children’s products; sometimes it’s like an ATV, which is not relevant.  But I actually had – I looked on there, and I noticed there was a washing machine that had a fire hazard, and I noticed – I was like, oh, I’m pretty sure that’s one of my client’s washing machines, so I sent that along to them.  So it’s not just baby products, but even if you register things, like your car seat and your baby carrier and if you have any baby containers, things like that, it’s not just baby products that they sent out notifications on.  So it’s good to know about any of these home products that you may be using.

Kristin:  Yes.  Very helpful.

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Kristin:  As far as trends with showers, what are you seeing as you’re helping clients navigate planning for their baby shower or diaper sprinkle, whatever it might be?

Lexi:  A lot of people are – I think there’s – there is a shift away from, like, the traditional baby shower, right?  So it’s not – this is not your mom’s baby shower kind of thing.  I think people are starting to do more research, and millennials are, I think, trying to be more intentional about the things they bring into the world and the things they expose their babies to and things like that.  As years go by, research comes out, and we know differently.

Kristin:  Exactly.  Wanting eco-friendly products.

Lexi:  Yeah, things that are, I guess, more clean and nontoxic as far as detergents go; even sometimes fabrics and crib mattresses.  So it’s kind of cool to see that shift because even 12 years ago before my niece was born, I look at the things we did, and I was like, oh, man, so much has changed even in that amount of time.  So now it’s – there is a lot of research.  Unfortunately, sometimes with that comes a lot of anxiety.  But I think people are trying to be more mindful in how they spend their money and also spend time with their children and the things they expose their babies to, which is why I also think the service is really valuable because you’re kind of starting off on the right foot before your baby is even born.  Kind of help parents out.

Kristin:  Exactly.  I know one of my clients set up a registry, and her focus was to try to make it as eco-friendly as helpful.  She was happy to have regifted items, you know, from her friends who already had babies and really was all about registering for services.  So she got a lot of postpartum doula support and other services that were helpful.  Meal delivery, housekeeping, and so on.

Lexi:  And those are things, again, a lot of first-time parents, without knowing somebody who’d had those services themselves, might not even know that that’s an option or they might be like, oh, that’s kind of weird to put housecleaning on my baby registry.  But it’s not.  You know?  You’re sitting around.  You’re at home all day.  You’re looking at all these things that you – a lot of parents are like, I feel like I should be doing this, when their job is really to be resting and healing if they gave birth.  Yeah, everything from meal services, cleaning services.

Kristin:  Diaper services for those who do cloth.

Lexi:  Yeah.  Anything – any and all of the above.  I actually came across – I think it was a couple years ago – another registry where it is specifically made to register for things that are preloved items, and on there, you can write – whoever gifts it can write whether they want it back or not or whether you can donate it or whatever, which I thought was really cool.  Especially for big ticket items, if you know the home it came from and there are no allergies in your home and their home that mishmash, and if you know that they use safety protocols – like, not having to buy a crib is great.

Kristin:  Definitely.  That’s a costly item.  And even thinking about – the market has changed so much since I’ve had kids where things can be rented.  Like a Snoo, for example.  I’ve had clients rent versus buy a Snoo.  And so some of those higher-ticket items can be returned after use.

Lexi:  Yeah, it’s nice to see that, and also a lot of parents are using Mercari and Poshmark for things as well, like swaddles, which you’re still buying it, but it is preloved, so you’re not necessarily – you’re giving that money to another parent, and not a corporation, which is kind of cool, and keeping those things out of landfills, which is also wonderful.

Kristin:  Exactly.  Any tips as far as things to avoid registering for?

Lexi:  There are very few blanket recommendations that I make.  Kaitlyn from Be Her Village and I were talking about this.  She’s like, “I want to know what’s on your black list.”  The only things, honestly, for me, are things that have safety issues with them.  So obviously, anything that’s been recalled, you can go on the CPSC website, put in a product that you want to register for or that you’ve heard is really good, and you can re-report if there are any on their website of those.  For me, it’s not necessarily the actual product; more so how they’re used, so, like, those sleep pods, like the Dock A Tot, they’re now sold as loungers because they’re not allowed to use the language of sleep pods.  But a lot of parents still use them for sleep.

Kristin:  Right, which is challenging.

Lexi:  Yeah.  So, again, it’s navigating that conversation of while this product is in your home, this is the appropriate way to use it.  This is the safe way to use it, and here’s how it should be – the uses you should avoid it for.  I think the only one that I struggle with the most are formula dispensers, for two reasons.  Number one, babies under the age of three months, or if they’re immunocompromised, they need a special way to have formula prepared, so it’s not actually about boiling the water, letting it cool down.  You’re actually supposed to scald the powder because that is what can have bacteria in it.  And formula dispensers don’t prepare things in that way, right?  So they’re not making it safely for babies under three months, unfortunately.  And also they’re not accurately dispensing the amount of formula that it’s supposed to all the time, so it’s really hard – like, you can’t keep track of that.  You don’t know whether your baby is having too much powder in there, not enough powder.  And that’s tricky.  And in the long run, you have to clean it after every three bottles, so in the long run, it’s not really more efficient, unfortunately.

Kristin:   Right, and if it’s not cleaned properly, then it leads to all of these other issues, like bacteria.

Lexi:  Honestly, other than things that have been safety recalled, which you can read all about those online, I don’t really have any blanket recommendations.  It is more so about, like, what fits for a family, what works for them, and how things are used.

Kristin:  Love it.  So Lexi, based on your background as a lactation support counselor, what are you loving within the feeding area?  I know you mentioned some of the newer products were a concern, but what do you love?

Lexi:  My favorite bottle to use is one of the least expensive.  They are the Evenflo glass bottles, just the glass, four-ounce.  You can use it with a slow flow Evenflo nipple, or you can use it with a Dr. Brown’s nipple.  I really like those.  They are a great shape for feeding.  That makes it optimal for babies that are fed from the body and for just piece feeding them and having a good latch.  And then the Nanobebe pacifier, if you are choosing to use a pacifier.  I really like that one for the shape, and it also kind of forms to the face really well, which helps keep things in there.  As far as for lactating parents, I think Silverette cup.  I don’t know if you have heard of those or had experience with those.  They’re pretty cool.  They’re like these stainless steel kind of – it’s not really a nipple shield, but it goes over the nipple.

Kristin:  And collects, yes.  I love it.

Lexi:  Yeah, it collects it.  It prevents damage and it helps heel.  It’s – they’re really cool.

Kristin:  Awesome tips, thank you!  So any other ideas to share for our listeners or doula clients who are prepping their registry?

Lexi:  I would just encourage you to really look into local resources.  I’m going to plug Be Her Village.  I’m not sponsored by them, but I just really believe in their mission and spreading the word.  My favorite part about them is that the money goes directly into your bank account if you have a registry, and then if you don’t end up needing that service, you can spend it on what you need.  So if you plan on feeding your baby from your body and you end up not needing a lactation consultant, or end up using formula, you can use that money for diapers instead or a meal service or other things like that.  And it kind of also connects you with – it widens your horizons of what’s even available around you, which is pretty neat.

Kristin:  Right.  You can see all the experts in your area by searching for the different services.  That’s very helpful.

Lexi:  Again, avoiding that Google wormhole.  Love-hate relationship with Google.

Kristin:  It can be terrifying and overwhelming all at once.  Yes, avoiding Google and trusting expert sites and resources is what it’s all about.  So if our listeners want to get in touch with you, you obviously do virtual work as well as in person.  How can they best reach you, Lexi?

Lexi:  The best way, I think the most active way to reach me, is on Instagram.  My handle is @hatchlingcle.  And then my website, too, which has all of my contact info on it.

Kristin:  And you’re located in Cleveland, so not too far away from us in Michigan here.  We actually have sunshine today.  It’s been a long time.

Lexi:  I know.  See, I looked outside this morning – well, I went to work before it was dark, but after a while when I was at work, I looked out the window, and I was like, oh, my gosh, I can’t wait to leave just so I can be in the sun.

Kristin:  Right.  It’s so needed.  Well, I loved our chat.  I can’t wait to learn from you at the certification course.  So I am all about adding different knowledge bases to my profession, so the baby registry service is something that I don’t have the background that you do on, so thank you for making this available to doulas and other childbirth professionals.

Lexi:  You’re so welcome.  I can’t wait to see where this is going to go.  This is the first time we’re offering this, so it’s kind of a new ride for us, too, and we’re all very excited to get this going and spread the word about it.

Kristin:  Awesome.  Any other resources to share before we pop off?

Lexi:  Not that I can think of off the top of my head.  I am constantly sharing resources in my Instagram stories, though, so check that out.

Kristin:  I know you’re on LinkedIn, as well, and you share some content there for the business professionals.

Lexi:  Oh, one other thing I’ll plug – sorry, it just popped in my head.  I also do some work with major care doulas, which is – we call it a postpartum doula in your pocket.  So if you don’t have a postpartum doula in your area and you’re looking for virtual on-call support, that’s a wonderful service, and they have a whole guide of the first few months and what that looks like.  It’s a daily guide, and everyone who works on there is also great.

Kristin:  Awesome.  Thank you, Lexi, and appreciate you sharing all of your wisdom around the baby registry industry.  Take care!

Lexi:  Thank you for having me!

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review.  You can also check out our Baby Registry Consultation services. Thank you!  Remember, these moments are golden.

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Erica wearing a green sweater with a blue and white beaded necklace against a black wall

Medicaid for Doulas with Doulas Diversified: Podcast Episode #168

Kristin chats with Erica about the Medicaid coverage for doulas in Michigan and how this improves maternal and infant health outcomes.  You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes, SoundCloud, or wherever you find your podcasts.

 

Welcome.  You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting.  Let’s chat!

Kristin:  Hello, hello.  This is Kristin with Ask the Doulas, and I am so excited to chat with Erica Guthaus today.  Welcome, Erica!

Erica:  Thank you so much, Kristin.  I’m really excited for this conversation today.

Kristin:  So happy to reconnect!  Listeners, Erica was one of our early birth and postpartum doulas at Gold Coast, and you and I have stayed in contact, Erica, for many years with all of the different initiatives that you’ve been involved in throughout Michigan and also nationally.  So I’m so excited to talk to you about Medicaid coverage for doulas in Michigan, and also a bit about what’s going on in the national scope with doula coverage under Medicaid.

Erica:  Absolutely.  There are so many exciting developments that are happening here in our state, which is always fantastic, but we actually are not the ones that have been leading the charge on this front.  You know, there are states that have been in this position and offering this type of coverage and support for more than ten years at this point.  So it’s really exciting that it is finally on our home front and we have access to it in this way.

Kristin:  Exactly, yeah.  I’ve been talking to doula friends in Oregon and Minnesota and then more recently in New York, so I know this has been pending legislation for years in Michigan.  I’m so excited about the plan and the support from Governor Whitmer.  I mean, it is fantastic to have this coverage for Medicaid patients.

Erica:  Yes, it truly is.  I mean, I distinctly remember attending the first webinar, just really kind of getting into what the specifics were going to look like related to Medicaid reimbursement for doula coverage, back in, like, I think August of 2020.  So at that point, it was looking like a very different approach.  It was initially, like, a bill was being introduced by a senator.  And, you know, that was the pathway that was being taken, and then Medicaid decided that they were going to just kind of willingly get on board with things, and that definitely changed the landscape of the conversation.  It also elongates the process because if anyone listening has ever dealt with any aspect of public health or Medicaid coverage as a beneficiary or supporting people, you know, in either a personal or professional manner as they navigate the DSHS system, nothing is fast.  Nothing is every straightforward and easy.  It’s very, very complex.  So it has been a very long and anticipated wait, and I’m really glad to be on this side of it.

Kristin:   Definitely.  So fill us in a bit about your history, both working as a doula to training community-based doulas and then getting into the maternity space within the nonprofit sector.

Erica:  Absolutely.  So I have had a kind of long and interesting journey to get to this very spot right now.  I first started working with childbearing families back in 2008 as just a kind of peer support navigator.  I have four kids myself, so they are now 17, 15, 13, and 11.  And it was when my two oldest were really young that I was the person that kind of became the go-to when it came to knowledge and questions and things like that.  So it was very kind of loose, but I also became the person that everyone’s like, you should be a midwife.  You should be doing something different in this space.  So I had to really sit with that for a while, but also I continued having babies, and that makes it really hard to step into birth work.  We moved back to Michigan after living out of state for a couple years, and I decided to step into the professional birth world as a doula.  I started as a postpartum doula.  That really, I think, will always and forever be my first love, the postpartum space, mostly because I really – postpartum was hard for me, especially with my fourth pregnancy and postpartum experience.  A lot of challenges.  It honestly informs and drives my work now.  But it really – that’s where my heart was, and that’s what I felt called to.  And just as a natural transition from the postpartum space, I started getting asked, hey, would you support this birth?  My friend is pregnant.  You know, that type of thing.  And so I just decided to go ahead and take the step in that direction because it was just this very natural unfolding.  And so I became a labor and birth doula, as well.  And that is usually how I did my work with Gold Coast, actually, way back in the beginning of Gold Coast being in the community.  I was really for labor support.  And so that really kind of laid the foundation, but it also transitioned me into that community-embedded space.  I brought a pay-what-you-can model as an individual practitioner so that services were more accessible and hopefully more equitable to people, and everyone kind of was always like, is this really what you say it is?  Like, is it really pay-what-you-can?  Yes.  It really was pay-what-you-can.  So I had clients who could pay literally $100 towards their services.  I had clients that could pay more than double what I would have been asking if I just had a set price.  And what was really interesting to watch unfold was that over the course of the year, generally speaking, the average of the revenue that I brought in averaged out to what I would have just been charging at a flat rate, except it allowed more people to have access, which was really cool.  It was just really neat to see how that was possible but while still actually making, you know, an income that was impactful for our family.  So that again, though, just having that eye on the need that was being unmet at that point in time and the gaps in coverage and things like that is what forced me – I shouldn’t say forced.  I really chose to fully step into that more community-based space, starting first as a project coordinator for a pilot program with MomsBloom for community-based doulas in Kent County.  And then that really just kind of took me more and more into the nonprofit space and how it relates to birth and birth support, working with, like, really hyper-local, like tiny teams, and then most recently working in the national landscape and being able to work with not only doulas, but birth workers of all types throughout all 50 states.

Kristin:  Amazing.  So tell us about your new business that launched in response to Michigan’s Medicaid coverage.

Erica:  Yes.  So this new business is called Doulas Diversified.  It is a division or program of our parent company, which is This Is Diversified.  So Doulas Diversified is really one of a kind at this point in time in that it is a Medicaid exclusive doula agency.  So I’ll be really honest and say that I was at a point career-wise where I was really ready to step fully away from both the nonprofit space but also the birth space.  I was really burned out, which if you are a doula or any type of birth worker, you know that feeling.

Kristin:  We all understand that well, yes.

Erica:  Yes.  Very, very well.  And so I swore it all off.  I was like, no.  I am done.  I need to do something completely different, use my skills in a different way.  And then it started to really come to the surface that Medicaid reimbursement was really looking like it was actually going to stick.  And so I had to pause and I had to check myself a little bit, and I decided, you know what?  Maybe now actually is the time to move forward with this plan that has really been brewing in my head for close to ten years.  And that is saying, we’re showing up for this very specific population that spans, honestly, like, all races, all socioeconomic statuses as long as they qualify for Medicaid.  It’s just a really interesting space.  But there are huge gaps in coverage, and it’s also where we see a lot of negative outcomes, and also negative experiences when going in to have a baby.  So that’s where we come in.  And it’s really exciting.  It’s also really crazy right now just because of the pace at which things are developing.  But yeah, we’re really excited to bring this really to communities across the entire state.  We’re not local, like, specific to one local arena.

Kristin:  Right.  I mean, being a state-wide agency is so much more impactful than being geographically based out of Lansing or Grand Rapids.  And so yes, and Gold Coast at this point has made a decision that we are not accepting Medicaid patients, as our core focus is postpartum and expanding geographically with our postpartum services.  So our plan is to refer any of our inquiries to Doulas Diversified.

Erica:  Yes, which I appreciate so much.  And also I think – you know, I’m sure there are probably a lot of questions about why Gold Coast as an entity has decided not to engage, and I think that’s actually important to talk about.  Again, I mentioned before that Medicaid is very twisty-turny, right?  Nothing is straightforward.  And as a result, in most cases – and this is kind of true with insurance, in general – it can often be both cost and time prohibitive for people to engage with those systems.  I know in recent years, I have seen a big movement with, like, primary care providers moving into more of a concierge model where they are independent.  And, you know, they are cash pay only or they might take, like, flexible spending or health savings accounts, something like that, but they’re no longer working with insurance, and I completely understand why.  You know, you really have to work three times as hard for every dollar that comes in when you’re utilizing insurance reimbursement or Medicaid reimbursement to get those dollars into your practice, and so you really have to stick with it and you have to chase the money.  Everyone’s like, oh, just hire a biller and a coder.  Well, that can also be super cost-prohibitive because they have minimums.  You know, your monthly claims.  And the reality that we face right now as doulas is that, one, this is all completely new.  Right?  This is still – I would go so far as to say that it’s still relatively uncharted territory in the birth world, so we don’t know.  We don’t know what the actual numbers are going to look like.  We don’t know what our revenue streams are going to look like from this yet.  And so that means with all of those unknown factors, we can’t just hire, right?  We cannot say we’re going to commit to that type of expenditure.  And so just trying to figure out how to navigate it and also, you know, keep a business afloat is a lot to take on.  So I appreciate you setting that boundary for yourself, Kristin, so that you can really focus on the continued reach and success of Gold Coast, because it’s not – Medicaid is not for everybody, and that’s okay.

Kristin:  Exactly.  And I think for us, it’s just capacity and my time as the sole owner, and as you mentioned, the billing and really all of the charting and the fact that, as you know, Gold Coast works on the team model and really getting all of our subcontractors set up with all of the registration and, you know, dealing, navigating the insurers who are accepting Medicaid.  And so that was not something that we were able to navigate, and as a certified B-Corp who gives back both in volunteer time and in charitable giving focused exclusively on low-income women and infants, we felt like, we’re already doing that work.  We’re giving to charities who navigate the giving more effectively, so everything from Clinica Santa Maria to Pine Rest Mother-Baby Program to Nestlings Diaper Bank to Preeclampsia Foundation, we’re able to directly give, and so you have to pick a core focus.  I love that you are focused exclusively on Medicaid clients.

Erica:  Yes, absolutely.  You really do have to niche down, if you will, if you’re going to experience longevity in the work.  I think, you know, we all came into this space very bright-eyed and altruistic, a lot of times, about what’s possible.  But I also can say that, you know, on average, the lifespan or the longevity of a doula coming into the work at the very beginning is about two years.  And that’s not actually super long when we talk about or think about the training that goes into it, the work, if you’re working towards certification, if that’s your pathway.  And then actually getting your toes in and starting to work with clients.  By the time those things have transpired, really, it’s realistic to say that people are only doing the work for about six months before they’re just making the decision that it’s not for them.  And that for me is a real struggle.  Like, I really want to work to combat some of that as well, and you can’t do that when you are trying to have your fingers in every single space.

Kristin:  Exactly.  So true.  So let’s get into – you know, every state is different, and obviously, there are states like Oregon and New York and Minnesota that cover doulas, but again, you know, talking to a doula there, it’s a completely different plan than what we’re navigating for the first time ever in Michigan.  So let’s get into a bit about what the coverage includes and what it doesn’t include for Medicaid patients.

Erica:  Yes.  I think that what it doesn’t include is actually a really smart piece of this conversation because I think that that may be where the clarity comes from.  So what it includes as of right now is six visits, and I’ll expand on that in just a moment, and then it also includes coverage for the actual labor and birth.  I am going to be very transparent and say that the reimbursement rates that have been spoken at this point in time are not near as high as most doulas would like to see.  Hopefully, that’s something we can work on over time.  I was really hopeful that, you know, we were going to take the lead of states like Rhode Island, New York, New Jersey and, you know, start at a higher rate of reimbursement.  Unfortunately, that’s not how things came through.

Kristin:  Definitely higher than the first two times that we signed letters on.

Erica:  Yes, that also is important to acknowledge, right?  That we actually did make some progress, and I was genuinely surprised when the revisions came out and they were responsive to the feedback, because that often is not the case.  So I do try to celebrate small victories, and that felt like one, for sure.  So with the six visits, those are intended to cover both the prenatal and the postpartum period.  For some providers, six visits is more than enough to cover what they need to and be certain that their clients are equipped for the experience that they’re about to have and to also do postpartum follow up for them.  For other providers, especially those who are community-based practitioners, six visits is not even close to enough.  So it does definitely require some adjustments to models of care and approach, for sure.  And I also think that a really meaningful experience can still be cultivated with six visits on the table.  And then the labor support, that is honestly really kind of open and really will be determined by individual doulas and how they’re going to approach that.  You know, the thing for a lot of doulas as providers is that so many of them have been working with Medicaid population and Medicaid beneficiaries for years at this point, and they’ve just been doing it with – for no compensation at all.  So I have kind of coined the phrase, you know, like, this is a promise of a paycheck, because also when you’re talking about this Medicaid reimbursement, it is that.  It’s reimbursement.  This is not being paid up front for doing the work like we would if we were just invoicing clients, and it takes time.  It takes time to actually see those dollars come in.  One of the things I love is I believe it was New Jersey, actually.  They wrote in a provision in their legislation that put kind of a timestamp on the Medicaid health plans in which they have to pay by, and I was like, that is so incredibly smart because Medicaid, by law, can take their sweet time in processing payments back.  For example, you can submit a claim.  Medicaid can deny that claim.  They actually have a year to respond to that initial claim, which I think is something that a lot of people don’t know.  So they have a year in which to respond.  They can deny it.  Then as a provider, you can appeal that.  You have a year to make that appeal.  So we’re at a potential two-year timeframe.  You know, this again is worst case scenario, but I also think it’s important to really lay it out.  So you have a year, then, to refute that claim, and then they have another year after that in which to do their final response.  So, you know, worst case, it can take up to three years to actually see just response to one claim individually.  My hope is that that’s not going to be the case because otherwise this program is not going to be a success.  Like, I’m just going to be really bold and say it because people need to get paid for the work that they’re doing.  You know, I am not a believer in uncompensated labor, and when you’re talking about reimbursement, that’s already kind of a part of the narrative.

Kristin:  Absolutely.  And some doulas, based on life and family situations, only take a handful of clients a year.  I mean, honestly.  So they can’t wait two years to get compensated if they’re an individual doula who’s not working in an agency like Doulas Diversified.

Erica:  Yes, exactly.  You know, that’s our hope, actually, is that we can come in and say, “Allow us to do the heavy lift of chasing your money for you, and you just keep showing up for people in the way that they need you to show up.”  Because honestly, you can’t do both of those things and do them well.  And we want to set people up for success.  We want families to have a really positive and empowering experience.  And, you know, we’ve created a model where we think that both of those things are possible.

Kristin:  So amazing.  So let’s get into – I know we talked about what the benefit includes.  Let’s chat about what it does not include, including the role of a postpartum doula.  Like, those postpartum visits are more like the birth doulas’ postpartum recap visits with some education, with some lactation support, with resources.  But they’re not, you know, caring for baby or doing household tasks or sibling care or other postpartum doula roles that are different than a birth doula’s certification trainings.

Erica:  Yes, absolutely.  So it is really important to get clear on that aspect.  This is not – this really – I wish that the language actually used, like, labor support doula,  instead of just doula as a blanket statement, because this really does have to be compartmentalized, and looking at it just isolated to the prenatal education period, the actual labor and birth experience, and that immediate postpartum period really, like, the two weeks after, and not really much beyond that.  So you could, you know, look at a situation where you’re saying, okay, I’m only going to use two of my visits that I’m allotted before – like, in the prenatal period; attend the birth, and then I’m going to save four visits for after, if a family really, really needed some type of support, but honestly, it’s not really designed for that.  So, you know, postpartum doula relationship is so different from that of a labor doula.  I mean, you really are kind of integrated into that family’s landscape for the time period that you’re together.  You know, you’re in a very vulnerable space with them.  You’re in a very intimate setting with them because you’re in their home, right, not only caring for them, but often caring for children in addition to their infant, and yeah, it’s just such a different setting that it requires a high level of compensation, honestly.  And that is just not something that – I don’t even know that Medicaid has an understanding of the impact that that could have for families.  My hope is that because this dialogue has now started through labor support, that it can open up, you know, a new pathway of opportunity for that to become part of what is offered, as well.  But for now, it just isn’t, which is really sad, and I wish that there was a way to navigate around it because so many families who are in vulnerable situations, transient situations, transitional time periods, they need postpartum support more than anybody else.  So my fingers are crossed that long term, we can bring coverage into that space, as well, but for now, it’s just not on the table.  Again, small victories; we can celebrate the fact that nationally, Medicaid has really pushed for that twelve-month expansion coverage for postpartum birthing people.  Before that, it was a lot of times only six weeks, so that is really significant, to have that as part of it, which means that access to support services for things like perinatal mental health and perinatal mood disorders and things like that will be easier to have service providers reach out.  But there still is a long way to go in that regard.

Kristin:  Agreed.  Let’s chat a bit about the reason that Governor Whitmer and her team have made such a strong stance and tied in Michigan’s doula Medicaid program to the Healthy Moms, Healthy Babies initiative and really what that means for Medicaid patients.

Erica:  Absolutely.  So this is where we can get a little bit into the nitty-gritty and talk a little bit about statistics because I don’t think you can have this part of the conversation without that information as part of it.  So what we see on average, nationally speaking, is a mortality rate which, I should probably also dispel some language stuff here.  So when we think about birthing people, we think about kind of two areas.  One is mortality.  The other one is morbidity.  Mortality obviously being death-related, and morbidity being negative outcomes, right?  Just because you did not die via childbirth, it does not mean that your experience was healthy and well.  So it’s really important to keep that in mind.  But when we think about maternal mortality but also infant mortality, generally speaking, Black women and Black birthing people die at a rate of two to three times that of their white counterparts.  So what that means in simple terms is that for every one white birthing person that dies as a result of their childbirth experience, you are looking at two to three Black women having the same outcome.  When you look at it on a larger scale, the numbers are really scary and sickening, actually.  And I think it’s also important to insert here that those outcomes are regardless of socioeconomic status.  They are regardless of education level.  So you can have Black women who are highly educated, right?  Advanced degrees.  We’re talking lawyers, doctors, right?  Very, very high levels of education; very, very well off, in terms of their economic means, and they can still have worse outcomes than an eighth-grade educated white woman.  So it’s, I think, having – when you’ve not had that picture painted before, it’s important to take that in and honestly just sit with it.  When you really start to let it soak, it’s like, wow, how is this where we still are?  It’s 2023.  We live in such an information-rich society as a people globally.  We can look at all of these different scenarios related to technological advancements and how they can impact birth in positive ways, and yet we’re still here.  Michigan has been honestly kind of at the forefront of leading changes that can potentially impact birth outcomes for years at this point, which is great.  We’re talking like early 2000s is when they really said, hey, we have a problem here.  And again, small victories.  It’s important to celebrate the fact that we have seen a decrease at a state level when we look at the averages.  Back in the early 2000s, there were some counties where we were seeing 7 to 10 to 12 times the mortality rates in those communities for Black women against their white counterparts, which is just – I can’t – I just can’t fathom.  So we have made improvements.  I think it’s very important to recognize that.  Things that are in place, even if they weren’t necessarily enough, they also have had significant impact.

Kristin:   Yes, agreed.

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Kristin:  And, I mean, honestly, doulas have been so supportive in this state.  I’m looking at, like, during the pandemic and the stay at home order, and yes, being able to be considered essential workers and to have the hospitals and the governor’s approval to work at that time and the impact we made on families and the stress on health of COVID.  So again, not everyone was able to afford a doula, but at least for clients who could, they had that support.

Erica:  Yes, for sure.  Because that was not the case in every state, actually.  And even still now, there is a lot of bureaucratic red tape that’s been put in place to actually restrict doulas coming into the environment under the guise of public health and wellness.  So we are very fortunate here to have the level of support that we do.  But I think linking this to COVID is probably a good place to start, Kristin, in terms of Healthy Moms, Healthy Babies, because COVID was kind of the great equalizer, and people started to see public health issues in a way that I have not witnessed them see and perceive them before.  So it really thrust a lot of these really important conversations into the light, which is great.  So, you know, during COVID – it was actually the lieutenant governor’s office, I think, was the first to announce this initiative related to really Black health and BIPOC health in general, and then it really just continues to be pared down from there into these specific areas that need special attention, and mom baby health is really at the center of that.

Kristin:  Exactly.  And, you know, getting into the importance of the role of the doula as a nonmedical, emotional support continuously from the moment we’re hired, so – and that really gets into the issues immediately after having a baby.  You know, the check-ins that we do; the fact that we have the follow up postpartum appointments, because they’re often not seeing their physician or sometimes midwife for six weeks.  And so you get into issues not only with the mother, but the baby that are left untreated, and there may be fear of going back to the hospital, and what do you do with your baby?  There can be issues with hemorrhaging.  So really, there are nonmedical support, we’re able to make referrals and suggest they call their doctor and try to get them in, because depending on the personality, some people will just wait it out.

Erica:  Yes, absolutely.  I’m guilty of that big time, you know, because I think it’s really easy to try and convince yourself, like, no, I’m totally overreacting.  It’s just my hormones.  You know, all of those things.  Just trying to justify an experience.  That, again, is where doulas as a neutral party, right, we’re actually sleeping most of the time, right?  So we’re not sleep deprived.  We can really look at individual situations objectively and say, yeah, you know what – because how much blood is too much blood loss when you’re immediately postpartum?  Blood pressure wise, how high is too high?  How much milk is not enough milk?  All of those things come into play.  So we can sit and hold that space for conversation, you know, offering encouragement and support.  But again, filling that gap between leaving the hospital and actually seeing your provider again.  So many immediate postpartum families need a gentle push to seek additional attention, and without doulas as part of their care team, they would just go without, which can have catastrophic outcomes and impact.

Kristin:  Exactly.  And, I mean, it could be referrals to a therapist if they’re having perinatal mood disorder concerns that are beyond the baby blues.  And then also giving resources like MomsBloom that does offer volunteers in the home to help in that postpartum phase.

Erica:  Yes.  You know, Michigan, again – I feel really lucky that we have the resources that we have here.  You know, whether it’s an entity like MomsBloom, and I know there’s interest in growing that in other communities across the state.  So many community-based nonprofit entities who are saying, “We are here for you if you need resources, if you need peer support, whatever that looks like.”  And then also, you know, having the resource of the Mother Baby Program at Pine Rest.  When I share about that with people out of state, they’re like, no way.  Like, that is such an amazing opportunity for people to get support, and it just doesn’t exist in other places, so we’re really, really lucky with the things that we have available to us.

Kristin:  Yes, I’ve attended doula trainings out of state and trainers and doulas alike knew about our program and even had clients travel from, say, Chicago to Grand Rapids for the mother baby program.

Erica:  It’s not unheard of at all, and I have tried to make connections.  Like, yeah, open up a conversation.  You know, I have no idea what’s possible in your own community, but there are some really amazing things that are available here that also have longevity to them, right?  So they’ve been through the trials and tribulations of kind of working out hiccups, which means that other people can really glean from their experience and expertise, as well.

Kristin:  Yes, exactly.  So if any of our listeners are interested in utilizing this benefit, and I know it’s so early on, so it may not be communicated very readily through providers at this point, but what does it look like to receive care?  How do you find a doula for doula covered states who would be on the registry, and of course, obviously, they can easily contact Doulas Diversified and know that every doula who works with you is registered through Medicaid, but really kind of those first steps, and how do you get approval?  Is a doctor required to sign, or what is going on?

Erica:  I’m going to work backwards here because the last thing that you just said is a really exciting development that just at the very end of last week came to light in that a blanket kind of referral, if you will, has been given from our top health official in the state of Michigan, which has eliminated the need for individual referrals for Medicaid beneficiaries to engage with doula services.  So that just honestly blew open doors that would have definitely been a barrier to accessing care, and I’m super excited.  And it’s also in place, really, for an indefinite amount of time.  It’s until we don’t see disparity anymore.

Kristin:  Exactly.  It’s such a strong statement.  When we saw that – it’s amazing.

Erica:  Yes, it is.  I’m sure you can hear the genuine glee, because it is – it’s just this, like, wow, it is – to take that strong of a stance and make that public statement, it’s just a really strong move, and honestly, I’m also hopeful that it can open up opportunity and can set precedent for other states, as well, who are still in the process of adding this as an option for clients.  So there’s that.  So short answer is no, at this point, you don’t actually need a referral, which means that you can go and secure services yourself if you are a Medicaid beneficiary.  Now, there’s a lot of nuance to that, because that makes it sound really easy and straightforward, and unfortunately, it’s not going to be.  Doulas have a lot of requirements that they have to meet in order to be eligible to work with health plans, so there’s a state registry that they’re required to be part of, and there’s a credentialing process that goes along with that.  Right now, there’s a very short list of approved training organizations that doulas have had to have trained with.  So again, long term, there are definitely barriers to access that I hope we can continue to work on.  But for now, it is what it is, and we’re trying to move forward the best that we can.  Once doulas have met those requirements, then they actually have to go through the process of credentialing with each Medicaid health plan that they intend to work with.  That’s a process.  There are dozens of health plans throughout the state.  And each one has their own process.  Each one has a different set of requirements.  And each one takes time.  Best case scenario, they hope to provide response and credentialing outcomes within 90 days, but again, that’s three months.  So if a doula was to apply for credentialing today, it is entirely possible that they actually wouldn’t be able to start working with clients until April.  And so we’re in this kind of space in between.  Yes, this has been approved.  Yes, things are moving forward.  And also, we actually cannot start doing the work with clients or attending births with clients until, and that until has a big question mark after it.

Kristin:  Right.  Thank you for explaining that, because it is confusing.  Hopefully as our listeners are learning about the Medicaid program in Michigan, you know, they’re reaching out early so they’re able to secure a doula versus having a due date around the corner and it not being possible.

Erica:  Absolutely.  So what we have opened up is essentially a waitlist for people who are saying yes, I want this.  I have my health plan.  And so we’re saying great.  Again, being very transparent about everything we have to work for before we can actually enter into relationship with them.  So we are more than willing to take names and contact information, due dates, that type of thing, and all of the nitty-gritty information and hold onto it and then reach back out as soon as things are ready to move forward.  And then the same thing goes, honestly, for doulas, as well.  If you’re a doula in Michigan and you’re like, man, I really wanted to do this.  I really wanted to take Medicaid, but I am super overwhelmed, and I just need some support or guidance, or I would really love for someone to actually take care of the administrative side of things so I can just work with clients – we would love to talk to you, as well.  We have a couple of meet and greet events that are coming up in the next couple of weeks where we will get into more of the specific information about how this will work.  Of course, everyone wants to know how they will get paid.  That’s something we’ll cover at that point in time, as well.  But on either side of the equation, whether you’re a pregnant person looking for care, or if you’re a doula who wants to do the work and is feeling lost, or just was wanting to try to do it in a different or more sustainable way, you can always check out our website.  All the info is there.  You can fill out the forms, and then we can be in touch that way.

Kristin:  Fantastic.  So Erica, what are you seeing in your work on the national front as far as potential states that are pending Medicaid legislation or just any other national trends going on in the doula space?

Erica:  Absolutely.  So one of the ways that people can honestly just become informed with exactly what’s happening in their state is there’s a really great kind of living database on the website healthlaw.org, and if you go to healthlaw.org/doulamedicaidproject, you can access that.  You can also read a bunch of background, information, too, that kind of gets into the importance of having Medicaid coverage for doula services.  But that database is a state by state listing, and it will tell you, like, exactly where your state is and other states are in the process.  You know, if they have something that’s in place; if there’s something – if there’s active legislation being worked on.  If measures were suggested and failed, that’s also on there.  And also if nothing is happening, because maybe you are the catalyst to get something started.  So I would definitely encourage people to go look at that and kind of dig in because there’s a lot of just difference everywhere in approach.  So Oregon is what I refer to as the OG state.  They were the leaders way back in the day in bringing this about, and also, it’s not been flawless, and for a lot of doulas, it’s also not been a positive experience engaging with their systems.  I’ve had multiple conversations with different doulas, different agencies and organizations there who have really struggled to get paid, and unfortunately, that, I can say, is a trend in other states that have put things into play.  Just because the legislation is there, just because Medicaid has said, yeah, sure, we’ll do this, doesn’t mean that they’re going to make it easy to actually get your money.  And so my hope is that Michigan can lead the charge in setting a really great example of how things can be done in a way that is mutually beneficial for all parties involved, both the health plans, the doulas as service providers, and the families as recipients of that care, because I do believe it’s possible.  I mean, I was a Medicaid mom at one point in time, so I know what it’s like to be on that side of things, too.  And it can be done in a way that is holistic and very humanizing and supportive and healthy.  But it also takes a lot of work and intention to make that happen.  So when you look at things that have happened over the years in Oregon, I think a lot of states that are thinking about introducing legislation, they look to that for guidance.  But I also would encourage them to look at states like Rhode Island and also New York and New Jersey.  New York and New Jersey really kind of – well, New York actually was before Rhode Island.  New Jersey really looked to Rhode Island legislation to kind of take that and say, hey, can we actually make this one better.  They were successful in that.  It was incredible.  So they do; they have higher reimbursement rates.  That’s what we should be looking at.  They put pathways in place that make it easier for doulas to get payments and things like that, and also, it is still not flawless.  There’s a lot of work to be done in that regard.  So this is the beginning, really.  Yes, Oregon – I think it was, like, 2012, 2013 when things went into place there.  So that feels like a long time, but when you take a step back and have a larger or a broader view of the Medicaid system as a whole, that is literally just the tiniest sliver of time.  And this is about longstanding change, and so we really still are at the beginning of that journey.  Hopefully, we can shape it into something that can withstand the test of time and really is impactful.

Kristin:  Exactly.  And for our listeners who are not covered by Medicaid, of course, there have been a lot of changes as far as options to afford a doula, and, you know, it started with the health savings and flex spending.  I have been working, as you know, on getting insurance coverage for doulas since my sola doula days, so it’s been years and years, almost ten years.  So I see a lot of these Medicaid initiatives in different states really leading to hopefully general insurance one day covering doulas.  But in the meantime, a lot of companies have been adding doulas to maternity benefits.  And, you know, Pioneer Construction locally added doulas to their benefit package, both birth and postpartum, and a lot of other national companies, like CBS and most recently LinkedIn, Salesforce.  So many companies are adding doulas to their benefits.

Erica:  It’s really exciting.

Kristin:  It really is.  And then gifting is a big thing that we’ve noticed during the pandemic when family members haven’t been able to travel to support or, you know, just comfort level, even with taking COVID out of the mix, we’ve got flu season, colds, RSV, and so really wanting to have a healthy, trained caregiver in the home.  Parents and friends and family members have been gifting postpartum support, birth support, classes, as shower gifts, gifting those services.  It’s the biggest trend I’ve seen in the last couple of years.

Erica:  Yes, it’s fantastic and honestly is such a great shift; again, one I really hope sticks.  I know you chatted a while back with Kaitlin at Be Her Village, who is really leaning into that specifically.  In doing work with Kaitlin myself, I learned that the baby gift industry is a $12 billion industry.  I don’t know; I still – like, every time I say it, I’m like, how is this possible?  Besides capitalism, obviously, but to be able to redirect even a small percentage of that revenue into this type of support would be so impactful, not only for families, but also for doulas as providers, right?  So many doulas also have families.  Like, they’re not doing this just out of the goodness of their heart or because it’s fun, right?  Living an on-call lifestyle is really, really challenging for everyone that’s involved.  It is a family decision.  And so being able to redirect dollars and, again, really think about this; like, how can we do this work sustainably?  You know, your model of working in teams, I think, is such a great step towards that.  But I think we do have to get to a place of where we’re really starting to think strategically and outside of the box and creatively about how are we doing to make this stick around and have it be a really bona fide source of income for the people who are doing the work.

Kristin:  Absolutely.  And I could talk to you forever, but we’ll try to keep this short.  But I would also mention that part of the changes that I’ve seen as a doula over the years is there are more inductions, whether they’re medically necessary or COVID-related.  But that can really make a birth end up being multiple days, which is hard on a doula and her family, and obviously, hard on our clients and can not always but may include other interventions, include a Cesarean birth.

Erica:  Yes, definitely.  I know we’ve definitely seen an increase since COVID, and again, it’s going to take a good while for us to know exactly how much of it was warranted and how much was not, but it did – things have changed so much since you and I stepped into this space and started doing this work.  Some positive changes; some not so positive.  But I think the one constant is that need for just really informed support and that neutral party that can be part of a situation and help to just guide things for best possible outcomes because so often, best possible outcomes is not in alignment with what you dreamed for your birth.  And so that’s where a doula can really come in and help with that acceptance process, the processing of your birth experience when things when left when you wanted it to go right, and there’s not another profession, I don’t think, that can step into this space in the same way that doulas are able to.

Kristin:  Exactly.  And I would add to that, that our clients and our listeners, the pregnant population, you need to advocate for yourself.  So a doula, we can remind you, we can help you with a birth plan, but we are not there as an activist, and really having these conversations with your provider and making sure you’re both on the same page during your pregnancy.  I’m a firm believer in having a birth plan and having your whole care team, including your nurses, really understand some of your goals and wishes.  I’m not a fan of four-page plans, but some basic bullet points and using that a conversation starter and really the doula being there to remind you of some of the preferences you discussed during your birth.  But you know your body, and you know your baby better than anyone else, so really advocating for yourself during pregnancy, after delivery.  And our clients and our listeners – I mean, after you have a baby, you’re seeing the pediatrician very frequently, so talk to your pediatrician.

Erica:  Yes.  Ask all the questions, right?  And also, don’t just take a response or an answer at its face value.  Like, don’t shy away from asking why.  Ask for more information.  It’s okay, right?  Look for clarification if you don’t feel like you understand something.  And that might be from the provider directly.  It might also be taking that information back to your doula or back to another member of your care team.  But it’s so important to really be clear, right, about your expectations.  I’m really big on expectation management, which birth plans are great for getting clear on those.  And also just reminding people of the importance of flexibility and remaining fluid and pliable during your experience because something I’ve always shared with my clients is that the only thing that’s predicable about birth is that it’s unpredictable.  The best laid plans, right, where you have that four-page birth plan that details every single thing you could ever want, need, hope, or desire – so often, it’s going to have to get tossed right out the window, either because of something you’re experiencing during your process or your baby or both of you together.  And that’s just part of it sometimes, and that’s okay.  But it’s how we recover from that transition is what matters and is the part that usually you’ll remember the most, a long time down the road.  So just get really clear as much as possible and don’t be afraid to question everything that comes your way.

Kristin:  Wonderful advice.  Thank you, Erica.  And one last time, give us your contact info so potential doulas can join your agency, as well as the Medicaid patients who want to connect with you.

Erica:  So the most efficient way for people to be in contact with us is to head to our website, because again, we have contact forms, whether you are a Medicaid beneficiary or client or if you are a doula who wants to provide services.  You can also find us on social media because, you know, that’s just a thing that’s required these days.  We’re on both Instagram and Facebook, so you can find us in either one of those venues.  If you’re somebody who’s like, I just really need to talk to somebody, you can also give us a call.  We have a toll-free number so that again, access from anywhere in the state.  That number is 833-MIDOULA, which is 833-643-6852.  I know sometimes that is just really helpful, that you just need a grounding experience, and so we don’t shy away from that, either.

Kristin:  For sure.  Thank you, Erica, and I appreciate all of the important work you’re doing.

Erica:  Thank you so much, Kristin.

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review.  Thank you!  Remember, these moments are golden.

Medicaid for Doulas with Doulas Diversified: Podcast Episode #168 Read More »

Woman standing by a tree in a wooded area with jeans and beige jacket

Meet our new Postpartum Doula and Newborn Care Specialist (NCS), Sarah!

We hope you enjoy getting to know Sarah in our Q&A blog! Sarah serves families in West Michigan as a certified Newborn Care Specialist. She offers day and overnight newborn support.
 
1) What did you do before you became a newborn care specialist?
I have worked in the field of Early Childhood for 20 years as a preschool teacher, early childhood specialist, infant toddler teacher, center director, and nanny.
2) What inspired you to become a newborn care specialist and a postpartum doula?
Seeing how many families are struggling and feeling alone after bringing a baby home. I want to offer them support during this time.
3) Tell us about your family.
I am a mother of five. I have three girls and two boys. They are all unique and amazing. My husband is my best friend and biggest supporter.
4) What is your favorite vacation spot and why? 
I loved Maui. It had great scenery, wonderful people, and amazing food.
5) Name your top five bands/musicians and tell us what you love about them.
Rihanna is my favorite musician. I love that she is free to be herself.
6) What is the best advice you have given to new families?
To trust yourself and your intuition and also to give yourself grace.
7) What do you consider your doula/newborn care specialist superpower to be?
Anticipating needs.
8) What is your favorite food?
I love curry and also pho.
9) What is your favorite place on West Michigan’s Gold Coast?
I enjoy all West Michigan beaches.
10) What are you reading now?
The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin.  
11) Who are your role models?
Dr. Shefali. She is an author and clinical psychologist. Her work and message are amazing.

Meet our new Postpartum Doula and Newborn Care Specialist (NCS), Sarah! Read More »

Carrie from MomsBloom poses in front of a brick wall wearing a teal button up tank top with white polka dots

Postpartum Support with Carrie Kolehouse of MomsBloom: Podcast Episode #167

Carrie Kolehouse, Executive Director of MomsBloom chats with Kristin about why MomsBloom is focused on supporting mothers in West Michigan and beyond.  You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes, SoundCloud, or wherever you find your podcasts.

Welcome.  You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting.  Let’s chat!

Kristin:  Hello, hello.  This is Kristin with Ask the Doulas.  I’m excited to chat with Carrie Kolehouse today.  Carrie is the executive director of MomsBloom, which is a local nonprofit here in West Michigan that supports women after they give birth.  So welcome, Carrie!

Carrie:  I’m so happy to be here!  Thanks for having me!

Kristin:  And you have quite the resume in addition to your work with MomsBloom.  You are currently – you have your own freelance public relations and marketing business and have experience in corporate marketing and media.  You were even a news reporter for WoodTV.  So what an interesting journey your career has taken.  I feel like we have similar paths of really becoming passionate about supporting women after our own birth experiences, so we’ll have to dive into that a bit, as well.

Carrie:  Yes, absolutely!  I’m excited to do that.

Kristin:  So let us start with your journey as a volunteer for MomsBloom, and if you wouldn’t mind expanding on the work that MomsBloom does in the community a bit more, that would also be helpful to our listeners.

Carrie:  So I got inspired to become a volunteer about twelve years ago, and I had moved to Grand Rapids recently at that time, and I just became aware of MomsBloom, I think just like on social media.  I saw a post that someone had shared saying, oh, this is kind of a newer organization in Grand Rapids that could really use some volunteers.  And it immediately struck a chord with me because I’d had a really challenging postpartum time very recently prior to that when I had my son, my first child, who’s now 13.  And I had been so struck by what an isolating time that was and an overwhelming time, and so when I saw that there was an organization that had been created, like, specifically to address that, I was like, oh, my gosh, I have to be a part of that.  Like, this is – I fired up inside the minute that I saw it online.  I was like, this is so great.  So I signed up to become a volunteer, and I went to a volunteer training, which is just like a two-hour training, and then I got matched with a family.  So I got matched with a mom who was a single mom of two children, and I was very humbled, actually, by what a good mom she was and honestly what a good, like, housekeeper she was.  She had – you know, she’s a single mom to two kids.  She’s got a little tiny baby.  She also had a medical condition that made things extra challenging for her.  Yet every time I go over there, her house is, like, spotless.  Though, sometimes that happens because – something I’ve learned in my time with MomsBloom is that a lot of times people with super clean houses, that can be anxiety showing up sometimes.

Kristin:  I have seen that as well with our work with clients.

Carrie:  Yeah, you see both extremes of the spectrums.  You can see a really, really messy house is a lot of times indicative of depression, and then a super duper clean house sometimes can be anxiety.  Anyway, so I visited her once or twice a week for three months and just did things like hold the baby so that she could get a nap or a shower, doing dishes or laundry.  You know, typically, in a match you do some cleaning, but in that case, I didn’t do a whole lot of cleaning because she was doing it herself.  And then just talking with her; just providing some adult conversation, talking through some of the difficult feelings that she was having, and then screening her for depression and anxiety and helping her figure out the resources that she might want to utilize for that depression and anxiety, you know, like maybe finding a therapist, support group, things like that.  So the experience was so rewarding, and I could not believe what a difference I had made for her and how meaningful it had been for her, and it was, like, not that big of a time investment for me, and I was like, wow, this is a really great way to spend my time volunteering because I can see the impact really dramatically.  And then I was like, oh, my gosh, I have to keep doing this, and I have to do everything within my power to, like, help grow this program because I think it’s so cool and so powerful, and it provides such a meaningful experience, I think, for both the client, the mom, and the volunteer.  So over the years, I’ve just gotten more and more involved with MomsBloom, and three years ago now, I decided to leave my 9:00 to 5:00 marketing job, which was scary –

Kristin:  Yes, it had to be!

Carrie:  Yeah.  To become MomsBloom’s executive director, and it’s just been a dream come true, and I absolutely love the work, and it doesn’t even feel like work because I’m so passionate about it.  That’s kind of been how I started to get involved and how I got to where things are now.

Kristin:  I remember serving on events committees with you at some of the annual MomsBloom events, and I used MomsBloom with both of my kids, actually, before there were postpartum doulas in West Michigan.  So I had a grandma help with my first, and she didn’t live near her grandkids and would come over for a little while and help around and again, allow me to take a shower or help with feeding.  It was really wonderful.  And then I started doing intakes for MomsBloom in between having kids and then did a little bit of volunteering without going into the home.

Carrie:  I know you have been involved with MomsBloom over the years, and we’ve so appreciated all of the support from Gold Coast and being able to refer to you guys, too.  It’s so exciting now that birth doulas and postpartum doulas, I feel like, are coming so much more into the mainstream consciousness, you know?  I feel like when I first got involved with this kind of work, it was very rare that anybody had a birth doula or postpartum doula.  More and more, you know, now people are realizing that that is something that they are really going to need, and if they have the resources, they’re able to utilize a birth doula or postpartum doula.  And then I’m so glad that we have the MomsBloom program for people who might not have the resources or who really need that additional support.  But I’m just really passionate about, and what I really see my purpose over the long term, is not just to grow MomsBloom, but also to change our culture, right?  Someone told me years ago when I first kind of started taking a leadership role at MomsBloom, they said, your goal should always be to put your nonprofit out of business, right?

Kristin:  Yes.  So true.

Carrie:  Yeah.  Like, a nonprofit is a Band-Aid, right, that solves a societal problem for now, but while you’re doing that work, you should always then be thinking about, what advocacy can I do to make it so that my nonprofit doesn’t even need to exist.  And so I think about that a lot, and I think about, like, what would have to be true for there to be no need for a MomsBloom?  So I think that there’s a lot of things that would have to be true, but I think one of them would be that we would live in a society that understands that the postpartum time is a sacred stage of life that deserves people rallying around you, all of your friends, your family, your neighbors, your church community, all of the people in your life rallying around you and allowing you to just focus on rest, recovery, feeding.  And I think the ideal situation for any woman is to be able to not have to do any of the other baby care other than feeding, right?  Like, if you’re breastfeeding, that’s a full time job, so I think your ideal situation is that you’re resting.  You know, you’re eating really wonderful foods that are being prepared for you.  You’re taking really, really good care of yourself.  You know, in a lot of cultures, they have – like, in South America, for 40 days, the mom is just expected to rest, eat certain foods, get into nature, and all the people around her, their job is to do everything else.  All the housework –

Kristin:  Sibling care, newborn care, outside of feeding, as you said, yes.

Carrie:  Exactly.  And that is so vastly different from what the expectation is here in the United States.

Kristin:  Get back to work, start losing weight.  There’s so many expectations and so much pressure.  Have that perfect house and entertain.  In other cultures, it’s all about the mom and that right of passage and transition, and in the US, it’s like, okay, you’re celebrated during pregnancy, and then you give birth and it’s all about the baby, and the mother feels left behind.  No one wants to hear her story.  No one wants to help her.  It’s like, let me hold the baby.  Let me bring gifts for the baby.  But you just went through this momentous occasion, and you’re left depleted and lonely, and like you mentioned before, isolated after giving birth.  And especially now with the pandemic – in early COVID, there was so much isolation.  I mean, you couldn’t even have family in the home or doulas.  And I know you did some virtual as you pivoted quite well early in the pandemic, as well, with your volunteers and the support that you could offer?

Carrie:  We did, and you know what’s so – this is so hilarious, looking back.  Right after the shelter in place order came and we were like, okay, we can’t do matches – a day or two after that – you know how you get really good ideas in the shower?  I was in the shower, and I thought – I got this what at the time I literally thought was a groundbreaking, amazing idea, which was, what if we had people do, like, visits on Zoom?  What if we used Zoom?  Because at that time, Zoom was not something that I used very often.  Like, I didn’t do that many Zoom meetings.  And so to me, this was like this revolutionary idea that we’re going to do this.  And, I mean, it was good that it occurred to me early on because then we very quickly put together a training program of how to do virtual visits and we were able to pivot really fast, but, I mean, it wasn’t long before everybody else started doing the exact same thing.  But yeah, and there was value in that.  I don’t want to say that there wasn’t any value in virtual visits because there was.  You know, we had people focus on listening, you know, compassionate listening and resource navigation was huge, especially during the pandemic when so many people’s financial needs and just needs for diapers and food and things were often heightened.  So the resource navigation was really important There was definitely value in that.  But that being said, there is no replacement for having someone come over and hold your baby so that you can take a nap.  So we tried to pivot back.  I mean, we followed CDC guidelines, obviously.  We kept everybody safe, and knock on wood, I don’t think there was ever, that I was aware of, a COVID transmission as a result of the MomsBloom program.  But we did try to pivot back somewhat aggressively because we knew that there were – I mean, especially our families that have a lot more need or our single parents, you know, we were like, we have to sort of weigh the risks.  We have to kind of weigh all the risk factors here.  It was like, so we were able to – thankfully, a lot of our volunteers were people, I think, who were really cautious in their personal lives in terms of their exposure, and then we were able to come up with great practices about how they could wears masks and wash hands and wear gloves and all that kind of stuff.  And so we were able to start to pivot back, and then pivot back to virtual, and then pivot back to in person.

Kristin:  That’s how it was with us.  It’s like constantly adjusting.

Carrie:  Yeah, exactly.  I mean, yeah, we just had to kind of bounce back and forth.  One of the advantages of having a nonprofit that is small and doesn’t have, like, really large leadership team is that you can pivot really quick.  You can just kind of make the decisions and move really quickly.  So I was really glad that we were able to do that.

Kristin:  Yeah, that’s amazing.  And you say small, but I’ve seen so much growth under your leadership, so I know you’ve expanded to the lakeshore.  You have a waiting list for families that need your help, and you also have been very creative in how you’ve found volunteers, like connecting with colleges and finding nursing students and really trying to meet the demand with the budget that you’re working with, which is amazing.  I have experience in the nonprofit sector, and it’s very challenging.

Carrie:  It is.  It’s very challenging.  I mean, every job is hard, right?  But there’s things – it’s just a different kind of hard, right?  So the corporate world is different, a different kind of hard.  You tend to have a bigger budget.  You’re very certain that you’re going to have your budget; all that kind of stuff.  But for me, the things that were so hard about – I guess to put it more positively, the things that I appreciate so much about my job now is that I never lack for motivation because I’m so genuinely passionate about the work, and it’s so fulfilling that I don’t find myself needing – like, I think when I worked in more of the corporate world, I really needed, like, a lot of validation from my boss or my colleagues.  I needed to have a carrot to chase all the time, right?  That there was a raise in it for me or there was some adulation in it for me.  So it’s been really beautiful and cool to have a job where – I mean, not that I don’t appreciate those things.  I love all the wonderful recognition that you just gave me now on this call.  It’s wonderful.  But I don’t need it.  Like, I can operate – I can fuel myself just with the fulfillment of the work itself, which is so – it’s just really cool.  And I think a lot of people never get that experience in their work life, and so I feel really fortunate.

Hey, Alyssa here.  I’m just popping in to tell you about our course called Becoming.  Becoming A Mother is your guide to a confident pregnancy and birth all in a convenient six-week online program, from birth plans to sleep training and everything in between.  You’ll gain the confidence and skills you need for a smooth transition to motherhood.  You’ll get live coaching calls with Kristin and myself, a bunch of expert videos, including chiropractic care, pelvic floor physical therapy, mental health experts, breastfeeding, and much more.  You’ll also get a private Facebook community with other mothers going through this at the same time as you to offer support and encouragement when you need it most.  And then of course you’ll also have direct email access to me and Kristin, in addition to the live coaching calls.  If you’d like to learn more about the course, you can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com, or check it out at www.thebecomingcourse.com.  We’d love to see you there.

Kristin:  I agree.  I feel the same way.  My mission is to support women without judgment, and I feel like I wake up every day excited.  There’s more work to be done.  There are so many barriers within healthcare and just navigating maternity leaves and insurance and what is self-pay, and so hopefully Medicaid will cover doulas in the future, but I know you’re very involved in advocacy and efforts, especially on improving maternal mental health.  So what are you seeing in this space?

Carrie:  I’ve been doing a lot of advocacy and working on legislation, and you brought up Medicaid paying for doulas.  There was some legislation – it didn’t pass, unfortunately, but it was part of a big package.  It didn’t pass, but one problem with it was that the compensation for doulas was going to be so low, and it was probably going to require so much red tape in order for a doula to get paid and everything that I was like, come on, guys.

Kristin:  Yes.  It was very low.

Carrie:  Nobody’s going to do that unless you sweeten the deal a little bit.  I’m sure you and many other doulas really want to be able to serve people who are Medicaid eligible and would never otherwise be able to afford a doula, but you have to make it – people need to be reasonably paid for their services.  So yeah, that’s something that I think – I mean, I really think doulas – obviously, there’s a ton of discrimination happening in the healthcare system.  We’re hearing about it all the time.  When we go to do the intake visit, the purpose of our intake visit when we first go to the home and kind of get the lay of the land is to meet the mom and get to know a little bit more about her needs.  We often find in those visits some of the work that we do is just helping the client process their birth story.  And we find just anecdotally that women of color – I mean, every – this is, of course, anecdotal.  This is not scientific, but there’s plenty of scientific research to back it up.  But anecdotally, every single intake visit lately that I do with a woman of color, she has a traumatic birth story to process.  And there are traumatic birth stories – you know, white women certainly have traumatic births, too, but just not nearly at the same rate.  So I’m just seeing that every day in my work, which just supports the scientific findings which is that black women are three times more likely to die during childbirth or postpartum than white women.  That’s college educated black women versus college educated white women.  I think so often people kind of point to socioeconomic factors of whatever, but we’re talking about college-educated black women versus college-educated white women.  Clearly, this is due to some discrimination that’s happening.  So we’ve got really a lot of big work to do to figure out how to fix that.  But I really see doulas as a great tool for helping with that right now.  Like, obviously we’re not going to be able to fix the embedded implicit bias in the healthcare system overnight, but if we can get people a doula who can advocate for them and can provide some of the assistance that they’re so often – the attention and assistance that they’re so often not getting from the healthcare workers, I just see that as an immediate – something we can do that will have an immediate impact on those outcomes.

Kristin:  A lot of it is that prenatal support that doulas give.  We’re there through their whole pregnancy journey, giving resources and emotional support, listening, and then giving them some questions to ask their providers.  And that is key to really feel like you have an open relationship with your provider before delivery and that you’re on the same page as far as birth plans and preferences, and a lot of women of color don’t feel like they’re heard.  They have concerns; they know their body, and they bring it up, and then in a lot of the articles I’ve read and studies, it’s been like, well, I knew something was wrong with my baby, but no one listened.  And obviously hemorrhaging; there are so many different things that can happen.  And then they have PTSD.  They get into perinatal mood disorders.  Unfortunately, that just compounds and nothing is really resolved, and then it affects the baby and affects the entire family.  So yeah, the work that you’re doing around perinatal mood disorders and listening and really with anyone, if you’re not currently pregnant and have a friend or family member who is, really listen to them.  This is the one piece of advice that I’m sure both of us would agree on.  Yes, listen to their story.  Support them and truly feel like you’re mothing the mother and don’t let her feel left behind after baby’s born and isolated, and give resources.  Reach out to organizations like MomsBloom.  Carrie, since our listeners are all over the country, how would someone find a similar nonprofit around the US?  Are there similar organizations or resources that you would recommend?

Carrie:  Yeah, there’s a handful of programs like ours.  Unfortunately, there’s not coverage in many communities, and that’s something that I really want to change.  MomsBloom is right now working with a consultant who founded an organization that has several hundred chapters, and she’s kind of teaching us how to create a bundled up little chapter model for MomsBloom that would be really easy to distribute.  So we’re hoping.  My dream, of course, is for there to be a program like this everywhere in the US, if not everywhere in the world, but there are similar programs.  The MomsBloom program was inspired by a program called Many Mothers.  There are some similar programs.  I would tell your listeners who don’t live in West Michigan to Google “postpartum support.”  The Postpartum Support International website is a great place to start.  They have chapters, I believe, in every state, and then those chapters have listed on that website a lot of the support resources available in each community.  At the very least, everyone anywhere in the United States can get support from Postpartum Support International via phone and can support in their virtual support groups.  So that is a baseline.  Everybody can do that.  And then that organization can also help you figure out what other resources might be available in your area.  In some areas, for example in Montana, they actually have peer support.  That’s what it’s kind of called in the clinical or government world, right, is peer support.  And in Montana, they have a peer support program that’s actually paid.  The people who come and visit you are paid individuals.  They’re compensated through insurance.  So these are people who have a lot of great experience, and they can come do practical things like what we do at MomsBloom, and they can also provide really in depth emotional and mental health support.  So every community has a varying level of support available, but I just encourage people, definitely start with Postpartum Support International.  Reach out to your friends and family.  Reach out to a local church.  Even if you are not religious and you don’t attend church, churches can be a great resource for people for just finding people who want to help.  Reach out to your local church, your local school.  A lot of times schools can be great places for helping get connected to people who want to help new moms.  It’s so hard to ask for help.  You know, it is so hard to ask for help.  It puts you in such a vulnerable position, but I’ve never talked to anyone who said that they regretted asking for help.  Once you do it, it is worth every ounce of discomfort that you had to experience to ask for help, and it really is the best thing for your baby, too.  It’s not selfish to ask for help.  It’s the right choice for your baby.  So yeah, I know it’s a difficult thing to do, though.  I still struggle with it.  As much as I go around and preach this to other people, I still catch myself all the time not asking for help when I need it or not remembering that my wellness is inextricably intertwined with my children’s wellness and that taking care of myself is absolutely required in order for me to take good care of my kids.

Kristin:  Absolutely.  Put the mask on yourself first before everyone else.  As far as locally to us in West Michigan, as you’ve talked about the need for volunteers and families who serve, if someone is interested in utilizing MomsBloom services and having a volunteer, how would they reach out to you?  And also if they’re interested in volunteering, how would they connect?

Carrie: Well, in both regards, we do everything through our website.  So if you go to our website, there is a form on there that you can fill out to sign up for services.  When you get to the home page, there’s a big button right there the middle of the home page that says “Sign Up Now.”  So you just click that, and then you fill out a form and just give us some of your information, and we will then get going and get the intake visit scheduled and get you set up with a volunteer.  And then if you’re interested in volunteering, same thing.  Go to the website and there is a link right at the top that says “Volunteer,” and you just click that and fill out the volunteer form.  We will be in touch about getting you signed up for our next volunteer training.  It’s really as easy as that.  You mentioned earlier that we have a waiting list.  I hate having a waiting list.  It tears apart my soul.  But I want to make sure people know, by the time this podcast is published, we likely won’t have a waiting list.  Different times of year, our volunteers sometimes will take time off, and I’m thinking around the time that this podcast is published, we’ll probably be at a time where we will actually have a lot of available volunteers.  So please don’t hesitate to reach out.  And even if we don’t have a volunteer, we can at the very least – we like to give every family an intake visit where they get a chance to review several of the resources that are available to them, have a great discussion, have a chance to process their birth story, and then we can offer them ongoing resource navigation support from our staff.  So I really encourage everybody to sign up.  Don’t hesitate.  I love it when people sign up when they’re pregnant, too.

Kristin:  That is the best, giving that notice.  That’s what I did with my kids.

Carrie:  Yes, because then we can come out and get to know you a little bit, and we have a little bit more time to find you a volunteer who hopefully can be a really excellent fit.  And then maybe you’ll even have a chance to meet that person while you’re pregnant before they come over and see you in your most vulnerable state you’ve ever been in your entire life.  I think it’s nice to break the ice with this new person before they’re coming over and you’re sleep deprived and feeling so very vulnerable.  So yeah, please don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re pregnant or postpartum.  We really want to be there for you.

Kristin:  And I’m sure you’re always welcoming any business partnerships, sponsors, and financial contributions?

Carrie:  Oh, absolutely.  Always.  If you go to our website, there’s a list of all of our sponsorship opportunities there.  Our three main ones are the BloomAwards, which I know, Kristin, you’ve attended and I think been honored.

Kristin:  Yes, Alyssa was honored, yeah.

Carrie:  Yes, Alyssa was honored.  You and Alyssa are filed in the same place in my brain, I think.  So that’s our luncheon where we award a parent of the year, a volunteer of the year.  We celebrate the whole community, all the people and the organizations that are helping us do this great work.  So that’s always an event where there’s always lots of touching stories shared.  And then we also have a spring event, which is usually held at the home of a MomsBloom donor.  It’s a little bit more intimate, and again, we have really inspiring stories shared by our families.  And then we also do a big fundraiser for Mother’s Day and encourage businesses to support us that way, too.  So there’s a lot of ways to partner up with MomsBloom in a way that I think is mutually beneficial, and we just want to keep growing our program.  We’re on pace to serve about 400 families this year, but I know we’re only scratching the surface of the needs.  So the more support we can get from the business community, the more great work we can do.

Kristin:  Yes, and you’re definitely one of our yearly charitable contributions.  We value the work you do, and thank you so much, Carrie, for coming on to chat with us.  I know you’re also on social media.  You’re on Facebook, Instagram?

Carrie:  Yes, MomsBloom is on Facebook and Instagram.  If you just put in MomsBloom, you can find us, and we post a lot about not only about what our organization is up to, but we post a lot just about awareness about the difficulty of the postpartum period and great content about how we can change our postpartum culture.  We would love to have you follow.

Kristin:  Thanks, Carrie!  Have a great day!

Carrie:  Thank you!  You too, Kristin.

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review.  Thank you!  Remember, these moments are golden.

Postpartum Support with Carrie Kolehouse of MomsBloom: Podcast Episode #167 Read More »

Mya from Gold Coast Doulas sits inside a floating circle in front of a Kitchen + Kocktale wall wearing a headband, scarf, and crossbody fanny pack.

Meet Mya, Our Newest Postpartum Doula!

Meet Mya, Our Newest Postpartum Doula!
As you know, when we bring a new person onto the Gold Coast team, we love to find out more about them and
share that with you!

Let’s find out more about Mya.

1) What did you do before you became a postpartum doula?
Before becoming a doula, I worked as a swim instructor, and as a head swim coach for young children in
Naperville, Illinois. After that, I went to Central Michigan University to earn a bachelor’s degree in science.

2) What inspired you to become a postpartum doula?
I’ve always been fascinated with pregnancy as a whole, after watching my family members, experience,
pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum. I knew I would be the perfect helping hand for those who look like me,
which is what inspired me the most. I want other minorities to feel comfortable while giving birth, which is why I
pride myself on creating such a warm and open environment.

3) Tell us about your family.
My family has a very tight bond, we are quite a small family, because of this we spend lots of our free time
together whether it’s hanging out and enjoying each other’s company or traveling and going on new
adventures. Overall, my family is very loving and supportive, and most of all we love to have a good laugh.

4) What is your favorite vacation spot and why? 
My favorite vacation spot is probably Barcelona Spain, the reason for this is because I’m a total foodie, and the
food there was beyond fresh and different from anything I’ve ever had before. Also, the architecture of all the
buildings were incredibly breathtaking.

5) Name your top five bands/musicians and tell us what you love about them.
This is a hard question, considering I enjoy listening to almost all genres of music.

6) What is the best advice you have given to new families?
The best advice I have for families is to stick with their goals and values, just because they don’t align with
others in your community does not mean they are wrong, and also to give yourself grace and patience. Some
things take time to heal, and we must be mindful of that.

7) What do you consider your doula/consultant superpower to be?
I believe my doula superpower is making people feel comfortable and empowered, no matter what the situation
is. Growing up looking different from most of my peers I know how it feels to be in uncomfortable situations.
This is why I pride myself on being able to make others feel both comfortable and confident in all environments.

8) What is your favorite food?
My favorite food is tacos, I could probably eat tacos every day for the rest of my life.

9) What is your favorite place on West Michigan’s Gold Coast?
Since I’m not a Michigan native, I absolutely love going to the dunes, we don’t have anything similar to that in
Chicago so it’s always a fun treat.

10) What are you reading now?
Self-care for new moms

11) Who are your role models?
I would say, my mom is one of my biggest role models, she’s taught me how to be kind, empathetic,
independent, and resilient.
Mya serves day and overnight postpartum and infant care clients in West Michigan, SW Michigan and Northern
Michigan.

 

Meet Mya, Our Newest Postpartum Doula! Read More »

Woman holding a popsicle kneeling down to hug a child in the grass surrounded by people

Connection and Compassion Are Key

I’ve said it a lot; there is no one-size-fits-all solution to sleep, but this applies to parenting in general as well. Many parents will read about certain techniques, and even follow specific scripts with older children, but if they don’t work, parents feel like they have failed or there is something wrong with their kid. They try a technique that their friend used, or read a book, or hear about something that is really popular. What they aren’t considering is that it will work for some kids, and it won’t work for others. Or maybe it will work for a little while, until your child catches on, and then you need to change your approach again.

No matter what age, you need to tune in to who your unique child is.

Connection means different things to everyone. I’m not a ‘hug it out’ type of person when I’m upset. I need space. My daughter needs lots of hugs and lots of attention when she is sad. When she is upset, she needs space and then she needs to talk. My husband needs peace and quiet, time to think. Your child is a unique individual with different needs, desires, and fears than you, your partner, and your other children. Just as we wouldn’t expect one technique to work for all adults, we can’t expect that when dealing with children.

Sometimes, to connect with your child, you may need separation. Many parents don’t understand this idea. They think if they are not hugging or physically touching, or at least near their child when they are upset, they are abandoning them. But when a child is more upset, more frustrated, and the situation escalates when you are near them, separation may be what they need. How this is executed will make all the difference. The words you use, your tone of voice, and your body language all matter. This is how you connect.

“I love you. I am going to step outside the room and wait here.”

“I am also feeling frustrated so I am going to take some deep breaths in the hall until I calm down too.”

Obviously, what you say and how you separate will vary depending on the age of your child and their temperament. Connection and compassion are key. You are here to help them, not punish them. When they are acting out, throwing a tantrum, or won’t go to sleep, it is never helpful to make them feel bad about it. For most little ones, they are not doing this intentionally. They need your help to get through this sad or scary or frustrating moment. They need your help in dealing with these completely normal emotions. Notice I said the are normal. We can’t expect our kids to never feel anything other than happiness. This is unrealistic and extremely unfair. They are going to get angry, sad, frustrated, scared, and nervous. How will you help them cope with these feelings? Instead of ignoring them or disregarding them, allow your child to feel the emotion and then deal with it in a healthy manner.

Sometimes your child will have these emotions toward you. They will get angry with you about something, and that’s okay. You are the parent, and they are the child. Your role is not to make them happy all the time or be their best friend, Your role is to create a safe and loving environment in which they thrive and feel supported. And sometimes that means allowing them to feel all their emotions. We also shouldn’t label emotions as “good” or “bad”. You don’t want your child to feel guilty because they are experiencing sadness or anger. These are normal emotions. You want to teach your child how to acknowledge that emotion, and deal with it in a healthy way. Ignoring it is not helpful. Discrediting it is not helpful. Shaming it is not helpful.

Try telling yourself this:
I have a really good kid who just happens to be struggling in this moment. I am their helper, not their punisher. They need my support, not my anger or frustration. Acting in anger causes stress in them which makes them act out more. It creates guilt and shame.

When I relate this idea specifically to sleep, this is why an in-person consult, with one-on-one support, and a custom sleep plan are so important. When one technique doesn’t work, you have an expert to guide you through other options. It’s also important to note that some babies and children need space sometimes. Stepping outside the room when things get hard is often good for both of you. Children sense anxiety and stress in parents. It changes how we act and talk which can change the outcome of the entire situation.

When we model this behavior to our children, we are showing them how to deal with strong emotions in a healthy way. It’s great for our children to know that we also have bad days. We also get frustrated, angry, or scared. We can help them figure out how to handle these big emotions.

They are always watching. They are always listening. What will they learn from you?

Alyssa Veneklase is a Certified Infant & Child Sleep Consultant, Newborn Care Specialist, and Certified Elite Postpartum & Infant Care Doula. She also teaches a Newborn Survival Class, Becoming a Mother series, and Tired as a Mother.

 

Connection and Compassion Are Key Read More »

2 women in professional clothes with a colorful geometric background

2022 Reflections

2022 Reflections:
Whew! Our word of the year for 2022 was changed. Gold Coast announced an expansion for day and overnight postpartum support to Northern and Southwest Michigan in April.
Alyssa Veneklase transitioned from co-owner to subcontractor at Gold Coast in August. She still leads the Becoming A Mother course with Kristin and teaches at Gold Coast.
Kristin and Alyssa have signed with a publisher for a book deal!
Our small business has been operating on EOS with our implementor Laurel Romanella for a full year now and we have seen tremendous growth as a result.

Here are the Gold Coast stats for 2022:  

  • Number of group and private classes taught: 28
  • Number of students: 82
  • Number of birth clients that delivered in 2022: 95
  • Number of birth clients supported in 2022 with 2023 due dates: 26
  • Average Continuing Education training per doula: 5
  • Lactation: 22 clients
  • Alyssa created a new sleep class for infants and toddlers at different stages
  • Sleep Consultations: 18 clients served
  • Day and Overnight Postpartum Doula support hours: 7,776 (our best year yet for postpartum)
  • Multiples: 6 families served.
  • DEI our entire team had a 2-hour virtual DEI training with Sabia Wade, The Black Doula in February
  • Our entire team participated in a 2-hour pregnancy and newborn loss training through PAILAdvocates.
  • New Subcontractors Added to our Team: 8 doulas, 1 sleep consultant
  • Advanced Certifications Achieved: 12
  • Julie Skripka and Gina Kraft celebrated five years with Gold Coast.
  • We had our seven-year anniversary in October.
  • Ask the Doulas Podcast- We ended the year with 167 episodes total. Feedspot ranked Ask the
  • Doulas as 6 of the Best 15 Doula Podcasts on the Planet in 2022.   Listen Notes ranked Ask the Doulas as one of the top 5% most popular shows out of 3,005,585 globally. We launched our podcast in 2017 and are still growing strong thanks to our fantastic guests and listener support.
  • Becoming A Mother Course- We added new expert videos and enhanced our email communication to further grow our self-paced online course.
  • We offered two pro-bono spots in the course to low-income women.
  • 2022 Awards: West Michigan BBB Torch Award for Ethics Finalist, Best of Michbusiness small business award winner and Kristin Revere was named one of the 50 Most Influential Women in West Michigan by the Grand Rapids Business Journal.
  • Media: First Time Parent Magazine: Kristin Revere wrote an article on making your hospital room feel like home.
  • Gold Coast continued as a Climate Leader with Aclymate. We purchased 13,855 lbs of carbon offsets.
  • Gold Coast applied for B Corp recertification in July.

Volunteer Hours: 129 

  • Charitable Donations:  $2,703 to charities supporting low-income women and children.
  • Organizations donated to include: Nestlings Diaper Bank. Spectrum Foundation for a breastfeeding training for the Butterworth Women’s Center nursing staff, St. Mary’s Foundation with funds dedicated to clinics, Pine Rest Mother-Baby Program, MomsBloom, Preeclampsia Foundation and the Hello Seven Foundation.
  • We also donated a birth stool to St. Mary’s Foundation.
  • Diapers Collected for our 7th Annual Diaper Drive for Nestlings Diaper Bank: 11,133 disposable diapers, 97 packs of wipes and 100 cloth supplies. Many thanks to our partners: Rise Wellness Chiropractic, Fit4Mom Grand Rapids, Mind Body Baby, Mindful Counseling, Advent Physical Therapy, Hopscotch Children’s Store, EcoBuns Baby + Co, Brann’s, The Insurance Group, R. Lucas Scott. Co, and Howard Miller Library.

We are so thankful for our clients, partners, podcast listeners and students. Thank you for
trusting us to support your families!

 

2022 Reflections Read More »

Professionally dressed woman with striped shirt and black cardigan smiling and looking over her shoulder in front of a grey wall

Why You Should Take a Breastfeeding Class: Podcast Episode #166

Kristin chats with Kelly Emery of Baby Beloved about why moms should take a breastfeeding class during pregnancy.  You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes, SoundCloud, or wherever you find your podcasts.

Welcome.  You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting.  Let’s chat!

Kristin:  Hello, hello!  This is Kristin with Ask the Doulas, and I am so excited to chat with Kelly Emery.  Kelly teaches our breastfeeding classes at Gold Coast and our Back to Work pumping class, and she’s an RN IBCLC and has so many certifications and degrees including the fact that Kelly was a former doula before doulas were even really a thing.  So welcome, Kelly!

Kelly:  Thank you, Kristin.  It’s great to be here.  I’m happy to be on your podcast.

Kristin:  I would love for you to give our listeners a bit of a glimpse of your background.  As I mentioned, you have so many different degrees and trainings and you have so much experience.  You were helpful with my own children.  I’d love to learn more about you.

Kelly:  Yeah, sure.  It all happened way back – well, I went to college, actually, to be a teacher, and then a psychologist.  I wasn’t quite sure, so I got both certifications.  But during my graduate school when I was wanting to learn to be a therapist, I got pregnant, and that was way back in 1990.  And then all of life changed.  My focus changed, and I can’t even explain it to anybody, but I just fell in love with the whole birth and breastfeeding world.  It just took my world in a different direction.  And then I became – I did some certification for being a – it’s called a lactation educator, a certified lactation educator back then was the certification in 1994.  And then to become a doula around that same time, like you said.  So got some really good experience helping moms just in my role as a doula, and that grew and grew and grew.  It just keep snowballing, and I’m like, okay, I’m not going to be a psychologist.  I’m not going to be a teacher.  This is what I want to do.  Fast forward a bit, and I decided I needed to go to nursing school.  I wanted to learn more about how the body works and how the breasts work and how everything just kind of fits together and just how amazing our bodies are, actually, just really pulled me forward into that.  So I got a nursing degree, and then I started working – well, I’ve always been doing home visits, but then I started doing hospital work, which was an eye opener, and it was really great to see babies just right after they’re born and what happens in the hospital, and it just progressed.  I started a little boutique where I sold breastfeeding – I saw patients in my office, but I also sold, like, pumps and bras and all the breastfeeding gear.

Kristin:  Yeah, and I taught my first class in your space.

Kelly:  That was such a lovely time.

Kristin:  Yes, it was!

Kelly:  While it lasted, it was so great because we had so many classes and just people coming in and just lonely moms wandering in just wanting to get out of the house, you know.  We had a support group in there, and it was the best.  But unfortunately, 2008, and I just financially couldn’t keep it going.  It was a bad recession time.  So the boutique ended, but I still have – still kept doing Baby Beloved, which is my business, where I do home visits and office visits.  I do telehealth, and then I also go to six different pediatric offices and I subcontract with them.  So I’m all over the city, usually at least five, sometimes six days a week.

Kristin:  Yeah, you are busy, that is for sure.  And you’ve been an educator both in hospital and classroom for quite some time, as you mentioned?

Kelly:  Yeah, back from in the ’90s on, I’ve been teaching breastfeeding classes and just ventured out, you know, doing more of that via Zoom because of COVID and getting my online class going, too.  But I actually also a few years back got my master’s degree in nursing education.  So it was a really good adjunct to that to help me understand better how people learn and just different techniques for educating people about their bodies and their health and all of that.  So yeah, I have lots of little initials behind my name.

Kristin:  Yes, you sure do!

Kelly:  But long story short, I love teaching, and it’s a great – I mean, I teach even when I’m one on one with a person, but in a group, it’s a different dynamic, and it’s super fun.

Kristin:  Agreed.  And yes, with the pandemic, we had to shift all of our Saturday Series to virtual for a bit, and luckily we’ve been back to in person since the spring, and that has been so much better as far as being able to really, yeah, interact and attune to each couple’s needs.  But tell us a bit about your breastfeeding class and why it is important for couples who want to breastfeed to get educated before they have their baby or babies.

Kelly:  It’s something that a lot of people just bypass.  They don’t – not a lot of people take a breastfeeding class, and they wish they had later, you know, when I’m in their living room helping them breastfeed, they’re like, oh, nobody told me this, and oh, I wish all of those things.  But they focus a lot of childbirth education, which is very important, as well, but labor’s going to be over, you know, hopefully within 24 hours.  You know, labor is going to be over, and it’s a wild ride getting there, but in the end, you have your baby, and there you go.  But breastfeeding goes on and on for as long – however many weeks, months, years you want to do it.  It’s a daily thing, sometimes 8 to 12 times a day.  So it’s something that’s going to take up a major part of your day and lots of things to know.  Lots of expectations to set, and just learning how your body works but also how your baby eats, like how human mammals actually eat.  And then once you know that – like, once you know how your body works and how your baby works, then you can blend it together to make, like, a unique breastfeeding relationship for yourself within your family unit.  Everybody has competing things.  Like, I’ve got to go back to work in this many weeks or months, or I have my mother-in-law living with me and she had dementia, or I have six other kids.  There’s so many things that weigh into the decision of even whether you want to breastfeed.  But the more you know, the more you can tweak it to personalize it however you want it to be.

Kristin:  Exactly.  And your class is definitely recommended for partners, as well as the birthing person.

Kelly:  Yes.  That’s the first slide in my PowerPoint is a picture of the dad holding baby or a partner.  You know, whoever is going to be your person who’s going to be with you at 2:00 a.m. and who’s going to hold your hand through all of this, that person would ideally be in the class, as well.  And I know sometimes, especially guys if they’re there, they feel a little awkward being there, but I will tell you, I will not make it awkward for you, and a lot of what I have to say is directed at the support people because research has shown over and over again when we look at research about what makes breastfeeding successful and what helps a person meet their breastfeeding goals, it’s always the support person, the partner that’s there.  It’s not the lactation consultant.  I mean, I play a small part, as does your pediatrician and all the other people in your life, but far and away, it always rises to the top that that one person who is so influential in the breastfeeding rates and how they turn out is the partner.  So they play no small part in this, and I totally encourage everybody to come and bring your cheerleader.  Like, bring whoever’s going to be with you there at 2:00 a.m.

Kristin:  Yes.  And I know you touch on other feeding methods in the course, but you also have a specific class on back to work pumping for those clients who wish to pump later or, you know, some students have the plan to start out pumping for multiple reasons.

Kelly:  Sure.  Yeah, there are some people who don’t want the baby at the breast.  They want to lactate and they want to pump it and then feed it by bottle.  So I go over all of those in my class.  The last section of my class is dedicated a lot to going back to work or pumping and how can the partner introduce a bottle without it interfering with breastfeeding.  How do we manage both, if mom wants to do both?  A little bit of breast, a little bit of bottle; how can we set that up for success?  So yes, definitely, we do some of that in the last part of the class, but if you wanted a deeper dive into it, like it’s a three-hour class on back to work that goes through a lot more stuff.  Plus during the back to work, it’s a lot about pumping.  How to choose a pump, how to maintain your milk supply, are there any foods or what’s up with that, is there anything that helps it.  And then how do you talk to your employer?  There’s so much rich content in there.  If you did the breastfeeding and back to work class, you’d be there for six hours with me, so that’s a little long to sit for a class, so the back to work, that working and pumping class, is separate.  You have access to it for two years so you can always go back to it nine months later and say, what did she say about freezing this or blah, blah, blah, whatever.  So that’s kind of a nice option.

Hey, Alyssa here.  I’m just popping in to tell you about our course called Becoming.  Becoming A Mother is your guide to a confident pregnancy and birth all in a convenient six-week online program, from birth plans to sleep training and everything in between.  You’ll gain the confidence and skills you need for a smooth transition to motherhood.  You’ll get live coaching calls with Kristin and myself, a bunch of expert videos, including chiropractic care, pelvic floor physical therapy, mental health experts, breastfeeding, and much more.  You’ll also get a private Facebook community with other mothers going through this at the same time as you to offer support and encouragement when you need it most.  And then of course you’ll also have direct email access to me and Kristin, in addition to the live coaching calls.  If you’d like to learn more about the course, you can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com, or check it out at www.thebecomingcourse.com.  We’d love to see you there.

Kristin:  That’s amazing.  And then your breastfeeding class is part of our Saturday Series.  We offer that in our office in Eastown every two months.  And then for those students who can’t make that date on a Saturday afternoon, then you do have recorded self-paced options for the breastfeeding class that you can register for off of the Gold Coast Doulas website, as well as the back to work pumping, also, is a recorded version, correct?

Kelly:  Yes, that’s right.

Kristin:  And then with Saturday Series, the beauty is you can register for all three, the comfort measures, the breastfeeding, the newborn, or just pick ala carte what you want.  So if you’re only interesting in the breastfeeding class, then you can select that option.  And then as far as just getting into the differences, you did describe your class beautifully, but having attended it and gotten so much wisdom from your series, I’d love for you to talk about the difference between your class and a hospital breastfeeding class.

Kelly:  Yeah, sure.  I used to, a few years back, I used to teach a hospital class, and when I did it, I was representing the hospital, so I had to use their – it was like a prepackaged PowerPoint, basically, that they bought from a company.  So it was pretty basic, and it was good information, but it was pretty basic.  And because I have so much experience as a lactation consultant, I also peppered it, you know, with my own real life experiences and case studies and stuff like that, which kind of made it more fun and interesting.  But my PowerPoint, which is, for my own business, I have total control over creating that.  So mine is not so cookie cutter.  It’s very individually curated to what I see the most things that cause hiccups in breastfeeding in just all the patients that I’ve seen since 1994.  So I know what are the biggest hurdles that moms need to know about.  What are some ways – just basically boiling it down to, what does she really need to know?  What’s going to be important?  And I can tell her this and this, but she’s not going to remember it, so how do I bring a story to it so if this does happen, she can remember that story and then remember the concept better.  And I have lots of pictures.  Tons of pictures, which I think the more modes of learning, the better.  You know, when you can see it in motion.  So I have lots of videos, too, of moms breastfeeding.  And then the other thing, especially for the pump part, I bring in my pump, and we get to play with all these pumps and all these things like nipple shields, all these stuff.  I pass them around, so tactilely, they get to touch it and play with breast shields and see how they’re different sizes.  There are different sizes when you pump, so we can kind of look at all of it.  So that’s different, I think from the hospital one, and it’s fun, too.  I like to make it interactive, especially in a group class.  There’s just some cool dynamics when you get people together who are in the same stage of life, and it’s not like in a big auditorium where there’s 100 people in there and you don’t really feel like you can raise your hand.  These are smaller group classes where you can have a conversation, and I think where conversations happen, that’s where the richness is, and that’s how we understand concepts better, like when we talk it through.  Plus the camaraderie.  The other people all in the room, they’re in the same boat, and they’re just starting out, too.  So it’s really good to know that you’re not alone and you’re not dumb for not knowing this stuff.  It’s just you’ve never done it before.  You’re a rookie.  So it’s very normalized to be able to take in all this information.

Kristin:  And I recall from registering students that it’s not always first time parents who take your classes.  Some people didn’t have success breastfeeding with other babies and then really want to get that education and set themselves up for success this time around.

Kelly:  Yeah, and those are so good to have in class because they – when they talk, the others really perk up and listen because they want to hear it.  I mean, you can always hear it from a lactation consultant, but hearing it from another person who’s already been in the trenches and coming back with real talk about it, it’s very powerful to hear a real person’s story.

Kristin:  Agreed.  And again, just accommodating to different learning styles.  I loved the interaction and the way you demonstrated different breastfeeding positions and talked a lot about latch and supply.  That’s always a big concern for doula clients is, am I going to produce enough milk.

Kelly:  I know, it’s a big – I mean, most people do, but I’ll be honest, there are some people who struggle, and it’s through nothing wrong that they’ve done, but sometimes that happens.  So we also go over – you know, I’m honest about that, as well, to say there is a small amount of people who – with certain medical issues, usually, and I talk about those in my class, that if you have any of these medical issues, it’s great to get support right away to set yourself up for success, especially during those first two weeks of breastfeeding when supply is established.  The more you know, the better prepared you’ll be, and you can get support lined up ASAP.

Kristin:  Exactly.  And I love also the option with the recorded class that people can take your class from anywhere in the country or world.  With our Becoming students, they’re able to register for your virtual options, and they could live in New York or Seattle.  That is also amazing.  And you do – even though these are some recorded versions, you do offer Q&A calls, correct?

Kelly:  I do, yeah.  Like, once a month.  It’s the first Wednesday of the month in the evening.  There’s a free Q&A for anyone who’s pregnant, so they can come and ask me anything, and it’s free, and the last one that I did, I had someone who just wanted to jump on to see if she jived with me, you know.  Is this someone I want to be taking a class with?  So that was cool.  You don’t want to spend your time and money with someone who’s values you don’t – you know, you want to be able to know that you can talk to them and you’re going to gel with them.  So that was really good.  So anyone who just wants to get to know me better or has a burning question.  Maybe there’s something on your mind.  Maybe you did take a class already, but you still have questions.  Anyone can register for that on my website.

Kristin:  That’s great.  So any final tips for the listeners or our students?

Kelly:  No, I just really encourage you to think about taking a class because once your baby comes, it’s go time, and there’s not going to be a lot of time to sit down and read books and take three-hour classes after the baby’s born.  Now is the time to soak up as much as you can, and having four ears there is better than two because sometimes you may hear something and then your partner hears it a little differently, or it just hits differently, and then they can remind you later.  I’ve had that happen a lot where someone who’s taken my class and then later has hired me to be their lactation consultant, the dad comes in and says, yeah, remember, she said to do this, blah, blah, blah.

Kristin:  Right, they remember.  I know my husband did.

Kelly:  They do.  They really do.  They’re listening with a different set of ears.  So it’s good.

Kristin:  Totally.  So Kelly, you mentioned price before, so our course, the breastfeeding as part of Saturday Series, is $85.  Each class in our series is $85, so whether it’s an in person or virtual, that is $85, and we do accept health savings and flex spending.  And Kelly, your back to work pumping class is how much?

Kelly:  It’s $49, and that’s access for two years.

Kristin:  Awesome.  Well, thank you so much, and feel free to share your personal contact info with our listeners, and of course, you can find any of the class information on the Gold Coast Doulas website.

Kelly:  You can find me on my website, and that’s the best way to contact me, through the contact page.

Kristin:  And I know you’re on Instagram and Facebook and other areas.

Kelly:  Oh, yes.  Absolutely.  Thank you for that.

Kristin:  Well, it was lovely to chat with you.  Thank you so much for sharing all of your wisdom with our listeners, and I hope they’ll all be seeing you soon in either the in person or recorded class.

Kelly:  Me, too!  Thank you so much, Kristin.

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review.  Thank you!  Remember, these moments are golden.

 

Why You Should Take a Breastfeeding Class: Podcast Episode #166 Read More »

Woman stretches in a gym wearing athletic clothing and smiling

How to Build Foundations to Stay Active Postpartum: Podcast Episode #165

Kristin chats with Dr. Karlie Causey, co-founder of a postpartum activewear brand called Jen & Keri, a sports chiropractor and certified strength and condition coach who is passionate about providing practical tools to moms and moms-to-be, helping them restore their bodies and continue exercising after their babies are born. You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes, SoundCloud, or wherever you find your podcasts.

Welcome. You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting. Let’s chat!

Kristin: Hello, hello. This is Kristin with Ask the Doulas. I am so excited to chat with Dr. Karlie Causey today. Dr. Karlie is the co-founder of a postpartum activewear brand, a sport chiropractor, and a certified strength and conditioning coach who is passionate about providing practical tools to moms and moms-to-be, helping them restore their bodies and continue exercising after their babies are born. Welcome, Dr. Karlie!

Dr. Karlie: Hi. Thank you so much for having me.

Kristin: So excited to start chatting about your company, called Jen & Keri, and also really getting into how to build foundations to stay active in the postnatal time. I know that’s a big topic for a lot of our doula clients is really getting back into fitness.

Dr. Karlie: Yes, totally. And I’m just so excited to talk about it. I love, obviously, love to talk about this topic and try to give people the helpful, practical tools as far as staying active, getting active again, especially after that baby comes and joins your world.

Kristin: Exactly. Big change.

Dr. Karlie: Yeah.

Kristin: So let’s chat about Jen & Keri. So obviously you saw a need and you filled it?

Dr. Karlie: Yeah. So after my first son – I have two boys, one who is just about three and one who is five months old. Right after my first son, I was – well, I will call it complaining. I was definitely complaining to one of my close friends and now business partner at Jen & Keri, Jess, and I was just telling her that, you know, I was really excited to get back into the gym. I have a postpartum rehab plan that I use with my patients. I’d done my plan, and I was like, okay, I’m getting back in the gym. But for me, I really felt like the nursing bras that were available were just not cutting it. I wanted something without clips, without Velcro, without the zipper. You know, all those things, while very useful, they just sort of scream nursing mom, which is wonderful, and I was so happy to be a nursing mom, but I wanted this hour where I could go to the gym or I could feel like myself, try to feel like an athlete again, and have it just be me and not focus on the baby while still being able to race home and feed my baby. So we started looking, and my friend Jess is just so good at research, and so she’s looking everywhere for me to try and help, and we couldn’t find anything. And so we sort of just started on our own, cutting up bras and seeing, what would it look like if we made it like this. And our goal was that it just would look like a regular sports bra. Yeah, and so that’s what we’ve come to now. We have a high impact sports bra that’s developed for nursing and pumping, which we also felt was really important to support moms who are pumping, as well, and give those options. And also fill that need of, you’re an athlete. You can still do these things that are important to you for your mental wellbeing, your physical wellbeing. And maybe that little bit of confidence, too, of feeling more like yourself helps you get back into the gym and helps you do some of these things that maybe you want to do and you’re feeling nervous or anxious or whatever the case might be.

Kristin: For sure. So not only are they stylish, but also functional, and as you said, it’s so important to have that normalcy and feel like your old self versus, again, thinking about your leaking breasts and all of the things and how it’s just not comfortable to get back into a workout routine.

Dr. Karlie: Yeah. And we wanted something that was really for high impact. So the bra that we have now, it’s not designed to be worn all day. It is really trying to hold the girls down so you can run, so you bike, so you can jump, do all that kind of stuff. But you can size up. I’ll often wear a size bigger and kind of wear it all day, you know. And we’re working on another one that’s more of an all day bra. But that was the need was saw that was so – I’ll use the word urgent. It felt urgent to me. And yeah, we’ve had good feedback. And the other thing that was important to us is we make it in a small to a triple XL. We really wanted to feel inclusive of all sizes and really make sure people know that it doesn’t matter your shape or size or where you are in life. You still can be an athlete. You can still do those things that you want to do and support women of every size.

Kristin: I love it. And then I saw on your website that you accept most health savings and flex spending, so that’s awesome!

Dr. Karlie: I’m a chiropractor, too, and so when we were researching, I was like, wait, you can use health savings to come see me. I bet you can use it for our bra, and turns out you can. Yeah, all you do is enter it. It’s pretty easy. Just enter is as a credit card. We felt like that was important, too, to just try to help out as much as we can. You’re buying so much stuff, you know, when you have a new baby and it just feels never ending, so that’s another piece. Okay, if we’re going to make this bra, we want to make it feel like you can wear it even after you’re done nursing. So we have some friends – it’s funny. When we were making the bra, you know, and kind of testing different models and stuff, we had some friends try it on and play beach volleyball in it, who are actually not moms, and they were sort of confused about – they just thought it was a regular bra. They didn’t know it was a nursing bra, and we were like, yes. That’s exactly what we want. We want you to not know. You don’t know you just said the right thing, you know?

Kristin: Yes. I love it. So do you ever get moms who want to use the bra in labor? I have this issue with my birth doulas clients where they prefer to wear a sports bra, but them I’m talking to them about the fact that it might need to get cut off, and you don’t want to lose that great bra that you had at one point. So have you thought about that labor time of having something that’s, again, not necessarily high impact, or do people use those bras for different reasons, whether it’s a home birth or in the hospital and just wanting to have something that’s not necessarily a nursing bra yet but give support during labor?

Dr. Karlie: Yeah, that’s so funny. I did that exact thing when I was having my first son. I had this bra, and my midwife was a really good friend of mine. She’s like, I think we need to cut this off. I was like, no, we have to save it. But yeah, we’re working on just – we call it a no-impact bra, and it’s sort of for that purpose, right? You can just, like, wear it any time. It’s just sort of holding things in place. We haven’t launched that yet, but that’s also in the works, and that would be more of a fit for that kind of thing. And I think so often women have the idea of that and then I think just end up with nothing, no bra on.

Kristin: Yep. That happens.

Dr. Karlie: So yeah, we thought of some of those things, and we’re like, okay, we have all these things we want to develop, so they’re in the works, but everything takes more time and more money than you want, so we’re working on it.

Kristin: Yes, exactly. So I’d love to hear your tips, Dr. Karlie – I know you have custom plans for your patients, but what is your advice for our listeners who are prepping for that postnatal recovery time and want to get back, whether it’s running or spinning or Pilates, whatever it might be, but to get into some sort of routine?

Dr. Karlie: Yes. Okay, great question. So there’s a couple of suggestions I always give, and one is, even if you have multiple kids, but especially if you’re a first-time mom, I always recommend to start this plan before the baby comes. Like, you know, plan out, okay, who is my pelvic floor PT going to be. Do I have a sports chiropractor? You know, all these things. Same as with, like, planning your doula, you know, you just want to have these things in place because once the baby comes, your brain is mush and life is so different, and you forget all these things that you had planned. But if you already have them set in motion, then I find women are much more successful in general after giving birth. So that’s one. Two is that I always recommend not waiting until six weeks to start something. So, obviously, that doesn’t mean you’re jumping into working out immediately after birth, but you can start with breathing exercises as early as in the hospital bed. And what we see is that during pregnancy, that diaphragm just gets so crammed up, and we really lose a lot of the endurance of it, and so even just starting some deep belly breathing and trying to see, okay, can I start to feel my transverse abdominis engage, you know, within a few days of giving birth? I have women try – the cues I like to use are, you know, you take your breath in, and then as you breathe out, you try to just lightly pull the two hip bones together in front, you know, and that will sort of start to engage that big transverse abdominis, that big flat abdominal muscle that gets so stretched out during pregnancy. It’s really important to stabilizing our core. So starting on some simple breathing exercises. I actually made – it’s called a postpartum restoration plan a few years ago, and I started using it with my patients, and it’s now available online. When COVID hit, so many people weren’t coming into the office, so I had to try to figure out a way to give people the rehab they needed when they couldn’t come and see me. And it’s an eight-week plan, and basically it just starts with breathing exercises, with bracing, with some really simple diastasis recti healing exercises and then progresses from there. So I always like to recommend that people either find a plan similar to that or they find a PT, like I said, or a postpartum exercise specialist to work with, someone that can just help, even if it’s not like a big, huge plan, someone that can give some guidance and just set them in the right direction of, here’s where you start. Where do you want to go? Let’s help you build some steps in between.

Hey, Alyssa here. I’m just popping in to tell you about our course called Becoming. Becoming A Mother is your guide to a confident pregnancy and birth all in a convenient six-week online program, from birth plans to sleep training and everything in between. You’ll gain the confidence and skills you need for a smooth transition to motherhood. You’ll get live coaching calls with Kristin and myself, a bunch of expert videos, including chiropractic care, pelvic floor physical therapy, mental health experts, breastfeeding, and much more. You’ll also get a private Facebook community with other mothers going through this at the same time as you to offer support and encouragement when you need it most. And then of course you’ll also have direct email access to me and Kristin, in addition to the live coaching calls. If you’d like to learn more about the course, you can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com, or check it out at www.thebecomingcourse.com. We’d love to see you there.

Kristin: And do you have a different plan for your patients who have surgical births or any other medical conditions? I’m sure it’s adapted based on the individual’s needs?

Dr. Karlie: Yes. My second son was breech, and try as we might, every single thing that you can think of, natural, medical – we tried two fail versions. The guy would just not flip.

Kristin: He was there for a reason. We just don’t know what it was.

Dr. Karlie: Totally. I know. And so I am actually really grateful for that now, as much as I didn’t want to have a C-section. I really wanted to try and have an unmedicated birth and all this stuff, but I’m so grateful for it now because I really understand both sides of the story, both the vaginal birth and C-section. So I’m working on right now actually making the modifications because I don’t think I really could have – you know, as much education as we have and as much research, until I think sometimes you go through something, then you really, really understand how to change things for people you’re helping. So I’m going through right now and making some of the modifications. Like, for example, in my just regular plan, there’s some supermans where you’re laying on your stomach trying to engage the low back muscles, which is a super important part of our core. But I could not do that for the life of me six weeks. There’s a big surgical scar. So that one is a little bit obvious, but there are some more that are not quite as obvious that I’m grateful now that I know and I realize and I’m kind of making those changes. But I’ve had a few people who’ve had C-sections just kind of work with me. They tell me that, hey, I want to do this plan, but I had a C-section or had some other – you know, a little bit more traumatic tearing, that kind of thing, and then I usually just can email back and forth with them or jump on a call and try to help them that way for now.

Kristin: That makes sense. So how can our listeners work with you to come up with a plan or download a plan? How does that work outside of a course in your online store?

Dr. Karlie: I try to post stuff on Instagram as much as possible. It’s less right now with a little baby. You know, trying to really soak in the baby snuggles and all that stuff. But yeah, my plan is available online, and then people can reach out, again, of course, on Instagram either at Jen & Keri or Dr. Karlie, and I’m always happy also to help refer. I have a lot of friends and colleagues in different states, both physical therapists and chiropractors and strength coaches who work with women, so I’m always happy to help people make connections, too.

Kristin: Wherever they live. I love that. And so I’m all on board with coming up with a plan in advance, because otherwise it just doesn’t happen, and it can be overwhelming whether it’s baby number one or baby number five. So what are your tips, Dr. Karlie, on really asking for help, whether it’s the partner or family or hired care, a nanny, to really carve out that time that is so important?

Dr. Karlie: I think there’s a few things to think about, and one is sort of knowing yourself and how you operate best. So if you’re the type of person who is used to having that hour and a half, whatever it is, three, four, five days a week that you’re working out, then maybe what’s best for you is to set aside 20 to 30 minutes to do your rehab, to work on your breathing, to really get in touch with your body again because as you know, it just feels so foreign once the baby is out. You know, now you have this whole new body that you didn’t have before. It’s not the body you had while you were pregnant. I just even personally remember feeling like, whoa, what – you know, how do I move this thing? And so just trying to figure out, okay, do I like to have time set aside for myself? If so, can I talk to my partner and plan that out? You know, and it’s not perfect, but if you make that plan, then at least you kind of set that standard, and I think explaining to your partner the importance of it and why is also really helpful. Or are you the kind of person who that’s just too overwhelming, and what would be better for you is, here’s three or four exercises. You’re going to do them in five minute increments throughout the day. And I like the term habit stacking, which comes from the book Atomic Habits, if you’ve read that. I love that book.

Kristin: Oh, yes. It’s a great book.

Dr. Karlie: But I use that with my patients a lot because – well, I always joke, don’t stack anything to brushing your teeth when you’re a new mom because you might forget and it might not happen in those first couple weeks. But every time you nurse and then, let’s say, if you hand the baby to your baby to burp them, then you do a set of breathing exercises. Or every time you go to the bathroom, you do a set of five squats. If that’s more kind of congruent with how you are most successful, then make that plan and just come up with those exercises or get on board with someone who can help you with that and then sort of make your plan that way. But I think learning about how you are going to be most successful and then building from there is best, rather than trying to squeeze yourself in some other kind of box that maybe isn’t the most successful for you.

Kristin: That makes sense. And I think again, like, some people just don’t want to ask for help, or they just – they’ve moved to a new area and don’t have it and can’t afford to hire out, so I love having those five minutes. Are there any – as far as that six-week appointment, what are the key physical activities that people need to get that permission from their OB or midwife to engage in other than, obviously, running and things like that, that are more high impact?

Dr. Karlie: Right, yeah. So that six-week appointment can just be so helpful or so useless, you know, just depending on where you are and who you see and that sort of thing. I’ve had patients where they just got no guidance. They just basically like, six weeks, you’re cleared. And I think there just has to be some more education around, like, what that means, what you’re actually cleared for, whether it’s working with someone like me or someone like you or a midwife. I don’t know. There has to be – I feel like it’s so much better when people can get a little more guidance. So what I like to tell people is, if you’re doing your breathing, you’re doing your bracing – I like people to remember that the glutes and the low back are part of the core, and the glutes are connected to the pelvic floor, right? So it’s really important to start just some light exercises that are safe, like glute bridges, you know, whether you’re holding those or kind of doing reps. Squats, even like hip hinges or good mornings with just a band, something that’s working the posterior chain. Even just walking hills is an easy one that I tell moms they can start with if they want. If they’re out walking, that’s one good one that can get the heart rate up a little bit, and that really works the posterior chain, so they’re sort of getting a two for one there, which is good, and just starting some of that basic rehab. And then after the six weeks, sort of being a little more intentional about, okay, what is it that you want to get back to? Is it weightlifting? Then we need to start off with a blank barbell and a PVC pipe and starting slow. Or is it running? We need to make sure that you can jump on one foot for a minute on both sides for a certain amount of time. That sort of thing. And just what are those things that you want to work back into, and it’s all based on the person and what their goals are.

Kristin: That makes sense. And certainly – I love that you brought up pelvic floor therapists earlier and physical therapy. So that is something that is getting brought up more and more at those six week appointments, so it’s not just doulas talking about those options, so I’m very thankful for that.

Dr. Karlie: Yeah, and it’s so funny because I think, you know, back in the day, chiropractors and physical therapists were sort of a little more at each other and didn’t work together as well in some cases, and in my world, it’s not like that at all anymore. I work really closely with a lot of great physical therapists and a lot of great pelvic floor physical therapists, and I think we can work so well together. And the thing I think is most unfortunate is that it’s not as it is in some countries sort of required, you know, as part of the postpartum birth process. In other countries, you just like straightaway see a pelvic floor physical therapist. And they can help you see, okay, are things fine and you’re progressing just normally? Are things too tight? Are things – you know, like, what’s going on? How’s the alignment of your pelvis? And so yeah, we can work together so well. So I always recommend my patients – even if they’re like, I have no problems; no leaking, no pain, no nothing. I’m great. I’m like, just go for one visit then to a pelvic floor physical therapist. Just let them do a quick check over, and let them tell you that you’re all good. You know, and in most cases, they’re so busy that if you’re good, they’ll get you out of their office. They’re not trying to keep you there, you know. So I think it’s just – it can be really helpful for people to go that route, too, and know that, like, not all those visits are internal exams. They can do external, and there’s a lot of conversation around that. They’re not just like jumping right in, you know?

Kristin: Exactly. And I’m sure as a sports chiropractor, you’re also giving referrals to pediatric chiropractors if they’re struggling with latch or colic or other issues.

Dr. Karlie: Totally, yeah. Constipation is a big one. And even birth trauma because the way that babies come out of the body is pretty traumatic, as you know. So yeah, most babies can benefit also from a check, so I work closely with those docs, too. They’re wonderful.

Kristin: Great resource. So any final tips for our listeners and doula clients?

Dr. Karlie: Yeah. I think one thing that I always like to stress is even though I say you don’t need to wait until six weeks to be doing breathing and light rehab stuff, I always make sure people know that the slower you start off, the better, as far as those bigger movements and jumping back into maybe stuff that you were doing before you were pregnant. Slow and steady wins the race, and I always just make sure I stress that. It sometimes feels so boring to do the rehab work, the breathing, this kind of stuff first, but when you build that foundation and then you slowly ease back into whatever activities it is that you love, that’s where success really comes and where you make sure that you don’t cause problems down the road that are going to inhibit you getting back to the gym and getting back to even just running around with your kids, you know? So slow and steady wins the race, and I’ve never really heard anyone say, oh, I wish I would have started running sooner. Right? But I’ve heard many people say, oh, I started running too soon and I wish I would have waited. So that’s one tip that I think is definitely worth putting out there.

Kristin: Thank you, Dr. Karlie. So outside of your website and Jen & Keri, you had mentioned, of course, Instagram, and that’s also @jenandkeri, but you’re on a couple other social media networks?

Dr. Karlie: Yeah, we’re on Facebook, too, of course. My own personal Instagram is @drkarlie. I guess we’re on TikTok, too, but I am just like – I don’t really know how TikTok works.

Kristin: Same.

Dr. Karlie: My partner does that. But we’re there, and we’re always happy – you know, if you have a question or are looking for a provider or even have some feedback, if you have the bra – we’re always looking for feedback. You know, we’re a small company, and we really created this bra to empower women. It’s our small little corner of the world to help people get back to doing what they love to do and to tell them, like, hey, our motto is every mom is an athlete, and that means a couple of things to us. It means, one, the things that you do as a mom are very athletic, so even if you don’t consider yourself an athlete, you know, you lower the baby into a crib. Well, that’s a hip hinge or a deadlift. You pick the baby’s car seat up and put it into the car. That’s a press. So just sort of honoring all the athletic things that moms do all day long. And then secondly it’s saying, you know, you can be that athlete again if you want, and we’re here to support you in doing that.

Kristin: Beautiful. Yeah, and I agree. I mean, even looking at birth, it can be an athletic event.

Dr. Karlie: Oh, my gosh, the most athletic event, arguably, right, that most of us will ever do!

Kristin: Exactly. Yeah, I compare it to training both mentally and physically the way that athletes prepare. Doing prenatal visits and supporting our clients is really getting into that mind-body connection that athletes have, so I love your slogan of every mom is an athlete. It’s beautiful.

Dr. Karlie: Thank you.

Kristin: Well, thank you so much for your time and your amazing tips, Dr. Karlie. I hope we can chat again soon. We’ll keep an eye on your updates bras as you release more options.

Dr. Karlie: Yeah, thank you. We’re very excited.

Kristin: And I will definitely share Jen & Keri with not only our doula clients but also our Becoming a Mother students.

Dr. Karlie: Awesome. Great.

Kristin: Thank you again!

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas. Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review. Thank you! Remember, these moments are golden.

 

How to Build Foundations to Stay Active Postpartum: Podcast Episode #165 Read More »

Estelle standing with a light purple jacket on a bridge in front of a busy city

Navigating Healthcare Systems During Pregnancy: Podcast Episode #164

We talk with Estelle Giraud, CEO and co-founder of Trellis Health, about navigating healthcare systems during pregnancy.  You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes, SoundCloud, or wherever you find your podcasts.

Welcome.  You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting.  Let’s chat!

Kristin:  Hello, hello.  This is Kristin with Ask the Doulas, and I am so excited to chat with Estelle Giraud today.  Estelle is the co-founder of Trellis Health, which is an online platform that takes the frustration and anxiety out of coordinating and curating pre- and postnatal health.  Estelle is also a mother herself.  So navigating the healthcare system is a personal passion of hers, as well.  So welcome, Estelle!

Estelle:  Thank you so much!  It’s great to be here.

Kristin:  I would love to hear a bit about your journey as a mother and then what led you again to getting into technology in the healthcare space.

Estelle:  Yeah.  So I’ll preface this by saying that I’ve worked my entire career in healthcare in one way or another, in human health.  At the time, kind of prenatal and throughout the early part of my pregnancy, I was working for a corporate company in the medical and healthcare space, and I was really focused on precision medicine and kind of how do we make medicine better.  So it’s always been in the back of my brain, and a big part of that was focused on cancer patients and, you know, really sick – these really kind of catastrophic diseases that we face.  I didn’t think about parenthood or motherhood or really anything in that journey, and I’ll say with my motherhood journey, I am an IVF mum.  I’m really open about that.  It was not an easy or a fast IVF.  We were doing it for other reasons.  I went into thinking, I’m in my early 30s.  I have no kind of infertility issues.  This is going to be really straightforward.  I’m one of the lucky statistics.  And that obviously wasn’t the case, and we did three cycles and multiple egg retrievals.  I had a couple of pregnancies that didn’t come to term that I lost the children.  I lost the babies during pregnancy.  I mean, this is a quick sidebar.  I think I didn’t speak about these things, but as I’m speaking about them now, I realize how common this is and how quiet we stay as women generally, and I think we miss out on a lot of support for each other to just understand and be there and say, you know what, I experienced this as well.  It’s really, really hard.

Kristin:  Absolutely.  We don’t talk about it enough.  I agree.

Estelle:  We don’t talk about it enough.  So, you know, I went through this process, and then I became pregnant with my son.  And, you know, I’m sure we could talk about just what IVF looks like in terms of early pregnancy, but some of the things around injections and progesterone injections – everything was just mind blowing to me.  But then I made it into – I think I was about 20 weeks when I started to feel really kind of comfortable in that pregnancy, and I was like, oh, I can breathe out.  I’m like, it’s fine now.  I’m – you know, I’m pregnant.  It all – you know, I don’t have to – there’s nothing really that can, like, happen at this point.  And I don’t say any of this to kind of scare your listeners or anything like that.  It’s just about, you know, education.  All the different journeys that motherhood can take, and to be secure and empowered in that, in your journey.  It’s nobody else’s, but this was my journey.  And so I had a couple of months, but then I had prenatal hypertension, and I was a high risk pregnancy, so I had a lot of appointments.  I was monitoring my blood pressure.  I was monitoring all of these symptoms.  I was at risk for preeclampsia.  And I ended up getting postpartum preeclampsia.  Ended up back in the hospital, actually in the same delivery ward with the same nurse in the same room that I had my son.  The nurse was like, what are you doing?  Why are you back here?  But I was back in hospital at day seven after he was born.  So I had a newborn, and it was just – you know, the experience wasn’t what I expected all around, but one of the things that I really took away from that is how much women take responsibility for their health throughout this journey.  And as a first time mum, you know, you think that it’s all this completely standardized process, and then when you get into it, you realize that it’s not, and you have a lot of decision-making power, and you have a lot of kind of – you take responsibility for your health like you never have before, but at the same time, our medical system – everything about it isn’t really set up to support women easily and kind of, you know, take away some of that anxiety, support them in their choices, support them in understanding their health, giving them digital tools to help them manage their health.  You know, I had hypertension.  I was measuring my blood pressure three times a day.  And I had it in an Apple note in my phone so I would, you know, make note of the time and what the measurement was and take that into my doctor’s appointment every week, and I had ten minutes with the doctor.  And the question always was, you know, how are you feeling?  What should I know about?  And I’m trying to, like, communicate everything in ten minutes and be really efficient about it, make sure that I don’t miss anything.

Kristin:  Yeah, it’s not enough time at all.

Estelle:  It’s not enough time, and, you know, they want to be helpful.  They want to make sure that they’re not missing anything.  But we don’t have – you know, it’s not like 50 years ago or decades ago when we had family doctors and this kind of really supported generational care.  I’ve lived in multiple states.  I’m in Seattle now, but I moved here just a couple of years before I was pregnant, and so I’d never seen these doctors before.  They didn’t have my history.  It’s just a lot of pressure to put on a new relationship, and so to cut some of the story out but to sum it up, what I’m really committed to now with Trellis Health is this idea of, can we support women in this journey with their own personal health information, with everything about their health history and their choices and goals and give them the tools to navigate that journey with ease.  And so things like blood pressure monitoring for anybody at risk or suffering hypertension, we have a digital app.  We kind of pre-program in all the reminders that you would need to manage your health with prompts.  You can input measurements directly into the app.  And we summarize all of that into, like, a snapshot of your health that you can then take into your doctor for that appointment.  You can make note of questions that you have.  But they have all of your lab history and blood pressure readings for the last week or two weeks or however long it’s been, symptoms, kind of everything summarized in one sheet that you can both look at and kind of have a real conversation about your health in a very efficient way.

Kristin:  That’s amazing.  And I’m sure if any of our listeners are working with, say, a homebirth midwife, they could also, of course, you know, share that information regardless of who the provider is.

Estelle:  Exactly.  I’m really a strong proponent of the midwife.  I mean, anybody in that care team, and even partners, as well.  There’s support for women around their health and around pregnancy, like being able to communicate that story with people around you that are helping you manage your health.

Kristin:  I’m all about that empowerment.  We have a program at one of the hospitals in my area called the Centering for Pregnancy Model, and they do some of their own assessments and meet together weekly and really take charge of their pregnancy, and then also have that support combined in one.  So I love everything you’re doing.

Estelle:  I think it’s such – I mean, I get really riled up about this.  Like, women’s health has been overlooked.  I’m a woman in tech.  I’m building a software company.  And it took me until I was pregnant to realize the gap here.  And why in this age with all the solutions that we have is this still overlooked?  Women’s health is such an important area, and particularly around pregnancy, we have to do better.

Kristin:  Yeah.  And women are dying in childbirth.  It shouldn’t happen.

Estelle:  Exactly.  These are preventable deaths.  I’m sure you know this and I’m sure your listeners know this, as well, but the US has one of the highest maternal mortality rates in the developed world.  We’re trying to change those statistics and giving women the tools to really advocate for and communicate their own health, and everybody, like regardless of access to the top holistic, women’s health, maternal care facilities in the country, like, this should be available to every woman.

Kristin:  Right.

Hey, Alyssa here.  I’m just popping in to tell you about our course called Becoming.  Becoming A Mother is your guide to a confident pregnancy and birth all in a convenient six-week online program, from birth plans to sleep training and everything in between.  You’ll gain the confidence and skills you need for a smooth transition to motherhood.  You’ll get live coaching calls with Kristin and myself, a bunch of expert videos, including chiropractic care, pelvic floor physical therapy, mental health experts, breastfeeding, and much more.  You’ll also get a private Facebook community with other mothers going through this at the same time as you to offer support and encouragement when you need it most.  And then of course you’ll also have direct email access to me and Kristin, in addition to the live coaching calls.  If you’d like to learn more about the course, you can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com, or check it out at www.thebecomingcourse.com.  We’d love to see you there.

Kristin:  I totally agree, and having had preeclampsia myself and bedrest and an induction, I can totally understand, you know, that need for really understanding how you can converse with your healthcare team and really advocate for yourself early on because I was overwhelmed.  And then as you had mentioned, eclampsia after delivery and so on.  So many things get missed.  It’s not just the pregnancy complications, but as you had mentioned in your own story, it’s some of the postnatal and hemorrhaging, eclampsia.  Really being able to have that self-assessment and understand your own personal healthcare history and story.  So knowing when things might be off or wrong rather than waiting for that six-week appointment.

Estelle:  We spoke to so many women – you know, user interviews – and it was such a common theme that you – you know, for your entire pregnancy, you have so much focus on you and your health.  You know, people will give you a seat to sit down or you’ve got these appointments, in the end particularly, like every couple of days, every week.  And then the baby is born, and in a lot of cases, whether that’s a natural delivery or a C-section or whatever that looks like, it’s a huge experience.  And from a physical, emotional, mental, everything, and then you don’t have a follow up for six weeks and you’re taking care of another human around the clock.  It’s just – you know, we’re also really kind of focused on that early postpartum period.  Like, how do we check in with women?  How do we make sure they have the right tools again to easily manage their health, whether that’s pain medication or other medications that they’re on?  When I was leaving the hospital, my husband pre-programmed in my calendar all the whole schedule of all of my medications for the next two weeks.  You know, I had blood pressure medications.  I had painkillers because I had a C-section.  I had all these different things.  And I just couldn’t do it.  But he – like, I didn’t even know what time of day it was, but I would just get a ping on my phone.  It’s time to take this medication.  I’m like, oh, this is convenient.  This is helpful.  But he had to spend, you know, a couple of hours manually doing that.  I was like, why can’t we have a digital tool that helps do this for parents?

Kristin:  Yeah.  That’s amazing.  So how – you know, there are so few women in tech.  How did you make this happen?  Bring the dream to reality.

Estelle:  I’m sure we could spend a whole podcast talking about this.  I’m mission driven to found it.  Like, I couldn’t do this.  I think there’s such strength that you have if you recognize, and especially if you’ve lived through a problem yourself as a founder, and you’re like, the world needs this, and I have this skill set, and I have the experience to be able to build this.  There’s this responsible that comes with that, and it’s something that drives me to be able to do it.  When I left my corporate job and – you know, we haven’t really spoken about it, but the vision for Trellis Health is beyond pregnancy and even women.  We see it evolving into a family health platform that houses all of your family’s health records.  You know, health is such a generational thing.  And for a lot of women, post-pregnancy, you are managing the health of that child.  Women are the chief medical officers typically of their family.  You know, you’re making the decisions around healthcare or you’re in those early appointments.  You’re responsible for feeding and sleeping, a lot of these things.  And, you know, partners of course are part of that, but it’s a transition from pregnancy that often doesn’t kind of fully go away.  And so we see Trellis Health evolving into tools for women to manage the health of their children; partners on the platform, as well, and then elderly parents as they age.  You get kind of sandwiched into this health management role as a woman, and you’ve got a corporate job.  You’ve got a life.  You’ve got all of these other things that you need to be able to do with your time.  Like, let’s just make that easier and connected and build this generational resource that you can then kind of pass down to your children.  They can see your health history, risk factors, really help them manage their health for the rest of their life, as well.  This goes all the back to my genetics background.  You know, I see the generational nature of health and how we can develop a better understanding of what contributes to disease through really connected family generational information.

Kristin:  Beautiful.  And oftentimes we don’t know our own family history.  We get asked, you know, those questions at doctor visits, but we don’t always have the answers.

Estelle:  Yeah.  And so this is something that I saw when I was in my corporate job, and I see the way the medical industry is evolving, you know, indirectly, as well.  We just have a data problem in healthcare.  Your data is all over the place.  And this is not – this is such an obvious take in healthcare, but nobody has been able to fix it.  And I think part of that is missing the right value proposition for the right customer at the right time, and my experience through pregnancy made that crystal clear to me, that this is a missed opportunity for women.  And yeah, nobody was building that.  So I’ll say it’s not easy.  It’s a process.  Everything’s a process.  And we’re small.  We’re building.  I have a great team of people that are really committed to this mission with me.  I can talk about kind of what it takes as a female in tech, you know, VC-funded and the way that our funding system works and some of the biases that exist against women founders, but at the end of the day, wanting to change those statistics, as well.

Kristin:  I mean, it’s honestly just tackling two huge problems in society in one business, so I love it.  Yes, so walk me through how our listeners would be able to join the platform, how affordable is this.  I’m thinking it’s almost like having concierge medicine but in the tech space.

Estelle:  So we are in private beta right now, and I say private because we’re not – you know, this isn’t something that you’ll find on Google ads.  But we are still open, and so if any of your listeners are currently pregnant and want to be a part of our beta program, we’re offering that free of charge for two years, and so they can sign up on our website.  There’s a short form that they fill out.  We will be in touch with them, get them set up.  We’re offering a white glove onboarding for all the people who are part of our beta.  And then what I will say is the experience that we’re trying to enable is that this is as frictionless as possible.  So for anybody that maybe has thought about health records before – I regularly come across people who think they have to call their doctors and get all these faxed medical records or input in a lot of data themselves.  One of the key differences with what we’re able to build today is that we can do a lot of that completely frictionless.  So we verify people’s identity.  We have a super secure system.  We’re a HIPAA-covered entity.  So we have this security system that enables us to verify identities and then connect medical records in the back end so users don’t have to kind of do that heavy lifting themselves.  You’ve got other things that you want to do with your time right now.  And then the beta, the one ask that we have is that people would be willing to give us feedback.  We’re making this product for women and for this experience, and so any and all feedback, we’re really kind of leaning into.  So if people are really kind of passionate about this space or even just interested in and want to test it out, please get in touch.  We would love to chat with you.  In terms of moving forward, we’re priced at $99 a year.

Kristin:  Very affordable.

Estelle:  Right.  We’re still investigating, but I have a goal that we will be able to be covered under HSA and FSA accounts, as well.

Kristin:  Makes perfect sense that it should be covered.

Estelle:  Yes.

Kristin:  I love it.  So you’re also on other social media channels, correct, Estelle?

Estelle:  Yes, that’s correct.  And I am personally on – you know, we were talking about women in tech.  I want to be a voice for other women.  When I was pregnant and I was in the early days of founding Trellis Health, I was constantly looking for role models.

Kristin:  Of course.

Estelle: I would spend hours on Google.  Where is the pregnancy or founding a tech company – how do I know that I can do this?  And there wasn’t a lot of – you know, I really struggled to find examples of those women.  And so I am on Twitter.  I’m on LinkedIn.  I’d love to connect with anybody, particularly other women if they’re interested in the story.  I talk about, you know, just what it means to be a female founder and to build a company in software and being a mother at the same time.  So yeah, happy to connect with people there.

Kristin:  You are so inspiring.  Thank you for sharing your story, Estelle, and for the work you’re doing.  You’re definitely going to be changing so many lives for the better, and I will share the information about your beta with my doula clients and Becoming a Mother students, and of course, our listeners.

Estelle:  Thank you so much!

Kristin:  Thank you!

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review.  Thank you!  Remember, these moments are golden.

Navigating Healthcare Systems During Pregnancy: Podcast Episode #164 Read More »

Cara wearing a red blouse, white pear necklace, and black blazer poses in a grey chair

Sign Language for Newborns, Infants, and Toddlers: Podcast Episode #163

We talk with Cara Tyrrell about using sign language with newborns, infants, and toddlers.  You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes, SoundCloud, or wherever you find your podcasts. Be sure to listen to find out how to get a free download on the benefits of ASL for your little ones!

Welcome.  You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting.  Let’s chat!

Kristin:  Hello, hello!  This is Kristin with Ask the Doulas, and I am so excited to chat with Cara Tyrrell today.  Cara has a bachelor’s degree in ASL and linguistics and a master’s degree in education.  She’s a trained early childhood teacher and early years caregiver, continuing education consultant, and a parent coach.  In her preschool and kindergarten classrooms, Cara identified a pattern of underdeveloped skill sets in her students indicating a lack of overall readiness to learn.  After years of hearing parents say, “I’m so glad you’re their first teacher,” she realized she wasn’t.  The solutions to arming preschoolers and kindergarteners with comprehensive readiness skills for finding success in school started with these same parents in the family home at birth.  This led her to professionally pivot.  She left the classroom to test her earliest years methodology as a full service nanny, serving a family from the birth of their child until they entered a traditional school setting.  Years of implementing strategies, systems, and scripts confirmed her hypotheses.  All children, regardless of their birth origin or natural characteristics, can thrive as early learners in the Core4 readiness areas when parents and caregivers create the home environment with intention.  So early in the onset of the COVID pandemic, Cara felt called to bring the Core4 methodology for raising truly world-ready kids to the world to arm proactive parents with the tools they want and need to raise happy, healthy, successful kids.  Through Core4 Parenting, Cara is shifting the focus.  Parenting personal development meets early childhood education.  She coined the phrases “parenting GPS” and teaches how to write a personalized parenting mission statement as a cornerstone of the Core4 methodology serving the invisible learning years from birth to age 5.  Welcome, Cara!

Cara:  Thank you!  So glad to be here and thanks for that beautiful introduction.

Kristin:  What an amazing journey from teacher to really testing out your methodology as a nanny and creating this much-needed program during the pandemic when parents were overwhelmed and isolated.

Cara:  You know, it was like coming home for me because I started my journey to serving little people as a nanny when I was a teenager and then a young adult and moved into the teaching space and so coming back to nannying with an agenda, if you will, felt really right, and it was an amazing experience being with little people again in a different time period because clearly, it was 20 years later since I had first become a nanny.

Kristin:  That’s amazing.  So our topic today, although I think I could speak with you about so many different topics, is focused on the child’s first communication, so using sign to speak and ASL classes that you offer for newborn, infant, and toddler parents.

Cara:  Yes.  As you mentioned, I do have a degree in linguistics and in American Sign Language, so for me, this is a real passion point, and the first thing that I always want parents to understand is that communication is not language.  And language is not communication.  They are uniquely different in many ways because your baby communicates with you from the minute that they’re born.  They’re just not using words.

Kristin:  Yes.  So true.  So I know I used a bit of baby sign and took classes with my first child, and it was very helpful, especially with eating communication.  Any tips on really how to find the right program, how families can begin implementing at a very early age some of the ASL techniques?

Cara:  Yes, absolutely.  What’s important to understand is that the earlier you start, the better, but the earlier you start, the longer you will wait to see your child start to produce signs on their own.  It’s one of those “believe it to see it.”  We know our kids are going to talk someday.  We believe it.  But we know we have to wait a really long time for that to happen.  Your baby’s brain is making neurological connections, is creating those language-based pathways from birth, and you are their language source.  You are creating the dictionary from which they will pull from when they have the ability in their physiological body and brain and the muscle motor control in their tongue to start communicating back with you.  So the earlier you start, the bigger and the more complex and rich that dictionary is going to be.  So I highly recommend that parents take my Sign to Speak: The Communication Bridge Course when they’re still pregnant, and start using it immediately when their baby is born.  Obviously, not everybody finds me or my programming that early, and that’s okay, too, because the beautiful part of this is that the human body, your baby’s body, will be ready to produce signs with their hands long before they will be ready to produce words with their mouth.  Right?  Gross motor skills come first.  The moving of their arms up so that you know they want you to pick them up; the index finger pointing when they see something new so you know they want you to tell them what that object is.  These are gross motor movements with their hands and bodies that are communicating in a pre-language way.

Kristin:  And with that delay, their speech, then, as far as their first words, if they’re used to signing and getting, you know, exactly what they need through that early communication, is there any delay in speech if they’re able to express themselves through sign?

Cara:  I am so glad you asked that question because it is the top concern that parents have, and the answer is no.  There is definitely no delay.  The more language inputs, the better in those early years when their brain is developing, and actually, the answer is it helps their speech become a part of their natural life if not on time, even earlier than that typical milestone would have been reached.  And the reason is – well, I guess it’s how you use it, right?  We need to know as parents why we’re choosing to use signs with our babies.  And in my course, I break it down into three groups on purpose.  The first are basic needs, our basic survival needs.  And the next are health, hygiene, and safety signs because after you have a newborn, you now have an infant that is going to be exploring their world a little bit, and your job is to keep them healthy, safe, and clean with hygiene, and then after you have an infant, you have this pre-toddler or you have this toddler who is exploring the world even more with their bodies and now their brains, and now they have opinions and wants and needs and desires.  And so the third group of signs that we tackle in the course are those so you can start building a choice-making relationship with your child inside your home.  So not only doesn’t delay their speech, it encourages it because the arc of the course is such that I’m encouraging you to say the spoken word as you produce the sign, and when you start to see your child try that – I have this cool little video montage that shows a 10-month old signing, exclusively signing, “more.”  And then a 14-month old saying “mu-mu-mu-mu” as they sign “more,” and then an 18-month old who has completely dropped the sign and is just communicating with you.  “More, please.”

Hey, Alyssa here.  I’m just popping in to tell you about our course called Becoming.  Becoming A Mother is your guide to a confident pregnancy and birth all in a convenient six-week online program, from birth plans to sleep training and everything in between.  You’ll gain the confidence and skills you need for a smooth transition to motherhood.  You’ll get live coaching calls with Kristin and myself, a bunch of expert videos, including chiropractic care, pelvic floor physical therapy, mental health experts, breastfeeding, and much more.  You’ll also get a private Facebook community with other mothers going through this at the same time as you to offer support and encouragement when you need it most.  And then of course you’ll also have direct email access to me and Kristin, in addition to the live coaching calls.  If you’d like to learn more about the course, you can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com, or check it out at www.thebecomingcourse.com.  We’d love to see you there.

Kristin:  And I remember my daughter doing some of that.  So she was signing and trying to attempt her first words.  That makes complete sense.  So ideally, you would take the course during pregnancy, and then with these different stages, of course you would be able to refer and refresh your memory.  So you have that extra time during pregnancy to really absorb versus being so focused on that early parenting and postnatal recovery.  So I love that they can reference it versus taking an in-person class and then forgetting or referring to books or handouts.  Really having those videos to accompany as time goes on and our memories are short, so we can refer to that toddler stage and how to basically enhance skills that their child already has from the earlier portion of your course.

Cara:  Absolutely.  And yes, it is yours for life.  You have lifetime access.  You go in there and grab what you need when you need it.  But the only way that you’re going to know to go grab what you need is if you’ve already opened up to the awareness that this is the tool that you’re choosing to support your child’s language development as they grow.  And the other thing that makes it – what I try to do in each module, and just so you are aware and your listeners are aware, each lesson is five minutes or less.

Kristin:  Oh, wonderful.

Cara:  And you don’t even have to think about it.  When you sign up for the course, you get your introduction email, and then once a day, you get a “Here’s your lesson one” email, “Here’s your lesson two” email.  All you have to do is click, watch, and go implement it.  And I did this on purpose because as a teacher, I know that building the habit of signing, creating it as just part of the culture of your home, is what’s going to create long-term transformational results for you.  And so building a habit takes about three weeks.  My course takes three weeks.  And you get one sign a day delivered to you for 21 days in a row, and you have created a new, healthy communication habit that not only is creating the dictionary of your new baby’s brain, but it also takes some of the stress of that early communication between yourself and the other members of your household down a few notches.  And that’s my favorite thing, when I hear people say, “I feel calmer and I feel more confident knowing I’m doing something wonderful for my child.  But also, it’s really helping everybody else in the house stay connected, too.”

Kristin:  I love it.  Yeah, and if there are other children in the house, they can engage.  So it’s beautiful.  And then of course as the modules continue and questions arise, is there an interaction component that our listeners can expect?

Cara:  Yes.  So one of the things that matters to me is that they feel supported.  And what I have created is a virtual village.  It is a private online community for conscious moms raising world-ready kids, and we are all in there together.  And then inside the village is yet another group that is exclusively for people who are taking the sign language class, and in there, we can ask our questions.  I’m hopping into the group all the time.  They can get the answers that they need.  And then they can come back into the larger feed of the virtual village and be interacting with other moms who have same-aged kids.

Kristin:  Yeah, that interaction is so important.  Otherwise you can feel so isolated during pregnancy and certainly in early parenting.  So I love that there’s specific networking for the Sign to Speak students but also the larger community, since you have so many other programs for families.

Cara:  Yes.  And I recently was asked the question, when is the best time to take parenting classes, and quite honestly, the answer is while you’re still pregnant.  We know it’s so much easier to take care of your tiny growing human while they are inside you than after they have joined the world.  It’s a different skill set that’s required, and it’s so much more energy.  And so that’s why inside the virtual village is where I have the rest of the Womb to One digital course series, and parents can just work through it on their own time.  Concerned about the third trimester and it’s approaching quickly?  Eight weeks to go, here’s what you need to know is a course we offer.  Concerned about postpartum, what it’s going to look like when you get home from the hospital?  We have a course and it comes directly after the third trimester course.  What to expect when you’re done expecting.  And so what I tried to do is design these digital courses in such a way that they truly hold you where you are in your pregnancy journey all the way through until your child turns one year old because that first year can be the most overwhelming and hardest to keep perspective in as you navigate your daily life.

Kristin:  Agreed.  Yeah, it’s a similar focus that we have in the Becoming a Mother course in really getting our students to engage in early pregnancy, even though half of our course is focused on the early parenting and postnatal recovery and feeding options and so on.  It’s so much more beneficial to engage during pregnancy when you have the time, even if it’s your fourth child.  You have more time than caring for a newborn, and caring for yourself during recovery.  So I completely agree.  How can our listeners connect with you?  I know you’ve got an amazing website, but you’re also very engaged in social media?

Cara:  Yes, if you’re so looking to connect with me on social, we are @core4parenting on Instagram and the broad birth to five space.  If you’re looking to connect with me specifically about toddlers, you can find me @core4parenting on TikTok.  I have a channel there that’s specifically for pandemic moms raising toddlers now and the strategies that they need in order to feel successful in helping their kids meet their milestones.  And if you want more information why it’s so valuable to arm your child with ASL skills, I have a free download that I am so happy to offer your listeners, 5 Reasons To Use ASL Signs With Your Infants and Toddlers.

Kristin:  So helpful, Cara!  Any final tips for our listeners and what we didn’t cover as they’re preparing for their new baby?

Cara:  As they’re preparing for their new baby – well, since we’ve been talking about language, I’ll just leave them with this: knowing that there’s two different types of language, receptive and expressive, and your new baby comes into the world as a receiver.  They are going to be receiving everything from you.  The words you say, the way you hold them, the emotions you’re feeling.  It’s all being absorbed into their beautiful body and brain.  And so just know that what you have to put in, you’re going to be putting in for a long time before you see any of the expressive pieces start to come back at you.

Kristin:  I love it.  And that can be challenging for partners to not feel as bonded until baby is more expressive, so I love your final tip, especially as you’re looking at partners and fathers and knowing that the engagement will be reciprocal over time once they’re able to communicate.

Cara:  Absolutely.  And we’re often surprised by what comes back at us, and we say, how did they learn that?  Oh, wait, I didn’t realize everything I was doing was being put in this memory bank.

Kristin:  Exactly.  So lovely.  Well, thank you for your time today, Cara, and all of the work you’re doing.  I love everything about your program and can’t wait to connect with you more.

Cara:  The feeling is mutual.  Thank you for the space to share, and I look forward to hearing from you in the future.

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review.  Thank you!  Remember, these moments are golden.

 

Sign Language for Newborns, Infants, and Toddlers: Podcast Episode #163 Read More »

English Goldsborough wearing a fuzzy pink sweater sits on top of a counter wearing blue jeans and holding a mug in her hands

Body Image And Nutrition During Pregnancy: Podcast Episode #162

Kristin and English Goldsborough chat about body image during pregnancy and the importance of nutrition.  English owns The Nourishing Tree and is a functional nutritional therapy practitioner and a certified lactation counselor.  You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes, SoundCloud, or wherever you find your podcasts.

Welcome.  You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting.  Let’s chat!

Kristin:  Hello.  This is Kristin with Ask the Doulas, and I’m joined today by English Goldsborough.  Welcome, English!

English:  Hi, Kristin.

Kristin:  And you are with The Nourishing Tree and a functional nutritional therapy practitioner.  So let us know what type of training you go through to – you know, I understand functional medicine, and I understand nutritionist, but this is a whole other category, so I’m really interested to hear your journey in this.

English:  You know, it’s kind of marrying those two things together.  So I went through the Nutritional Therapy Association.  It was back when we actually got to meet in person before things changed.  So now it’s all online, but we actually got to meet in person and do some body work and stuff like that.  We basically learned all about the ancestral diet, you know, how cultures ate in the past, where things kind of took a turn, not for the better, as far as the industrialization of foods, that kind of thing.  The turning food into not food, that kind of thing.  A lot about how the whole body works as a whole system and how when we put the right foods in the body, it works how we want it to.  When we feed it foods that it doesn’t realize is foods, it doesn’t necessarily work like we would want it to.  So I started there and then went on to some extra trainings after that to tie in the lab work and things like that.  But very Weston A. Price foundation type.

Kristin:  Nice.  And you’re also a certified lactation counselor, so that works very well in conjunction with the nutrition and functional medicine.

English:  Yes.  I like to tie in the whole preconception, prenatal, postpartum, lactation, the whole nine yards, right?

Kristin:  Yes, because it’s so important to focus on the food that you’re putting in your body when you’re feeding your baby.  So I really love that you combined all of that.

English:  Thank you.  I find it important.  I mean, I find that a lot of couples come to me when they’re struggling to conceive, and they say, okay, well my goal is, let’s get pregnant, and what I give them is a goal that’s so much bigger than that, you know, with affecting the child’s health long-term for their whole life.  So something that’s not talked about, I guess, a lot, but so important.

Kristin:  Yes, it’s key.  And you look at allergies and other things during the breastfeeding stage, and so working with a nutritionist like yourself if you need to cut out dairy or other foods would be very helpful.

English:  Absolutely.  Yes.  Absolutely, because there’s so much we can do, right?  You don’t have to suffer.  The baby doesn’t have to suffer.  We can really get things back on track, for sure.

Kristin:  So English, I would love to hear how – you talked about pre-conception, but when your clients are in the early phase of pregnancy, what is it like to work with you?  How are you checking in with their health and progress?

English:  Yeah, so a lot of times we will actually do some blood work, but we’re looking at it through the lens of pregnancy, right, because a lot of things change as we’re going through pregnancy.  So we definitely have to keep that in mind and not look at this bloodwork and compare it to someone who’s not going through pregnancy.  So we’ll look at that, but, you know, we’re really looking at nutrient status, you know, things that the mom is going to need, the growing baby’s going to need, that we’re going to need once we get into breastfeeding.  I think a lot of women initially come to me because perhaps they maybe lost weight before they got pregnant or they’re worried about gaining that back, so weight, I think, is at the forefront of a lot of women’s minds where they’re like, well, how can I have a healthy pregnancy without gaining unnecessary weight.  So a lot of it is working through what is actually – what your body wants to do, how we can honor that, those kinds of things.

Kristin:  Yes, that makes complete sense.  We have an online course that we launched during the pandemic called Becoming A Mother, and our first module goes into a lot about that body image and how you feel as your body’s changing, especially for women who’ve had past issues with weight fluctuation or just their overall body image in general.  And so getting on that scale for every appointment can be triggering if someone has had an eating disorder or is feeling pressured about weight gain, especially carrying multiples and so on.

English:  Yes, very triggering, and a lot of times, the body, especially in those first two trimesters, right – and I’m sure you all touch on this in your program – but the body’s just doing what it was designed to do, and it’s putting reserves away for that third trimester where in that third trimester, the baby’s going to need all those glucose stores.  So the mom then starts to burn her fat stores, so in those first two trimesters, the body’s preparing for that, and it can just feel a little unsettling if you don’t know that, if you’re not prepared for that.  It can just feel so different.  We just have to find that healthy balance where we’re not undereating and not overeating those processed foods.

Kristin:  Exactly.  So many people that pregnancy is an excuse to fulfill every craving or go get that fast food.  I tell my clients focus on eating whole foods and healthy and nourish your own body and your own baby.

English:  You are my kind of person.  I think sometimes when we utter those words, right, where we tell someone – especially when someone’s pregnant, you don’t want to offend them, so a lot of people think, oh, well, you shouldn’t tell a pregnant mother what she should or shouldn’t be eating.  You should just let her do her thing.  But it really is kind of a disservice because it’s not setting the mom or the baby up for health, and that’s not fair.

Kristin:  I love it.  I mean, it sets the foundation for everything and can really – I mean, there’s so many studies now showing that getting proper nutrition during pregnancy can prevent things like preeclampsia.  I mean, if you’re low in vitamin D3 or vitamin C and so on.  So just really focusing on your health can prevent a lot of issues.

English:  Absolutely.  I mean, our diet, our lifestyle, infections that you came into pregnancy with, stress – I mean, the stress that a mom feels during pregnancy has that – I guess it’s called stress hardiness with the baby and it teaches the baby whether stress comes and goes or whether it’s constant, that kind of thing.  And that can come in the form of diet, too.  So yes, not saying, oh, I’m 12 weeks pregnant; my baby needs a whole chocolate cake.  Hmm.  I don’t think baby is the one that wants that.

Kristin:  Exactly.  Do you ever get into what cravings mean, like if someone’s like, oh, I’m just craving, like, a Big Mac or whatever, and what certain – whether it’s savory or sweet foods, what might lead to an imbalance?

English:  Yeah, so I don’t offhand remember what each of them are, but for sure.  I mean, it goes back to an example I use with a lot of clients to where you can sit down with a bag of chips and eat the whole thing and still feel like you’re hungry, and that’s because those chips are not giving your body the nutrients that it actually wants.  So your body keeps telling you, we’re hungry, and it’s not because it’s hungry for more chips or more calories even.  It’s hungry for those nutrients that it’s not getting.  So when we really honor the body’s signals and start eating a lot of healthy fats and vegetables and fruits and meats and the things that it really does need, the hunger signals can be satiated.  So, yes.  And I think I do have a chart that I use with clients as far as, if you’re craving this, then you need maybe some magnesium, or if you’re craving this, maybe more vitamin C.  And cravings really do – once you start to eat all the whole foods and not so much the processed Frankenfoods, the cravings really start to go away.  At least in the sense of like, oh, my God, I have to have that right now kind of thing.

Kristin:  Yes, I would think so, and I’m sure you work with clients who are dealing with gestational diabetes or other forms, you know, type A and so on.

English:  Yes.  And we kind of can get into a tough position if we’ve let it go for a while, right?  So we have to set realistic expectations as far as how long it’s going to take to really get the insulin sensitivity back, but it’s never too late.  We can always make progress.  But yeah, realistic.

Hey, Alyssa here.  I’m just popping in to tell you about our course called Becoming.  Becoming A Mother is your guide to a confident pregnancy and birth all in a convenient six-week online program, from birth plans to sleep training and everything in between.  You’ll gain the confidence and skills you need for a smooth transition to motherhood.  You’ll get live coaching calls with Kristin and myself, a bunch of expert videos, including chiropractic care, pelvic floor physical therapy, mental health experts, breastfeeding, and much more.  You’ll also get a private Facebook community with other mothers going through this at the same time as you to offer support and encouragement when you need it most.  And then of course you’ll also have direct email access to me and Kristin, in addition to the live coaching calls.  If you’d like to learn more about the course, you can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com, or check it out at www.thebecomingcourse.com.  We’d love to see you there.

Kristin:  As you’re working with clients and they’re preparing for the postnatal phase, what are your top tips for simplifying meals, making things easy again, avoiding processed foods, as they’re in the nesting stage and doing all of the baby prep?

English:  Yes.  So one, leaning on the people around you, I find to be super helpful.  Not that a woman can’t do it on her own, but I think a lot of times we as women put all that pressure on ourselves to get it all done, right?  So we are going to birth.  We are going to breastfeed.  We are going to make our own meals and clean the house and do the dishes, and we don’t have to do those things.  We can ask for help, and we should get help, and that’s fine.  And then as far as meals and stuff go, smoothies have always been really helpful.  Things that super simple, like picking a meat; picking a vegetable; pick a fat.  It doesn’t have to be these complicated meals.  Sipping on bone broth throughout the day.  Adding avocados to things, those healthy fats that are really going to help nourish the body are really helpful.

Kristin:  And I always say focus on hydration with breastfeeding moms and snacks throughout the day and don’t limit it to those three meals because then you need to build up your milk supply.

English:  Yes.  You need more calories during the breastfeeding phase than you did during the prenatal phase, right, while you were growing the baby, and society tells us, okay, well, right after you have that baby, you should go back and be back to your prebaby weight.  That’s not – yeah, that’s not – that’s not what we want to do.  That is not honoring our body and our baby, and society just sends us those terrible signals with that.  Because I do have a lot of women that are like, well, I’m X amount of weeks out of pregnancy, you know, since delivery.  Why is the weight not coming off?  And then we have to have that discussion of, that’s because your body doesn’t want the weight to come off.  It needs that weight.  It’s there for a purpose.  So let’s continue eating what we should because depriving our body of the nutrients that it needs is really just going to backfire in the end, anyway.  So it’s there for a reason, and we can work on it later, but forcing your body to lose weight is never going to be the answer, anyway.

Kristin:  Yeah, just to get back into those jeans when you’re not supposed to be working out initially.  You’re healing.  You’re supposed to be resting and bonding with baby.  Yes, but there is – you’re so right, English.  There’s just way too much pressure on women to get back to work, get back to keeping the household, to look a certain way.  And it’s just – we need to give ourselves a break and like you said, ask for support.  I mean, our postpartum doulas, we can do some light meal preparation, get snacks and household things so you can really again focus on rest and bonding.  We offer feeding support.  There are so many other services you can look into, but that’s just one.  You know, hiring a housekeeper is helpful.

English:  I saw a meme that kind of just stuck with me – or we can call it a meme, I guess – that it was like all your friends come over to see you after you have your baby, and they all want to hold the baby, right, but really what we as friends should be doing is doing some housework for the new mom.  Let the mom spend the time with her new baby, and we can help pick up the slack around the house.  And that kind of stuck with me.  We go see this new baby and we want to love on the new baby, but that’s not what we should be doing.  We should be more that tribe that supports the new mom and helps her around the house instead.

Kristin:  Exactly.  Traditional cultures, it’s all about caring for the mother, and of course, helping with newborn care, but really nourishing her and allowing her to heal.  Like looking at Malaysian cultures and, again, other traditional focus on the first 40 days as being a primary time for rest and bonding and nutrition.  If only it were like that here!

English:  I know.  It’s just interesting, the pressures that we put on ourselves, I guess, you know, because you see it around whether it’s a movie or just societal or what have you, the perfect way that you should be.  And it’s just – that’s not real.  It shouldn’t be, anyway.

Kristin:  Yeah, and then like you said, friends asking how you can help, and I find as a birth doula one of the most important things that a friend can do is really ask how you’re doing and allow the sharing of the birth story or whatever is going on or just talking about the changes of being a new mom or having yet another baby and really hearing the woman out versus talking about how cute the baby is.  It’s like there’s so much focus on that new baby, and then the mother can sometimes feel lost.

English:  Yes.  Right?  And there’s not much education – and I’m sure there is, you know, if you’re a doula, right, which is why it’s so important, but if somebody doesn’t have that resource, there’s not much education that goes into how the postpartum period is going to go.  So there’s probably a lot of surprises, and you’re just not sure how to navigate that.  You might feel alone.  You might feel like you’re weird, that nobody else went through this because nobody else talked about it.  So there’s almost a little bit of suffering on your own.  There doesn’t need to be.

Kristin:  Exactly.  The same applies for us.  We love to walk with clients from the moment they conceive through the first year of a child’s life, but if someone has had their baby and they want to reach out to work with you, what does that look like?

English:  Like I said, it’s not like it’s ever too late because those first 1000 days, that critical 1000 from conception to age three is so important for shaping the epigenetics of the baby for the rest of their life.  So we can work through that.  We can work through mom’s health.  You know, even if you didn’t necessarily prepare pre-conception, that doesn’t mean after, we can’t work on those things, especially because pregnancy tends to steal those nutrient stores.  We just kind of work on your realistic goals, right, like if we’re breastfeeding, there’s a lot of things that we’re going to put on hold until that’s finished, which the breastfeeding is going to be more important, right, and that’s fine.  But just getting those minerals back, those nutrients back, working on resting where we can, stress management, adjusting to new life.

Kristin:  Do you have a different focus with twins and triplets as far as working on a plan than you would if someone were pregnant or newly postpartum with one baby?

English:  Yeah, I actually have only gotten to work with one female who had twins.  So that’s not a huge experience that I’ve had.  Now, I will say I have twin sisters, so my mom had twins, and it was baby five and six for her, and I can tell you, she was super nutrient depleted.

Kristin:  I’m sure, yes.  And there weren’t any resources.

English:  Yeah.  Had I had this education now – I mean, I was young at the time.  I didn’t have it.  But so many things I would go back and be like, oh, mom, you really need to work on this because you grew two whole humans.  Or in the case of triplets, three whole humans.

Kristin:  Exactly, and if they continued to breastfeed, then they’re even more depleted than feeding one baby.  So yeah, and obviously, you customize to whatever the needs are: health issues, dietary issues, celiac, and so on.

English:  Yes.  And I did hear that breastfeeding actually cuts the risk of celiac in the babies down, like, some odd 57% or something like that.

Kristin:  Wow, I had not heard that.  That’s amazing.

English:  There’s not much research on it yet, and there’s even less research on how the genetics and the health of the babies changed just in birth, whether it’s vaginal birth, C-section birth, what drugs are used, not used, that kind of thing.  But the breastfeeding – yeah, it cuts down a lot of celiac, IBS, that kind of thing.  Kind of magical, really.

Kristin:  That is amazing.  So any final tips for our listeners as far as focusing, whether it’s body image or anything we discussed?  I’d love to hear your top takeaways.

English:  I think the main thing that I would like to remind everybody is that pregnancy and postpartum is such a tender time, and you use so many resources, and it’s just so beautiful, that we all really just need to cut ourselves not necessarily slack but give ourselves grace, I guess, is how I would say it, and just honor the fact that the body knows what it needs to do.  So fighting it isn’t necessarily what we need to do.  Honoring the ebb and the flow of gaining some weight and that is okay.  It’s going to get us farther in the long run.

Kristin:  Perfect.  Yes.  100% agree.  So English, how can our listeners and our clients connect with you, and what virtual options do you have if our listeners are not located in Kentucky?

English:  They can find me at my website.  My Instagram is @nourishingtreelou.  There is a link on there where they can schedule a complementary consultation.  So we can really just sit down and discuss what stage of life you’re in, what your goals are, that kind of thing.  But everything is really Zoom now.

Kristin:  Yes.

English:  It makes it super easy, right?  And it’s a little different because you don’t get that face to face interaction, but it’s super convenient for anybody anywhere, really across the world, right?

Kristin:  Yeah, you can help anyone in the world now.

English:  Yes.  It is – it’s cool.  It’s definitely a different vision that I had kind of going into business, but I like it, and it works.

Kristin:  Same.  With us, we’ve changed.  We’ve had to pivot.  Many of our classes are virtual, and we’re just going back to some in person and created a course due to the pandemic.  I love being able to reach people outside of our footprint in Michigan.

English:  Yes.  And it’s so different than 20 years ago when people had a business.  It’s cool.

Kristin:  Exactly.  So what’s next for you?

English:  Oh, wow.  Well, in personal life, we’re actually headed – we’re going to try out a couple different cities.  Now that everything is virtual, we’re going to kind of “live” in different cities for a month at a time.  I call it “virtual virtual” because I already see everybody virtually, so it’s just a little bit farther away, maybe, each time.  So we’ll be doing that.  Just kind of continue seeing clients one on one, eventually get back into some group work with some couples.  That’s kind of what’s on my plans.  I’m always open to whatever the world throws at me.

Kristin:  Awesome.  Well, maybe a book will come your way.

English:  That’s really not my strong suit.  I’ve heard that’s a lot of work.

Kristin:  Yes.  We are in the process, so it is a lot of work.

English:  I was going to say your yes sounded like a yes from personal experience.  It’s probably so worth it, but I have heard it is quite the beast to take on.

Kristin:  Yeah.  There’s so many ways to reach people with social media.  I love it.  Well, thanks so much for your time, English!  It was so good to get to know you, and I love all of your tips.

English:  I appreciate you having me on!  This is a joy.  Thank you.

Kristin:  Thanks.  Have a great day!

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review.  Thank you!  Remember, these moments are golden.

Body Image And Nutrition During Pregnancy: Podcast Episode #162 Read More »

Jodi wearing a striped sweater, blue jeans, and ballet slippers sits on a purple couch in front of a window

NICU and Preemie Mom Support with Jodi Klaristenfeld: Podcast Episode #161

We chat with Jodi Klaristenfeld, founder of FLRRiSH, about navigating the NICU and supporting moms of preemies.  You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes, SoundCloud, or wherever you find your podcasts.

Welcome.  You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting.  Let’s chat!

Kristin:  Hello, hello.  This is Kristin with Ask the Doulas, and I am here today to chat with Jodi Klaristenfeld.  Jodi is a preemie mom who understands what it means to be a NICU parent.  She created FLRRiSH as a result of her own personal experiences and stresses as a preemie mom.  Welcome, Jodi!

Jodi:  Thank you, Kristin!  It’s so nice to be here on your podcast and spread the word about preemie awareness for families and just overall parental wellness and mental health wellness.

Kristin:  Thank you for sharing your story.  I would love to start from the beginning with your pregnancy journey and also chat a bit about your postpartum experience as a preemie mom.

Jodi:  Sure.  I had a relatively easy pregnancy for the first 28 weeks, and the next four days were quite difficult.  I was so sick, actually, that when I was in the hospital with my mom, my OB said to my mom, if I have to choose, who do I choose?  That’s how dire of a situation and how quickly my easy pregnancy turned, you know, not so easy.  I had what’s called HELLP syndrome where your body organs start to shut down and you reject, actually, the pregnancy, and it’s best described as the, I’ll say, severe and often deadly form of preeclampsia.  My blood pressure was 190/160.  My platelets were extremely low.  They were giving me platelets, actually, as they were delivering my daughter, and at the same time, they weren’t sure whether they would be able to do a simple C-section or whether I would need a hysterectomy or anything like that.  Thankfully, I did not need a hysterectomy, and thankfully, we’re here today and my daughter’s doing great and I’m doing great.  It just took a while.  I didn’t get to meet my daughter for three days because I was hallucinating from the medicine to help with the blood pressure situation and all the other ailments related to HELLP syndrome.  But at the same time, I was also in no mental condition, either, to see her, as well.  On top of that, my husband happened to have been in Europe because, you know, she was born 12 weeks early.  This was his last business trip he was going to take.  Fortunately, my mom was in town because we were going to do some layette stuff.  You know, pick out some cute outfits and things like that.  But little did we both know that I would be checking into the hospital for an 11-day stay instead, and my daughter for a 77-day stay.

Kristin:  So what was it like to meet your daughter for the first time after you’re getting off the meds and you’ve gone through the stress of labor and early labor?  What was that moment like?

Jodi:  Well, I didn’t have a labor.  I was an emergency C-section.  They completely knocked me out.  That’s how dire of a situation it was.  And insofar as I was still in the labor and delivery room right next to the OR room for three days until I moved to the room closest to the NICU on the opposite side of the floor.  I was that case that the entire floor knew who I was, and I couldn’t quite figure out why.  But when I went to go visit my daughter, I don’t remember much, and that really upsets me to no end, I think because myself, I was still so sick and fragile, and I didn’t know what I was going to see, either.  But I remember that I wanted to take a wheelchair into the NICU, and my husband was like, no.  You can walk.  You can do this.  He goes, I will push the wheelchair behind you or I’ll get a nurse to push the wheelchair, but you are not – because he’s like, I know you can walk the steps now.  And it was probably maybe 10 or 15 steps, so we’re not talking a great distance, but after having had a C-section, first of all, you know.

Kristin:  Major surgery, yes.

Jodi:  Yes, and also just the overall, you know, trauma to my body.  I was just really scared.  But, you know, and I remember seeing her name on her isolette and just crying and my husband saying to me when I got over to the side of the basinet where I could see her better – he goes, “Well, does she look like a Jenna?”  And I’m like, of course she looks like a Jenna!  I just can’t remember much after that.  I think I was just overcome with emotion and so happy to see her and meet her, yet so scared and terrified at the same time.

Kristin:  So how long was she in the NICU, and how many days did you stay in the hospital before going home and navigating the back and forth?

Jodi:  I was in the hospital 11 days, and she was in the NICU 77 days.  It was the weirdest feeling to me to leave the hospital without my daughter.  I couldn’t understand it.  I knew she was in the place where she needed to be to get the care in order to help her survive and grow, but at the same time, I think when most women, myself included, unless you have a history or someone in your family, maybe, that’s gone through something similar, you don’t think that when you’re going to go have a baby that you’re not going to leave the hospital with your child.  You think, oh, I’ll be in the hospital two, three days, you know, assuming everything’s fine, come home with the baby.  And that was not the case by any stretch of the imagination.  So it was a very confusing, you know, time.  I wanted to stay in the hospital, but I wanted to get some fresh air.  I didn’t want to leave my daughter.  And I was also told still because my blood pressure was high that – and this was January.  She was due in April, and she was born in January.  And we live in New York, so I was told if the weather – the temperature got below a certain – like, freezing, I wasn’t allowed outside and I couldn’t go and visit her because it’s a lot more strain on your heart and your body to do work when it’s so cold out.  And they didn’t want me to elevate my blood pressure any more than it already was.

Kristin:  Makes perfect sense, yes.

Jodi:  Yes.  But there were some days like that, and in that first week I was home, there was, I think, two days like that.  And I remember feeling like I was the worst mother.  I already felt like I was the worst mother, you know, that somehow I did this to her.  I caused this.  And then I was thinking to myself, well, all the NICU doctors and nurses are going to think even worse of me because I’m not visiting my child and doing kangaroo care and holding her for hours.  I’m just leaving her there.  But as I got stronger, too, those – you know, that was lifted in terms of the temperature because I got stronger and I got better.  But at first, you know, I had to listen to what all the doctors said.

Kristin:  Of course.  So you’re trying to focus on your own recovery and then, you know, worried about Jenna and her recovery.

Jodi:  Yes.  And just – you know, it’s a feeling, and I say this to people kind of like when you’re trying to get pregnant.  It’s kind of like you have no control.  You can do things to put yourself in the best position to help yourself and help – you know, help your child at this point, but basically, right, there is no reading of a manual.  There’s no spreadsheeting.  There’s no nothing, really, that can help with the process.  Jenna just needed time like all NICU babies.  They just need time to eat, sleep, and grow.  And it sounds so trite to say it that way, but it’s the truth.  You know, they told us to figure she would come home around her due date, and I remember saying to my husband, like, but she’s not due for such a long time.  I don’t understand.  And sure enough, she came home three days before her due date.  I mean, they were right about everything.  And I will say this: special shoutout to all the doctors and nurses in the NICUs, and also my OB.  They’re lifesavers and angels and heroes.  They are people of a personality that is like no other.  The patience to deal with parents in such a stressful situation and to be able to calm the parents down and take care of the children at the same time and provide, you know, some comfort and instruction is amazing.  It’s a special person.

Kristin:  I completely agree.  My daughter was only in the NICU for four days, but they are very special, and I felt so comforted when I left the hospital with my daughter still in the NICU.  But I couldn’t imagine, you know, having a much more extended time period to again go back and forth and communicate.  So what obstacles did Jenna face as she is growing?

Jodi:  When she was first born, and this is what I tell people all the time: do not Google, for this very reason.  There were a host of things.  She had a premature retina of the eye.  She had a hemangioma on top of her head.  She had really bad gas, like reflux, to the point where some days her belly looked like the biggest part of her body.  And she had ASD, also known as atrial septal defect, so that is a hole in the middle chamber of your heart so the blood flows both ways between the left side and the right side.  So of course I took it upon myself to Google what exactly that was, and I went down a rabbit hole.  It was not good, and I told my husband after that I would not Google, and to this day, I still haven’t.  But thankfully by the time she was 18 months old, the hole had closed up, so they did not have to do surgery.  And it was during COVID when – the height of COVID when we had this appointment, and I remember saying to the doctor, like, I really want to hug you right now.  I know I can’t, but I was just – it was like raining down my face because I was just so, so happy to – yeah, and we had to see specialists for her acid reflux.  She had to have an upper GI while she was in the NICU just to rule out, you know, that there wasn’t any type of blockage or something, and it turns out that she needed this special formula to supplement my breastmilk, so with many of the NICU babies, on top of the moms pumping, because you can’t nurse, they add formula to it to help them gain weight and get necessary nutrients.  And it took four different ones to finally find one that worked and her gas, like, went away.

Kristin:  Amazing.

Hey, Alyssa here.  I’m just popping in to tell you about our course called Becoming.  Becoming A Mother is your guide to a confident pregnancy and birth all in a convenient six-week online program, from birth plans to sleep training and everything in between.  You’ll gain the confidence and skills you need for a smooth transition to motherhood.  You’ll get live coaching calls with Kristin and myself, a bunch of expert videos, including chiropractic care, pelvic floor physical therapy, mental health experts, breastfeeding, and much more.  You’ll also get a private Facebook community with other mothers going through this at the same time as you to offer support and encouragement when you need it most.  And then of course you’ll also have direct email access to me and Kristin, in addition to the live coaching calls.  If you’d like to learn more about the course, you can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com, or check it out at www.thebecomingcourse.com.  We’d love to see you there.

Kristin:  This was all new to you, obviously, like the terms, and you said that you hadn’t had relatives or friends really navigate this, so it’s a whole new experience.

Jodi:  Yes.  I mean, daily it was a whole new experience.  I was very fortunate in that I was able to be at the NICU every day or at least every day, like I said, except for those beginning days.  And I made sure I was there for rounds in the morning so that I could understand or try and understand what was going on, what they were looking for or not looking for, and ask a million questions of all the doctors because at that point, aside from, like, the specialists, like the pediatric cardiologist or the pediatric ophthalmologist, all the other specialists did the rounds at each of the isolettes, so you can ask a million questions, you know, if you wanted to.  And so I took it upon myself to learn as much as I could because, you know, to your point, there is so many terms, and they use a lot of acronyms, understandably so.  That’s their vernacular, that I couldn’t begin to understand.  And I would write them down in a journal because when they would do the rounds, they would hold the baby.  I wasn’t holding the baby.  So I could write things down, and then I’d ask afterwards, oh, what does this mean?  What does that mean?

Kristin:  And I know you’ve got a download of those terms, which is so helpful, from your website.

Jodi:  Yes.  You know, I tried to make everything actually in laymen’s terms.  I think that’s so important.  Yes, you can ask all the questions you want, but you still also then have to remember that or write it down or something.  So for me, I thought it was helpful to help other parents by providing all of the terms but in regular, general vernacular, not so technical that it would be difficult to understand.  And, you know, I just felt so strongly that I knew I wasn’t the only other mother out there in the world experiencing what I was experiencing and that I knew I somehow had to turn this experience into lemonade, as they like to say.

Kristin:  It’s beautiful.  So tell us a bit more about the programs you run at FLRRiSH and how moms – say they’re on bedrest and they’re anticipating, or they’re expecting twins, triplets, and want to get ahead of the challenges the NICU may bring versus someone who may not, you know, have that awareness that the NICU is part of their journey.

Jodi:  Right.  I think the thing is, even if you are on bedrest and you have that awareness, it’s still overwhelming in and of itself.  You know, I think it’s important to note that, again, even if you have twins or triplets, chances are they won’t be full term and they will have somewhat of a stay in the NICU.  And it’s okay to feel overwhelmed.  It’s okay to feel upset and sad and frustrated.  I always tell people that’s the most important thing.  Allow yourself to feel before trying to learn anything.

Kristin:  Yeah, you almost have to grieve what you envisioned your birth to be like.  I know I had preeclampsia, and as I am in my room without my baby, my first child, and the photographer’s coming in and lactation and I’m getting all of these visitors and there’s not a baby with me – she’s in the NICU.  There is a bit of that grieving, you know, as you’re turning people away, like no, I don’t need photos right now.

Jodi:  Right.  Or, like, I don’t have the footprints, right, that are on a lot of parents’ birth certificates or whatever.  Obviously, that was not important for my daughter’s situation.  So, yes, you’re absolutely right.  You have to mourn that.  And it does take some time.  I want to be clear, and I just want everyone to know that, that it does take time.  It’s not like, oh, okay, this isn’t going to happen for me, and then I’m going to be fine.  You know, you really just have to allow yourself – because once you allow yourself and you can process, then you can move forward.  As with anything in life, right?  Once you deal with something, you’re like, okay, this is what has to be.  You can move forward.  So in FLRRiSH, I wanted to create that for other parents out there.  I know I say moms most of the time, but it’s for moms and dads.  It’s just that dads don’t ask for help, really, the way moms do.  And I also think the particular part about mom guilt or feeling like your body somehow betrayed you and that in turn you betrayed your child is only owned by the mother and that dads cannot relate to that.  But yes, so FLRRiSH offers – first and foremost, there are audio courses.  So there are little stories – right now, they’re only stories of mine.  I’d love to get stories from other women such as yourself, and they’re three to five minute stories, short vignettes, that I envision someone doing kangaroo care, listening to their ear pods while holding their baby on their chest.  Just about, you know, little experiences that I had; good things; some not so great things, how I overcame them, or what certain things mean or how to best help yourself and also become aware of the other parents around you.  Because I say this – one of my closest friends now is one of the moms that I met in the NICU, right, because you’re going through something similar that most people don’t go through, right?  So at least you can have each other, and therein was the crux of FLRRiSH because she and I could talk to each other, but I didn’t know really anyone else outside of that or even who had been through it, right?  So I created these stories in hopes that parents will listen and feel they’re not alone.  They’re not unsupported.  The doctors and the nurses, rightfully so, take care of the baby, but the parents are also left to process their own trauma.  Plenty of parents have PTSD afterwards or, you know, go through their own traumatizing experiences.  They might have to go through EMDR therapy depending upon the situation.  And I felt that if I could just provide some calmness and a voice of reason from a parent perspective, not from a clinical perspective, not any medical advice, but just to be like, hey, I’ve been in the trenches.  I’ve been in the thick of it just like you have.  And you will get through this, and you’re stronger than you know, and your baby is stronger than you know.  So that was important to me to help parents that way while they were actually physically in the NICU.  And on top of that, there are also resources that I have broken down state by state, county by county, where people can find out about early intervention or early start, any of those government programs, because as you know, it’s pivotal to get your child evaluated right away for those services.

Kristin:  Absolutely.

Jodi:  And how to go about doing that in your state and where to go, who’s a provider.  You know, where I live, I was given a whole bunch of information, and I share this story in the course, and the woman said to me, well, I have 30 days to file all of your paperwork, and I’m like, well, just because you have 30 days doesn’t mean you’re going to take 30 days?  She’s like, oh, yes, I can, and I said, no, no, you won’t.  You haven’t me.  Like, this is my child’s growth and development.  It’s my child’s life.  I’m not waiting any longer than I have to.  You know?

Kristin:  Good for you.

Jodi:  So just empowering parents as well and teaching them that they are their child’s advocate.  Their kid obviously doesn’t have a voice just yet, so they have to do the talking for them.  And there’s nothing wrong with being pushy and bossy.  This is your child’s future and well-being, and you just want to set them up for success.  So there’s that piece, and then there’s also one-on-one coaching, I guess, with me, if you want to call it coaching.  I currently talk to about six moms, and I have to say, I find it so rewarding just to hear them say, “Jodi, thank you.  You make me enjoy being a mother.  You understand this situation, and I’m not going crazy.”  To hear that is so rewarding because I know for myself, I wish I heard that.  And so that makes me believe that I’ve created what I wanted to create, right?  That place where parents can go to feel like they’re supported, educated, empowered, and most of all, feel like they’re not alone.

Kristin:  Beautiful.  Yeah, it’s so needed in this world.  I wasn’t aware of resources or courses and programs similar to yours.  So I was thrilled to connect.

Jodi:  You know, I just want to say, with respect to doulas caring for the moms, you know, there’s so much help and so much compassion that doulas have.  It’s another compassionate person who can help moms out through this process, you know, in a different way.  Helping them with their mild production, and even just telling them, you know what?  Kangaroo care is great.  It helps stimulate milk production.

Kristin:  Yes, skin to skin.

Jodi:  I actually loved it.  It was so funny.  My husband and I both tried to do it once we were home from the NICU because we both in a way loved it.  It was kind of special and magical in its own way because I feel like I got to bond with my daughter in a way that I never would have, and I got to experience so many things, you know, that I wouldn’t have otherwise.  And, you know, we tried to both do it at home, and we’re like, yeah, no, not the same.  But, you know, I think also, too, I will say this: my husband was instrumental, and this is where a doula or more of a lactation specialist, too, could have helped, but especially a doula if I had one.  I didn’t even want to start pumping.  I was just so sick, and I was like, no, I can do it.  I can do it.  And my daughter had donor milk at first.  She was not allowed to have my milk because of the magnesium.  So we had to wait anyway.  But I ended up – but my husband found not – there wasn’t – like, the lactation specialist and I didn’t, I’ll say, click in the hospital.  But he found one of the nurses who had recently given birth, and he’s like, you have to talk to my wife.  You have to talk to my wife.  And this is where a doula would totally come in, right?  And I ended up producing so much milk that even after I stopped pumping when Jenna was ten months old, she still had three months’ worth of milk.

Kristin:  That’s amazing.

Jodi:  They say not to keep it more than two months, and I knew I had too much, so I donated my milk.

Kristin:  Full circle.

Jodi:  Not every place would take it because I was on blood pressure medicine for a while, and I guess they didn’t want to necessarily, I guess, give that to other babies, but I found a place that would take it because I felt like I can’t throw this out.  This is like – what do they call it, liquid gold, right?

Kristin:  Exactly.  Yeah, other babies need it.  So I love that you donated, but yeah, some milk banks do have very strict rules, of course.  I’m glad you found a place to donate, and I’m sure the family was so overjoyed, as you were when you received donor milk.

Jodi:  Yeah.  Again, it’s one of those things you don’t think about.  Like, I thought of, okay, blood transfusions, right, but you don’t think about milk coming from somewhere else.  Or at least I didn’t.  And so yes, I was happy to be able to, and like I said, the woman – the nurse helped me so much.  And one thing I did learn, which I thought – I’m kind of small chested, so I thought, oh, no way am I ever going to make a lot of milk.  I made more milk than I – like, I was like a milk machine.  It was kind of funny.  My husband was like, where is all this coming from?  But yes, and I think in that case, especially for me, it would have been so helpful for someone to say to me, you know, just do this.  It’s going to be okay.  Your baby will have – there’s so much going on.  It’s just an added layer of support for women that is much needed.

Kristin:  Exactly.  So how do our listeners and doula clients connect with FLRRiSH?  I know you’re on several social media channels as well as your website.

Jodi:  Yes.  So our full-on website with all the audio and all the resources will be ready by the next month.  We had a few delays.  But until then, they can find me on Instagram @flrrish.  And our website is the same.  They can email me at hello@flrrish.com.  Or through LinkedIn.  I’m always happy to talk to anybody.  You know, any way I can help someone.  You understand.  You’re in the same place, right?

Kristin:  Of course, yes.

Jodi:  You just want to make someone’s journey better than your own.

Kristin:  Exactly.  Sharing wisdom and being a listening ear.  I love that you brought this program into the world.  Thank you very much for sharing your story and your journey.  If you have any final tips for our listeners, Jodi, I would love to hear any last NICU navigation tips.

Jodi:  Yes.  I would just say, please don’t be hard on yourself.  You know, I think as moms, first of all, we think that we have to have all the answers right away, and that is not true.  And don’t be hard on yourself, especially if you don’t bond with your baby right away.  It takes time, and especially if you have given birth early, you have to process for yourself what happened to you before you can be there for your child, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  You know, even in full term babies, there’s a large percentage, something like 18-22% of people that don’t feel instantly bonded to their child.  So know that that is okay.  And to just allow yourself to feel.  You know, there’s a whole host of emotions, and even when someone says something to you that might not be appropriate who’s a good friend, you know, they’re just trying their best to be there for you, and people just say things that, you know, when they can’t think of something else, sometimes something not appropriate comes out.  And just know in your heart that your friends really love you and they just really want to be there for you.  And also, I would say lastly, you’re not alone.  10% of moms go through this every single year.  There’s a whole bunch of us out there, and that’s why FLRRiSH, that’s why Gold Coast Doulas, that’s why there’s so many organizations out there to help you.  You are not alone.

Kristin:  Love it.  Thank you so much, Jodi!  Really appreciate the time today.

Jodi:  Thank you!  I had a great time.

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review.  Thank you!  Remember, these moments are golden.

NICU and Preemie Mom Support with Jodi Klaristenfeld: Podcast Episode #161 Read More »

Sarah Ann Kelly wearing a pink hoodie, yoga pants, and tennis shoes poses on a yoga mat outside in front of a body of water

Fitness Tips for Prenatal and Postnatal: Podcast Episode #160

Kristin interviews Sarah Ann Kelly.  Sarah Ann is the owner and founder of MomTrainer.  Sarah Ann shares prenatal and postnatal fitness tips and suggests ways to create intentional time for working out.  Sarah Ann is also giving 50% off with the discount code GoldCoastDoulas!

Welcome.  You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting.  Let’s chat!

Kristin:  Hello, hello.  This is Kristin with Ask the Doulas and owner of Gold Coast Doulas.  I’m here to chat today with Sarah Ann Kelly.  Sarah Ann is a trainer.  Her focus is on helping busy women get and stay in the best shape of their lives during and after pregnancy.  Sarah Ann has a fantastic background that we’ll get into, but she is certified as a pregnancy and postnatal trainer from ACOG.  I’m thrilled to have you here, Sarah Ann!  Welcome!

Sarah Ann:  Hi!  Thank you so much for having me!

Kristin:  I’d love to chat more – you have so many certifications – about your specialties and how you support women in the prenatal and postnatal fitness realm.

Sarah Ann:  Sure!  So I’m certified through ACOG, so the American Council of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.  I got certified back in 2007, and I’ve been working with prenatal and postpartum women ever since and teaching all different kinds of group fitness classes from Pilates to boot camp.  I have two little kiddos of my own, too.  They’re like my own little certifications, good Lord.

Kristin:  Yes, having gone through it yourself.  You started your journey as a trainer in New York, correct?

Sarah Ann:  Yes.

Kristin:  And now you’re in West Michigan.  Big change!

Sarah Ann:  I know.  We’ve moved around quite a bit, especially in the pandemic, but we were like, where can we go where we have help?  My kids are 3 and 5 now.  They’re 19 months apart, and surviving that two under two was just a lot.  If you can avoid it, I don’t recommend it.  It was a lot of work.

Kristin:  I get it completely.  My kids are 21 months apart, so yeah, right there.

Sarah Ann:  So yeah, you’ve been through it, yeah.  I mean, now it’s so great.  They’re best friends, and they’re amazing, but we’re just really happy to be kind of settled where we have a little bit more support, which is one of the things we’re going to talk about today, for sure.

Kristin:  Yes.  So Sarah Ann, let’s start by talking about prenatal fitness and your recommendations.  I know you’ve got plenty of exercise tips.  Let’s dive into what women can do in pregnancy to set themselves up for a great recovery postpartum.

Sarah Ann:  Gotcha.  Oh, I love this question.  I mean, the honest answer is so much – again, I’ve been doing this for a long time, and I know every pregnancy is different, so your body is very different from the person next to you.  But I think we have it backward.  We treat pregnant women like delicate flowers who shouldn’t lift anything, who shouldn’t get their heart rate up, who shouldn’t stretch too far, and postpartum people are just expected to, like, you know, start doing burpees the second they get off the table.  And it’s very opposite.  You know, I worked out through both of my pregnancies so I know personally how helpful it is to reduce the bloating and fatigue, and obviously, I’ve worked with thousands of women at this point.  I think the more active you can stay during pregnancy, the better.  They’ve done a bunch of research on bedrest, and they’re saying, like, it’s helpful for very few people.  The more you can move, the better in pregnancy, however that is.  So I use the RPE scale, or rate of perceived exertion, when I work with my clients.  So, basically, from a scale of 1 to 10, 1 is savasana in yoga where you’re just laying on the floor.  10 would be, like, wearing a backpack and running up a mountain.  You want to stay around a 6 or 7, and that’s the end point.  So basically anything that you were doing before pregnancy, or even if you get pregnant and you want to start exercising, as long as you can talk, as long as you can breathe, and that rate of perceived exertion doesn’t go over, like, a 6 or a 7 if you’re a little bit more conditioned pre-pregnancy, you’re fine.  Like, I have clients who train up until they day that they deliver.  I’ve never had anyone go into labor in my classes.

Kristin:  Well, that’s good!

Sarah Ann:  I think for the most part, you can do a lot more than I think we’re often told.  Whereas postpartum, I believe in rest and recovery.  I mean, I don’t want to scare any pregnant people who are listening right now, but, you know, labor and delivery, no matter how the baby gets out, is a big deal on the body, so rather than encouraging women to, like, go back into it as soon as you get that “exercise clearance,” go start working out and get yourself back in shape – no.  Like, recover.  Slow recovery process; make sure everything feels okay; make sure you’re working with a PT if you’re noticing any severe diastasis or prolapse issues.  A slow entrance back into working out postpartum.  But as far as pregnancy goes, I mean, go for it.  For me, again, I worked out every day while I was pregnant, and I felt really, really good.  I know that doesn’t work well for every single person.  I certainly have clients who, the second they hit their third trimester, they’re like, nope, I need to do things where I just lay on the floor and you hand me dumbbells.  So every pregnancy is going to be very different, but as far as the actual guidelines, there are no strength training guidelines anymore, and the old idea to not bring your heart rate up over 140 beats per minute has been thrown out the window because everyone is different, right? A person who’s never exercised before and a marathon runner are going to have two very different experiences exercising in pregnancy.  So you just kind of go off of how you’re feeling in the moment and day to day because in pregnancy, your first trimester is going to feel very different from your third.  So day by day, doing something that moves your body, makes you feel good, and that you enjoy doing, as long as you can breathe and talk comfortably, you’re good.

Kristin:  Exactly.  And Sarah Ann, that flexibility will definitely benefit women during labor and can certainly help get into different positions to optimize baby moving down the birth canal.  There are many benefits.

Sarah Ann:  Oh, yeah, absolutely.  I mean, labor is a marathon.

Kristin:  It is, yes!

Sarah Ann:  You’ve got to be in shape for it!  But also, so is parenting.  When I teach classes, I’m always like, these are car seat muscles, guys.  Your kids are only going to get heavier!  So we don’t have to just play with two-pound weights for your entire pregnancy.  You can lift heavy stuff.  But just learn to do it safely and in a way that will support you during labor and postpartum.

Kristin:  Yes, I love it.  And then of course swimming is so fantastic.  We’re in summer in Michigan right now.  As far as any other tips prenatally or your top exercises, anything you’d like to add on prenatal fitness?

Sarah Ann:  For prenatal fitness, just do what you love and don’t be afraid of it.  One of the most common questions that I get for prenatal is how much weight can I lift, and you really can do about the same.  There is a regression at some point where if you were hiking and running up a mountain – bad example.  If you’re going for a 10, you will need to scale back.  I wouldn’t go for your max repetition at this point, right?  Stay at something where you can breathe.  But just really taking every single day as an opportunity to move but also respecting when your body is telling you to slow down.

Kristin:  So true, yes, and talking to your provider if you want to change anything up.  But I’ve worked with many athletes and marathon runners who ran up until the very end and CrossFit who have continued with that with approval from midwives and doctors and so on.

Sarah Ann:  Oh, yeah.  Absolutely.  Your body is built to move.  And I think also one thing: I do work with a lot of people who are in PT, and going to see a pelvic floor therapist before you deliver if you start to notice any pelvic organ symptoms, like pain peeing or prolapse or pressure, if you start to feel that, go get in early.  And make sure when you go to get checked for your four to six week postpartum, if you need a referral, if your insurance requires it, make sure you get it during that appointment because it’s always just helpful to have.

Kristin:  Thank you for saying that!  I can’t stress that enough, so I’m so glad you feel the same way.

Sarah Ann:  Oh, yeah.  For me too, I worked – I’m very scope of practice.  When in doubt, refer out, to all of my clients.  I would never want to recommend something – because I only work with people on the outside and not the inside.  So if there’s something going on, or if I notice that my client has some pretty significant symptoms, I’m not going to play God.  I’m going to refer them to a doctor who knows more than I do, whether that’s chiropractic or physical therapy or whatever.  I think it’s really important to develop a team of providers during pregnancy so that way you’re just really supported during pregnancy, postpartum, and beyond.

Kristin:  Exactly.  So, Sarah Ann, let’s get into postnatal recovery and your tips on how to transition back into exercise.  I know you mentioned slowing it down, focusing on recovery, and there is that six-week appointment that many women want that clearance to be able to start working out.  So what does that look like?

Sarah Ann:  Yeah.  So again, it really depends on your actual delivery and recovery.  And I’m not saying if you have a C-section, you’re going to have a really, really horrible recovery.  I’ve heard a lot of people have a lot of fear around that.  I’ve had people have a C-section and have way easier recoveries than someone who pushed for four and a half hours and had a forceps delivery.  So I think just respecting where you’re at and just really enjoying that postnatal period as snuggle time, resting, recovery, making sure you’re getting a lot of nutrition.  And then as far as exercise, if it feels comfortable and you’re cleared before you leave the hospital, you’re okay to walk.  I have a lot of breathing exercises that I can recommend on my website if you go to the Postpartum tab.  I have a lot of stuff up there.  But just breathing, gentle pelvic floor exercises, stretching, just light, light movement.  Because I think there is the risk, obviously, of blood clotting and bedsores if you’re just sitting around and not doing much.  So trying to stay moving, even before that four- to six-week appointment, again, in most cases is totally fine because that four- to six-week appointment, I feel like we put so much gold around it, but your doctor is mostly there to check your cervix and your blood pressure, and they might not be the best person to get the complete go-ahead.  And I say that because my OB-GYN for my first delivery did my diastasis recti check incorrectly and almost sent me out the door with a first degree uterine prolapse.  And again, I’m a triathlete, so she’s like, just go back and ease back into it.  You’re good.  And I’m like, okay, so should I run four miles tomorrow or ten, you know?  And so I think just making sure that your provider really knows.  Ask, hey, can you check me for prolapse?  Can you check me for diastasis recti?  And if you can’t, who can you refer me to?  That might be a pelvic organ PT that I can start seeing because I’m noticing X, Y, Z in that four- to six-week period.  So, again, we have to advocate so much for ourselves in our American medical system, and this is just an example of you having to do that, unfortunately.  But go to that four- to six-week appointment.  Ask for a referral, just in case you need it in the future.  Ask about prolapse when they’re doing your cervical exam, if they feel anything when they’re in there.  Obviously, you need to be okay for blood pressure.  And then they’re also going to do the depression screening.  I think you’re okay to start moving if you feel comfortable before then, obviously keeping it very, very light and moderate.  But once you get the go-ahead, it doesn’t necessarily mean like, okay, go back to doing what you were doing pre-pregnancy.  It’s go back to what you were doing in the third trimester, but now you can lay on your belly.

Hey, Alyssa here.  I’m just popping in to tell you about our course called Becoming.  Becoming A Mother is your guide to a confident pregnancy and birth all in a convenient six-week online program, from birth plans to sleep training and everything in between.  You’ll gain the confidence and skills you need for a smooth transition to motherhood.  You’ll get live coaching calls with Kristin and myself, a bunch of expert videos, including chiropractic care, pelvic floor physical therapy, mental health experts, breastfeeding, and much more.  You’ll also get a private Facebook community with other mothers going through this at the same time as you to offer support and encouragement when you need it most.  And then of course you’ll also have direct email access to me and Kristin, in addition to the live coaching calls.  If you’d like to learn more about the course, you can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com, or check it out at www.thebecomingcourse.com.  We’d love to see you there.

Kristin:  Great tips!  Sarah Ann, let’s get into finding the time.  So you’ve gotten cleared, and whether it’s baby number one or baby number four, it’s a transition.  So how do you make the space in your busy life to achieve any fitness goals you have or again, for those runners, get back into running and find some time away?  How much time should they be working out, early as they’re starting to get back into it?

Sarah Ann:  So I’ve got a whole list.

Kristin:  Yes, so many questions!

Sarah Ann:  Number one, and I see this in a lot of my clients: you have to make it a priority.  And there is just no such thing as motivation, right?  You just have to keep showing up for yourself.  I think a lot of times we struggle, and I know I certainly did after my two kiddos.  Like, okay, it’s nap time.  I got one down.  I have a toddler who’s running around.  I don’t really want to put them in front of the TV, but I really need to exercise so I can feel better and show up as a parent.  But we don’t really make the same space for ourselves when there are mountains of laundry and phone calls to make and you might have gone back to work at that point.  It’s really hard to make yourself a priority when there are so many other things in your face at the same time.  But I think the more that you just create a mantra to yourself that you matter; you need to take up space; and just respect that you’re in it for the long haul.  It will help you show up for sure.  So I think – because a lot of times when I’m working with clients, I’ll send them workouts and be like, hey, just following up, did you get to that workout?  “No, I had to read a book on potty training.”  Did you get to that workout the next day?  “No, we had to take so-and-so to the doctor.”  There’s so many things on top of your personal health, but I love this quote: “Exercise is the most underused antidepressant in the world.”  It’s not just about your physical health.  It is about emotional, spiritual health.  Just even taking ten minutes to meditate or do some stretching on the floor makes a really, really big difference on your emotional and spiritual well-being.  It doesn’t necessarily mean making your body smaller, right?  Exercise is not just about making ourselves skinny and trying to get the body back.  That is not my intention with this at all.  It is about respecting your body and your space and getting your body back to a way that you feel comfortable moving around in and making sure that you’re strong and preventing injuries and all of that golden stuff.  So there’s just a lot of other reasons to exercise.  Sometimes if we’re just focused on, like, I have to get an hour at the gym of lifting heavy weights – you don’t have to do that every single day.  But I do think just finding the time and making yourself a priority, even if it’s for ten minutes if you don’t have a lot of support that day and then maybe taking a little bit more time out a couple of days later, that’s number one for me, just finding the motivation to move, making yourself a priority to create the space and time to do that.  So that’s number one.  And then number two is just also literally physically taking up space, because I think a lot of us have a hard time getting to the gym or might not feel comfortable going to work out in a physical space yet with other people.  Create a space in your home where you keep all of your stuff.  Whether that’s a basket that you cover with a blanket, or you store some dumbbells under your bed, but just keeping all of your things consistently there so that way when it’s time to work out you don’t have to run all over the house to find equipment is really helpful.  There’s obviously, like, the pack your bag if you’re going to the gym the night before.  But also just creating the space for that bag.  So when it’s time to fold your laundry and you have your workout outfit, you just roll it up and put it in the bag.  Keep socks, keep spare hair ties, keep everything in there, so if you are running out the door to go to a yoga class and your kid is losing their mind and you don’t want them to see you run out the door, you can just do that and you aren’t searching for stuff.  And then one thing for at-home workouts I always say, like, make sure that you’re covering up your dumbbells and all of your exercise equipment because babies and dumbbells don’t mix, and a lot of times if you have crawlers or toddlers, they tend to gravitate towards all of your toys, so just make sure they’re covered so they’re out of sight.

Kristin:  Great tip.

Sarah Ann:  So another thing, number three, creating a routine that can be flexible.  Finding the flexibility throughout your day.

Kristin:  With naptimes being unpredictable or feeding, yes.

Sarah Ann:  Yes, or like someone comes to visit unannounced – although hopefully we aren’t doing that anymore to people.  Just creating a routine and a schedule but also being really flexible about it.  The American Council on Exercise recommends 150 minutes per week of moderate exercise, so meaning like yoga or walking, something on the lighter side, or 75 minutes of vigorous exercise, so like your more high impact classes or workouts.  So you don’t need to do it all in one day.  Don’t feel like you need to do an hour to make it count.  I send a lot of my clients 15- to 20-minute workouts because usually that’s all they have if they’re working and they have little kiddos.  So I think just creating a flexible routine where, okay, I’m going to try to get up in the morning.  If I need to sleep in, I’m going to, and then I’ll do something before bed.  And I think it’s really helpful if you have a partner or if you have any kind of family help to include them in the schedule because it’s really hard to do all this on your own, especially because naps are so – we really struggled with naptime, so that’s like a hot button for me.  I think just creating some flexibility or really getting help in that and just having that conversation around time and boundaries of, like, I’m going to go and shut the door for 20 minutes, and you are in charge of the kids.  Or, can I drop them off so I can go take a class?  Or finding a studio that has childcare.  It’s not all on you, and I think it’s really helpful if you have, A, the accountability of other people, but also just creating that space and taking up the time to say, I need to do this for myself, and I need a little extra help is really important.

Kristin:  Yes, because after giving birth, the focus is on the baby.  And the mother just feels like she’s – I don’t know, not as important, not a priority.  So the fact that your suggestions are really taking the time, making space to feel more like yourself pre-baby, and get stronger versus sacrificing everything a new mother or, you know, again, fourth-time mother.

Sarah Ann:  Yeah.  I think the more help you can get – and you can always partner up with a neighbor, or if you have other friends who have kids, use each other as a village, because I think that’s one thing that we really lost in the past couple years is just using each other to help everybody out because I think that’s the one thing that I loved about my postpartum period is that we had just moved to a new city and I really didn’t know anyone before I was pregnant, but you meet people at the playground or in lactation group and you really get to find your tribe, and I think it’s okay to ask for help because I think we all love helping, right?  If someone called you and was like, hey, I really need help getting to this appointment.  Can you help me out?  Can you watch my kid?  You’re like, yeah, the more the merrier.

Kristin:  Yes, a specific request is where it’s at versus oh, I’m struggling, but you don’t know what you need.  If you can say, hey, I would love for you to join me, or can you watch my kid while I go to the basement and work out for 15 minutes.  Yes, a specific request is so important.

Sarah Ann:  I know, and it’s so hard to do.  It’s hard to make that request because sometimes you’re like, I don’t even know what I need and I don’t want to be in charge anymore.  But even just, hey, can we meet up for a walk a couple times a week so we get in the sun and I’m accountable for getting off my couch and going away from the laundry?  Kind of creating a friend appointment so it becomes a little more than just about the workout is really great.  Obviously, people hire me so I can show them and tell them exactly what to do, but I still think the more support you have, the better.  And it’s okay to ask for help.  Everybody wants to help you out.  The more specific, absolutely, the better.

Kristin:  Exactly.  Yeah, and you had some great tips for our Becoming A Mother students, and that course is all about assembling a dream team, asking for help, knowing your options, because we strongly believe that if you don’t know your options, like physical therapy and even understanding how to install your car seat correctly so we have car seat safety technicians and really understanding who makes up both your personal village as well as your professionals.

Sarah Ann:  I have a couple more if we have enough time, or I can save them.

Kristin:  Yeah, go ahead and give us your final tips and then we’ll chat about your business.

Sarah Ann:  Okay.  So my last two: if you are not feeling it and you are tired and you’re a little groggy going into your workouts, use music.  So find something that kind of pumps you up and start listening to it.  So plug those headphones in while you’re getting ready to workout.  If you’re driving somewhere to exercise, like going to a hike or going to a gym, put that music on in your car so it’s like a little bit better of a transition into the fitness.  They’ve done a lot of studies on music and beats per minute, so find something that’s a little more high energy to get you in the mood if you’re not feeling it.  That being said, please don’t exercise on less than four hours of sleep.  Sleep is really important, and I think it needs to be said that you can regret a workout.  Don’t listen to all those fitness memes on the internet.  They don’t apply to you.  Rest is still really, really important.  So using music as a motivator, and then my final tip is just to find something that you love.  So dance in your kitchen.  You know, go for a walk with some music.  Take a hike, swim, bike, lift heavy things, try acro yoga.  Try to find something that is fun that you really look forward to doing and finding the joy in it because you’re not going to do it if you don’t feel inspired or you’re just not interested in it.  And I feel like there’s this old – I kind of said it before, but using exercise as a form of punishment, and it’s not.  So I think that exercise can teach us a lot of life lessons and goal setting and things like that.  So finding something that brings you joy or makes you feel accomplished and gets you a good sweat on.  It doesn’t matter what it is.  Just find something that you really love to do so that way you’re actually wanting to show up for it.

Kristin:  Perfect.  Thank you, Sarah Ann.  So how do we find you?  I know you mentioned MomTrainer.com, but you are all over socials, so share all the ways that our listeners can chat with you.

Sarah Ann:  Yeah.  So number one, go to my website.  You can reach me there if you have a more specific question.  I’m also mostly on Instagram @themomtrainer.  And if you’re in the Grand Rapids area, you can come take a class with me.  I’m teaching at Mind Body Baby Yoga, and we’re adding a lot more classes.  So I’m teaching some barre classes there, and they also have some really great yoga classes.

Kristin:  We love them!  That’s so great.  Of course, Sarah Ann, you also for our listeners who are all over the country, you have a virtual and one on one classes so they can work with you regardless of where they live.  So fill us in a bit about those, the coaching sessions.

Sarah Ann:  Yeah.  So I do have online consulting, so you can book me for an hour, pick my brain, and I’ll send you a workout.  I have an online coaching program that is a monthly program.  I have a one month and three month jump starter package where we meet once a week and discuss everything prenatal postpartum fitness, and then I create workouts that you can follow along to, so you get a recorded video that you click in your document.  Everyone gets a document with all of their workouts, recap of our calls, any nutrition support, and any kind of helpful PDFs that I might have created for another client, everything goes in there.  So you just literally, you know, what am I doing on Monday?  You click on the link, you follow along.  It’s super easy.  So I have that program as well.  And then I also have a ton of free resources on my website.  I have a lot of free workouts that you can try on there.  And for this specific call, all of my recommendations, I’m putting in a pretty little PDF that you can click on in the postpartum tab, so if you’re like me and you listen to podcasts doing laundry and you just tune out a little bit, it will all be there.  And you can use the discount code GoldCoastDoulas for 50% off!

Kristin:  Perfect.  Thank you so much, Sarah Ann, and it was lovely to catch up with you!

Sarah Ann:  Thank you so much for having me!

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review.  Thank you!  Remember, these moments are golden.

 

Fitness Tips for Prenatal and Postnatal: Podcast Episode #160 Read More »

Author, Jasmine, headshot

Postpartum Anxiety and OCD: Podcast Episode #159

Kristin chats with Jasmine Emerick about her personal struggles with postpartum anxiety and OCD and her work as a therapist.  Jasmine is the author of The Postpartum Therapist.

Welcome.  You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting.  Let’s chat!

Kristin:  This is Kristin with Ask the Doulas, and I’m joined today by Jasmine Emerick.  Welcome, Jasmine!

Jasmine:  Yes, thank you for having me!  I’m really excited.

Kristin:  So Jasmine is an energetic mother of two.  She’s a devoted wife, daughter, sister, friend, colleague, and family member.  Jasmine’s often described as one of the craziest people you’ll ever meet.  She has a heart of gold and a love for people with a passion to support women especially.  Jasmine has almost ten years of clinical experience as a mental health therapist and is trained in treating perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.  Now, I would love to chat about your book, The Postpartum Therapist, a humorous and honest approach to the postpartum life.

Jasmine:  Yes, so as you kind of shared, you know, as a therapist, I’ve been in the field for almost ten years.  I did my first treating perinatal mood and anxiety disorders back in 2011.  At that time, we just referred to postpartum depression and postpartum mood disorders.  Now the terminology has trained.  And then I took training again back in 2017, I believe it was.  Before having kids, I had been trained in this area, and I was like, I’m good.  I know what to look for.  So I’m going to let myself know if I experience anything, and I’ve worked with patients and blah, blah, blah.  Then I become a mom, and it’s different.

Kristin:  It’s not textbook.

Jasmine:  Yes, it wasn’t textbook.  So I was motivated to write my book when I realized how much I had suffered from postpartum anxiety and OCD, and I can help differentiate the two of those later.  But that was kind of what – when I came out of it, I realized how much I had truly suffered, and I was able to relate to women and moms at a level that I never thought I would experience or understand.  And so it started with me just posting a couple things on Facebook about my experience, and people liked it, and people were reaching out to me and they’re like, we want more.  And then I was like, okay, at nap times, right, I’ll shoot out a post of my thoughts.  And I just could not keep up with it, not at the level that I wanted to.  But then I just basically wrote an outline and said, okay, what would I want to share with people that I experienced that I want other women to know they’re not alone, or even dads, to be honest.  I started with an outline, and it turned from a couple pages to more pages and more pages, and I said, I think I’ve got a book here.  So that’s where we were with it.

Kristin:  I’m so glad you got it out to the world, especially not only your experience clinically, but personally, and sharing the personal struggles you have and how you worked through it.  I would love for you to define the difference between postpartum anxiety, OCD, depression, mania, and some of the other terms related to postpartum mood and anxiety disorders.

Jasmine:  So I’ll start with the two that I can relate to.  Keep in mind there’s a plethora of knowledge out there; people that are much more trained in this area than I am.  I’ll start with my experience.  So in my experience and what I’ve heard from moms and what I’ve researched, the anxiety is more of the worries, the concerns, and maybe even some of the physical symptoms: you know, sweating, heart racing, maybe feeling nauseous, feeling flushed.  It’s just the worries.  In my opinion, what differentiates the anxiety from the OCD is with OCD, you have the worries but then you have the compulsion.  So it’s not just that you just worry; you’re acting on those worries.  For me, if I were to give you an example – well, I’ll save that for later.  We’ll let that juicy detail be later.  One of my fears, right, was accidents.  My biggest consuming thing, or one of them, I should say, was my kids – an accident happening.  An unintentional, right, that was my intrusive thought, was that an unintentional accident would happen.  Most likely, if I allowed them to be in somebody else’s care.  So it could be as much as, like, what if somebody was wearing a sweatshirt with a button, and it came unraveled, the thread did, and that button went in their mouth when they cried, but this person was talking and didn’t see that the button fell from their sweater into my child’s mouth and they choked?  So what do you do?  You don’t allow your kids to be with anyone else unless you’re there, or are you are constantly hawk-eying how somebody’s holding your child or what they’re wearing when they’re holding your child.  So the anxiety, you know, you kind of stop at the worry, but in my opinion with the OCD, you kind of start the behaviors of maybe prevention or avoidance to counteract that worry, if that makes sense.

Kristin:  It does completely.

Jasmine:  Then when you get into the depression, you know, people kind of think of depression as feeling sad or feeling depressed, and that can be true for a lot of moms.  You know, a lot of moms will say it’s not what they thought.  You know, they’re not happy; they’re not connecting with their baby.  Some are suicidal.  You know, some don’t want to live.  Some maybe regret the decision of having a baby.  But I’ve also talked to moms that it wasn’t your stereotypical depression symptoms.  It was the loss of self, the loss of the lives that they had before they had their baby.  It was grieving the loss of social interaction, of attending things.  Maybe they’re the first in their group to have kids, so they’re staying out as late as everybody else.  Maybe they’re not attending everything that people in their friend group are.  And so it’s kind of that loss of self, loss of connection with others that brings on that depression.  And then you also have the kind of bipolar, and I forget the stats.  It’s in my book.  I apologize.  But the number of women that end up being diagnosed with bipolar for the first time during the postpartum period.  Bipolar can be kind of tricky and confusing because it kind of mimics the symptoms of depression, but it can also kind of mimic just plain adjustment things, as well as anxiety.  So your bipolar is going to kind of be the changes in mood, which any mom listening or any woman is going to be like, check.  In my experience, again, I want to give that disclaimer, it’s going to be to a level that causes probably distress, discomfort, and potentially, you know, maybe the risk-taking behaviors.  Your stereotypical bipolar might be overspending to the point where it impacts you paying your bills or risky behavior such as speeding or racing when you’re driving or, you know, for some people I’ve talked to, they would go on dates out of state without ever meeting somebody and did it spur of the moment.  Some risk-taking behaviors.  Bipolar postpartum can be kind of that changes in mood that causes probably more distress and things that might be a little bit more risky that you’re doing, maybe not paying as much attention to details, et cetera.  That’s what I would say for that.  I’ll be honest, I haven’t personally experience bipolar postpartum personally, and I also haven’t seen a lot of it when I’ve worked with people, so I don’t want to speak too much on that just because I feel like I haven’t witnessed it enough, if that’s fair to say.  And then as a final diagnosis – well, there’s two more.  The other one that we hear about and that gets a lot of media attention is the psychosis that, yes, can happen.  So the psychosis that can happen postpartum is kind of what you see on the media where it is true.  You know, parents feeling like somebody else is in control of their thoughts, or maybe a higher power wants their children or, you know, sacrificing things for a belief and whatnot.  So that can happen.  It’s pretty rare, and media hypes it up.  But it is a real thing that can happen postpartum.  And then you also have postpartum PTSD.  That’s posttraumatic stress disorder that is specific to the postpartum experience.  So you see this with women that might have a traumatic labor and delivery.  Complications happen, and some people are like, okay, what’s the difference between being anxious about that experience and it being PTSD?  You’re going to notice nightmares.  You’re going to notice fear or avoidance of the place where maybe the incident happened.  You might notice reliving it or reseeing it in your thoughts.  So that’s kind of what might differentiate a PTSD experience from anxiety, would be a traumatic experience to the point where maybe death was likely to occur, harm, you know, significant harm was likely to occur to yourself or someone that you care for.

Kristin:  Thank you for giving us a lot of these definitions because it can be confusing.  You also mentioned the husband and partner’s role.  So they can also experience postpartum depression or anxiety and so on?

Jasmine:  Yes, so this is where I get kind of nerdly excited, if I can say that.  So a lot of people don’t realize that any partner – so dads, it can be – and I have a podcast, as well, so I’ve interviewed an adoptive mother – any person providing direct care to the infant can experience a postpartum mood disorder, which a lot of people have historically thought would only happen to the mom because they thought it’s only hormonal changes that must bring this.  True, there are hormonal changes, but there’s a lot of adjustment for everybody involved.  So yeah, dads, I always include dads or other partners or same sex couples; adoptive parents, foster parents, grandparents at times or other family members that are kind of co-parenting with whoever that person is.  Anyone has a likelihood and a chance of having a postpartum mood disorder if they provide the direct care for that infant.

Hey, Alyssa here.  I’m just popping in to tell you about our course called Becoming.  Becoming A Mother is your guide to a confident pregnancy and birth all in a convenient six-week online program, from birth plans to sleep training and everything in between.  You’ll gain the confidence and skills you need for a smooth transition to motherhood.  You’ll get live coaching calls with Kristin and myself, a bunch of expert videos, including chiropractic care, pelvic floor physical therapy, mental health experts, breastfeeding, and much more.  You’ll also get a private Facebook community with other mothers going through this at the same time as you to offer support and encouragement when you need it most.  And then of course you’ll also have direct email access to me and Kristin, in addition to the live coaching calls.  If you’d like to learn more about the course, you can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com, or check it out at www.thebecomingcourse.com.  We’d love to see you there.

Kristin:  Obviously, sleep deprivation for anyone caring for the infant can just bring that out even more.

Jasmine:  Yes.  We talk about that in the book.  Just in mental health in general – I don’t only work with postpartum women or perinatal women; I work with all age groups.  Literally, my youngest patient has been a newborn to my oldest being in their 70s so far, with a plethora of diagnoses.  So sleep you will see, whether you’re a parent or anybody else, is one of the biggest factors to your overall mental health.  So when you add in the sleep deprivation – and this is where parents, and I typically just say moms because I’m usually talking to them – they get annoyed.  “Sleep when the baby sleeps,” or “sleep when you can.”  But even when you do that, it doesn’t account for disrupted sleep.  So healthy sleep from what I’ve learned is consistent sleep without waking for, you know, a reasonable amount of time.  So even if these parents are sleeping in three to four hour increments, it doesn’t cover the loss of healthy sleep.  Now, it’s great if you can sleep, you know, those three to four hours, two to three.  I know when my daughter was born, it was one to two for a long time.  But there’s still going to be a deficit there, and that is going to impact functioning.  It’s going to impact your mental health.  And so that’s a huge factor that when I’m working with parents to see how can you get sleep, but also understanding that it might be really unrealistic for them to get good and healthy sleep, at least initially in the postpartum phase, and I personally experienced hallucinations after the birth of my second daughter because our one daughter wasn’t sleeping well through the night, and then we had a newborn that had some acid reflux issues and had to, you know, sleep upright, but she was waking up frequently.  So between two kids not sleeping well, that’s severe sleep deprivation to the point where I did start to hallucinate.  It was one week where I had just seen whatever, you know, black images or, like, stars that weren’t there, and it wasn’t from being dizzy.  I was like, okay.  I’ve got to get this sleep under control.  In my book, I tell you what I did to get sleep, which is something that I never thought I would do, but I ended up co-sleeping because it was the only way my acid reflux daughter would sleep for longer periods of time was upright on my arm, and it was something I was terrified to do.  As someone who was experiencing postpartum anxiety, and my fear of accidents, you know, this was against what I wanted to do, not from a judgy, like, you shouldn’t co-sleep, but just from my own well-being of having a conscience of being able to sleep would be like, don’t co-sleep.  You’ll feel better, you know.  You’re not putting your kid at risk.  But unfortunately, that was how I was able to regain sleep, so I did research, and there’s a lot of – you know, there’s websites out there if you feel like I did, like co-sleeping might be the best option for your family right now.  So that’s how I ended up.  I just had to make that choice of, okay, I truly need sleep.  This is to a point where it’s not okay, and for me, that was the best way that I could get it at that time.

Kristin:  And it sounds like you wouldn’t have felt comfortable even with an expert postpartum doula coming into your home due to some of the fears or, like, the buttons or caregivers having an accident and so on.  We do work with a lot of sleep-deprived families with day and overnight support, and that certainly helps, even with daytime stretches of sleep.

Jasmine:  I think to be honest – and if I look at now, I would say, heck, yeah, I want a doula.  Help me out.  I want all the help I can get.  I think if I were to think about then, the biggest barrier would have been lack of knowledge, more or less.  So as long as I was present – well, and this is what you’ll have to educate me on.  As long as I was present and I could micromanage, I did okay.  But yes, I guess you’re right; if a doula were to have been, like, go get some sleep, I have the baby.  I probably would have been like, no, that’s okay.  Let’s watch TV together.  You’ll energize me socially, and that will be fine.

Kristin:  And we do that.  I mean, every day can be very different.  Sometimes it’s newborn care.  Other times it’s mothering the mother and really focusing on their emotional needs or companionship when the partner or husband is away, and then we do light housekeeping and meal preparation during the healing phase or honestly any time, and sibling care.  So for some of our clients who didn’t want anyone else to hold their baby, we were still able to be helpful.

Jasmine:  Then I think all moms need a doula, or all families need a doula, absolutely.  Because those things are essential.  They really are.  I’m laughing about it, but it’s essential.  And if you look at other cultures, that’s what happens, right?  That’s where we get the phrase it takes a village because if you look at village societies, that’s what would happen.  You would have several women around, and I can say women because historically it was.  You would have several women around to help with all those, meal prepping or physical care if there was injury, helping with the home.  So the mother was being taken care of.  And we just don’t see that as much in our society with families moving away and people being more independent, and we’ve lost that for our moms, and now we’re wondering, why do these moms feel like it’s so hard or they feel so alone?  Well, a lot of them don’t even have grandparents in the picture if people have moved away or sisters, close friends.  We’re kind of losing that community aspect of the postpartum experience and expecting moms to get that – you know, take care of all their own needs independently now, and then they’re asking themselves, why can’t I do this?  Well, we didn’t used to.  We didn’t used to have to do this all by ourselves.

Kristin:  Exactly.  And depending on the culture, it’s caring for the mother in the first 40 days.  In some, it’s six months.  Some even longer.  And you’re right; it’s family members, friends, anyone in the community, focusing on their emotional needs and the household tasks as well as the newborn.  So yeah, that is a very important thing that is lacking in our culture here in the US.

Jasmine:  Yeah, we have a close neighbor from Bangladesh.  I had talked to her one day about the differences and what she was seeing with me versus her own experience, and she’s much older than me, so I’m sure it’s even changed in her country since she’s been here.  But, you know, she was saying that she had two or three people in her home that were paid that helped to do all the meal prepping, to take care of her baby and her other child, to allow her to sleep, to help with the household tasks, to get things done, to do laundry and cleaning.  And I’m like, oh, my goodness, and I just fantasized about it for a minute.  Like, what would that look like here in Zeeland, Michigan for me?  I would love it, but we just don’t see it as much.

Kristin:  No, we don’t.  So what other tips do you have for our listeners and clients about caring for yourself in that postnatal phase or identifying signs of postpartum mood disorders?

Jasmine:  One of my biggest things that I wrote about is in the chapter Slipping Through The Cracks, and what I realized with talking to a bunch of friends – because once I realized I was suffering, I became this open book and talked to as many people as I could that were comfortable and willing to talk and just got some feedback.  What we noticed is many of us had a diagnosis; definitely would have qualified for a diagnosis, but kind of slipped through the cracks.  We kind of went untreated and suffered silently for a long time without even realizing it.  And so one thing that I make sure to let moms know, and I say moms here because they’re typically the ones given the questionnaires, is the questionnaires that you get at your checkups or after you have your baby or even at the pediatrician’s office – don’t count on them to be the determinant of your mental health.  So if we think about the Edinburg or the other depression screening, people kind of think, okay, if I pass these screenings, then I’m good.  Right?  I’m good.  Nothing was picked up.  Well, that’s true because a lot of my symptoms and a lot of the symptoms that I’ve talked to other women that we experience were not things that would have been picked up on your questionnaire.  My close friend who had body dysmorphia and was grieving the loss of her life and independence – those weren’t the questions that you’re asked.  She’s like, well, no, I don’t want to harm my baby.  No, I don’t want to cry.  I’m happy I have my baby.  I’m happy I’m here.  I’m not sad.  I’m not crying.  But she still was really struggling with the changes of her body.  So some people think, okay, if I “passed” this questionnaire, then I should be good, and that’s not true.  How do you feel?  You know, what’s it feel like day to day?  I know for me, a lot of the questions for the anxiety that are brought up in the postpartum questionnaires use the term – what is it – unreasonable worry or something along those lines.  Something that makes it seem like, you know, you shouldn’t be worrying.  Well, that’s going to kind of deter a lot of moms from answering that at times because when you’re a new mom, it feels reasonable to worry.  So when you see questions that say, you know – I forget how it’s phrased, but something about unreasonable worry – those questions didn’t screen for me because in my mind, I have an infant in the winter during flu season, during RSV, so my doctor is telling me I should be worried.  My doctor is telling me not to go in big social places.  And this is before the pandemic, even, so imagine that.  For a lot of these moms, having babies during the pandemic.  A lot of these screenings won’t pop up because we’re told we have to worry.  We leave the visit with a whole page worth of things to make sure you do this in your home and make sure you’ve done this and make sure you baby proof that.  So when you use those words, it can distract the mom from feeling like I should answer this positively or yes because no, I’ve been told I need to worry.  A lot of those questions didn’t ring for me or have a red flag because as a good mom, you worry, right?  You want to make sure your home is ready for a baby and they only have a crib sheet and all these things.  So I tell people, yes, answer the questionnaires, absolutely, because a lot of people do get screened on those positively, and that’s good.  We want that.  But there’s a lot of people that are missed.  How do you feel?  What does your partner say about you?  Is your partner noticing anything?  Allowing your partner; having the conversation before that baby is brought into your home, allowing your partner the freedom to let you know when something’s up and opening up.

Kristin:  So helpful.  They know you better than anyone else, so they can tell the change.

Jasmine:  Right.  And a lot of partners that I’ve talked to – because I told you, I became an open book and I talked to dads and everybody – you know, a lot of partners will say, well, they’re the mom.  This is kind of natural for them.  I just kind of follow their lead.  I guess I was just kind of assuming they would let me know.  Well, for me, even being a therapist, even having the training, I was so blinded by my own mental health that I didn’t see it.  And let me tell you, another big fear that I had as an intrusive thought was somebody abducting my kids.  I was looking out the windows multiple times at night.  My daughter was born in January so there was snow.  I was looking for shoe prints outside our windows.  That is classic anxiety OCD that is completely unrealistic.  Even I, doing those behaviors, it didn’t ring to me.  It was like, no, you have a baby.  This happens.  You’ve heard about it on the news, so it can happen.  You start to justify if you’re really in the thick of it, and you really might miss it yourself, even with the best of intentions.  I didn’t want to go undiagnosed.  I talked to my partner before we had our daughter.  Hey, I have a history of anxiety.  This might really flare up when we have our daughter.  Still, I didn’t catch it.  So I just tell people, how do you feel?  Listen to your partner.  Listen to your friends.  If you can, allow open dialogue because they might see it before you do, and just believe them.  If they’re good-natured people, if they’re people you’ve trusted and you’ve loved, just believe them.  I don’t think they’d have harmful intent.  There are harmful people out there, I’ll give you that.  There’s harmful family members.  But I’m saying if somebody that you love and trust is giving you feedback, then believe.

Kristin:  Yes.  So how can our listeners who live all over the world find help in their area if they are experiencing any perinatal mood disorders, whether it be support groups, online resources, or finding a therapist?  What should they be looking for?

Jasmine:  My go-to site is Postpartum Support International.  I did all my training through them, and that is where I go to refer everybody because they have ways to search for therapists locally.  They have online support groups for people all over the world.  They’re basically, in my opinion, your kind of go-to website to get connected, to get support.  They have a help line.  They have all sorts of resources and are kind of the leaders in this field.  So that’s simply where I would refer people if we’re thinking about just in general, if anybody is listening all over the world, would be to go to Postpartum Support International.

Kristin: Perfect.  And then when searching for a therapist, or if they’re getting a referral from their provider, what sort of specialties should they be looking for?

Jasmine:  For anyone interested, I say to make sure they are trained in postpartum mood disorders or perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.  If you go to that website, they will give you a list of clinicians, many of which can do telehealth now, thank goodness.  From the pandemic, that has been a benefit is allowing access that way.  Anybody that’s been trained through that program, and I believe they’re the only program that can train people, at least right now in the United States, to get that, to say that they’ve been trained.  So if you look, that’s where you’ll get a list of therapists that would meet that specialty and criteria for being trained in postpartum mood disorders or perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.

Kristin:  Perfect.  So Jasmine, how can our listeners connect with you personally as well as your book?

Jasmine:  My book is on Amazon, so you would just go to Amazon and type in The Postpartum Therapist, and then my name, Jasmine Emerick, and it will pop right up.  I do have an email, which is postpartumtherapist@gmail.com.  I’m on Instagram.  This was new for me, so I’m a little bit older in regards to being friendly to Instagram, but I’m learning.  So I started an Instagram that is specific to my book, so that would be another way to connect.  Then I would say if you just want to listen – one thing I did – the reason why I did a podcast was because what I learned is even though we’re all moms and maybe we can attach these labels of “I had postpartum anxiety” or “I had postpartum depression,” many of us experienced it very differently from each other, so I wanted to interview different moms to show that my experience is not representative at all of all of us or even many of us.  We all have our unique experiences.  Another thing is that if you search on iTunes The Postpartum Therapist, I have a podcast that I’ve started where there’s many moms on there that share different backgrounds, different diagnoses, and what they’ve experienced as a way to help connect and kind of fill the gaps and help moms realize they’re not alone, no matter what their symptoms are.

Kristin:  Wonderful.  That’s a great resource for doulas, as well.  Thanks so much for your time, Jasmine.  It was so great to connect with you, and I appreciate all of the important work you’re doing.

Jasmine:  Thank you so much.  I appreciate it.

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review.  Thank you!  Remember, these moments are golden.

 

Postpartum Anxiety and OCD: Podcast Episode #159 Read More »

Jene'e of Gold Coast Doulas poses with her family on a beach

Meet our new Postpartum Doula, Jene’e!

1) What did you do before you became a doula/consultant?

For many years, I primarily have been a “domestic engineer”, a stay-at-home mom. Although in some of those years, my family has owned a few restaurants, and I helped there when I was needed.

2) What inspired you to become a doula/consultant?

Becoming a mama at a very young age, to two boys, and the birthing experience I had with them started my journey to want to make others mamas experiences more empowering and filled with better memories and support. Because of my birthing experience with them, for a long time I wanted to be a labor and delivery nurse, or an OB nurse practitioner, but that was not my life path.

I now have 7 beautiful children, and each one of those birthing experiences was different. It was not until my 6th child that I became more aware that I have a choice to a have different birthing experience. Now I want to empower mamas to know that they can too.

3) Tell us about your family.

We moved here to the Traverse City area at the end of 2020, from Henderson, Nevada. We would visit family here every summer, and loved the area.

We are a very outdoor family. Love the beach, paddle boarding, fishing, soccer, snowboarding, sledding, all fun activities

4) What is your favorite vacation spot and why?

I absolutely love Hawaii. The beaches, the warm water, the smell, the culture. It is my Happy place.

Traverse City use to be one of our favorite vacation spots every summer also, until we moved from Las Vegas.

Now Las Vegas is one of my favorite vacation spots, so I can see my son, my amazing friends, and my previous village.

5) Name your top five bands/musicians and tell us what you love about them.

This is really hard to answer. I really think it depends on intention, mood, and the time of day.

6) What is the best advice you have given to new families?

There is so much “best” advice to give! Give yourself Grace, time to heal and rest, do what is best for you and your family even if that means setting boundaries, and do not feel the need to follow the western culture to “bounce back”.

7) What do you consider your doula/consultant superpower to be?

From what I have been told, is that I bring great, empowering, safe energy when I walk into the room

8) What is your favorite food?

I love raw sushi and Mexican food

9) What is your favorite place on West Michigan’s Gold Coast?

I love Empire, Sleeping Bear Dunes, Glen Arbor, & Traverse City

10) What are you reading now?

The First 40 Days

11) Who are your role models?

I love to listen and surround myself with empowering woman and friends.

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Meet our new Postpartum Doula, Jene’e! Read More »

Christine Brown poses in a kitchen holding a coffee mug

Potty Training with Christine Brown: Episode #158

Kristin and Christine Brown, owner of Bella Luna Family, discuss top potty training tips and infant sleep.


Welcome.  You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting.  Let’s chat!

Kristin:  Hello, hello.  This is Kristin with Ask the Doulas, and I am here today to chat with Christine Brown.  Christine owns Bella Luna Family and is a twin mom to almost 8-year-old boys.  Welcome, Christine!

Christine:  Thank you so much for having me today!  I’m excited to be here.

Kristin:  So thrilled to chat with you!  So I’d love for you to give us a big more about your background.  I know you’re a certified child behavior specialist, and how you came to own Bella Luna Family and what your focus is in your business?

Christine:  I’ll tell you a little bit about my story.  Those twins you mentioned – when they were born, I was actually a high tech marketing manager, which is funny.  I worked for Dell for years and years, and then I had my babies.  And I joke that they tried to kill me from sleep deprivation when they were six months old, which kind of prompted me to become obsessed with the sleep, first off.  That’s my first love.  But secondly, just helping moms and families.  So when the boys turned three and I was a potty training failure, I actually became a child behavior consultant, and so part of that encompassed potty training.  So I learned how to help families with some of the more challenging behaviors that we experience and then also started potty training consultations, helping families kind of with those in addition to sleep.

Kristin:  I love it.  It makes perfect sense that you would mix both sleep and potty training.

Christine:  Yes.

Kristin:  Tell us a bit more about your focus in potty training, the ages that you work with, and we’ll get into some tips for our listeners.

Christine:  Yeah.  So the focus really for me is, there are some things, like from a child sleep perspective, I don’t think can be child-led because they just can’t make the right decisions for themselves.  But when it comes to eating and going to the bathroom, I truly believe potty training is child led.  We can’t teach a child to do something that they’re developmentally not ready to do.  From that perspective, my primarily focus is just on readiness, making sure that the child is ready to be potty trained.  I find a lot of families come to me frustrated, and they’ve been trying everything.  They’ve read all the books, and they feel guilty and they feel shame, and they feel like it’s never going to work.  Yet they’re trying to teach their child to do something that they’re not ready to do.  So I help them come up with an action plan of, number one, figuring out when your child is ready, and then number two, once they’re ready, how can you approach this in a child-led perspective.

Kristin:  That makes sense.  I know with sleep training, there are so many different methods, and every child is so different.  I’m guessing that clients can work with you virtually as well as in person.  At what point do clients come to you?  Is it more toddler stage?  Are they trying earlier than that?  Or are they trying to get their child into preschool and it’s a requirement, so they want potty training in a week?  Like, what are you seeing?

Christine:  Yeah, so most families that come to me, either they’ve been – we’ve worked together in the past on sleep or behavior and now it’s time to work on potty training, and they want to be prepared, going into it prepared and approaching it in a way that doesn’t create resistance.  Or secondly, parents come to me a lot because they have been trying and trying and trying, and it’s just not working and they’re feeling like they’re beating their heads against the wall and they’re really frustrated.  The more frustrated they get, the more frustrated their child becomes, so it just becomes this vicious cycle.  I help them break that cycle.

Kristin:  That makes sense.  I know with my kids being close in age, my daughter was potty-trained, and then my son was born, and she wanted attention, so she regressed and went back into diapers.  So I felt like I had to start all over again.  Do you see that?

Christine:  I see that a lot.  And it’s like they want to go back to being the baby, which you can’t blame them.  Oftentimes for two or three years, they’re the only child, and then all of a sudden this little person comes and is taking all of mom’s attention.  So it’s a really difficult transition, and it’s very normal when that happens that there will be a regression in potty training, so we do see that.  But the good part is they really had it, and this is just a regression.  It should go back to normal as the child adjusts to having a new little sibling.

Kristin:  Yes.  And as you’ve mentioned, daytime potty training is so different than overnight and your work with sleep and so on.  So at what point would there be a concern with a toddler who’s not potty trained at night?

Christine:  Can I tell you a story?

Kristin:  Yeah, please!

Christine:  My son Nicholas, he was four, and I never rushed it, because again, sleep is so important to us.  It’s important to everyone, but in our household, it’s literally one of our family values.  So I said that I wasn’t going to rush the nighttime potty training, but he had other ideas.  So he said to me, “Mommy, I’m a big boy now.  I’m not going to wear pull-ups to bed anymore.”  And I was like, oh, boy.  All right.  I prepared myself, knowing that I was going to be, you know, getting up in the middle of the night, because he was waking up with a soaked pull-up every single morning.  So I prepared myself.  I pulled out a second set of sheets.  I made sure that his mattress pad was down.  I laid a – you know the chucks that we use when we’re giving birth?  I had one of those, like a bed pad, that I put underneath.  So I knew it was going to be a quick change.  I prepared myself mentally.  I was going to be waking in the night.  And lo and behold, midnight, he comes in.  “Mommy, I had an accident.”  No big deal.  Cleaned him up; cleaned the bed.  But in the morning, I said, “Hey, bud.  So last night, when you got up in the middle of the night, you had a little bit of an accident.”  He’s like, yeah.  I’m like, “No big deal.  We all have accidents.  But let me tell you something.  I don’t think your body is ready yet.  If your body was ready, you wouldn’t be having accidents.  I will pinkie promise you that if you can wake up for seven days in a row dry, then we’ll know your body is ready to wear undies at nighttime.”  And I said, “Until then, we can’t teach your body to do something that it’s not ready to do. Bud, could I have taught you to walk before you were ready to walk?  Nope?  All right.  So we can’t change our bodies, right?  It has to be something that happens when our bodies are ready to do it.”  That really resonated with him, and that helped him to kind of put the pause, because I was like, you’re still a big boy.  A lot of kids that are still big boys still wear pull-ups at night.  We talked about that piece of it.  But it really took some of the pressure off for him to feel like he needs to be able to do that right away because honestly, that’s the truth.  If our bodies aren’t ready to do something, we’re just – we can’t train it.

Hey, Alyssa here.  I’m just popping in to tell you about our course called Becoming.  Becoming A Mother is your guide to a confident pregnancy and birth all in a convenient six-week online program, from birth plans to sleep training and everything in between.  You’ll gain the confidence and skills you need for a smooth transition to motherhood.  You’ll get live coaching calls with Kristin and myself, a bunch of expert videos, including chiropractic care, pelvic floor physical therapy, mental health experts, breastfeeding, and much more.  You’ll also get a private Facebook community with other mothers going through this at the same time as you to offer support and encouragement when you need it most.  And then of course you’ll also have direct email access to me and Kristin, in addition to the live coaching calls.  If you’d like to learn more about the course, you can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com, or check it out at www.thebecomingcourse.com.  We’d love to see you there.

Kristin:  And then with twins and potty training, I’m sure there were many challenges.  We work with a lot of twin and triplet families at Gold Coast.  What was your personal experience with potty training twins?  Was it something you did at the same time, or were they paced differently?

Christine:  One twin was ready, and I held him off, because I was like, oh, sweet baby, I cannot do one in diapers and one potty training.  I was like, I just can’t do this.  It’s too much.  So I held the first twin off, and then by the time his brother was ready, he had lost all interest in it altogether.  So it was a little bit challenging, but I also didn’t know what I know now.  So I would wake up every Saturday morning.  I was getting a lot of external pressure, and I think people can relate to this.  Someone told me, Christine, what’s wrong with you?  Why do you not have these kids potty trained?  I had both my boys trained by the time they were two.  And I was like, there’s something wrong with me.  That’s immediately where you go.  I’m defective!  And then my step-monster showed up at Easter dinner with Easter baskets of supplies and started trying to potty train my boys while I was cooking Easter dinner.  So I was getting a lot of external pressure, and I don’t know about you, but when I’m parenting from a place of pressure, I’m not always making intentional choices and showing up as the best version of myself.  Every Saturday morning, I was like, oh, today’s the day.  I’m going to seize the world.  I’m sure all moms can relate to this, right?  And then by 10:30, I jokingly would be texting my husband, is it too early for Prosecco, because they had cried; I had cried; there was pee and poop everywhere.  It was a literal s-show.  And so I – honestly, we had a really tough time, and it went on for much longer than I think it needed to, but that’s because I was pressuring them because I was feeling so pressured, and it’s children’s natural inclination when we’re trying to pressure them to do something that they’re not ready to do to dig their heels in.  They’re like, absolutely not.  I’m not ready to do this yet, or now I don’t want to do this.  So they really pushed back on me, and it was a long process.  But it ends happily.  They’re not eight and still in pull-ups.  But they started at a new daycare, and they had a pool there.  And they said to the boyos, you cannot – they were almost potty trained at this point, but they said, you can’t have any accidents two weeks before going in the pool, or you’re not going to be able to swim.  And they both love swimming; can’t blame them, and they really had no accidents after that.

Kristin:  Yeah, I feel like there’s that motivation.  I know with dealing with my daughter and her regression and needing to be dry before going into preschool, that was a good motivator for her to get back into potty training.  But it was stressful for us to know that she might have an accident at school and might not be able to continue on there.  But it all worked out.

Christine:  A lot of parents come to me in that same situation.  Their kids really want to start school.  They want to go have fun with their friends and learn, but the potty training piece of it can definitely be challenging.  But as soon as they kind of relax a little bit and take the pressure off and it’s not such a focus area, I find it comes together much easier.

Kristin:  Agreed.  Now, Christine, you had mentioned family members trying to use rewards systems, and some people rely on stickers or candy or toys, whatever it might be.  What are your thoughts on that?

Christine:  I’m not much of a rewards gal because I’m a firm believer in the reward comes from the behavior itself, right, and it comes from the positive reinforcement that comes from parents, like positive encouragement, because that’s intrinsic motivation.  They feel good about what they did, and they’re doing something that is rewarding for them.  They’ve mastered a new skill.  So I’m a firm believer in not doing reward systems because I feel like then you just have to keep sweetening the pot, or I find that they’ll work for a short period of time, and then kids will lose interest.  Some kids are hugely motivated by stickers, but others aren’t, and the next thing you know, you’re having to buy the toy Ferrari to get them to try to go to the bathroom.  So I’m not a huge fan of them.  I don’t find them to be effective in the long term.  Sometimes they can work short term, but I don’t use them from a sleep perspective or for potty training or in behavior.  So I guess you could say I’m not that into them.

Kristin:  Yeah, I never was, as well, but I felt like I needed to communicate, with anything in early parenting, how we approach things to relatives or even babysitters who had different ideas about how to handle or tackle things, whether it’s sleep as you mentioned or feeding and then also definitely potty training.

Christine:  Yeah, same.  It’s definitely doing things a little differently than the way I was raised, and I think a lot of us are trying to do things differently and more positive than maybe some of us were raised, and so it does feel very foreign, especially to the older generations, some of the ways that we go about approaching things from a more positive standpoint because a lot of the time, the older generations, it was more punitive.  Everything was really punitive and punishment-based.  Or bribery.

Kristin:  Exactly, yes.  What are your best tips for our listeners?  Many of our Becoming A Mother students and our doula clients are pregnant and have toddlers at home and are trying to simplify things, whether it’s toddler sleep or again, that potty training.  So what are your top tips to navigate that during the tail end of pregnancy?

Christine:  So let me just make sure that I understand.  So how to navigate potty training toward the tail end of pregnancy, or with a second child?

Kristin:  Yes.  So they have a second child that they want to try to potty train, and they’re currently pregnant, so this is the stage that they’re in, and they’re hoping to again avoid regressions and really get a plan in place to simplify and avoid potentially having two children in diapers.

Christine:  Okay.  So number one is, I don’t recommend making any major changes two months before or after a baby arrives because oftentimes there’s a lot of big feelings that are happening right before that, and sometimes we wait until the very end to try to fix something, but it can be a lot of change for a little one in a very short period of time, and I do find that it normally makes the process harder.  So I usually recommend trying to wait, you know, either two months before if your little one is showing readiness signals or two months after.  The second this is, if you decide to embark on it, you want to really truly make sure that your little one is ready and you’re not just trying to be like, oh, I can’t have two in diapers.  If your little one is not ready, it’s going to become really challenging, and I think my worst nightmare would be having a newborn baby and trying to navigate being a newborn mom and having a toddler plus potty training at the same time.  That sounds like a lot of work to me, and it sounds like a definite recipe for more burnout and some more behavior issues. You want to make sure – and I’m going to share with your audience, I have a potty training readiness checklist that I will share.  It can be a really helpful guide to make sure that your little one truly is ready.  Some of the top things coming from that, you want to make sure – the biggest thing is that your little one is asking to use the potty.  They have to be really wanting to use it.  They’re interested in it; they want to use it; they’re interested when you go.  You’ve also got to make sure that they’ve got fewer wet diapers; they can stay dry for at least two hours at a time, they can pull their pants down, at least; they can follow simple instructions.  Doesn’t mean that they will, but they can.  They’re starting to show that they’re uncomfortable by pulling on the diaper or taking it off.  Also that they recognize those pee and poop signals, that they’re telling you, or they going and they’re hiding, so you know when they’re doing that, that they actually know that it’s happening before it’s happening.  And then another big one is they’re asserting their independence.  “I can do this myself.”  Those are really the key things that you want to make sure that your little one is doing before you embark on any sort of potty training.

Kristin:  That reduces the pressure to have everything be a certain way before baby is born, whether it’s weaning from breastfeeding if you’re currently breastfeeding during pregnancy or the sleep training, and it also sounds like potty training.  So giving yourself that time, that if things don’t happen before two months, then wait.  Correct?

Christine:  Yeah.  Or just wait.  You can print the checklist out, put it on the fridge, and as things happen, you can mark them off and celebrate internally about it.  You’re getting closer.  But then once you’re seeing at least the majority of these things are happening, then you know it’s really go time.

Kristin:  And then what signs do you recommend a sleep consultant that a child would be ready to transition?  You know, obviously, there are different stages, and some sleep consultants don’t begin working with babies until eight weeks or twelve weeks or even further along, depending on their specialty.  So what is your advice there?

Christine:  From a sleep perspective, it’s never too early to start sleep shaping.  For newborns, I believe that you can start that very early.  Those early things are just watching wake windows, trying to identify what your little one’s sleepy cues are, making sure that you’ve got an optimized sleep environment.  Cool, dark, white noise going.  Those are things that you can start doing immediately, but then we really start sleep shaping as soon as babies start smiling at us, which is usually somewhere in the six to eight week time frame, which means that they are starting to be able to make connections and follow cues.  That’s when we can really start encouraging more independent sleep, not that they don’t still need a ton of connection time and snuggles, but at that point, we may actually be ready to encourage them to sleep a little more independently so can get some stuff done.

Kristin:  Love it.  Any final tips for our listeners, Christine?

Christine:  Aside from readiness, I think from a nighttime perspective, we want to make sure that your child is waking up dry, and what I did with my son was seven days because then I knew he really had that ability to be able to do it.  His body was really ready.  For nighttime potty training, I recommend waiting for that, as well.

Kristin:  Excellent.  How can our listeners find you?  I know Bella Luna Family is on a variety of different social media channels.  Then, of course, you have your website.

Christine:  Yes, across all social channels, you can find us anywhere @bellalunafamily.  I have a lot of fun doing reels on Instagram, and we’re on Pinterest and Facebook.  All the major platforms.

Kristin:  Thank you so much, Christine!  I really appreciate your tips.  Thank you for sharing your download!  Thank you so much.

Christine:  You’re so welcome.  Thanks for having me on.  It was a pleasure!

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review.  Thank you!  Remember, these moments are golden.

 

Potty Training with Christine Brown: Episode #158 Read More »

Krista poses in front of a fireplace

Simplifying Motherhood: Podcast Episode #157

Krista Lockwood, founder of Motherhood Simplified, shares her top decluttering tips for new moms to prep for the arrival of a new baby.  You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes, SoundCloud, or anywhere you find your podcasts.

Welcome.  You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting.  Let’s chat!

Kristin:  Welcome to Ask the Doulas!  I’m Kristin, and I’m here today with Krista Lockwood.  Krista is the founder of Motherhood Simplified.  Krista teaches decluttering for moms who don’t want to be a full-blown minimalist.  In 2013, she and her husband moved from Alaska to Florida with only one suitcase each.  While she doesn’t believe you need to go to that extreme, Krista’s been able to master the balance of having enough but not too much.  Welcome, Krista!

Krista:  Hi!  Thank you so much for having me.

Kristin:  I would love to hear a bit about your journey to get into owning your own business focused on simplifying and downsizing all the clutter that, especially as moms, we tend to accumulate.

Krista:  It started when my husband and I moved from Alaska to Florida, both born and raised, and at the time, we had three kids, and we moved with just our suitcases.  And we rented a furnished house and basically had a chance to start over.  At that point, I didn’t know that decluttering was a thing or minimalism or simplifying.  I had no idea.  We just knew that logistically, it was very expensive.  It was actually more affordable to start over after our move, so that’s what we chose to do.  And I lived that way for about four years.  You know, we reaccumulated stuff, but never to the point of where it was before when we lived in Alaska.  It wasn’t until 2017 when I got pregnant with our fourth baby, and I was a part of a due date group, which I’m sure your listeners know what that is, or they might know.  They’re just dedicated Facebook groups for moms who are due at the same time.

Kristin:  They’re so fun!

Krista:  Yes!  Oh, my gosh, they are so much fun.  And we all got really close.  After we had our babies, in the postpartum phase, we started doing this thing called house tours.  It was so much fun.  A lot of us were struggling with, like, the messes and the laundry and the dishes and the toys, and when it got to be my turn, they were like, hold on a second.  Did you stage your house?  We all agreed we would show it as is.  It was then that I started to realize what we had actually done.  My first postpartum phases were not like that.  I wasn’t able to just sit on the couch and breastfeed my baby and focus on my recovery and rest and take naps.  I was constantly doing laundry, dishes, trying to keep up.  And I started to put the pieces together.  We got rid of all of our stuff four years ago, and that’s when it got easy for me, even in my postpartum phases.  I just asked them, do you want me to show you how to do this?  And then, heck yes, please do, and that’s how I got to where I am now.

Kristin:  I love it.  You saw a need, and you filled it.  It’s perfect.  I find that our students in our Becoming a Mother course and our doula clients are overwhelmed with the registry process and all the things that people want to gift, especially to first-time moms.  What are some of your suggestions to minimize all of the things so you don’t have the clutter to pick up?

Krista:  I was the same way with our first three kids.  I felt like I needed all of the things.  A swing and a bouncer and – I don’t even know.  There are so many gadgets out there, and then when you get on a registry, it’s so easy to just click “add.”  Add to the registry!  And not really think about how it will be used and if there’s an alternative or if it’s even something that will actually make your life easier after you have the baby.  With my first baby, I had no idea what those things would be.  To a degree, even after my second baby, I had no idea because having two babies is completely different than having one.

Kristin:  Exactly.  It’s so different.

Krista:  But after our fourth baby, we had decluttered.  We had lived that way for a while.  Everyone in the due date group thought I was kind of the weird one because I was like, I’m not going to buy all that stuff this time.  I’m going to get a car seat.  I’m going to get a small amount of clothes and a really nice baby carrier that’s really comfy.  I don’t know if you have a recommendation, but I love the Lenny Lambs.  They’re so soft.

Kristin:  My kids are 10 and 9, so I think that might be a newer product.  But I loved the Ergo and the Moby.

Krista:  Yeah, it’s similar.  Instead of it being like a canvas, it’s like a really soft linen, but still strong, so it’s more flexible.  They’re really nice.  But I knew the basics of what I needed, and then I decided that after they were born, I would get things as needed.  I did find that with having three older kids and a dog, having a small bouncer-type chair where I could set her down quickly in moments and her be safe was worth getting.  But I think sometimes we get so much in preparation mode that we get all of these things, unsure of if we’ll actually need them, and then that becomes overwhelming because the house is full of all of this stuff.  Ultimately, then we have to end up cleaning it up and shifting it around our houses and making room for it and rearranging it.  I would say just basics: food, clothes, a way to feed the baby, a way to keep the baby safe and held so that you can still move around, and then wait and see what you need as things come up.  Even toys.  There are so many baby toys out there.  You don’t even need toys or any of that.

Kristin:  And people love to buy toys and high chairs and things that aren’t needed until a baby is older, so again, they’re sitting around taking up space in your home and causing more clutter, which for many people, causes anxiety when you look around at the clutter.  It can be very stressful.

Krista:  I know for sure that was my experience with my first three kids.  Having all this stuff around me and then feeling obligated to use it and then missing the window for actually being able to use those play mats and stuff because it goes so fast.  And then noticing a really big difference after having our fourth and then our fifth baby without all that stuff and just my ability to be with my baby.  I think that’s one thing that I learned, too, with a lot of the gadgets and things unintentionally – I’m not going to say that all gadgets are this way, but it really took away from my ability to be with my baby.  It was like, I have to play with these things.  I have to show her this.  I have to do all these activities and stuff instead of just laying with her.

Kristin:  There are so many things.  Like you said, the gadgets, the orbit and different things that are computerized and can occupy your child so you can clean and reduce clutter instead of, again, bonding and holding your baby or putting them down to sleep and so on.  I love it.  So you’ve had completely different experiences, it sounds like, from your first couple of kids and to now as far as the experience in your household.  What was your plan for your last baby in that nesting phase?  What were you doing to prepare for the change in your family?

Krista:  Baby number five was born in 2019, and I remember that first round of two under two being so hard.  I could handle one just fine, but then when the second one came, it was like everything I thought I could do went out the window.  And so with this fifth baby, I was preparing to have two under two again, and the majority of my focus was to get systems in place in my house with my older kids.  There were expectations of the chores that they were responsible for, making sure that my house was pretty easy to manage with one adult, and I wanted that to be my focus because my husband works a lot.  So I thought that if I could reduce the workload down to one adult, I would have a better chance of being able to really recover as well as possible because I was just crossing my fingers that I’d survive two under two again.  And I’ll be honest, two under two is really hard, for me anyway.

Kristin:  It was for me, as well.  I went through the same thing.

Krista:  Yes, you understand.  It just feels like the workload, not including day to day stuff of groceries and meals and cleaning up messes, just quadruples.  My focus was on mentally preparing myself for that and making my house as simple as possible, setting up those systems, but really just preparing myself to be ready to do the absolute bare minimum for about two years.  I’m at the tail end of that now.  How I’m even able to be here with you right now – she’s two and a half now.  It was really preparing myself mentally to be okay with it being a very low-key season where I’m not doing a lot of things outside of taking care of small children, being tired, and trying to sleep, and focusing on those kinds of things.

Kristin:  As far as your business model, take us through what it would be like to work with you if a client of ours or a listener is interested in setting the stage before they have their first or next baby, and then walk us through what it might look like in the postnatal phase, if they’re hearing about you and they’ve already had their baby and they really need to get things organized and in order.

Krista:  I’ve actually had a lot of moms come to me when they’re pregnant and wanting to do this before they have their babies.  Under the assumption that you have a healthy pregnancy – obviously, you’re tired and dealing with all of that – I always recommend doing as much as you possible can before the baby gets here because I feel like once the baby is here, it’s just a different kind of workload, a different kind of 24/7 job for you, especially when they’re teeny tiny.  I want moms to be ready for that.  I want them to clear the space from their homes so that they can be ready to just have that around-the-clock time with this tiny, super sweet baby, which I miss, to be honest.  But I always recommend starting with the areas of your home that are going to have the most impact.  Things like your kitchen, your dishes, having less dishes overall so that they’re easier to keep up on, going through your pantry and making sure that you’ve got food that’s not expired, those kinds of things.  Laundry, because laundry can pile up very quickly.  Decluttering and simplifying laundry.  And then if you have other children, going through and simplifying the toys and crafts and whatever it is that you have for them.  What I’ve found for me specifically is the more kids I have, the less stuff and toys and crafts we can really manage.  We still have enough to meet the needs and desires of our family, but when we had three kids, we have, like, four times as many toys as we do now with five kids.  Part of it, I think, is because we just don’t fully understand how much we actually need and use on a regular basis, but also, they play with each other, and that part gets easier.  But those are the areas that I have them focus on first just because those are the most common areas of the home that can get very overwhelming.

Hey, Alyssa here.  I’m just popping in to tell you about our course called Becoming.  Becoming A Mother is your guide to a confident pregnancy and birth all in a convenient six-week online program, from birth plans to sleep training and everything in between.  You’ll gain the confidence and skills you need for a smooth transition to motherhood.  You’ll get live coaching calls with Kristin and myself, a bunch of expert videos, including chiropractic care, pelvic floor physical therapy, mental health experts, breastfeeding, and much more.  You’ll also get a private Facebook community with other mothers going through this at the same time as you to offer support and encouragement when you need it most.  And then of course you’ll also have direct email access to me and Kristin, in addition to the live coaching calls.  If you’d like to learn more about the course, you can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com, or check it out at www.thebecomingcourse.com.  We’d love to see you there.

Kristin:  I agree on the toys.  Family members and friends, and kids start having birthday parties where friends attend, and it gets to be overwhelming.  I always have my kids donate before Christmas or a birthday before they get more toys.  It’s like, what are we giving back so we can make space for new things?

Krista:  That’s a good rhythm to get into, as well, for them so that they know kind of, like, we only have so much room.  We don’t have room to keep everything that we get every year.  But then I think your next question was what about for afterwards.

Kristin:  Exactly, yes.

Krista:  One of the reasons that I do recommend doing it before you have the baby if at all possible is that if you have family and friends who are willing to come and help – I know not everybody has that – it does make it a lot easier for people to come into your home and do simple things.  You know, help out with the dishes or help out with a load of laundry.  For me, I’ve often felt embarrassed about the way that my house was, so I didn’t want people coming over and being like, oh, wow, she’s quite a mess.  Decluttering and simplifying it just made it easier to accept help when people did want to come over.  If you don’t get to it before baby, it’s totally okay, as well.  I still would recommend focusing on those areas because you want to maximize the effort that you put into decluttering the things that are going to have the most impact on your days, and the most important thing is to not overdo it because you are healing in so many ways.  You do have time, and if you can find someone who can give you just tiny little bite-sized steps to take that will help you clear things out of your home efficiently and maximize your effort, that’s really great.  Of course, you can also just look around your house and ask yourself, like, what would be the best thing for me to have less of?  Have less laundry or clothes; have less toys; have less dishes.  Just kind of take note of that and figure out how you can give yourself some relief.

Kristin:  I love it.  So helpful.  And as you said, it makes it easier for others to help after you’ve had your baby if they don’t need to ask you where to put things and things are simplified.  Some of our clients have a parent or friends stay with them during that recovery period if their partner is working quite a bit during that time.  It makes it easier to have company.

Krista:  That’s an important note, too.  Even if they aren’t coming to help you with dishes or something like that, we have social needs, as well.  I found myself with my first babies kind of isolating myself because I was embarrassed to have people over unless I did a whole lot of work to prepare my house.  Not that anybody cared, but I cared.  But then I was also so overwhelmed that it made it difficult to leave my house and go meet people at other places because I’m like, there’s so much I have to do at the house; I can’t go anywhere.  I really love, as much as possible, to help moms and make this easy for them so they don’t end up being isolated or feeling overwhelmed or taking time away from being able to bond with their baby because they’re cleaning up these messes or just trying to get ahead in their house.

Kristin:  Exactly.  So what are your top three tips for listeners, Krista, if they want to make some change or hire a consultant like you to help them simplify?

Krista:  I would say just start with one thing.  This is something that we do inside of our Facebook group every now and then where we just share literally one thing that we’re going to declutter.  Maybe it’s something that’s been sitting on your kitchen counter that you’ve been avoiding for a long time.  Maybe it’s some dishes.  Maybe it’s a pile of stuff that’s been sitting on your stairs.  Literally just one thing, because that will get your momentum going.  I think a lot of times the hardest part is when we think about what we’re supposed to do, and then we think about it forever, and it’s so exhausting until you actually just take one step.  You’re like, oh, that wasn’t so bad, and then you can take the next one.  That would be my first tip.  My second tip would be start – just do declutter your spice cabinet, just to be really specific.  Go declutter your spice cabinet, or if you don’t have that, under your kitchen sink.  If you go declutter one of those spaces, there’s not a lot of sentimental stuff in there.  You can do it while you’re making dinner or when you’ve got a spare five minutes throughout your day.  It’s all pretty simple stuff to get rid of, and it will give you a quick win.  It will make you feel like you’re making progress and like it’s not so scary to declutter and not so daunting.  I think sometimes when we think about decluttering our houses, we just see the whole house.  It’s like, oh, my gosh, it’s going to take forever.  If you can just do a tiny little thing, it feels a whole lot less daunting.  And the last thing that I would recommend is to just find some kind of a community who can help you along, right, who understands it.  If you’re a mom or if you are pregnant and about to become a new mom, find a mom group who knows about decluttering and can relate to you and will totally validate and understand the feelings that you have when you’re just exhausted because you’re pregnant or you just had a baby and your house is overwhelming, and they can brainstorm with you and strategize and just let you know you’re not the only one who feels that way.

Kristin:  And you mentioned you have a Facebook group?

Krista:  Yes, I do.  It’s called Motherhood Simplified (The Group) and there’s about 40,000 moms in there right now.  We do monthly challenges.  We’ve got a really good system for asking questions and giving feedback.  It’s really respectful.  Very high-level, wonderful moms to learn from.

Kristin:  I love it.  And then how else can our listeners get in touch with you?  You’ve got a website.  You’re on Instagram?

Krista:  Yes.  If you go to my website, you’ll find everything there.  I’ve got a bank of blogs and free guides and podcast episode and courses.  Whatever you consume or use, you can find it on my site.  You can join the group there.  It’s all right there.

Kristin:  As far as course options, what would you suggest for our listeners at this point if they’re pregnant or newly postpartum?

Krista:  I have a course called Decluttering Simplified, which is a step-by-step process to help you declutter your house start to finish, one step at a time in sequential order.  It’s how I decluttered my house and then for the last three and a half years, it’s how I’ve helped other moms declutter their houses.  I’ve given them the program, had them go through it, gotten feedback so I could adjust it and refine it.  I would recommend that.  And if you want something less intensive, if you don’t want to do the whole entire house, I do have a toy course.  You can do just the toys or just the clothes, just the paper, because those are the top three that I get requests for.  That’s where I would recommend.  It’s all created from the lens of motherhood and understanding that we have limited time, limited energy, and we still want to make a lot of progress with the time and energy that we do have.

Kristin:  Exactly.  And you mentioned sentimental items.  When I think of paper, I think of my kids’ report cards and cards that they made us or drawings, and there’s just so much that builds up when you get into sentimental paper products related to your children and wanting to have memories for them to take to their own homes one day.

Krista:  Yeah.  You want me to share kind of how we do it real quick?

Kristin:  Yes!

Krista:  So we have five kids, and we have tons of paper.  Right?  They come home with school projects and all of that stuff, and a few years ago – actually, maybe four or five years ago, I had, like, three bins of papers and crafts and all these special memories, and I decided to go through it with them.  What we found when we started going through it was that a lot of it was not special.  Nobody could remember what it was or when they made it.  So we went through and really got to curate our collection of the memories that we did want to keep, and we condensed it down to about one large Rubbermaid bin.

Kristin:  So much better.

Krista:  Yes, and it feels so much better because we go through it about twice a year.  At the end of the school year, we’ll go through it again, because we add to it all year.  We’ll go through it again, and it’s really fun because everything in there is like a museum rather than an archive where it’s stuff that we really love, and we laugh about it, and it’s fun to revisit.  Then we do it again at Christmastime because the box is near our Christmas décor, so we just pull it out for fun.  So if you do have boxes of papers, I would recommend just going through it with your kids and revisiting stuff.  I’ve found the weirdest stuff in there, too, like a flyer for some fall festival.  Like, why would we keep that?  It’s such a weird thing to keep.  But yeah, go through it with them and have some fun.  See what they remember and see what you remember.  The other thing that I’ve found, especially when my kids were young, was that a lot of the papers and crafts that I kept were definitely things that were made by adults and then put my kids’ names on it for Mother’s Day and stuff, which is totally okay, and we kept some of them, but some of them, I was like, you know, we have so many other nicer things that really look like you made it.  So how to handle the kid paper, which I know is a big deal for a lot of families.

Kristin:  It sure is.  Thank you for your tips, Krista!  It was so great to chat, and I will be checking out your Facebook group and getting on my spice rack, for sure.

Krista:  Thank you so much!

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review.  Thank you!  Remember, these moments are golden.

Simplifying Motherhood: Podcast Episode #157 Read More »

Sarah Thompson poses with a hat on, glasses, and blue tank top in front of trees

Functional Maternity: Podcast Episode #156

Sarah Thompson, author of Functional Maternity explains what maternal functional medicine is and the role nutrition plays in pregnancy and birth outcomes.  You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes, SoundCloud, or wherever you find your podcasts.

Welcome.  You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting.  Let’s chat!

Kristin:  Hello!  This is Kristin with Ask the Doulas, and I’m joined today by Sarah Thompson.  Welcome, Sarah!

Sarah:  Thank you!  Thanks for having me.

Kristin:  You are a certified functional medicine practitioner, and you’ve got 15 years’ experience, correct?

Sarah:  Yeah, that is correct.

Kristin:  I’d love to hear more about why you got into specializing in reproductive care, fertility, pregnancy, and postpartum.  Of all the specialties that you could choose, why are you passionate about maternity care?

Sarah:  Well, I think like most people – in my profession, I’m an acupuncturist by trade before functional medicine.  I started off in sports medicine, pain management, and pregnancy was not something that was even on my radar.  And it wasn’t until I actually became pregnant with my first child that I became fascinated by the internal workings of pregnancy.  It was basically an understanding of my own body that I was like, oh, I have to know how this works.  This is so cool.  Why didn’t anybody tell me pregnancy was so cool?  And I immediately decided then and there that I needed to shift my focus because this is where my passion was.  The other thing that drove me was the fact that there weren’t many practitioners offering any sort of alternative care for pregnancy.  Most of the care, obviously, is through OB-GYNs and through midwives and the conventional medicine practice.  And I remember having questions for my midwives, who were fantastic midwives, but they didn’t have the answers, and they kind of struggled with, I don’t know, maybe there’s a book you can find to read on it.  And I didn’t really love those answers.  So I started doing my own diving and my own research and kind of discovered the functional medicine route even through that experience as well and even within the functional medicine realm, there wasn’t a lot of specialization within the reproductive.  Definitely some into the fertility side, but nothing on the maternity side.  And to me, maternity care is probably the most important specialty there is because it’s the beginning – it’s where everything culminates, right?  What a mother does not only influences her health and that pregnancy, but the next generation.

Kristin:  Exactly.  And of course, I mean, as an acupuncturist, you’re already working with women in pregnancy, and they’re coming to you for relief in a variety of conditions or potentially wanting to avoid induction or get baby to flip and so on.

Sarah:  Absolutely.  Acupuncture offers a number of different clinically supported benefits in pregnancy.  We can use it to reduce hypertension.  We can use it to facilitate labor, which is pretty cool.  Flip breach babies.  There’s a number of things that we use acupuncture for.  The cool thing about the combination between acupuncture and functional medicine is functional medicine is that foundation.  It’s how nutrition plays into what we’re asking the body to do with acupuncture at a nutritional and biochemical level.  So I always tell people, I can tell your body to do something with acupuncture, but if the foundation is broken, then it’s not going to work.  So looking at labor induction, with acupuncture, I can tell the body to make prostaglandins and to make oxytocin to facilitate natural labor, but if that person was magnesium deficient or vitamin A deficient or deficient in the nutrients that go into the production and the function of oxytocin and prostaglandins, it’s not going to happen.  And that’s where functional medicine comes into that.

Kristin:  So you look into the lifestyle, and I’m sure you do very lengthy intakes with your patients about their nutrition.  So how does that process work when you’re accepting new pregnant patients?

Sarah:  Sure.  So we offer a couple different options.  I have a functional maternity package, which is unlimited functional medicine appointments, and we follow women through their entire pregnancy and for three months postpartum.  The earlier I can work with somebody, the better.  I kind of joke with my patients and in interviews like this, that everything in pregnancy is preparing.  And oftentimes, what we’re working on in a specific trimester has less to do with that trimester and more to do with preparing for the next trimester.

Kristin:  Makes sense.

Sarah:  So with the functional maternity package, the earlier we can get somebody in, so first trimester, right, the better we can set them up for success throughout their entire pregnancy.  We also offer pre-conception appointments where we talk a lot about the nutrition and the functional aspect of how the ovary and the sperm and everything comes together to support that first trimester.  And that’s not part of the package.  That would be separate, just because some people struggle with conception, and that can sometimes take longer.  But we are always basically trying to build off of in each phase in that pregnancy gestation cascade.

Kristin:  And as far as nutrition, do you have different recommendations based on history or a guideline for each client based on what their current diet is and so on?

Sarah:  Absolutely.  So we do have – I have handouts I give to patients all the time that are the generic dietary guidelines for each trimester of pregnancy and things that I want them to focus on, foods I want them to focus on.  But that’s also modified based off of the individual.  So a mother who may have PCOS prior to conception, she might need a different nutritional pattern and guidelines than somebody who didn’t.  Or if somebody struggled with conception – they had recurrent miscarriages; they carry MTHFR genetic mutations that change the way their body processes the latent B vitamins and those sorts of things, then they’re going to need a different guideline than just the generic guideline.  So we have our generic that basically will say things like, this is what’s happening in the maternal body at this time.  This is what we’re looking at in fetal development.  These are the things we focus on in a general trimester guideline.  But for you, because of this, we’re going to add these things in.

Kristin:  Makes sense.  And then with gestational diabetes and other conditions, then you would, of course, focus on those specific needs?

Sarah:  Absolutely.  Yeah.  That definitely changes some of the guidelines when somebody pops up with gestational diabetes or preeclampsia and some of these more severe conditions.

Kristin:  Yes.  And you are also an author, so how did you manage a busy practice and taking on a book project, which is huge?

Sarah:  It was a huge project.  It was a lot of fun.  It was something that I had had in the back of my head for years, and it was a resource and a guide that I was hoping, you know, somebody else would write.  You know, following my mentors and these things and going, okay, so when are you guys going to write this book?  Okay, we need this resource!  And finally, somebody said, just write it.  And I said, all right, I will, because we need it.  We need this out here for people, whether it’s a practitioner or a mother who just conceived or somebody who’s looking to conceive.  The book was designed to be an introduction to the use of functional medicine and nutrition in pregnancy care.  So it’s a little bit more in depth than just your kind of general guide to pregnancy and nutrition.  We dive very deep into the inner workings and biochemistry and physiology of the maternal body and how nutrition plays into these different biochemical processes.  So it’s a little bit more in-depth, but definitely something that a pregnant mother could pick up and read and get a lot of information out of, as well as a practitioner.

Kristin:  And how do we find your book?  It’s available on Amazon and a variety of places.  Are you in bookstores, as well?

Sarah:  I will be in bookstores.  If you go to your local bookstore and request it, they can order it for you.

Kristin:  Great!

Sarah:  But it is primarily right now on Amazon.

Kristin:  And the title for our listeners?

Sarah:  The book is called Functional Maternity: Using Functional Medicine and Nutrition to Improve Pregnancy and Childbirth Outcomes.

Kristin:  That’s great.  So do you have any future projects in mind beyond book number one, or what are you working on outside of your practice?

Sarah:  We are looking at maybe creating some courses based off the book that are designed for practitioners and for expectant mothers that guide into a little bit more into the different conditions or general nutritional guidance for pregnant moms, so that’s something that might be popping up this summer.  We’re also contemplating our own supplement line at this point, something that has been brought up and requested from numerous practitioners at this point.  So we’re diving into the world of possibly setting up a supplement line based on functional medicine and maternity care and the research behind it.  So those are some things to keep an eye out for.  And on the website, we do have a blog full of articles, and there will be some free e-book downloads on there.  I have a pre-conception and fertility e-book that will be available as a free download on there, hopefully in the next couple of weeks.

Kristin:  Great!  We’ll share that for our listeners in our notes.  So as far as – you not only take patients, and are you doing both in person and virtual right now, or how are you practicing?

Sarah:  We have – our practice runs in office and virtually.  I have patients all over the world, actually.

Kristin:  It would seem like that, from your website, yeah.  That’s fantastic.  So Michigan clients can access you virtually?

Sarah:  Absolutely, yeah.  And we have patients as far away as Australia and Canada.  We follow them through their pregnancy and guide them through nutrition and functional medicine if things pop up.  It’s something that definitely can be used for people who are just looking to support a natural healthy pregnancy and for people who are experiencing complications.  It’s a great avenue for all people in any type of pregnancy.

Kristin:  Sarah, how does one, if they wanted to find a practitioner to go in person in their area, how do you best recommend finding a functional medicine practitioner?

Sarah:  With those who are pregnant, it gets really hard, simply because the functional medicine trainings do not offer, really, specialized maternity care.  I don’t know many practitioners out there who have additional training in supporting pregnancy with functional medicine.  And it’s something that I’m trying to change.  That’s one of my missions is I would love to see functional medicine practitioners doing a little bit more in-depth training in maternity care simply because a lot of the things that we do in functional medicine can’t be done in pregnancy.  A lot of the testing that we use is different in pregnancy.  I like to use an example that I also mentor practitioners around the country, as well, and I had a functional medicine practitioner from another state contact me slightly in a panic that he had run heavy metal testing on a woman who was in her third trimester, and copper levels had come up elevated.  And he was wanting to come up with a protocol to bring her copper levels down without causing complications within the pregnancy.  A lot of the supplements that we would use for that are contraindicated in pregnancy.  And I had to stop him very abruptly because having elevated copper levels in the third trimester of pregnancy is 100% normal.  And in his training – he had not done additional training in pregnancy support and these different physiological changes that occur in pregnancy that, outside of pregnancy, could be considered toxic patterns, but in pregnancy, are 100% normal.

Kristin:  Okay, so he was in panic mode –

Sarah:  He was, and it was 100% normal.  And if he had done that, he would have caused complications within that pregnancy.

Hey, Alyssa here.  I’m just popping in to tell you about our course called Becoming.  Becoming A Mother is your guide to a confident pregnancy and birth all in a convenient six-week online program, from birth plans to sleep training and everything in between.  You’ll gain the confidence and skills you need for a smooth transition to motherhood.  You’ll get live coaching calls with Kristin and myself, a bunch of expert videos, including chiropractic care, pelvic floor physical therapy, mental health experts, breastfeeding, and much more.  You’ll also get a private Facebook community with other mothers going through this at the same time as you to offer support and encouragement when you need it most.  And then of course you’ll also have direct email access to me and Kristin, in addition to the live coaching calls.  If you’d like to learn more about the course, you can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com, or check it out at www.thebecomingcourse.com.  We’d love to see you there.

Kristin:  It’s so great that, not only are you mentoring, but you plan to further education functional medicine practitioners.  I do find that even in my work as a doula, there aren’t a lot of specialists.  There are so many other healthcare practitioner referrals that we can make, but very few really specialize or have the knowledge base around maternity.  They might have a focus on, say, gestational diabetes if they’re a naturopathic doctor or a functional medicine doctor and so on, but as far as other conditions, they don’t have that background.

Sarah:  Yeah, and if somebody was looking for a practitioner in their area – you know, a functional medicine certification is an adjunct to a medical license.  It’s not its own separate, you know, licensure.  It’s off of a license.  So finding a practitioner whose base licensure is specialized in pregnancy care definitely would be – like a midwife or an OB-GYN or an acupuncturist who specializes in pregnancy.  Those sorts of things, a naturopath who specializes in women’s health, might definitely put them in a better advantage to find somebody who has the additional training and the additional knowledge in these different aspects of maternity care.

Kristin:  Makes sense.  So I’m curious about your approach in the postnatal phase.  That is also a specialty of yours and something we’re very passionate about at Gold Coast.

Sarah:  You know, postpartum care is often neglected.  I think the conventional medicine world kind of says, well, you had a baby.  Good luck.  We’ll see you in six weeks.  You’re doing great.  Keep going.  Where we know that the maternal body, the baby itself, they are still in this hormonal pattern of pregnancy postpartum, and we have the fourth trimester, what we call it now, those three months postpartum.  And that’s why with my functional maternity package, we include those three months postpartum as part of that package, because there is a lot of maternal change that happens very quickly during that time frame, and it is definitely still a phase hormonally of pregnancy.  And so we do monitor, especially the first six weeks; we’re talking to patients every week postpartum, typically.  Checking in, seeing what’s changing, how’s breast milk, how are we feeling emotionally, and discussing what is happening in her body so that she understands what’s normal and what’s not and how we can do things to support those different changes in the body.  Things like thyroid hormone changes that occur postpartum, the drop in hormones and why and why that happens; changes in breast milk production; how do we support that.  And any time we’re looking at postpartum, we have to go backwards.  It’s that preparing for preparing aspect.  What’s happening in the postpartum phase oftentimes isn’t because of what a mother is doing in the postpartum phase; it has to do with what happened in the third trimester and during the birth itself.

Kristin:  And I’m sure there’s a lot of focus, for mothers who choose to breastfeed, on their nutrition and water intake and so on?

Sarah:  Absolutely.  Yeah, one of the things we focus on a lot is something like vitamin D.  That’s kind of one of my examples I use a lot.  Newer research shows that the current recommended daily allowance of vitamin D is 600 international units, and that is far from what a mother actually needs in pregnancy and significantly less than what a mother needs postpartum.  The demand for vitamin D goes up quite a bit in the postpartum phase if she is breastfeeding.  So babies need, when they’re breastfeeding, about 400 international units of vitamin D, and for a baby to get that through the breast milk, a mother needs to consume a minimum of 6,000 international units per day in her diet.  That’s a lot of vitamin D!

Kristin:  It is, especially if you live somewhere cold and you’re not getting it from the sun.

Sarah:  Exactly.  And like I said, the current RDA is only 600, so far lower than what newer studies are showing that women need.  And this changes from that pregnancy phase to postpartum phase.  And so we actually need more in the postpartum phase than we did in the pregnancy phase.

Kristin:  And then is that also a focus with preeclampsia?  You mentioned preeclampsia earlier.

Sarah:  Yep.  So we look at a number of things with preeclampsia, and interestingly, every nutrient known to man, a deficiency in those nutrients is associated with an increased risk of preeclampsia, yet the treatment of preeclampsia once it occurs, treating with those nutritional deficiencies, fixing those nutritional deficiencies, doesn’t improve the symptoms as dramatically as we would expect, and it’s because the damage has been done.  A nutritional deficiency in the first trimester or pre-conception coming into the first trimester and second trimester changes placental development, and if that placental development gets shifted into a dysfunctional pattern, then now we have the increased risk of developing preeclampsia sometime in the second and third trimester.  So we can’t fix damage that’s already been done, right?

Kristin:  That makes sense.

Sarah:  And so people who come to me with acute preeclampsia, really, our goal is to keep that woman pregnant and healthy as long as we can, knowing that this is a progressive disease.  I have patients who come to me wanting pre-conception help for a second pregnancy or a third pregnancy where a previous pregnancy, they had preeclampsia, and they’re wanting to prevent it.  That’s our preventative phase is that pre-conception first trimester phase.

Kristin:  That makes sense.  I had preeclampsia with my first and then was focused, like the moment I found out that I was pregnant, on trying to prevent and seeking alternative practitioners and hiring doulas.  Yes, so that makes a lot of sense.  And many of our listeners are not aware of eclampsia and some of the effects after having baby and how to manage that, as well.

Sarah:  Yeah, I think there’s definitely, as you know, a great myth out there, delivery cures preeclampsia, and that’s not the case.  It is a progressive condition, and a lot of women experience postpartum symptoms of the disease.

Kristin:  Yes.  And so as far as treating patients – now, I know that, obviously, optimally, it’s better to work with you from the point of conception, early, but what about those patients who are struggling in the postpartum phase, or they’re dealing with eclampsia or other conditions?  How do you work with them and manage not having the time to really get into what they’re deficient in and so on?

Sarah:  And sometimes we do.  Like, we can still run lab work.  We can figure out, is it a vitamin D deficiency?  Vitamin D deficiency is associated with an increased risk of so many pregnancy complications.  But we definitely do crisis management, is what we’ll call it.  All right, here’s what we’re going to do.  We don’t have time to do a lot of the stuff.  We’re going to do these pretty hefty protocols sometimes, and it depends on the patterns, right?  HELLP syndrome, for example.  One of the classic things that we see with HELLP syndrome is the filling of hemoglobin into the maternal blood flow from the baby.  The placenta is dysfunctional, and fetal hemoglobin pops into mom’s blood, and that’s why we see increased hemoglobin levels in HELLP syndrome.  It’s not that mom is now making more hemoglobin.  It’s that baby’s hemoglobin is now flooding her system.  And that creates a whole cascade of complications.  Sometimes we’ll use supplements, right?  Here, we’re going to give you this manganese and this super oxide because we know that it helps to treat the iron toxicity associated with that spilling of hemoglobin.  So it’s an acute management of that scenario with what we can do, with the idea of preventing more extreme complications.  Sometimes we can get those complications to reverse, even, in the lab work, which is really cool to see, and it’s always fun to surprise physicians.  They’re like, wait, how did that happen?  We’re like, oh, it’s functional medicine.  It’s really cool.  You should look into it.  And we do those sorts of things with the idea of, again, this is a progressive disease, and our goal is to mitigate it as much as possible to get mom and baby further into gestation so that we have a more viable pregnancy.  So we do crisis management, and sometimes the things that moms don’t love, right, it’s like, I want you to eat liver every single day, and they’re like, no, I don’t want to do that.  That’s what we’re going to do.  Or things like, I want you to have – sometimes it’s simple things that don’t sound like they do a lot, but they do.  Things like, I want you to have a glass of milk at every meal, and I want you to eat five eggs a day.  And there’s methodology to why we do this, but it’s kind of this really quick, intensive dietary approach that floods her body with specific things that we need to help mitigate this dysfunction.  So yeah, we work a lot with crisis management, things like small for gestational age babies and intrauterine growth restriction.  That’s something we work with quite a bit in that kind of third trimester type stuff where it’s like, oh, I went in, and my baby’s growing three weeks behind; what do I do?  Those are things that we hammer certain nutritional protocols with the idea of understanding that something is happening between the placenta and the baby or something’s happening in mom’s diet that is limiting the amount of nutrition that can go to baby.  And so we have to kind of figure out the why behind it.  The key to functional medicine is understanding the why.  Why is this happening?  Not just here’s the band aid for it, but we have to understand the why.  Is it narrow blood vessels in the placenta?  Is it something that happened in mom?  I’ve had a couple of cases just in the last couple months of, oh, moms who’ve gotten COVID at certain times of gestation, and when they’re done, their baby is smaller, and that’s something we’re definitely seeing, and it’s something we have to treat.  So when I have moms who pop up with COVID, we have a protocol to help prevent that change in placenta and fetal growth.  So there’s a lot of things that do become crisis management in pregnancy, and we are limited on time.  One of the downfalls of working sometimes in pregnancy is that we are limited and the maternal body changes so much from trimester to trimester, month to month, week to week, that you have to understand the different physiological and hormonal changes that occur throughout gestation, the nutritional components, and how that changes your treatments, how that changes your approach to that individual as they come in.

Kristin:  Makes sense.  Well, we are running out of time.  Any last tips for our listeners as they’re navigating pregnancy and the postpartum phase?

Sarah:  Absolutely.  So, you know, there’s all sorts of different diets out there, and I don’t prescribe to any one dietary theory.  I believe in nutrition; individual nutrients; what they do in the body.  And we see from study after study after study that diet is key to pregnancy outcomes, fetal development, and postpartum recovery, and if I had one single tip to give to the moms out there who are listening, it would be eat a variety of whole foods.  And it seems so simple, but it’s something that is often times very difficult.  80% of women of reproductive age aren’t even eating the minimum requirements for vegetables, and that’s where our vitamins come from.  Primarily, it’s from the vegetables and the legumes and the plant-based foods that we eat.  And something as simple as switching to whole foods, kind of cutting out the processed stuff as much as possible, really does have a big impact pre-conception, first trimester, pregnancy, postpartum, the whole gamut.

Kristin:  And any tips on protein intake?

Sarah:  Yeah.  Protein is important.  We need lots of protein, and definitely in the prenatal diet, we focus a lot on protein.  And I have patients who eat meat, and I have patients who don’t eat meat.  And we can easily get the adequate amount of protein that we need in pregnancy, but it’s just making sure you do get the protein.  Legumes are protein.  Nuts and seeds are proteins.  Obviously, meats.  Obviously, eggs, dairy, cheese.  All those things really do play a part.  I’m not anti any food.  I think all foods have a place in the diet.  We’ve just lost a lot of our traditional knowledge on how to use certain foods, and I think it’s important that people know how to properly use foods in the diet.  You know, things like legumes needing to be soaked before you cook them and things like that really unlock the nutrition within those foods, as well.

Kristin:  I’m so thrilled to have you as a resource, and I look forward to connecting again in the future and sending clients your way.  Sarah, would you recap a bit about how our listeners and clients can find you?  I know you’re on Instagram and some other social media platforms?

Sarah:  Definitely, we have social media.  Instagram and Facebook, we are at functional.maternity.  And we have a website.  From there, there is a link on that website to access the clinic, Sacred Vessel Acupuncture.  You can use either website to communicate with me.  I always offer a 15-minute free phone consultation for anybody who is interested in becoming a patient before they ever schedule, so that’s something that’s nice because people have a lot of questions about functional medicine and what we can offer and specific conditions, so I think it’s nice to be able to get that free phone consultation and just ask some basic questions beforehand.  And like I said, the book is Functional Maternity.  You can find that on Amazon, and then you can also request it at your local bookstores.

Kristin:  Perfect.  And you can find information on your website about the book, as well?

Sarah:  You can, absolutely.

Kristin:  Thank you so much, Sarah!  Have a great rest of your day!

Sarah:  Thank you.  You, as well.  Thanks for having me.

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review.  Thank you!  Remember, these moments are golden.

Functional Maternity: Podcast Episode #156 Read More »

Woman holding a water bottle wearing a black exercise tank top

Pilates for Prenatal and Postpartum: Podcast Episode #155

We talk about Pilates with Emma Jory of ePilates Online shares tips on how to take care of your body in all four trimesters.  You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes, SoundCloud, or wherever you find your podcasts.

Welcome.  You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting.  Let’s chat!

Kristin:  Welcome to Ask the Doulas.  I’m Kristin, and I’m excited to chat with Emma Jory today about how to take care of your body in all four trimesters.  Emma Jory is an international certified Pilates, barres, and Hatha yoga instructor.  She’s also a certified health coach, online instructor, and specializes in women’s health, specifically pre- and postnatal programs with over 17 years of teaching experience.  Emma is the creator of ePilates Online, an online global fitness business, and she’s the former owner of Emergy Pilates Lounge in Sydney, Australia.  In 2014, she sold the business and launched her ePilates Online business.  She connects with over 40,000 of her members by offering 300-plus classes and builds a community to help them transform their health.  Emma’s been featured in Parenthood and Pilates Style magazine.  She took the stage as an expert professional at Malaysia’s Murfest and Sacred Postpartum Summit and was a podcast guest on The Purpose Effect and Conscious Connections.  Emma lives in Malaysia with her husband and pups.  Welcome, Emma!

Emma:  Hi, Kristin.  Thank you so much.  Lovely to be here.

Kristin:  So excited to chat with you about four trimesters.  Most people only think of three, but I would love to hear your take on postnatal prep and what your focus, both prenatal and postnatal care, for women is all about.

Emma:  Nice.  So true; a lot of people don’t pay enough attention to the fourth trimester, that’s for sure.  It is definitely an important time for women.  I actually teach women to prepare their bodies for birth during the first, second, and third trimester with exercise like Pilates and yoga, but also a little bit of mindset coaching, which is all intertwined, as well as meditation.  It’s important to prepare the body, but then as you say, look after the body and your mental and physical wellbeing in the fourth trimester because you are a new mom.  Obviously, you are – some are new moms; obviously, not everyone, but you are taking that change in your life as well as the baby’s.  So it is important to recognize that.

Kristin:  So as far as preparation, fitness, and as you mentioned, the mental preparation to get your body not only ready for birth but for that healing time.

Emma:  Yeah, because technically – you know, we don’t think about it like this often, but really, the body has gone through trauma.  It’s like having an injury.  Often, it can be – you know, some people have more effects in their body than others, but the body has changed, and to recognize that change is really important, to not rush back to exercise too quickly, because if you had an injury, for example, in your shoulder or your knee, you wouldn’t go back into a normal level of exercise perhaps that you were doing prior to your injury.  So I like to get my clients to think of it that way so that they do take regaining the exercise routine back steady and they don’t rush into things too quickly because you can actually do – not damage as such, but, you know, you can do a little bit more detrimental affects to your body than if you did take it slowly.  Working from the inside out and letting your body recover is really important.

Kristin:  So true.  I feel like women are in a hurry to get back to their size pre-birth and just get into fitness routines, and it’s challenging for them to wait until they get clearance from their doctor or midwife.  So very good advice.  So I’m fascinated by Malaysian healing traditions.  Would you like to share a bit about the 40 days and rest and nourishment?

Emma:  Yeah, it’s interesting.  I know you’ve spoken to Valerie from The Mommy Plan.  I know Valerie here.  I met her Malaysia, and she’s into all of the Malaysian techniques, as well.  I’ve actually been very lucky and blessed to have learned a lot about these postpartum healing methods while living here in Malaysia for the last eight years, and it definitely has become a passion of mine, the postpartum period even more so of a passion to help moms because I’ve seen how much the local culture here really does embrace this fourth trimester.  They really take care of the mother like she is just as important as the baby, if not more in some ways, taking care of her mentally, because I think it’s missed a lot in Western culture.  We tend to rush back to work.  We think we have to get back to normal tasks of everyday life whereas we do take this time to heal; we are definitely going to be in a better head space to look after our baby.  And a lot of the techniques they use here, a lot of massage, specific foods that they like to eat that are very nourishing; they have a lot of techniques around binding the stomach muscles and the stomach area, but also putting on heat packs and creams, using different herbs.  It’s a really beautiful process, and a lot of the women actually have someone come into their home to actually do all of these treatments for them, so they’re very lucky.  And it’s something like once a week or once or twice a week, even.  Some of them even have people living in.  So they’re really well looked after here, and they make it a big focus, which is – I think we can learn a lot from that.

Kristin:  I agree.  Mothering the mother is so essential, and you are correct, I’ve learned so much from Valerie and her books and lectures and so on.  I would love to hear more about your online program, if you’d let our listeners know a bit about what that involves and how they can join anywhere in the world.

Emma:  Oh, yeah.  So I have been teaching postpartum and prenatal women for many years.  I’ve been teaching Pilates for 17, and throughout my whole journey, I’ve been teaching mums through this period.  And I have helped a lot of women face to face, and there was a lot of women that I couldn’t get to see because my schedule was so quite busy and full.  I felt like I really needed to be sharing this information and these techniques with more women.  And this is actually – this online program I created for postpartum women and prenatal, as well.  I actually put together before everyone was sort of going online, so it’s been a well-received program for many years, and it helps to regain the body back after giving birth in a safe way.  It helps to strengthen the pelvic floor.  It’s safe for women who’s given birth probably – sometimes even women will start as early as six weeks.  It’s very gentle.  It’s safe to do.  Some even earlier.  You know, I’ve had some ladies actually do the breathing and connecting of the pelvic floor muscles and deep abdominals earlier on like four weeks because it’s very gentle, and sometimes the sooner the mothers can do that if they’ve had, especially, tearing or even a C-section, as long as it’s feeling comfortable and there’s no pain, they can do that gentle engaging to help actually recover from the scar tissue.  It helps bring blood flow back to the area.  So the program helps with restoring the body, also after Cesarean, and it’s in a functional way, as well, so you are not just doing Kegels where you’re just squeezing the pelvic floor muscles.  You’re actually doing gentle movements, pelvic curls, cat-cows, those sort of movements, and that’s really great to have that functional movement, not just connecting the pelvic floor.  So it’s a three-month program, and it’s tailored for women who’ve just given birth, so it gives the content in a weekly, I guess, delivered format, so you don’t progress any sooner than you should, than you’re ready for.  It’s basically the same program that I would teach my clients if I was going in face to face to teach them.  So it’s a really beneficial program, not just for women who’ve had babies recently but I’ve also had ladies who have done this program and their baby’s 20 years old, and it’s still helped their pelvic floor.  It’s really good, and it’s not normal Pilates.  It’s – yeah, different style.  It’s also using – releasing the fascia, so if anyone has a diastasis, as well, it’s really great for repairing diastasis.  I’ve had a lady who – or quite a few ladies I’ve helped repair that; many, actually, but a couple who were recommended surgery, and they had a four to five finger gap, their diastasis.  And we got them down to two fingers after just a couple of weeks, even, two or three weeks, which is far better than having surgery.  So it’s a great program for all those conditions, even pubic symphysis pain, as well.  So it’s definitely a really great healing program.

Kristin:  Sounds like it.  So glad that you were thinking of doing something online before the rest of us.  We just launched an online course called Becoming A Mother during the pandemic, and I feel like there are so many more online options, but you thought of this, you know, so far in advance.  So it’s a beautiful resource.

Emma:  Thank you, and I did see, yeah, your amazing program, too.  It looks fantastic.  You’re helping women in such a great way.  I love that.  It’s so important to give women the guidance during this time because I think so many women can feel alone and unsure of what they’re doing.  So I love what you’re doing.  I love your work.

Kristin:  Thanks!  So you have a supportive community in addition to the courses, correct?

Emma:  Yeah.  I actually – I have the pre- and postnatal focused programs, and I also have another program that is Pilates for women who are a little – obviously, you know, not going through the changes as pre- and postnatal, so they may be getting into more cardio style or strengthening and toning.  I have that program, as well, and I do have – yeah, I’ve got a Facebook community of about – nearly, I think, 45,000 people now, which is growing and quite amazing.  Yeah.  I run regular challenges, and yeah, it’s quite an exciting online studio, really.  I’m very proud of all my members and the clientele I’m helping around the world.  It’s wonderful.  It’s incredible what you can do, actually, still online.  So a lot of people are getting some great results.

Hey, Alyssa here.  I’m just popping in to tell you about our course called Becoming.  Becoming A Mother is your guide to a confident pregnancy and birth all in a convenient six-week online program, from birth plans to sleep training and everything in between.  You’ll gain the confidence and skills you need for a smooth transition to motherhood.  You’ll get live coaching calls with Kristin and myself, a bunch of expert videos, including chiropractic care, pelvic floor physical therapy, mental health experts, breastfeeding, and much more.  You’ll also get a private Facebook community with other mothers going through this at the same time as you to offer support and encouragement when you need it most.  And then of course you’ll also have direct email access to me and Kristin, in addition to the live coaching calls.  If you’d like to learn more about the course, you can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com, or check it out at www.thebecomingcourse.com.  We’d love to see you there.

Kristin:  I will share that with our Becoming students and our doula clients.  What a wonderful resource.  So as we recently interviewed a client, and she had a successful VBAC after a Cesarean, and she really raved about the benefits of using Pilates throughout her pregnancy and how that really helped her prepare for a vaginal birth after Cesarean.  So it’s great timing that I’m talking to you.

Emma:  Yeah, absolutely.  It’s quite powerful.  And just to have that body awareness, I think, as well.  You know, if you haven’t done a lot of that mind-body connection work prior to giving birth, you may not be as, I guess, as prepared as you could be.  You know, once you start to go down that path of really understanding your body when you’re in the situation, which obviously you know all about – I don’t need to explain that to you, but you really are – not necessarily in control, but you have a little bit more control over your breath and mind and what you may do if you didn’t practice some of these mind-body connection practices.

Kristin:  Exactly, yeah.  And she is a big fan of the barre method and used that in recovery as well, and all through pregnancy.  So I would love to hear what’s next for you.  You’ve got so many achievements, but I’m sure you’re planning your next release into the world, whether it’s a book or a new program?

Emma:  Oh, yeah.  It’s true, actually.  I have a lot of my clients asking me about weight loss, and I am a certified health coach, and I tend to give a lot of free advice, you know, just helping my existing clientele around that.  And they keep asking me, you know, can I help them more, and it’s something that I’ve decided to put together.  Not necessarily weight loss, but an inch loss program, which will be hopefully coming out this year at some point.  It will really be – I don’t believe in looking at the scales.  I think that’s why I wouldn’t want to call it a weight loss program, but it will be inch loss, so I think it’s a little bit more about how our clothes fit on our body as opposed to what we weigh on the scales, what the numbers are.  It will be a lot around mindset.  I’m quite big around being kind to ourselves, loving ourselves, and that’s all part of the journey of weight loss.  I have come from a background of myself with an eating disorder when I was younger, so I know too well what it’s like to be monitoring my weight, but I feel I’m in a really good place in my life now at 47, turning 48 soon.  You know, I have had fluctuations up and down, and really now I’ve really embraced my body and love it and still believe in a balanced attitude towards our diet.  I believe in the 80/20 rule.  We can still indulge.  We can still eat the things we love.  I’m a chocolate fan, and I don’t mind a wine.  So I fully believe in that and not depriving ourselves because once we start to do that, that’s when we want things more.  So really helping women through that journey and making lasting changes, not just following a diet for a short period and thinking that’s – they have to reduce what they eat or those sorts of things.  But incorporating an exercise program alongside what the individual needs, because I think often we do – often, we over-exercise thinking we need to do that to lose weight, and often if we’re already stressed, we can be having the opposite effect.  You know, if we think we have to do a lot of cardio or strenuous exercise, we’re actually putting more stress onto the body, which can often have the opposite effect, and we can hold on to weight.  And there’s a lot of reasons behind that.  You may have already heard all of those, but it’s driven by hormones.  The stress hormone is called cortisol, which is released when we’re stressed, and so that can tend to cause us to hold on to weight.  So that’s sort of the program I’ll be putting together – hopefully, it will be coming out this year, which will help a lot of women, both postpartum and everyone, I think.

Kristin:  Yeah, everyone can benefit.  And as you mentioned, the hormone changes, and even women entering perimenopause or in menopause are struggling with some of the weight gain issues there.

Emma:  Absolutely, yes.  I’m actually in that phase myself, and certainly feeling and noticing the changes.  The energy levels change, as well.  So you really have to adapt to what your body is asking for.  I believe in that.  I teach that a lot to my clients, to really listen to their body, not to force things.  Obviously, you need to know the difference between when you’re just being – thinking you can’t be bothered to do anything, and yet you could find the energy for it, or whether you really are exhausted and you don’t have the energy and you’re pushing yourself if you do do it.  So I think it’s important that we learn the difference and start to really listen to our body and what it needs.

Kristin:  Beautiful, yes.  So what tips do you have for women who are going through so many transitions, whether it’s baby number one or baby number four?  You had talked earlier about that mental preparation.  What mindset tips do you have for our listeners?

Emma:  I love to help my clients to visualize the birth that they want to have, which you probably teach a lot of, I’m sure, to your clients.

Kristin:  Yes.

Emma:  Yeah, I thought so.  So we’re coming from definitely the same page there.  You know, I teach yoga and Pilates, and you know I like to have the ladies focus a lot on their breathing, which obviously would come into the doula focus, as well, I’m sure, and to really visualize and stay focused on the birth they want, but obviously, at the same time, things don’t always go to plan but to really embrace and be kind to themselves no matter what happens, you know, during the birthing process.  So for me, that’s a really big one.  And I try to support my clients in probably a fairly gentle approach.  I still give them some good workouts, but I also make sure that they get the relaxation part, as well.  I find that’s really important.  I think many women these days tend to probably do a lot, and they don’t realize they’re doing a lot, so to give them a few moments in class, even if it’s at the end of class, five, ten minutes of focusing on relaxation, breathing, mindset.  It’s sometimes the only moment they get during the day, so I like to always incorporate that.

Kristin:  Yeah, that’s wonderful.  And we focus so much during pregnancy on connecting with baby and taking that time.  I feel like self-care can be an overused term, but it’s also so important, and after having baby, for women to feel like themselves again, like a whole person, versus being in this new role as a parent or being a parent all over again, to take that intentional time for themselves is key.  So the fact that your program offers this break, it’s not just the fitness aspect of it.

Emma:  Yeah, it incorporates all of that.  And I do a lot of work with the women on the fit ball, as well, so I find – I teach them how to use the fit ball during labor, also, which I’m not sure if you go into that, as well, but I’m sure you probably would touch on that.  So that’s a focus I also bring into class, teaching them how to use it during the session so it becomes second nature so they know what to do and it doesn’t feel foreign to them during labor if they do decide to use the fit ball.  They know all the moves and have been practicing it weekly.  So we incorporate it for core strength when they’re in the prenatal phase but also some of the moves for labor.

Kristin:  Love it.  Any final tips for our listeners on any of the subjects that we covered?

Emma:  I think one thing that I do really try and emphasize, I guess, is – a lot of women don’t sort of think about it when they first get pregnant, but I like to teach the women in their first trimester about the postpartum recovery because in the first trimester, you’re still feeling the connection of the abdominals.  You still have your body, technically, prior to it changing, if you like.  Your current connections of abdominal muscles, and that starts to change as you get further along in the pregnancy.  So I love to teach the women what to look out for and what to feel in the postpartum recovery in the first trimester.  So it’s really quite an easy or easier, I should say, transition into postpartum recovery.  You already know the feelings so that you know what you’re looking for because it can be different to find that once you’ve given birth to find that connection back to the abdominal area.  So having that reference before in the prenatal time, especially if it’s new; if Pilates is new to you, or this style that I teach is new, I find that’s a really beneficial way to go through stuff and it can make it an easier transition.

Kristin:  There are so many things.  I love that you’re doing that education for postnatal recovery during pregnancy.  Like you said, there can be surprises, and you don’t really feel like friends or even providers are talking about some of the things to look out for.  A lot of our clients talk about that cramping after delivery and the difference between baby one and baby three and how you might feel in recovery.

Emma:  So true.  And a lot of women also have Cesareans, so that can take a little bit longer to recover, also.  Knowing what you have felt at the beginning, it’s good to have that reference point.  The training that I teach, as well, is really great for Cesarean because it’s not a normal Pilates.  It’s a deeper connection, and it’s interesting because a lot of my clients who come from my Pilates membership, the online membership – I call it the Core Fit Club – they’re doing sort of more of a fitness style of Pilates, but some of them have tried my Core Restore program, which is the postpartum program, and they find a whole new connection.  So even women who haven’t had children or had children many years ago, they come back to this program even though they’re fit and strong, and they still find new connections and new awareness.  So it’s quite powerful and quite an interesting technique that I teach in that respect.

Kristin:  Love it.  So how can our listeners connect with you?  I know you’re on social.  You’ve got a website.  So if you’d share the best ways to connect with your program or you directly?

Emma:  Thank you, yeah.  So if any of your listeners are interested in the postpartum program, that’s the Core Restore Program.  My normal website keeps all of the information, as well.  I’m also on Instagram and Facebook at epilatesonline.  All the information can be found there.  I do have a free five-day kind of like an intro to the course or program there, which is my five day core awareness challenge for new moms or anyone wanting to strengthen their pelvic floor.  That’s available free, and I do have a Pilates pack for free, also, that can be found on my website.  And I do offer the prenatal Pilates, so that option is there, as well.

Kristin:  And then you mentioned you have a Facebook group?

Emma:  Yeah, that is – it’s a different section, but it can be found on my website, as well.  Usually, people join that when they’ve joined some of the programs or at least the free program.

Kristin:  Love it.  Well, thank you so much for your time and sharing your wisdom, Emma.  It was a pleasure.

Emma:  Thank you, I really appreciate it, Kristin.

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review.  Thank you!  Remember, these moments are golden.

Pilates for Prenatal and Postpartum: Podcast Episode #155 Read More »

Sasha - Transitioning Back to Work headshot

Transitioning Back To Work: Podcast Episode #154

Sasha Morozov of Sasha x Home shares top tips for transitioning back to work after having a baby.  You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes, SoundCloud, or wherever you find your podcasts.

Welcome.  You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting.  Let’s chat!

Kristin:  Welcome to Ask the Doulas with Gold Coast Doulas.  I’m Kristin, and I’m joined today by Sasha Morozov.  Sasha is a former executive who holds a masters in social work and is the founder of Sasha x Home.  And when Sasha isn’t chasing after her two sons, she now utilizes her clinical skills to coach women who are killing it at work but feel like they’re failing at home to have more time, less clutter, and systems for a peaceful life.  Sasha believes that working moms are exceptional humans who are skilled, devoted, and unstoppable.  She’s spent almost 15 years working in the nonprofit field to help individuals and families create better futures.  Sasha is an avid minimalist, so we’ll get into that in this episode.  She’s also a productivity master and obsessed with organizing and designing people’s lives.  Welcome, Sasha!

Sasha:  Thanks so much for having me!  I’m so excited for us to connect and talk about going back to work!

Kristin:  Yes, such an important topic for our doula clients, our students in our Becoming course, and women everywhere.  I would love to hear your top tips on how women can prepare to excel at their careers after just going through the major life change of having a baby or adding another baby to their family.

Sasha:  Absolutely.  Let me tell you, one of the biggest things I want us all to really take in is the fact of going back to work as a mother is a new identity.  I think what happens a lot of times is that we’re so wrapped up in being a new mom or adding another child to our family, it becomes an afterthought almost of going back, and I’m here to say wait a minute.  This is huge.  Because think about it, the day you left for maternity leave, you probably had some ideas what it would look like, but now that you’re here, you may be feeling a lot of separation anxiety.  You may be just completely overwhelmed.  There’s so much going on.  So my top tips is really to be proactive versus reactive because, again, when we’re thinking ahead of time, it becomes so much easier.  In being proactive, one thing, one easy thing you can do is to make sure that if you’re going back, that the childcare transition and going back is not at the same time.  I think that’s a common mistake people make, which is that people say, okay, going back to work, you know, June 1st.  That means then baby is going to start daycare or have a nanny or whatever it looks like June 1st because they want that time.  And I’m here to say wait a minute.  That’s a lot of transitions all at once, ladies.  Come on!  It’s a lot.

Kristin:  For you and baby.  It’s a big deal, yes.

Sasha:  Yes, absolutely.  So when you have so much to think about for yourself – you’re nervous; you’re running around; you’re not in the right head space.  Your baby is going to sense that as well.  Versus if you’re starting childcare ahead of time, then you’re able to ease into that transition.  Maybe they go to daycare for half a day versus the full day.  Maybe you start to check in on them if it’s daycare or have the nanny there for a few hours.  You’re able to give yourself the breathing space.  Again, it’s all about the proactiveness.  So that’s a really big tip I try to always encourage people.

Kristin:  Super helpful.  Even the route to the daycare during your work hours, if you do a trial run with baby to see how long that’s going to take so you don’t show up late when you return to work.

Sasha:  Absolutely.  A test run is a must.  Those clothes on, that makeup on.  See how long all of that takes.  And again, we think about it in the context of how we were before.  So maybe we think, oh, it took me ten minutes to brush my hair and get my makeup done before.  And what I say now is that’s great.  It may still take you ten minutes.  However, who’s watching the baby during this time?  If you have somebody crawling next to you while you’re trying to get things done, it’s going to take more time.  So proactively thinking, what does it look like?  How can I be best prepared?  It’s really what I try to encourage everyone who’s thinking about going back to do.

Kristin:  Love it!  What’s your next tip, Sasha?

Sasha:  My next tip is what I call my secret formula, which is my 90-day rule.  My 90-day rule is that we give you the opportunity to transition for 90 days versus the belief that you’re just going to go in, day one, catch up on every single email, and be a super star at home and at the job.  That’s not realistic, and I don’t want that to be realistic, either, for people.  My 90-day rule is give yourself 90 days to transition.  The first 30 days is going to take time to catch up on everything at work and get in the groove of things.  The next 30 days is really going to be the time where you’re in it.  You’re really in it, and then you’re seeing how it’s going.  And the last 30 days is when you’re taking the time to make the adjustments that are needed.  So when you’re looking at it as a much longer process, then you’re able to give yourself a break, as well, that you don’t think, okay, I’m going to go back, and in a week, it’s going to be totally fine.  Give yourself 90 days because I want you to be successful.  Because guess what?  On day one, you might be thinking, why am I going back?  Oh, my gosh, I miss baby.  It’s awful.  But when you give yourself 90 days, you kind of give yourself that space and say, okay, let me see how I’m feeling by 90 days.  Let me see if this sadness is still a level ten as it is on day one, versus just thinking that we’re supposed to just, like, click and just be able to go back to work like nothing has changed, when everything has changed.

Kristin:  Absolutely.  Love your tips, and yeah, that mom guilt will eventually fade for most people.  Great advice.  What else do you have as far as that balance and really being able to achieve at a high level?

Sasha:  Yes.  Just thinking about the mom guilt: I mean, look, we all have it.  My boys are not even babies anymore, and sometimes I still feel guilty about having them still be in, like, afterschool versus just picking them up after school.  So again, that guilt, that’s going to be there.  However, I want you to think about, as well, when you’re preparing to go back, that this is the decision right now.  I think we get so caught up in the, well, I’ve worked hard for this position, or I got my master’s, so I need to work, and this is all it’s ever going to be.  And I say, look, this is the best decision for you and your family right now.  You don’t know what it’s going to look like in a year or two years.  So that way, you don’t have to feel as guilty because guess what?  Then you can set yourself up if there needs to be a career transition or a stay at home transition, whatever it is.  And the exact same thing on the other side.  For the women that are choosing to stay home, that is a huge job in itself.  We know that.  And I also have women that come to me and say, I’ve been a stay at home mom.  Now my kids are going to school.  I think I want to do something, and that’s where I come in and say, great.  You’ve had your chapter, and this is what you wanted at that time, and now you’re ready for a different chapter.  And all of that is beautiful.  That’s what life is supposed to be, that we go through ebbs and flows and things change.  Maybe you thought you’d be at your career for 30 years your whole professional life, and that has been the way it was, you know, years ago.  But that’s not the current climate.  We hear people all the time switching jobs.  It’s not about climbing the one ladder.  It’s like a jungle gym.  Sometimes you go a little bit here.  Sometimes you climb a little bit to the left, to the right.  It’s not just the straight arrow.  So I want us to really start thinking about all the different options and know that just because we’re making a decision today does not mean that that is the final decision ever for ever, ever, ever, and that’s it.

Kristin:  Right.  And so Sasha, this is a unique time with a pandemic and a lot of employees are still working either hybrid or remote.  So to handle that transition, do you have any tips, and what are you seeing right now with your coaching?

Sasha:  Absolutely.  So I can say that, you know, in the beginning when everything just shut down, we had no choices.  Right?  Our kids were at home.  If you were pregnant, you gave birth, you came home, and you were by yourself.  And at that time, everyone just had to figure it out, and that’s fine.  What I want to encourage people is that now that we’re at a little bit of a different time, even if you’re working from home, I highly encourage that you still have childcare while you’re working.  Because what I’ve seen a lot of times is women saying, oh, well, I was able to kind of just do it before, so I’m just going to kind of just do it now.  And that’s where I come in and say, guys, it’s not worth your mental strain.  It’s not.  It’s not worth your mental health.  Maybe you have a super flexible job; however, you still have a responsibility as an employee to complete the work.  So what I say is, you can do it without childcare at home, and at some point, we needed to.  We really just – we had no options, right?  Everything was closed unless you were in a privileged position where you still could have, like, a live-in or something like that.  However, most people were just like, okay, well, this is it.  But now we do have those options, and because we have those options, I think it’s amazing that so many women are thinking about jobs from home or remote work or part-time work because they want to be a little bit more involved.  I mean, how many of us want to sit in a car anymore and drive an hour in traffic when we’ve seen we can do the same job on a computer?

Hey, Alyssa here.  I’m just popping in to tell you about our course called Becoming.  Becoming A Mother is your guide to a confident pregnancy and birth all in a convenient six-week online program, from birth plans to sleep training and everything in between.  You’ll gain the confidence and skills you need for a smooth transition to motherhood.  You’ll get live coaching calls with Kristin and myself, a bunch of expert videos, including chiropractic care, pelvic floor physical therapy, mental health experts, breastfeeding, and much more.  You’ll also get a private Facebook community with other mothers going through this at the same time as you to offer support and encouragement when you need it most.  And then of course you’ll also have direct email access to me and Kristin, in addition to the live coaching calls.  If you’d like to learn more about the course, you can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com, or check it out at www.thebecomingcourse.com.  We’d love to see you there.

Kristin:  Right.  It’s not as productive, but at the same time, if you’re working from home, there’s always dishes to be done, or you might grab an extra snack, so there are distractions.  So again, you know, getting even working remotely, like you said, having childcare, having some systems in place, some support, whatever it might be, because otherwise, there are distractions.

Sasha:  Absolutely.  And there are just different distractions at the office, too.  Maybe you’re just chatting with your colleague, instead.  So I think it’s really about the routine, the schedule, and also the space.  I mean, think about it.  If you’re working from home, you’re in the same space.  Again, everybody’s different.  Some people are able to just close the door, and let’s say they have their child at home and somebody is watching them, a family member, a partner, a nanny, whoever.  And that child is screaming, and somebody could just be like, okay.  Just getting my work done.  And somebody has to be, like, losing their mind, right?  And the pull of that.  So what I try to say is, well, with that, a tip, is time block.  Okay?  So the idea of doing time blocks is that if you know – like, for me, if I’m writing, I need it to be quiet.  That’s it.  Like, I need a peaceful place, and guess what?  If I had younger children that were at home or too many distractions, then I would go somewhere else.  So I would know that, you know what?  Every Tuesday and Thursday, 8:00 to 10:00, I’m going to be at this coffee shop or be wherever, at the park even, depending on the weather, and just write.  Because I know if I’m home, I’m not going to be as productive, and I don’t want that, because I want to be able to sign off at the end of the day and not have to come back because I didn’t get things done.  So time blocking, understanding where your energy is during the day.  Some people are morning people, so they’re ready to go, and that’s the time that’s best for them to be most productive and get things done.  Other people are not.  Either way is fine.  Understanding how you work, when the best time is for you, when you’re working and energy level is there, and making sure to set up your environment for success.

Kristin:  Exactly, and like you said, when you have defined work times, then you’re not getting into an overlap with your personal time when you should be spending time with your family.  And so you’re not trying to meet a deadline at 7:00 at night when you could be putting your kids to bed.

Sasha:  Absolutely.  But then again, we live in reality, and what happens in reality is that things come up that we didn’t expect, or our supervisors need extra stuff last minute on a weekend or needs something, and that’s okay, too.  I think that’s where a lot of people come in and say, no, but you need to make sure you have these boundaries.  Of course you do.  However, if your job needs you, it needs you.  And I’m here to tell all those women, that’s going to happen, and it’s okay, because there are going to be times where your family needs you, and they need you, and that’s it, as well.  So give yourself a break because it’s not going to be a perfect science.  It’s not ever going to work to have a rigid schedule.  But what is going to work is knowing that where you’re focusing your energy is where it needs to be.  So if you’re just on Facebook all day, then that’s not where your energy needs to be.  If you’re truly working during the day and getting work done, but you have an extra hour that you need to devote more to work because there’s a deadline or whatever it may be, that’s okay.  Why is it not okay?  You know, our society is making us feel like it’s not okay because they want us to have this perfect, like, balance of one juggle ball is up, then the next ball, and it’s all just equal.  I’m saying that’s not how it works.  It’s never going to be equal.  It’s just not.

Kristin:  Right.  So I have a question for you, Sasha.  With your focus on minimalism, how can moms, especially a first time, when she has all these baby showers and she has all of the things, like strollers and high chairs and some things she won’t even use until a baby is one, maybe two – how can you minimize all of the clutter and distractions and have that space to breathe?  Because I know for me, if I have too much stuff and clutter around, it causes anxiety.

Sasha:  Absolutely.  Clutter is absolutely shown to cause stress, anxiety, and just an overall sense of heaviness.  That’s just how I feel when I see clutter.  It’s just a lot visually, as well as the actual stuff.  I always say less is more.  When you have less toys, it’s less things to clean up.  Absolutely, as a first-time mom, you don’t know, and even as a second-time mom, there were things that I was like, oh, I’m totally going to use this, or I know my lesson from last time, and then I didn’t, okay?

Kristin:  That’s why we always tell our clients to register for services like a housekeeper or a postpartum doula.  Anything that can actually make a difference in your life versus clothes they’ll outgrow or plastic, you know, things that sit around and you trip over.

Sasha:  Yes, absolutely.  Anything you can register for that will help your mental health and ease some of the outside things that are going on are beyond their worth.  And I know it’s cute to dress up a baby.  I love babies; they’re so cute.  And again, no matter how many times I can tell somebody you don’t need that much stuff, they’re going to have that much stuff, and that’s okay, too, because that’s where they’re at.  They’re excited.  Maybe somebody has been trying for a long time to conceive, and they’ve just been thinking about this and seeing those clothes in the stores and all of that.  And what I say, that’s fine if that’s where you’re at.  That’s why I do one on one coaching, to make sure that it’s really customizable to the person.  If that’s the type of person you are, what I would say is that’s amazing you have these beautiful clothes.  I want you to think about, who are you going to either gift this to, not as, like, pretend here’s a new gift, but like who else in your circle may be having the child next, so that way you’re prepared to do something about it versus letting those clothes just sit around, oh, they’ve outgrown it; here’s a pile of stuff.  Thinking ahead of time, and maybe there’s a charity that you want to look up.  There’s beautiful things you can do in order to donate or to give, whatever.  And that way even if it’s your first and you’re thinking, well, what about if I have a second?  You have a circle of, like, three other moms, and you all agree that, hey, next time one of us gets pregnant, we’re going to save this and give it back.  You already kind of have this theme so that way you can let go.  Somebody else is using it in the meantime, and it’s not just sitting in the attic, and you know that it’s going to come back around to you, as well.

Kristin:  Absolutely, I love that.  So yeah, blessing other friends with your clothing or items that won’t get used.  So lovely.  And then you can make room for more as you’re getting more clothes and have birthdays coming up.  I always have my kids give away toys and things before Christmas or their birthday to minimize the amount of things that we have.

Sasha:  Yes, especially when children are older, we do in our house one for one.  So if my child gets a toy, then what’s the one toy that they’re willing to give up or donate, whatever condition that is in.  So that’s kind of like a rule in our house, one for one.  And at the same time, what do you want your life to look like?  Do you want your life to look like that it’s filled with toys and stuff, or do you want your life to look like that it’s filled with experiences and memories?  So that again – for everybody, it’s different.  That’s fine.  Maybe somebody grew up not being able to afford – like, my husband and I were both first generation immigrants, right?  So we both came as we were kids, and we both came – you know, our families started from scratch; put it that way.  So we didn’t have the cool stuff.  We didn’t have – and I remember, when our child turned – our oldest turned, like, three or something.  My husband saw this, like, yellow Hummer, like one of those kid Hummers that they, like, sit in and drive around.  He was, like, we’re buying it.  I was like, what are you talking about?  This makes no sense.  He’s like, I remember – he was like, even though he came when he was older, he’s like, I remember seeing those and thinking like, oh, my God, like, that is so cool.  There’s no way my family could ever have that.  It was a big deal for him, okay?  I was like, all right, whatever, fine, you know?  So I get it that there’s different situations.  And even with those situations, you need to figure out when you’re comfortable to let go.  When you’re comfortable with, okay, this is taking over our own space and our own health and our own sanity.  More than anything, you’ve got enough going on as a new mom or being pregnant.  Now you have a room full of stuff for the baby?  That’s a lot to take in as it is.  So take a look at it, and maybe even just think about it.  Okay, this is for sure something that’s going to stay, and then make even just a maybe pile.  So go through that yes pile first.  Maybe you never get to the maybe pile.  But that way it’s just at least more clear for you as well, because you don’t need to keep every single pair of, like, the cute little baby shoes that you get because they’re not even walking.  So by the time they are walking, they’re going to be grown out of those shoes, but you’re going to get, like, five or ten pairs because everyone thinks that’s, like, the cutest thing.  And it is, but still.

Kristin:  So Sasha, in your four-step method, you focus on self.  So we’ve talked about some of that.  Home, relationships, and systems to help moms get started on a life they want to put on pause.  So you have talked about, again, a lot of the things, but I would really love to have some tips for the change in relationships and what you help your clients navigate after having a baby and how their relationship, whether it’s with a friend who’s child-free, their partner, colleagues, how things change after baby.

Sasha:  Yes, absolutely.  Relationships are so important.  You know, there was a recent study found that out of, like, 2,000 parents, 68% of parents felt that they really had lost their social ties or didn’t feel connected to their social relationships.  So I want us to be aware of that because I don’t want us to isolate.  I feel like today, the motto is, you have your nuclear family.  You have your, like, little family, whether it’s you and your partner and a child or just you and a child or whatever it looks like, and that’s it.  Where to me – I mean, I love the saying it takes a village.  It takes a village to raise a child.  And I feel like we have this notion of, like, we have to do it ourselves.  Like, no, no, no, I’m going to be the one that – and I’m saying, take a breath, okay?  Take a breath.  Let people in.  That doesn’t mean you take their advice, but just let people in.  Let go of things because no one is going to do it your way, and no one’s going to be you.  No one’s trying to replace you, either.  So when we’re thinking about relationships, how can we create more space for people to come in so we’re not as alone so we’re able to build a community, even building a community of other new moms who are going through the same thing?  I always encourage people to join, like, the mommy and me groups.  There’s mom meetups.  There’s so many ways to create that community.  But if we’re talking about relationships at home, one of the things I want us to keep in mind, when you are thinking or transitioning to going back to work, it’s the fact that, look, what happens is – what I see happening is that the woman is on maternity leave.  The partner is back at work before the woman, usually, before the mom.  And what happens is the mom ends up actually taking on more stuff at home.  She’s the one that’s like, oh, well, I’ll run this errand.  I’ll do this thing because I’m at home more.  I’ll just need to get out with the baby and all that.  And that’s all great.  Guess what?  Now your partner is used to you actually doing all of these things, right?  So unless you’re proactive in having that conversation about, hey, when I transition back to work, in that 90-day transition that you’re talking about, I know that it’s something that you’re probably used to me doing.  However, we need to talk about a better balance, a better way for us to get everything done because I’m no longer able to complete all of that.  Because what happens is then we’re reactive, and our partner says something and it triggers us.  We’re like, why can’t you do it?  And they’re like, okay, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s just we’ve been the one that just naturally has ended up taking it on.  We haven’t had a conversation about letting go of it or changing the way something is done, so their expectation of us hasn’t changed.  It’s just that we’re still going to do it.  But ours has because in our mind, well, like, now I have so much to think about more because I’m going to be at work.

Kristin:  Right.  And our partners – I mean, they want to fix things, but if they – you know, given the opportunity to get a new plan in place, they think everything’s great.  So they have no idea that it’s causing extra stress to continue the different errands and tasks that you had on your plate prior to going back to work.  So it’s a great tip.

Sasha:  Yes, absolutely.  And the same thing using the 90-day rule: ask for help.  Let your community in.  Maybe you don’t have the best relationship with your sister or mother or in-law or cousin or whoever.  Is there any way you can let them in during that 90-day transition period, so that way it’s a little bit easier for you as all of this is changing?  Maybe they come over once a week and you’re able to get, whether it’s chores done or a massage or whatever it is, but just having that extra support for that 90 days.

Kristin:  Love it.  So any final tips for our listeners, Sasha?

Sasha:  I would just say think about life not as black and white but really living in the gray and that the pendulum is going to swing one way into having you be all thinking about work and then another way, which is thinking all about the home.  And I truly believe we are amazing humans who do so much, so we should not be putting more on ourselves or feeling guilty about the things when we are doing the best we can with the choices and decisions we have in front of us.

Kristin:  Beautiful.  So how can our listeners connect with you?  I know you’re on social media.  You’ve got a Facebook group, as well as your coaching program?

Sasha:  Absolutely.  So if you are a mom getting ready to go back to work or are thinking about going back to work, I actually have a course called Going Back To Work where we dive into what we talked about today but a deeper level.  And you can get that on my website.  You can also schedule a one on one with me.  Join the Facebook community for more lives and tips.  I would love for you to be in touch.

Kristin:  And what is the name of the Facebook group?

Sasha:  Yes, Moms Taking Their Lives To The Next Level At Home, because I know that we’ve done so much at the office, and when we come home, I want us to still be living our best lives instead of feeling like a second shift of work.

Kristin:  Yes.  Beautiful, Sasha!  Well, thank you so much for your time and wisdom.  It has been a pleasure to get to know you, Sasha.

Sasha:  Absolutely.  Thank you!  Thank you so much.  I love what you’re doing with this podcast, as well.

Kristin:  Thank you!  Take care.

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review.  Thank you!  Remember, these moments are golden.

 

Transitioning Back To Work: Podcast Episode #154 Read More »

"The Ins and Outs of My Vagina - A Penetrating Memoir" by Karin Freeland - Author holding her book

The Ins and Outs of My Vagina with Karin Freeland: Podcast Episode #153

Karin Freeland chats about her book, “The Ins and Outs of My Vagina: A Penetrating Memoir” with Kristin.  They discuss everything from body image to postpartum depression.  You can listen to this complete podcast episode on iTunes, SoundCloud, or wherever you find your podcasts.

Welcome.  You’re listening to Ask the Doulas, a podcast where we talk to experts from all over the country about topics related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and early parenting.  Let’s chat!

Kristin:  Welcome to Ask the Doulas!  I’m Kristin, and I’m joined today by Karin Freeland.  Now, Karin is a recovered corporate workaholic.  After years in high pressure leadership roles at Fortune 500 companies, she’s traded the boardroom for the bedroom in a hilarious tell-all book, The Ins and Outs of My Vagina: A Penetrating Memoir.  Karin recounts the mishaps and misadventures she’s had over the past 40 years with a special partner in crime, her vagina named V.   Women of all ages can relate to the raw and honest journey of first long-term relationships and finding pleasure.  Karin is also a speaker and certified life and reinvention coach focused on helping women transform their lives and achieve their dreams.  Through her signature Edit Your Life program, Karin offers one-on-one coaching, giving women all the tools and techniques needed to conquer fears and find their purpose.  Welcome, Karin!  So happy to have you here!

Karin:  Hi, Kristin!  Thank you so much for having me!

Kristin:  So let’s get into some of the topics that you cover in your book related to pregnancy, the postnatal phase, and anything else you’d like to share with our listeners and our Gold Coast Doula clients.

Karin:  Yeah, absolutely.  I mean, there is so much, and I guess I’ll just kind of back up for a second because a lot of women may be wondering, like, why would someone write a book called The Ins and Outs of My Vagina: A Penetrating Memoir?  And it might sound crazy, but it actually has everything to do with me getting pregnant because this is how the book was actually born.  So back when I was seven months pregnant with my first son who was born, I went to the OB, and she told me I needed to start preparing my body for birth.  And I was like, yeah, cool, I’m in a Lamaze class.  I’m good.  And she was like, no, no.  I need you to start doing – I think the proper term is perineal massage.  I’m not sure how you pronounce it.  But basically, that entails, if anyone hasn’t heard of this before, putting some olive oil on your fingers and stretching out the vulva to make way for the baby so you don’t tear.  I had never heard of this before, and I thought it was cray cray, so I was like, I’m not doing that.  But of course, I got bored on a Friday night, and my lovely vagina who is a character in the book named V sort of talked me into trying this.  So it was a disaster.  I mean, long story short, you can read all about it in Chapter 30, All Lubed Up With Nowhere To Go, but I just – I had no idea what I was doing.  I couldn’t get my fingers in the right position.  There was more olive oil on the floor than there was actually on me, and I finally called it a day.  And when my husband came home, he was like, what on earth happened in the bathroom?  Why is olive oil everywhere?  I mean, can you imagine this poor guy’s face?  Like, what is happening?  So I tried to explain to him really poorly about what I’m trying to do, and he just looked at me with the most serious look and was like, you know what you should do?  You should write a book, and called it I Don’t Know My Vagina, because it’s clear you don’t know how this thing works.  And, you know, he was right.  I don’t –

Kristin:  Most of us don’t.  It’s so true.

Karin:  Yeah.  And so it was like a seed that was planted, and I started thinking of all the stories and all the things that I could share with other women that I just didn’t know about going into pregnancy, and then what I would find out even more going through birth and after pregnancy.  So I spent a lot of my maternity leave writing this book, and then as you saw from my bio, you know, corporate got in the way.  I worked for another ten or so years.  And then finally in 2019, I picked the book back up and said, no, I have to finish this story.  So that’s kind of how the whole thing was born, and in it, you know, I really give women insight into some of the experiences that they will likely encounter over their life with their vagina.  So things like having pregnancy sex.  Like, who knew what kind of – what to expect with that?  No one talks about sex during pregnancy.  No one talks about ectopic pregnancy.  I’d never even heard that word before until I was sitting in the emergency room of a hospital being told that it was my situation.  You know, no one talks about postpartum other than, hey, there’s this thing, postpartum, and you should check a smiley face or a sad face on your six-week checkup or whatever.  But no one really told me what to look for.  What are the symptoms?  How does this really manifest?  No one told me about episiotomies and torn labia.  I mean, there was just so many things, and I was like, I have to warn other women so that they don’t end up in the same situation I’m in.

Kristin:  It’s the things you wish your friends would share with you, but it’s almost like we’re too embarrassed to discuss.  So as doulas, we talk about a lot of these things with our clients, but it’s not something they’d ever heard before.  So the fact that you were brave enough to talk about your personal experiences and use humor with a lot of really serious topics – it’s huge.

Karin:  Yeah.  Thank you.  And it was hard, especially the chapter where I talk about the miscarriage and having an ectopic pregnancy was hard to write in the sense that I didn’t want it to come off as too humorous or as cavalier.  You know, like, oh, here I am, just talking about losing a baby.  But I did want to keep elements of dark humor because that is my authentic response to a lot of trauma and tragedy is to find a way to just cope, and a lot of times my coping goes to sort of this, like, dark humor.  So I hope – I think from what I’ve heard, you know, that that’s kind of resonated with people, also, and made it sort of an easier read because it’s hard to read these types of experiences that women go through.

Kristin:  Exactly.  Yes.  So your read is light – I mean, it could almost be a beach read compared to most pregnancy and parenting books.  They can take a while to get through, and it can be boring at times.  But you made it really interesting and lighthearted.  I had so many laugh out loud moments.  So thank you for devoting the time it takes.  I’m working on a book project yet to be published, and I know the time that’s involved and balancing that’s required to be a professional and mother and everything.

Karin:  Yeah.  It is a lot for sure.  But when I started really writing it, when I picked it back up in 2019, it was such a fire in my belly.  You know, like, I was so inspired and just felt this draw every day to write and to get it out on paper that it was almost like another force was, like, taking me over and just had to get this story out on paper.  So, you know, I think everybody has kind of that different experience where it’s just like it was so easy to prioritize it because I was so called to it in that moment.

Kristin:  For sure, and I love how you broach everything from wanting your husband to be more of a hand-holder during your labors, and that is so common with clients.  Like, no, I don’t really want you to see baby get born.  Or some women are really wanting their partner to be there engaged in the process and don’t mind if he sees the change in the vagina during that time.  Or even like how you discuss having sex for the first time after giving birth, and even looking at your – you know, just taking a mirror and looking at the changes and the swelling and things, again, our friends don’t talk about with us.

Karin:  Yeah.  I think that was probably one of my favorite chapters to write was Hotdog In A Hallway, and that’s a chapter – the names of the chapters, they’re so fun.  So even if you just go read the chapter headings, you’ll get a laugh.  But yeah, that was such a fun chapter to write because it was such an unexpected experience.  You know, here you are.  You finally got the clearance after your six-week period to have sex, and my poor husband is, like, chomping at the bit.  He’s like a dog salivating at the door.  Can we do this?  And I’m like, okay, we can, but I need you to take it easy, buddy, all right?  Like, we’re not getting in there and, like, jackhammering me to death.  Like, we got to take it slow and, like, let’s just communicate and really kind of be on the same page here the whole time.  So he’s like, okay, no problem, I can’t wait.  The kids are in bed.  This is going to be amazing.  And of course, you know, you’re breastfeeding if you choose that route, and your boobs are leaking everywhere, and you’re trying to look sexy.  There’s this huge wet stain on your teddy, and they go to have sex, and it doesn’t quite meet your expectations.  And all of a sudden, you’re like, is this what it’s going to be like for the rest of my life?  Am I doomed to almost sensationless sex?  Or is this going to bounce back?  And there’s just so many emotions that go through your head in that moment.  Meanwhile, like, in my case, my husband’s, like, laying next to me with his hands behind his head like he’s on cloud nine, and I’m over here going, oh my gosh, my sex life is over.  This is ruined.  Is this – I was so confused by everything that was happening.

Hey, Alyssa here.  I’m just popping in to tell you about our course called Becoming.  Becoming A Mother is your guide to a confident pregnancy and birth all in a convenient six-week online program, from birth plans to sleep training and everything in between.  You’ll gain the confidence and skills you need for a smooth transition to motherhood.  You’ll get live coaching calls with Kristin and myself, a bunch of expert videos, including chiropractic care, pelvic floor physical therapy, mental health experts, breastfeeding, and much more.  You’ll also get a private Facebook community with other mothers going through this at the same time as you to offer support and encouragement when you need it most.  And then of course you’ll also have direct email access to me and Kristin, in addition to the live coaching calls.  If you’d like to learn more about the course, you can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com, or check it out at www.thebecomingcourse.com.  We’d love to see you there.

Kristin:  Yes, it is different, and again, it’s not something that’s openly talked about.  So just the preparation, and like you said, I mean, I experienced the same thing with breastfeeding, and it’s like, oh, is the baby going to wake?  We have this small window, and I don’t feel sexy.  My body is still healing.  So there’s all of that.  But yeah, and just – I mean, a lot of women have body image issues, and they don’t even feel attractive, let alone feel like they’re ready for intimacy at that point.

Karin:  Oh, yeah, and I had mastitis twice with my first one, so it was like I had just kind of healed – oh, it was awful.  I mean, I couldn’t even stand up with him.  I was so dizzy, and I was afraid that I was going to drop him, and my husband worked nights.  So I would literally hold the baby in one arm and crawl across the floor from the couch to the diaper changing station and, like, change his diaper and then get back down on the floor and crawl back to the couch because I didn’t want to, like, fall over and pass out or something and drop the baby.  Which now I look back, and I kind of laugh at how ridiculous I must have looked, but, like, I was just so sick, and I had no idea.  I’m like, it’s a breast infection.  Like, I’m going to be on medication.  Like, why isn’t this getting better right away?  But it really took a tool.

Kristin:  It feels like the flu.  It’s very intense, and if you haven’t gone through it, to try to function as a mother, I mean, obviously, you know, in an ideal world, we’d have a postpartum doula or a mother or someone to help you during that time, but most of us just have to make do.  I suffered as well with mastitis.  It’s miserable.

Karin:  Yeah.  It really is.  And so just being able to talk about some of those things, and how I don’t know that I’m providing world class education over here, but just insight.  So if you’ve never gone through these things, you’re going to be so much better prepared for that.  And then if you’re going through it right now, you know, there’s that opportunity also to commiserate, and even if you’ve already experienced it, just looking back and going, oh my gosh, I wasn’t alone.  This was a normal experience.  You know, other people have gone through this, too.  And having that comfort and maybe some additional realizations about the relationship you have with your body, it’s a beautiful thing.  It’s a beautiful thing to be able to have those moments and those epiphanies and that camaraderie, if you will.

Kristin:  Yes.  And with your loss, I really liked how you took some time and advocated for yourself during a potential loss and really talked it over with your husband and got a second opinion.  So I really love when clients of mine feel confident enough to advocate for themselves.  So can you talk a bit about, you know, what really led you to call your provider and really get some time with the news that you received?

Karin:  Yeah, absolutely.  So in the book, I talk about both of my births, so my first son and then two years later, being pregnant again with my second son.  And with my second son, I took a pregnancy test, and I guess it was very early in the process.  So it said yes, you’re pregnant, the stick, but then when I got to the doctor’s office, they were like, eh, it’s not really that strong.  It’s kind of inconclusive.  Like, let’s send you to the hospital because I want to make sure that we don’t have another ectopic situation on our hands.  And so of course I was feeling really deflated, like oh no, not again.  I don’t know if I can handle going through this again.  Why is this happening?  What is wrong with my vagina?  Why can’t it get its act together?  I mean, there’s all the feels.  But I also didn’t want to freak out and get overly emotional because I’m – for all I knew, I was going to go there, and they were going to be like, everything is fine, and it was just a precaution.  And while I was sitting there and they’re doing the test, you know, which took longer than I thought that they should take, so I was definitely starting to get concerned, they came in and said, yes, we indeed believe that you do have another ectopic situation on our hands.  And I instantly was just crushed.  I mean, it’s amazing how our vaginas are the source of sometimes great pleasure, great –you know, the sexiness, and sometimes frustration or sometimes they gross us out, and also this great source of pain sometimes and trauma and devastation.  And I just was really feeling that devastated moment, but I don’t know if it was an inner voice, because really, the next step was to terminate the pregnancy right then and there.  You know, that’s what they wanted to do, and maybe it’s from some of my religious background; I don’t know.  I just had this gut feeling that I can’t go through with this right now.  If this ultimately is what we need to do, it just feels too inconclusive.  You know, the tech, who I think isn’t really supposed to talk to you when she’s doing things, but she’s like, it could be a burst cyst.  It just didn’t feel like there was enough conviction from the people around me saying, yes, this is 1000% ectopic, and this is what we need to do.

Kristin:  Right, to save your life, so sure.

Karin:  Yes.  I just felt like I need to reach out at least to my husband to start, and he was very much like, no, like, don’t do anything.  He really backed me up and was like, let’s talk to the doctor.  Like, just wait and see.  Don’t do something right now.  So I called my doctor, and of course, she was gracious enough to say, I believe you.  If you don’t feel confident in this, let’s hold it out, but just know we’re dealing with a potentially very serious issue.  If you really are ectopic, we’ve got to do something before this becomes life threatening to you.  I was like, that’s fine, but I don’t think we’re at that stage yet.  It’s that early in the pregnancy.  You know, the fetus is still very small.  Just wait even 24 hours.  I just need to sleep on this.  And fortunately, we ended up waiting, and it was not ectopic.  And that for me is, like, just – it blows my mind that Ryan might not be here if I had followed that guidance on that day.

Kristin:  Yeah.  I mean, you know your body better than anyone else, and you got a second opinion.  So you gave yourself a little bit of time, and yes, it was risky, but what an amazing story.

Karin:  Yeah, thank you.  And sometimes I forget, like, that that even happened, and so writing that story was like, oh my gosh, yes, what if other women are in similar situations, and they read the book?  They decide to advocate for themselves and save their baby’s life or something.  The ripple effect that this one story could have is just amazing to think about.

Kristin:  Exactly.  So getting into the postnatal phase, Karin, what did you do – I know you talk about intimacy and so on, but really, getting into body image, how did you in small ways start to encourage yourself and help yourself to feel beautiful other than trying on some clothes that fit pre-pregnancy and trying to take a few minutes to do your hair and makeup and whatever with a new baby?  But I would love to give our listeners some tips on feeling good about yourself after baby.

Karin:  Yeah, absolutely.  Some of that was a lot of self-care.  You know, I took the time to go get my hair done and get my hair cut and colored, and some of those external things that do seem so superficial, but it is what made me feel closer to my old self, you know, and that person that I used to be.  And I remember being in the hair salon, and my breasts were so engorged, I literally had to go stand in the sink of the bathroom and squeeze my breasts out and just, like, dump the milk because I was like, I can’t sit here for another hour with this hair color on my hair.  It hurt so bad.

Kristin:  Yes, it’s painful!

Karin:  Yes, again, something no one told me to expect.  But so much of it came down to just reminding myself that it’s okay that I don’t look the way I used to look.  I gave birth.  I brought a life into this world.  And that little life does not care if I have 15, 20 extra pounds on me, right?  All that little life wants is love and affection, and I can do that regardless of my size and my appearance.  And it’s sounds so cliché, right, and it’s such an easy thing to say, but sometimes it’s very hard to put that into perspective.  And so little things like just looking in the mirror and saying, like, you’re a great mom.  Keep going.  You’re going to get back in shape.  Finding ways to, like, work out, and it didn’t have to be, like, going to the gym for an hour because as a new mom, the chances of that happening are probably really low.  It’s like, hey, I’m just going to grab my hand weights and I’m going to put my hand weights in the TV room, the den where we hang out most of the time, and when he’s sleeping, I’m just going to do, like, a couple reps.  I’m just going to tone up my muscle again.  Didn’t have to be crazy, but those little things, and just showing myself love was so helpful.  And I was very fortunate to have a husband who was also very supportive, and so, you know, he would kind of say things like, I think you’re beautiful.  Don’t worry about it.  You’re always in shape.  You’re going to lose the weight.  He was just very supportive, and if I was like, hey, I don’t want – don’t buy any chips this week at the grocery store, or don’t bring ice cream in the house, and he’d be like, okay, no problem.  You know, he would kind of support me in that, as well, which was really great.

Kristin:  Nice!  So any tips how to, with the change in the relationship, whether it’s baby one or baby four, how to keep the romance and the relationship a priority?  With the new role of parents or adding yet another child to the family.

Karin:  Oh, yeah.  There is something so important about that communication and keeping the intimacy alive.  Remembering why this baby is here in the first place: because of your love for each other.  And I think it’s so tempting for us as new parents to just prioritize the baby and forget about our spouse.  And so I would have to – I tried to be cognizant of that and ask him, like, am I paying you enough attention?  Do you feel like I’m prioritizing you?  And if he would say, no, like, we haven’t spent enough time together this week, or we haven’t been intimate enough – okay, great.  Here’s what I need you to do.  Could you help me with the dishes, and I’ll get the baby into bed?  That way, we can go upstairs and have more time for each other.  It’s a great way to also rope them into helping you and doing stuff if they’re not – if you don’t feel that they’re pulling their weight.

Kristin:  That’s perfect.  I love it.

Karin:  Yeah.  Keep that communication open, and really just remember why you’re together in the first place.  It’s totally normal for women not to feel super sexy right after they’ve had a baby.  Like, that is also part of evolution.  We don’t feel sexy because back in the day, like in the caveman days and stuff, we were breastfeeding and we were doing other things and we didn’t want to have another baby right away back to back, so it’s kind of like nature’s way of preventing that from happening right away again.  Maybe for you it’s also like turning off the lights.  Or I wore a shirt for a while after I first had the baby because it just made me feel more comfortable, especially because I had a diastasis recti and hernia and so was just kind of like – my stomach was just sort of hanging there, and it didn’t matter how much weight I lost, it wasn’t going to go back to the way it used to be until it was fixed.  So, you know, you can do the little things that allow you to keep the intimacy but also make you feel comfortable.

Kristin:  Exactly.  Love it.  So any final tips for our listeners, Karin?

Karin:  I am just so appreciative of the opportunity to share this story today because I think a lot of people still look at the title, The Ins And Outs Of My Vagina, and they assume it’s just going to be a collection of conquests.  You know, people that I’ve been intimate with.  And really, it’s not.  It’s just sort of a beautiful story about our relationships with our vaginas and all the different things we go through on our journey to womanhood.  And I would just tell women out there, like, if you’re going through something, chances are you’re not alone.  You know, there’s really very few unicorns out there.  We’re not that special in that way.  We’re all going through something similar, and it’s just a matter of finding that trusted resource and people that you can speak with, whether it’s your doula, whether it’s your doctor, whether it’s a girlfriend, someone at your work even or in HR.  Wherever you are, there’s someone else who’s probably gone through something very similar and can support you in that moment.  But we have to be brave enough to speak up in the first place to find that connection and that person who can support us.

Kristin:  So true.  I love it.  You might have to do a second book later in your life on menopause and entering that stage.  That would be really fun.

Karin:  Oh, my gosh, yes.  I’ve already got the title.  The Ins And Outs Of My Vagina: The Second Coming.  That’s what I’m thinking of.  Yes, because I am starting to go through perimenopause.

Kristin:  So am I.  It’s such a whirlwind.

Karin:  It is.  Make it stop.  How do we make it stop?

Kristin:  Exactly.  Yes, I need a book.  So get it out there!  So how do our listeners find you?  How can they buy The Ins And Outs Of My Vagina?  I know you’re on a lot of different social media sites, so feel free to share.

Karin:  Yeah, absolutely.  So the book is available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.  Pretty much anywhere books are sold digitally, you can grab it.  There’s an ebook or paperback depending on what your preference is.  I am on social media as Karin Freeland, on Twitter and Instagram.  I have a Facebook page for my business, Karin Freeland Life Coaching.  And of course, you can always go to my website for all things life coaching and book related.

Kristin:  And before we go, fill us in a bit about how you work with women as a life coach and who your ideal client is.

Karin:  Yeah, absolutely.  So I spent many years in corporate, and towards the end, I just felt like, what is my purpose?  Why am I here?  Is it just to make PowerPoints all day?  There has to be something more.  But I felt very stuck.  I didn’t know what that was.  And as I started writing the book and totally revamping my life, I realized that I could actually help other women who felt stuck and frustrated and knew that there was more to life but didn’t know how to go after it.  So I developed a program called Edit Your Life, and Edit is an acronym for envision the goal, document, invest in the goal, and take action.  And I really walk my clients through a six-month program to help them get clear on what it is that they want out of life, map a plan to achieve it, help them own their power, overcome any of those limiting beliefs or things that are really holding them back, and hold them accountable for actually taking the action that they commit to so that they can bring those goals to fruition, whatever that is.  Whether it’s getting promoted in corporate, leaving and starting their own business, being a better mom, dating.  I’m helping one client find a date.  So typically, they’re women between 35 and 55 who are just ambitious, hungry go-getters but are just feeling a little lost right now and want a little help getting that direction set.

Kristin:  I love it.  So it covers pretty much everything, like you said, from dating to motherhood to career changes and aspirations.  That is amazing.

Karin:  Health and fitness.  There’s so many aspects of things that need to be good in our life in order for us to have a happy life.

Kristin:  Yes.  So true.  Well, thank you, Karin.  It was lovely to chat with you, and when you get your next book out there in the world, let me know.  I’d love to chat about it.

Karin:  Yes, and thank you so much for reading it, and thanks to everybody for tuning in and learning about it!

Thanks for listening to Gold Coast Doulas.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  If you like this podcast, please subscribe and give us a five-star review.  Thank you!  Remember, these moments are golden.

 

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Pregnancy Loss image for Gold Coast Doulas Podcast

Pregnancy Loss

Remember the story of Pandora’s Box? In Greek mythology, the story goes something like this: Pandora, told she could not open the lid of a box given to her or her husband from Zeus, finally lets curiosity get the best of her and opens the box. Immediately, out comes all the troubles that humanity would ever experience—pain, conflict, war, etc. and when Pandora finally is able to shut the lid, only one thing remains in the box: Hope.

​This story is still used today as a way to explain that even in the midst of complete horror and tragedy, hope still remains. In my motherhood journey, hope has been a positive, calming source that also at times hangs around, making things way more complicated.

​So, let me try to explain my story in brief. My husband and I get married in August 2016 and when we say “I do,” I have already been off of birth control for about three months. Knowing that we were not young kids (I was 34 and my husband was 39), we did not feel like we had any time to lose. I remember saying “I do” and hoping we would have a little one in our arms on our 1st anniversary or at least, one on the way. Months of infertility followed until we went to seek out fertility testing, which led to a diagnosis of infertility with an unknown cause. Infertility treatments followed with me finally getting pregnant on our first round of IVF, only to miscarry shortly thereafter.

After switching doctors, on the 3rd IVF cycle, I got pregnant with our daughter Colette. When I was 21 weeks pregnant, I was hospitalized with a diagnosis of severe preeclampsia, where I stayed until Colette was born via emergency c-section at 24 weeks, 5 days. She spent her very short nine-day life in the NICU before she died. There were no answers, no reason to explain why I had developed preeclampsia and even worse, no real plan as to how to avoid it and to intervene if necessary.

We went back to trying, first naturally and then with another round of IVF which was not successful. After we found out the transfer had failed, my husband was crying in my arms and I strangely felt relief. I was terrified of being pregnant again, still not sure I could trust my body, but desperately wanting a child we could bring home and raise. Eventually, we used a gestational carrier to bring home our rainbow baby, Elliott, who is two years old and absolutely the love of my life.

More recently, after Elliott had turned one, we decided we wanted to have another child and it seemed like everything was again in our favor. Our same surrogate was available and we started the process again, planning to bring Elliott’s baby brother or sister home. But, the stars were not in our favor this time and after failed and canceled cycles and way too many obstacles, we decided it was best for our family to stop and to be happy with our two children, one in heaven and one here with us.

These days, I struggle with what this decision means long term. I worry about Elliott not having a living sibling and if that will affect him personality-wise or if he will feel deprived of the experience. I think about how I will never have a daughter with me here to raise. And the biggest thing that I spend time thinking about is that I will never be pregnant again, I will never know what it is like to experience pregnancy at all past 24 weeks or to experience pregnancy that was not life-threatening after 21 weeks.

The hope that sustained me through our journey, that told me even when I went to the darkest places of thinking I would never be a mom or we would never have a child that was made up of the two of us, is gone. In its place is a hope that I struggle to understand and accept. As much as getting pregnant and going through a pregnancy scare the hell out of me, and believe me it does, there still remains this tiny hope that it will just happen, that when I least expect it, all of a sudden I will be pregnant and that because this surprise, perhaps divine occurrence will make sure that the pregnancy is smooth sailing.

Yet, I know the reality of such occurrence will not magically or divinely ensure that my pregnancy will be fantastic or even healthy or safe or last more than a mere blip of time. I even know that my vision and fantasy of being pregnant is not at all in line with my experience in real life. I hated being pregnant, I hated that everything made me sick, I hated how exhausted I was, I hated that my sense of smell was so strong, I hated that clothes did not fit sometimes one day to the next, I hated that my back hurt and my feet ached. But, most importantly, the same fear that caused me to point our family in another direction and use a gestational carrier is still very much a fear and one that medical science cannot solve at this moment in time. So, I know that accepting the decision to stop trying is best for my health, both mental and physical, for my husband, for our son, and for our daughter, but that little morsel of hope still eats away at me some days and for that, I really wish Pandora had left peace in the box instead of hope.

_________________________

Michelle Valiukenas is the proud mom of her angel Sweet Pea, who she lost due to miscarriage, her angel daughter Colette Louise who she lost at nine days old, and her only living child, her rainbow baby, Elliott Miguel. Inspired by her journey with Colette, Michelle and her husband founded The Colette Louise Tisdahl Foundation, whose mission is to improve outcomes of pregnancy, childbirth, prematurity, and infancy, as well as aid in the grieving process through financial assistance, education, and advocacy. Their flagship program financially assists families dealing with high-risk and complicated pregnancies, NICU stays, and loss. The organization’s ability to help families relies on donations and grants and they are grateful if you are able to donate. Michelle also participates and advocates on issues of maternal health, maternal mortality, infant health and safety, and pregnancy complications. Michelle lives in Glenview, Illinois with her son Elliott, husband Mark, and dog Nemo.​

 

 

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Autumn To-Do: 5 Ways to Optimize Finances

Summertime is drawing to a quick close! As we ease back into the school year, gear up for holiday seasons, and bid adieu to 2022, the following are some tips that our wealth management clients have found valuable to incorporate.
It may feel like spare moments are dwindling in the final weeks of summer, but there’s still plenty of time to check a few more items off your summer wish list. During breaks from having fun in the sun, try to find a little time for a quick review of your finances. Here are five ways to improve your finances in autumn.


Review your discretionary spending

With so many options for summer fun, it can be easy to say yes to this and that only to find that you’re spending way more than you had planned. Taking a look at your discretionary spending can help you understand where your money is going. Reviewing your spending can also help you stay on track with your monthly budget.
Don’t worry — you don’t necessarily need to start saying no to everything. Strike a careful balance by staying in touch with your budget and financial plan. The goal is to balance what makes you happy today with the need to save for future goals.
Get on the same page with your significant other
You and your significant other may feel like you’re always on the go during this busy, social time. Make sure you’re getting some down time together to recharge — and also to connect on important issues like your finances. Overcoming money differences and getting on the same page about money can actually strengthen your relationship.
Summer is also the peak of wedding season, so if you’re newly married, make sure to have important money conversations for newlyweds and develop a financial plan as a couple. If you’re thinking about combining finances, you’ll want to develop a plan together, especially if there’s an income disparity.

Consider taking advantage of the market downturn
With the stock market well off its highs, now might feel like a terrible time to invest. While there is no good or bad time to get into the market, this market decline could actually be an opportunity to add to your investments because many stocks are cheaper than they were this time last year.
Getting an understanding for how to invest in stocks and the difference between stocks and bonds can be a great place to start. If you’re approaching retirement, the market decline could serve as a good reminder that when investing during retirement you need a plan that’s designed to work in good times as well as during market declines.

Get school — and college — on your radar
If you have kids at home, you’re probably starting to think about them heading back to school in a few weeks. But you’ll also want to make sure you’re looking beyond just the next school year.
If you’re planning to send kids to college in the future, it can be important to build an understanding of the average cost of college tuition and develop a college savings plan. Depending on how many kids you have, you may also want to think about how to manage multiple college savings accounts.
Don’t worry if you’re feeling behind on college savings. It’s never too late to start saving, and even if you’re short on time, there are other ways to help cover college costs.

Give your credit some TLC
If you’re not planning to apply for credit to make big purchase anytime soon, you may want to consider freezing your credit to help protect against identify theft. Research shows that children can be easy targets for scammers because they have no credit history, so you may even want to consider freezing your child’s credit as well.
Keeping your credit in the back of your mind can also put you in a better position to borrow and give you flexibility down the road. Educate yourself on factors that affect your credit score, and develop habits that can improve your score.


This material does not constitute investment advice. No investment strategy can guarantee a profit or protect against loss. All investments carry some level of risk including the potential loss of all money invested.

 

Helena Rosenthal, MBA MPH runs a private wealth management firm in Beverly Hills, CA. Her team works with families on strategies to implement and optimize intergenerational wealth management.

Helena.Rosenthal@NM.com

310.237.6058

 

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