birth doula | Gold Coast Doulas

Podcast Episode #22: How to get Dad on board with Hiring a Doula

Ask The Doulas Podcast, Birth, For Dads / partners / Alyssa Veneklase / babies, babycare class, birth doula, birth support, childbirth, childbirth classes, childbirth education, Hypnobirthing, pregnancy

On this episode of Ask the Doulas, Alyssa talks with Amber and Ashton about getting your husband or partner on board with hiring a doula. You can listen to this complete podcast on iTunes or Soundcloud.

Alyssa: Hi, welcome to another episode of Ask the Doulas. I am Alyssa Veneklase, co-owner and postpartum doula, and today we are talking to Ashton and Amber, and little Parker is here as well, so we may hear him talking, too. Hi, you two. Thanks for joining us.

Ashton: Hello.

Amber: Hi.

Alyssa: We have you both here today because some clients do have a little pushback when Dad kind of says, why would we have a doula in this sacred space, this birth space? So can you two tell us how that story started for you and what it looked like, your journey into actually hiring a doula?

Amber: Yeah, definitely. I think for me, I have always been very attracted to the idea of having a natural birth, ever since I can remember, really. I’m a hair stylist, and I have a lot of clients who have had babies, and actually, a lot of them have had natural births, and it’s always such an emotional thing to listen to their story and the experience that they have. And I really do think it’s something that you very much need to prepare for and set yourself up for success with, not just something that you want to do, but something that you are fully comfortable with for the most part and having people in your court to cheer you along. So I always knew what a doula was and a little bit of what kind of role they played, and that was always the common denominator in all of the births that I heard about was that they did have a coach there, a doula there, and so for me, it was kind of a no-brainer. It was just something that once I found out I was pregnant, I was like, well, we need to start looking into doulas. And so I had brought that up to Ashton one day and was just telling him, you know, we’ve got to hire a doula. And I think it kind of caught him off-guard a little bit, and he wasn’t exactly sure what it was or why we would need one. It was something I knew that I wanted, but I wasn’t so prepared to explain to him what kind of role they actually did play in the delivery room.

Alyssa: How did that conversation look? How did you start that conversation with Ashton, and, Ashton, what were your initial thoughts when she said doula? You’re like, doula what?

Amber: Yeah, I think I just went in assuming that he was going to be on board with it, and yeah, of course we’re going to have a doula. So I was already kind of researching ones in the area and brought it up to him, and I just remember a little bit of a – well, why? And that took me off guard a little bit because – I don’t know, but why I assumed he knew what one was and that it would be really helpful to us. In that moment, I wasn’t sure, either, how to explain to him what one was, so I kind of remember there being a moment of, well, we’ll go back to the drawing board for a minute; I’ll do my research and kind of come up with some possibilities of ones to talk about. It just didn’t go as smoothly as I thought, and I guess I kind of felt bad, too, that I didn’t explain better what a doula was, and I think – and obviously you can talk more about this, but I feel as though he thought it just wasn’t necessary, and yeah, the why, like why would we need that?

Ashton: Yeah, I think the conversation when you brought up the idea of having a doula – I didn’t know what a doula was; had never really heard the term before. I think maybe we’d seen some episodes of The Mindy Project and that was kind of my first exposure to a doula. So yeah, at first, the idea – you know, at this point, we’re a few months along with the pregnancy, and obviously the shock has hit us. It’s still kind of surreal; we’re not sure what to expect. And the thought of – up to this point, it’s the two of us, you know, the team effort that’s going to get through the delivery, and I guess I kind of had that anticipation going into it that it would just be the two of us. I was thinking that yeah, we can do this; we’ll do our homework, and we’ll learn the techniques that will help you deal with the pain and everything and how I can help you cope with that. And the idea of bringing someone else in, as you described it, somebody to help you through the birthing process: at first, yeah, I felt a bit taken aback, almost that I wasn’t going to be good enough; like, what, am I not good enough? Am I not able to support you through the birthing process? So I felt a little shafted at first, and it probably wasn’t until I did some research and we picked up the book The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin, which is really an in-depth guide to what doulas are and a good resource for fathers and expecting mothers and probably other doulas and birth companions. So it wasn’t until I started reading that and learning about the doula’s role; you know, it’s not that they’re coming and just supporting you, but they’re really supporting me as well, and I didn’t really understand that initially. I didn’t think that I would need support through the process, but the fact is, we ran into all sort of obstacles and unknowns, and having this doula, somebody who’s been through dozens if not hundreds, even, of births with different people – having that kind of experience in our court really helped to ease a lot of concern. Overall, looking back on it, we would absolutely do it again, even though we ended up having not a natural birth but a Cesarean birth. It was maybe even more beneficial because it was such an emotional roller coaster. We were set up to have a natural birth but we ended up needed a Cesarean because he was breech, and that emotional deviation was – yeah, the doulas really helped us process that as well. So yeah, it was tough to process at first, but I definitely would recommend it.

Alyssa: How long did it take you to get there, from the day Amber said, “I want to a doula” and he was like, what the heck, so this now, of him saying, okay, sure, I’ll read this book?

Amber: You know, for Ashton, I think that he needs a lot of information around something before he’s on board, and I’m totally the opposite. Like, I put all my eggs in the basket, and I just go full-forward without – and I’m like, I’ll figure it all out later. Well, he’s very opposite, and so I had picked up The Birth Partner book for him because I do think that he just really needed to understand the whole picture and the role that a doula does play, and he didn’t know that. So how I am going to get him on board for something if I just say, well, they’re just a coach in the delivery room? It is so much more than that. And so I think that just having the information is so powerful with that because everybody has pushback to stuff that they don’t understand. That’s just kind of human nature, right? So I think, yeah, the more information that he received – and reading that book, too, I think that he felt so much more empowered about birth and being a good birth partner for me, the role that he would be in, and knowing that a doula is just making him stronger throughout it and making me stronger. It’s also just having somebody to always go to with questions, no matter what it is. For me, I feel like our doulas, Ashley and Kristin, showed up in such a different way than I had originally expected. You know, you bring them on to help you in the delivery room, and that unfortunately wasn’t the case for us, but the support that we received going up to that was just incredible. You know, texting them with random little things. I mean, it was my first pregnancy. I would have a question about something or I would have a sensation and be like, is this normal? And I always had somebody that I could go to with just the shooting of a text, no matter what time of day it was. And that was really, really awesome for us, but especially for me, just knowing that things were normal, and I didn’t have to worry about stuff. And we went through the hypnobirthing as well, so we just received so much by bringing Gold Coast on. We had interviewed a couple doulas, and you guys were one of them, and we just felt like it was such a good match. We did the hypnobirthing and just received so much information around labor. I had no idea what your body even does during labor, and I think that bringing a doula on and just getting so comfortable and confident around what labor is, how it goes down, the differences, the changes that your body goes through – I think understanding that alone made me feel so much more comfortable in my pregnant body and potentially going into a natural birth. That was what we had planned for, and it didn’t happen, but regardless, I felt like I had so many tools in my belt, and I just understood a lot more that I wouldn’t have received if I hadn’t hired a doula because then we probably wouldn’t have done the hypnobirthing or any of the other classes that we did, as well. So think that it’s just kind of a – you know, once you bring a doula on, there’s so much information that you can get from it that can potentially set you up for a successful birth.

Alyssa: So we’ll have you on again to talk about how planning for a natural delivery and ending up with a Cesarean. Ashton, I actually wanted to ask you one more question before we wrap up here. So for the guys, for the dads out there who don’t read – like, my husband would have never read a book, had I asked him to. If you had to tell them a couple things to say, okay, this is why you need to hire a doula; what would you say?

Ashton: You know, I think it’s a tough question to distill it down. Everybody’s going to have a different perspective on it. I could tell pretty early on when Amber approached me with the idea of bringing a doula on board that it’s something that would make her feel more confident in the delivery of our first child, and at the end of the day, I think that’s ultimately why I wanted to support it. I wanted to learn more about it because especially with the stress and the difficulty and the emotional roller coaster that goes on with having your first child, all the unknowns, all the fear – you know, at the end of the day, if having a doula is going to make you more comfortable, then that’s probably not something I want to oppose.

Alyssa: How did the doula support you? You had said that it wasn’t just for the laboring mother but for you as well.

Ashton: Yeah. Well, it was mostly educational, so we did participate in the hypnobirthing class, and I think learning so much about the birthing process through that also helped me understand the role of a doula, but also the role of myself in the delivery process.

Amber: You felt very empowered after the hypnobirthing, right?

Ashton: Yeah. It took a lot of the fear and the unknown and made it more accessible because I knew or I had at least some ideas of what we were getting into. But again, I think the emotions and the fears are probably some of the hardest parts around having our first child, at least for us, and having the doulas with us to answer both of our questions, being there at the delivery, helping us with our first latch once Parker was born – I think just having that reassurance and that additional resource and expertise just made us more confident going into it, which was certainly worth the cost.

Amber: Yeah, I feel like we really had an incredible relationship with Ashley and Kristin, and it happened quickly. And like I had already said, just always having somebody to reach out to. I had so many little questions along the road, and it’s not like you can call your midwife or OB every single time you have a question, and going to the internet when you’re pregnant is just –

Alyssa: Stay away from Google!

Amber: You stay away from it. So there was just always somebody that we could reach out to, and that alone was worth it. And just the relationship that we both created with them, I think especially through the hypnobirthing, we both felt very empowered. But they really empowered Ashton to be a good birth partner through labor, and doing the breathing techniques together, having him be my coach through that stuff. While our doula taught it, I think that she really put a lot into his court in a good way.

Ashton: Yeah, it was like a having a – Ashley in this case was a birthing coach for me and a birthing coach for Amber, but she definitely made me a more competent and confident partner going into the delivery room and through the last stages of pregnancy. So yeah, ultimately, it made us both more at ease and more relaxed in the pregnancy in general, and that’s a hard thing to put a price on.

Alyssa: Well, thank you for sharing. We’ll have you back again, and we will talk about how your actual last few weeks of pregnancy went and how your doula supported you in that role. Let us know what you thought about this episode. If you have any questions, you can always find us: info@goldcoastdoulas.com. You can email us there or find us at goldcoastdoulas.com, Facebook, and Instagram. Thanks.

Podcast Episode #22: How to get Dad on board with Hiring a Doula Read More »

Podcast Episode #21: Supporting a Cesarean Birth

Ask The Doulas Podcast / Alyssa Veneklase / birth doula, birth support, breastfeeding, cesarean birth, childbirth, nursing, postpartum doulas

April is C-section Awareness Month! On this episode of Ask the Doulas, Alyssa and Ashley talk about how birth doulas provide support during a Cesarean section delivery. You can listen to the full podcast episode on iTunes or Soundcloud.

Alyssa: Hi, welcome to Ask the Doulas with Gold Coast Doulas. I am Alyssa, co-owner and postpartum doula, and we have Ashley Forton with us again today.

Ashley: Hi.

Alyssa: And today the question is, how does a birth doula support my Cesarean birth? And I think that’s a really good question because everyone thinks of a doula’s support during a normal – I don’t want to say normal, but the typical vaginal delivery. And what if someone has a planned C-section, or what if they want a vaginal delivery and end up with Cesarean birth? In their mind, they’re saying, “I had all these ideas about what you do; I paid this money, and now I’m having surgery.” How do you support that?

Ashley: Yeah! So, plans change; birth is unpredictable. Sometimes we do have clients that have a planned Cesarean and still see the value in our support. So we can talk about it two different ways. When you have a planned Cesarean, whenever you hire us during your pregnancy, we’re still there for emotional and informational support throughout the pregnancy, so that can be really valuable. We can also help you come up with a birth preferences or a birth plan for your Cesarean.

Alyssa: What does that look like?

Ashley: When most people think of a birth plan, they think of a labor and vaginal birth, but it still applies to a Cesarean. You still have choices, and you can still kind of customize your experience. So we always talk about a birth plan being a starting point for a conversation with your provider, but you can certainly talk to your provider about, is a pass-through drape an option? Or even a see-through drape? Is there a clear drape so that I can see my baby emerging, if that’s something that you’re interested in? Letting them know if you want to have skin-to-skin contact with your baby right away; is that possible? Have that conversation. Talking about, hey, can I pick the music that’s playing in the room? I’ve got this song in my head that I really wanted to play when my baby is born. Hey, I want to read this poem to my baby as soon as my baby’s born. You can still do a lot of these personal things. Talk to the provider about who you’d like to have in the room. As doulas, sometimes we’re allowed in the OR; sometimes we’re not. But letting your preferences be known and saying, he, I have a birth doula, and I’d really like them to be in the OR with me. Have that conversation with your provider. As a birth doulas, I have been in the OR, but I haven’t been in every single time. So it’s always worth asking and having that conversation. So you can talk about who is in that OR with you; you can talk about what happens immediately afterwards. Hey, I’d like my birth doula in the recovery room with me. You can talk about all these different preferences when you have it planned ahead of time. It’s kind of nice to come up with a game plan before going in, whereas when you’re having a physiological birth, you’re going in for a vaginal birth, and then plans change. Something happens with you; something happens with baby, or you change your mind, and you go in for Cesarean. Sometimes you don’t have that time to plan ahead and say, hey, this is how I wanted my Cesarean to go. So sometimes, it’s nice to have that birth plan already written up just in case. And the way that we support – so let’s say we’re having a planned Cesarean and the birth doula is not allowed in the OR.

Alyssa: Who is that up to, normally?

Ashley: That’s up to the anesthesiologist at the hospital, so they make the final call. So it’s usually a good idea to ask your OB, let them know if that’s something that you want, and then when you see the anesthesiologist, make sure you talk to them about it because they get the final say at most hospitals.

Alyssa: And I think it’s huge to at least ask because I say the same thing to clients who wonder if their insurance covers this. The more we ask, the more they keep hearing this word doula, it will maybe someday be covered by insurance, and it will maybe someday be a norm to have a doula in the OR. So ask! Keep mentioning it!

Ashley: Absolutely. Because you are the consumer; you’re a customer. You are a paying customer, and we know that customer’s voices are important. Hospitals pay attention to those surveys. We know that. So make sure that you make your desires known, and if it’s not an option, let them know in the survey. “Hey, this is something I wanted; it wasn’t an option for me.”

Alyssa: So if you’re not allowed in, what happens?

Ashley: So what happens if we’re not allowed in is we go to the hospital with you the morning of. I’ve had some really fun times hanging out with clients ahead of their Cesarean, you know, just having fun, telling jokes, making sure they’re comfortable and feeling good about what’s happening; making sure they feel safe and secure and being there for any emotional needs that they may have during that time, and then when they go back for their Cesarean, I’m in the waiting room. So I’m there the whole time, and whenever possible, I go back into the recovery room as soon as they’re out of surgery. So what that looks like just depends on the hospital and what their policy is, but if I can go back into recovery, then Dad is there to support the mom, as well, and I’m there to help with breastfeeding, if they want to breastfeed; to see how they’re doing physically and emotionally; how do you feel right now, after that? And spend some time with them there. If I’m not allowed in recovery, then I meet them up in their room. As soon as they’re settled in their room, we still have that few hours of time together to process things emotionally and talk about how you’re feeling physically. Is there anything that I can get for you right now? Can I go get you some extra water? Something simple like that, but most of the time it’s more emotional; helping them process what’s going on; asking questions about breastfeeding. As birth doulas, we are trained to support breastfeeding, so we want to make sure that you get a good comfortable latch the first time. If there’s something tricky going on, we’ll help you get set up with a lactation consultant and make sure that you make that connection. We’ll get you the resources that you need. If all of a sudden there’s a medical concern for you or baby, we’ll make sure that you’ve got the information that you want or need. If it’s out of our scope, if it’s clinical or medical, we’re going to make sure that you know who to talk to. Hey, talk to your OB; talk to your pediatrician. Let’s ask your nurse. We’ll make sure that you’ve got the connections that you need, and if all of a sudden, you’re thinking, shoot, I really feel like I’m going to need some help at home, we can talk to you about how postpartum doulas are an option; let’s talk about that. Is that something that might be helpful? So whatever your emotional and physical needs are, we try to address those, and then we still come do a postpartum visit when you’re home and address all those same things again; spend some time together and see how you’re doing because in a week or ten days, a lot changes when you’re home, especially after a Cesarean; you’ve got a lot of healing to do, and we want to make sure that that’s all going smoothly and that you have what you need.

Alyssa: Thank you for that. If anyone has further questions about how a birth doula can support either a vaginal delivery or your Cesarean, email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com. Remember, these moments are golden. Thanks, Ashley.

Ashley: You’re welcome!

Podcast Episode #21: Supporting a Cesarean Birth Read More »

Podcast Episode #19: Lisa’s Postpartum Journey

Ask The Doulas Podcast, Birth / Alyssa Veneklase / babies, birth doula, birth support, breastfeeding, childbirth, doulas, newborn care, postpartum doulas, sleep deprivation

On this episode of Ask the Doulas, Alyssa talks with Lisa about her postpartum doula and how having a doula helped with her recovery. You can listen to the complete podcast on iTunes and SoundCloud.

Alyssa: Hi, welcome to another episode of Ask the Doulas with Gold Coast Doulas. I am Alyssa Veneklase. I am co-owner and postpartum doula. Today we are talking to a client, Lisa, again. Hello, Lisa.

Lisa: Hello.

Alyssa: Last time we talked about her and her husband’s struggle with fertility and how that looked for her. Just to kind of recap, it took them about two and a half years, and then she ended up with an emergency C-section five weeks early. So we’re going to talk about what her life looked like once she got home. So Ethan spent five days in NICU, and you said you were ready. You were ready after that; five days was enough. Is that because it was scary having a baby in the NICU, or you just wanted to go home?

Lisa: Everything is very medical and monitored, and it feels – there’s definitely a separation between the natural kind of mother-and-child bonding, I think, that happens in those early hours, those early days. So for example, when I had the C-section, they wouldn’t actually let me go visit him until I was able to get up out of bed by myself and go to the bathroom. So I ended up not being able to see him for the first 17 hours.

Alyssa: You were like, “I will get up and pee by myself!”

Lisa: If this is the last thing that I do, I am going to get out of this bed and go pee! Yeah, so, that made me anxious because I was literally sitting in this hospital bed by myself in a room by myself because my husband was with the baby doing skin-to-skin, and I was counting the minutes. When do I get to go meet him?

Alyssa: So five days later, you get to bring him home.

Lisa: Actually, eight days later. Yeah, we bring him home, and it was so funny because as much as I wanted to leave the NICU, the minute we got home, he wasn’t hooked up to a monitor so you don’t know his oxygen saturation levels; you don’t know his temperature; you don’t know all these things that the machines are telling you. And I literally was fearful that he was going to die in the middle of the night. I’m like, “Well, he’s just going to stop breathing, and I’m not going to know because the beeper isn’t going to go off.” And so then I had this anxiety about not having all of the faculties that you have in the hospital. But luckily, we knew right from the beginning that – we had a birth doula who played a very different role than what I expected her to play in the beginning.

Alyssa: Yeah, absolutely. How did your birth doula end up supporting you with an emergency C-section?

Lisa: She didn’t make it to the hospital in time because it was – it happened basically in 45 minutes, and so just with the distance, she couldn’t get there, but she sat with me in the room after I recovered for several hours, when I was coming down off the gas and stuff that you get. Not gas; it’s an injection, but anyway, you know, when you’re really coming out of the stuff that they give you, and that was really helpful. I’m glad that I wasn’t alone then. But we knew that we also wanted a postpartum doula. Neither of us had been around babies very much in our adult life, and we wanted somebody who was an expert with infants that knew the research and the range of – what are the options, when I have a question? You know, about sleeping or whatever; that would be a great one because we did struggle a lot with sleeping. What are the different approaches and why, and what are the pros and cons to each? I talked a lot to my postpartum doula about sleeping and how to encourage sleeping, creating the right environment and all of that. But otherwise, I didn’t know what I was doing. I was also recovering from an abdominal surgery, and I just plain needed help, you know? I was struggling with getting up and down stairs because it was still quite painful. And so we had a postpartum doula come in every morning from six to nine through the work week and then on the weekends, my husband and I were together, so then we were able to kind of tag-team, and that was obviously different. And then we also did have several overnight stays. But even simple things the postpartum doula helped me with was, how do you get up with a new, new baby, at least get yourself in the shower, and eating breakfast, before you’re kind of down on the couch nursing them for the first time or for the first nap during the day? And I think that would have taken me weeks to figure out.

Alyssa: To figure out, like if I get up a half an hour early and try to get in the shower…

Lisa: Yes! And just a shower and eating before you’re starting the whole rigmarole of the day, especially when you’re breastfeeding, because I was really hungry – that makes a huge difference.

Alyssa: Well, and most women, especially in the beginning when you feel like you’re nursing all the time –

Lisa: All the time!

Alyssa: And you’re so hungry and so thirsty, and then they tell me, well, I don’t have time. You need to make time. If you’re not drinking, you’re not eating, your milk supply is just going to start to slowly diminish.

Lisa: Yeah. And then I couldn’t do things like go to the grocery store; that was a big challenge, or do any type of meal planning. So then our postpartum doula – we said, this is the food that we like, and so she basically created some meals, went to the grocery store, brought them back, did some or all of the food prep for the different meals, and that was just life-saving as well. But mostly I think for me it was a trusted partner. Like, who can I just ask anything to and it be just fine? And maybe it’s lack of knowledge for me or just that I don’t know who else to ask this question to.

Alyssa: Well, it’s overwhelming your first time. You literally know nothing. I mean, very little.

Lisa: I didn’t even know how to swaddle. I mean, swaddling was a big learning curve for me. I never really got it tight enough. In the beginning; I eventually did, but –

Alyssa: He’d just kind of ninja his way out?

Lisa: Yes, he did! Yeah. This person, this woman, this angel of mine, her name was Kate, and she was wonderful.

Alyssa: Now, we should mention – we didn’t mention that you lived in Seattle at this point.

Lisa: Right.

Alyssa: So you were not in Grand Rapids. When did you find out you were moving?

Lisa: When our son was three months old. He had just turned three months.

Alyssa: Yeah, because you had just gotten here when he was about four months, right? So you had a month to prepare. How was that?

Lisa: I think I was in a little bit of denial about how much needed to be done. We decided to spend more money to push the easy button, so we hired movers to actually pack us for the first time as well as do the cross-country move, and that was worth every dime that we spent, even though that is not cheap. It was really worth it. And I just focused on my recovery and my baby and the bonding and just let all that other stuff go.

Alyssa: So then you got here, and you had Judd’s family here. You have no family here, and your doula in Seattle found me.

Lisa: Right, so then I was talking to her, and I said, “You know, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know anybody there. How am I going to unpack into a new house, meet anybody?” And she’s like, “Oh, well, let me just do some research. I’ll do some looking for you today,” and she came back the next day, and she was like, “I found somebody.” And it was Alyssa. And I was like, “Perfect! Perfect! At least I have a doula that I can totally lean on!” And that was you, and…

Alyssa: We met, and the rest is history, right?

Lisa: The rest is history. And my husband’s family helped us move into the house, and that was unbelievably healthy. Healthy? Helpful! I still have mom-brain.

Alyssa: It never goes away.

Lisa: I transpose these words and then it doesn’t make sense.

Alyssa: It doesn’t go away. It’s not pregnancy-brain; it’s mom-brain, for sure.

Lisa: So at the end of the day, I’m really glad that we moved. I think it was a really, really hard time. I think moving may be – if you can wait until your baby is closer to one or something, that might be easier, an easier transition for the mom just because you’re so exhausted in the beginning. But Grand Rapids is really family-friendly, and I’m just so appreciative of that, and I feel like it’s a good place to raise kids.

Alyssa: We’re glad you’re here.

Lisa: I’m glad that we’re here. And I’m glad to have met you! Thank goodness for you!

Alyssa: Yeah, we worked eight months, maybe, seven months? Off and on; it was a lot in the beginning.

Lisa: Yeah, until he was about a year, yeah. At a year, I kind of felt like, oh, the weight of all of being a new mom kind of lifted a little bit for me, and I just felt more confident, I guess.

Alyssa: Well, and he was gaining so much more independence that it was almost – I remember one day you saying “It’s so great. He’s sitting up and he’s doing all these things, but he’s not my little baby anymore.” It was like this – I’m so glad he’s doing this because now he can play by himself for a little bit on the floor and I can actually go sit down and eat or do dishes or something, but you struggled with this. He’s my baby, but he’s not my little baby anymore, and he’s doing all these other things. And I think we all struggle with that. Me, I only have one child, so every phase, every developmental stage, I just – good and bad, I love it.

Lisa: Because that’s the only one you get.

Alyssa: Yeah. So I guess that’s a piece of advice I give, especially if you’re only having one –and you may end up trying for more; who knows, but you just – it helps you get through the hard times. Even the sleepless nights; it’s all temporary because soon he’s going to be eight, right? He’s not going to want to sleep with you, and he’s not going to want to wake up. You’re going to have to wake him up!

Lisa: That’s right. I can’t even imagine that! He’s still waking up probably three times, religiously, every night. But it’s a lot better than what he was.

Alyssa: You’re getting sleep.

Lisa: Yeah, I’m getting enough sleep now. I’m not crazy like I was; sleepless-crazy. You know, an hour or 45 minutes of continuous sleep, all during the day, if that’s all you get, that is not enough for a person to have their wits about them. It’s just not.

Alyssa: No. I think we’ll talk next time with Lisa about the effects of sleep deprivation and how – you know, a pregnancy journey that doesn’t go as planned along with sleep deprivation and an emergency C-section; all these things; how does that play in your brain. So stay tuned; we’ll talk next to Lisa about that. Thank you for sharing today!

Lisa: Thanks.

Podcast Episode #19: Lisa’s Postpartum Journey Read More »

World Doula Week 2018

Birth / Alyssa Veneklase / birth doula, birth support, childbirth, doulas, newborn care, postpartum doulas

Today’s blog is written by Kristin Revere, Certified Birth and Postpartum Doula and Certified Sacred Postpartum Mother Roaster.

As the end of World Doula Week nears, I feel I must speak my truth.

Before having kids my purpose was to support women in politics. I wanted more voices in office and wanted to run for office myself. I still do. I wanted women to feel confident raising money. I still do. When I was pregnant and busy working on a Governor’s race, I felt a loss of control. I was used to planning everything in life. Birth was something I couldn’t predict; even my pregnancy had twists and turns when I developed pre-eclampsia. I didn’t know what a doula was eight years ago, and I wish I had. The second time around, I did and we hired doulas before anyone even knew I was pregnant.

Why doula? I am a doula because I have the honor of truly seeing women when they are strong and when they are vulnerable. I have the honor of seeing their partners supporting them tenderly. I stand with women who struggle with loss and infertility. I stand with women who make hard choices. I support them, without judgment in their decisions, to prepare for unmedicated births, epidural births, cesarean births. I walk with them when they choose to breastfeed, exclusively pump or bottle feed. I acknowledge them when they choose to stay home, work from home or go back to work. I remind them to surrender and to breathe. I remind them to slow down. I remind my clients that this is only temporary and that they are strong. I still cry after every birth… mostly while sitting in my car. Mostly tears of joy and sometimes the tears are painful. You know those cries when your full body shakes? I have experienced my share of those, as well.

It was five years ago today that I took my family to Virginia for a four-day Sacred Pregnancy Instructor retreat.

That experience changed everything for me. I began to understand how to support women fully. I started teaching classes two weeks after my training. Soon after that, I took a Sacred Postpartum training in Georgia and then a four-day Sacred Doula training in Florida as I was asked to support my students at their births.

I sat in circles with my Sacred Pregnancy students for eight weeks and we were raw and real with each other. We stripped down our layers and expressed our fears and our dreams to each other. I believe that women need to connect with each other in that way. Women desire to feel understood and supported and to be fully seen and accepted.

I wasn’t sure birth doula was my calling at first. At my Sacred Doula training, I was seen as least likely to make it due to my fear of blood. I got over that fear quickly, by the way. Very few of the women in my training are still doulas. The average doula does this work for three years before burnout. A lot of this is because of the low pay, on-call lifestyle, the inability to predict how long you will be away from your family, the physical and emotional stress of birth work, and more.

I proudly hold two birth doula certifications and am a certified Postpartum and infant care doula. My next step is to become a certified childbirth educator.

I started Gold Coast Doulas with my business partner to better support families. Our birth doulas work in teams and therefore will stay in the field longer because of a better work – life balance; doulas who can give more because they aren’t always on call. They can plan for a vacation, a birthday party, or a camping trip and still take clients.

Our clients get the experience, support, and perspectives from two doulas throughout pregnancy, and if labor is long they will have a second refreshed doula at their side as needed. This model better supports our doulas as well. They have mentorship, support, and a place to grow. We take care of each other and honor the choices of those who step away from the work after having another child or for family reasons. They know they also can come back if circumstances change.

Gold Coast Doulas is made up of 15 birth and postpartum doulas, an infant massage instructor, a board certified lactation consultant (IBCLC), and a placenta encapsulator. We keep growing and adapting to the needs of our clients.

With the way birth support so strongly called to me, I never thought I would like postpartum doula work the way I do. Birth work is important, and I know now postpartum care is even more important.

There is a pressure in America to get back into skinny jeans, to get back to work, to be supermom. The focus after birth is always on the baby. Who is there to check on how the mother is coping? Everyone wants to hold the baby and bring gifts for the baby.

We need to acknowledge the mother.

We make sure she is nourished, rested, her house is picked up, we allow her time to shower or sip on tea on her porch. We acknowledge her fears and support their choices. We also help when the partner or mother is traveling. We help them manage the work, care for a baby, play with a toddler.

Doulas allow the client to breathe, and let them know that they are strong and that this is only temporary. We acknowledge them. We all want to be seen and we all want to be fully heard. That is why I do this work. We must support each other. We shouldn’t have to go at this alone.

This work is my true purpose. I see you, I stand with you, I walk with you. I am a doula.

World Doula Week 2018 Read More »

Meet Lindsey, our newest Birth Doula!

Birth, Doulas / Alyssa Veneklase / birth doula, doulas, gold coast doulas

We are very excited to introduce you to Lindsey Lupo. She comes to us with a wealth of knowledge and an amazing background as well as a love for people that extends beyond words.

1) What did you do before you became a doula?
I worked in trauma for 7+ years at a local hospital, became a mom, and decided to pursue holistic living through homeopathy, naturopathy, aromatherapy, and herbology. I graduated with a biomedical sciences degree with a minor in psychology and emphasis in research from Grand Valley State University. I also had the opportunity to publish with Michigan State University on Renal Failure. Working with people has always be my primary fortee.

2) What inspired you to become a doula?
My 7 pregnancies with 2 living children, both of which were traumatic births. I want to offer bereavement support along with healing and empowerment to families that have experienced loss.

3) Tell us about your family.
My husband and I live in Rockford with our two children (4 & 2) and our little weenie dog, Maxwell. We homeschool and are very involved in our faith and community.

4) What is your favorite vacation spot and why?
Porcupine Mountains because I thoroughly enjoy camping, hiking, nature, and the beauty of the great outdoors. Minus being chased by a bear, of course.

5) Name your top five bands/musicians and tell us what you love about them.
Matt Maher- He facilitates a greater conversation.
John Mayer- Musically brilliant
Chris Tomlin- Inspirational worship leader
Jason Aldean – Sometimes a girl just has to get on a horse and cowgirl up.
Journey – One should never stop believing.

6) What is the best advice you have given to new families?
You’re not alone. Some days are going to be better than others and that’s ok. That’s the reality of the beautiful mess we all live.

7) What do you consider your doula superpower to be?
I am a confident couch and support person. I have the ability to pass that confidence on to others when needed. People feel safe with me and that brings comfort and consistency.

8) What is your favorite food?
Coffee and Avocados – Not together of course.

9) What is your favorite place in West Michigan’s Gold Coast?
Eastown – not for vacation but for everyday pleasures. Some of my favorite places are located here – Marie Catribs, Brewery Vivant, Global Infusion, and more.

10) What are you reading now?
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth

11) Who are your role models?
Mother Teresa and Pope John Paul II.

“Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat” -MT

“There is no place for selfishness and no place for fear! Do not be afraid, then, when love makes demands. Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice.” – JPII

Meet Lindsey, our newest Birth Doula! Read More »

Meet our new Birth and Postpartum Doula, Julie!

Doulas / Alyssa Veneklase / birth doula, doulas, gold coast doulas, postpartum doulas

We’re excited to welcome Julie Skripka to the Gold Coast team as a Birth and Postpartum Doula! Let’s get to know her a little better.

1) What did you do before you became a doula?

Before starting my doula adventure, I was home raising and homeschooling my 4 children. I currently nanny and run the nursery at church. I went to Michigan State University and have an English degree with minors in Child Development and Communications.

2) What inspired you to become a doula?

I love babies and helping others! I want to empower and support women through this life change.

3) Tell us about your family.

I have been married to my husband, Nick, since August 2005. We have 4 awesome children, Harper, Hunter, Heath, and Hope. My family is my whole world!

4) What is your favorite vacation spot and why?

We love going to the Silver Lake Sand Dunes. Sun, sand and fun! I grew up going there as a kid and it’s fun to bring my kids and make new memories.

5) Name your top five bands/musicians and tell us what you love about them.

Skillet: They put on an amazing show! I love how I can feel the power in their music and they sing about my hero!
Mumford and Sons: The mix of instruments this folk rock group plays gives them a unique sound. It’s hard to stop listening to them!
Jack Johnson: Things are always better together! His lyrics are smart and I love his acoustic folk sound.
Lauren Daigle: Lauren’s voice is beautiful and the messages in her songs always uplift me.
Toby Mac: His energy is contagious!

6) What is the best advice you have given to new families?

Do what works for your family and love on your babies often! They grow so fast!!

7) What do you consider your doula superpower to be?

Calming babies and helping them sleep. I have been asked if I’m magic!!

8) What is your favorite food?

Tacos!!

9) What is your favorite place in West Michigan’s Gold Coast?

Any Lake Michigan beach at sunset is pretty sweet!

10) What are you reading now?

The Birth Partner by Penny Simkins.

11) Who are your role models?

My grandma is my role model! She had 7 kids. I admire her for her love of family and her huge heart. She taught me to spoil my people with love, attention, and gifts. To listen and remember what people say and to always check back in with them. She had a spunk for life I carry in my heart with me everyday. She encouraged me to be me and loved me unconditionally, and I want others to feel the way she always made me feel!

Meet our new Birth and Postpartum Doula, Julie! Read More »

Podcast Episode #9: How to Handle a Six-Week NICU Stay

Ask The Doulas Podcast, Birth, Parenting / Alyssa Veneklase / babies, birth doula, childbirth, multiples, newborn care, nursing, twins

On this episode of Ask the Doulas, Tricia talks about her experience with her twins staying in the NICU for six weeks. You can also listen to this podcast on iTunes.

Alyssa: Hi, welcome to another episode of Ask the Doulas with Gold Coast Doulas. I am Alyssa, co-owner and postpartum doula, and today we’re talking to Tricia.

Tricia: Hi.

Alyssa: She is a post-partum and birth doula with us and also our multiples expert that teaches the multiples class. Tell us about your multiples.

Tricia: They are two. I have identical twin girls, Keira and Rosalind. They also have a big brother named Gideon. He just turned four.

Alyssa: Okay, so for a while there, you had three under three?

Tricia: I had three under two.

Alyssa: Three under two!

Tricia: They are 23 months apart, so yeah.

Alyssa: Wow, you are wonder woman. So when the girls were born, they had a significant NICU stay?

Tricia: They did.

Alyssa: And I know parents get really nervous about NICU, and Kristen had talked about how her daughter had a three-week stay. How long were your daughters in the NICU?

Tricia: They were in just over six weeks. Keira was in for 41 days, and Rosalind was in for 45.

Alyssa: Okay. So tell us a little bit about the birth story and how they ended up in NICU and what you and your husband felt.

Tricia: My girls shared a placenta, so we had issues for a little while. They were monitoring really closely. One of their placentas was velamentous cord insertion, so it was palm-shaped, and it was attached to both the placenta and my cervix. Keira started detaching off of the placenta.

Alyssa: So there were two placentas?

Tricia: No. One together; they shared. One had two cords. So they had separate sacks. There are three different types of twins. We were the second-safest, I guess is the best way. MoMo, they share a sack and they share everything.

Alyssa: Okay. One sack, one placenta?

Tricia: Yeah, which runs risks because umbilical cords can twist around each other. We had the safe kind of identical – well, safer. Two sacks, but they shared one placenta. So yes, they started to do a twin-to-twin blood transfusion back and forth, and so the placenta just kind of died, or was starting to. So Keira came out pale and not breathing at 32 weeks, and sister came out 30 seconds later. We had an emergency C-section because Keira was originally breech, so she was going to be a C-section regardless. She was Baby A. But it became more emergent when they realized that she was having issues with her placenta cord or her umbilical cord. So they both were intubated within seconds. Their scores were super low. I want to say Keira’s was a one and Rosalind’s might have been a two or a three. So super low at birth. I think the scariest part was we had our son first, so we knew that they come out crying and happy. And the doctors, when we came into our C-section, were talking about vacations, and by the end of it, the entire room of 30 people was, like, silent. So yeah, my husband really had a hard time with that. We both started crying. Both girls were fine. Keira was pretty much whisked straight down to NICU. Rosalind was a little bit more stable, so they were able to have her lay next to me. I have a photo of her little finger in my finger as they stitched me up, and her just kind of sitting there. But then she was sent back down with sister. Thankfully, I had a postpartum doula sitting there. My husband left for about an hour. It was very traumatic for him to have both of his girls and me and the whole – so he went and had his time. I really still to this day, two years later, have no idea what he did. I know he went through a drive through, and I know he sat in his car and cried, but I had my support for me, so we both were able to be where we needed, and my support was amazing. Having that doula there was – I honestly could not imagine being in a room with no babies; no husband, because he needed his time, and yeah. She was phenomenal. And we had a NICU nurse come upstairs a couple hours; it was a good couple hours and brought pictures and had weights. And both girls at that point were stable. Both were intubated, great. The NICU doctor was a little concerned. Keira’s hemoglobin was at an 8, and Rosalind’s was at an 18. They think it happened within the first, like those last couple hours when the umbilical cord started being funky and the placenta, because it can go so quickly. And they really don’t think it had to have been a couple hours because I was having contractions for a good 48 hours before the girls were born. They just weren’t consistent. But we had steroid shots prior. They weren’t going to start labor, because at that point they didn’t think that it was – when it was going to happen, it was going to happen. But she felt that Keira would do a lot better if she had a blood transfusion because her hemoglobin was so low for even an adult, let alone a baby. But blood transfusions for babies are really little. You think “blood transfusion;” you think these huge – it’s like a little syringe amount of blood. It’s super little because they were so little.

Alyssa: So did they explain that to you? Because I think if somebody told me, hey, your newborn baby needs a blood transfusion, I would just break down. So they said this is literally what it looks like? So they just pump new blood into their vein?

Tricia: Yeah, they did it through her head because the head veins are so nice and with babies, they still move. They’re little babies. She might be three pounds, but they’re tough little things at three pounds. And so they go through the head because it’s a really good opening; they don’t have to worry about trying to do it more than once. And so it’s a really little amount; it’s a little syringe. Thankfully, yeah, they did explain some of that. By that time I was pumping. I was able to thankfully talk to a NICU nurse prior to going into NICU, so I knew that without the girls, if I wanted my milk supply to go in, I needed to have a pump within three hours. I had to kind of fight for my pump a little bit, but I was able to get a pump in those first three hours because I was determined to have that. I was able to see the girls for the first time a little after midnight, and they were born at 6:52 and 6:53. So it took about four hours for me to get down there. I couldn’t hold them or anything like that. They were little things. But at that point, Keira had her blood transfusion and all of that. They were, yes, very fragile little things.

Alyssa: What goes through your mind?

Tricia: At that point, I think I was just so happy to see them okay that I really – I don’t think that there was much else because I had experienced her coming out not breathing and her being whisked away and knowing that I almost didn’t go in that day. They were going to send me home. When I went into the hospital, I came in with contractions every eight minutes apart. I was a centimeter and a half dilated. They thought they’d give me some fluids and send me back home at 1:00. I went to the hospital alone; drove a friend’s car; was in my nephew’s preschool class that morning. Like, nobody had a clue that these girlies were coming, and then 3:30, doctor comes in and, “You’re dilated to a three. We can’t send you home. You’re an automatic C-section. I can’t send you home. Contractions haven’t stopped. You probably should call your husband.” Husband’s going, “Do I have time to go get my oil changed?” I’m like, “No, honey, I don’t think you do. They’re acting like we don’t have time for this.”

Alyssa: Maybe that’s what he did for those two hours. “I got a burger and my oil changed and cried.”

Tricia: Right! So the first few days, yeah, were really just – I overdid it a little bit because the anesthesia made me feel – it takes 24 hours for anesthesia from a spinal to fully leave your system, so I could walk, I could pee, I could do all that. I felt invincible, but you’re not invincible. It’s the pain meds talking to you that you’re invincible. So the first three days I pretty much – we did not really have any visitors at the hospital when I was in there, which is way different than with my son.

Alyssa: And was that by choice? You didn’t want anybody to come?

Tricia: Yeah, I really didn’t. They can’t go into NICU, and I wanted to be down with the babies. I was up in my room to get meds, to eat, and to sleep. And everything else I did next to the girls. Rosalind was in – she had bilirubin lights for a couple days. They had bradys throughout the six weeks, which is when they periodically stop breathing. It’s a really common preemie problem is the best way I know how to put it. It’s just that in the uterus, if they don’t breathe a second, it’s fine. They’ve got all the stuff, so it’s them learning how to breathe. They still have to learn how to breathe. Rosalind had a little bit more issues with her lungs, so they were given surfactant to coat their lungs to try to help them breathe at delivery and to help their lungs grow and mature. Keira’s lungs took it; Rosalind’s did not. It all still, 24 hours later, it was pretty much right on the surface of her lungs kind of a concept, so she had a lot more issues breathing. She was off and on different various c-pap and nose canula and breathing. They both had caffeine at some point, and I remember a NICU nurse telling me to drink more caffeine because it was better that they got it through my milk vs. the little –

Alyssa: So what is the caffeine for?

Tricia: It’s to help with them remembering that breathing on their own, to help them be a little bit more alert. That was my understanding, anyway. It’s a lot of trying to get them to remember to breathe on their own because if they sleep and they forget to breathe, there’s a lot of monitors.

Alyssa: Interesting. I would have never thought caffeine.

Tricia: And once again, it’s a really tiny amount.

Alyssa: Oh, of course. “Let’s give them a cup of coffee in a syringe.”

Tricia: Basically! The medical aspect of – I never thought I would know all this medical stuff, and then you have twins who spend six weeks. Food’s in milliliters, and everything’s ounces, and those ounces matter. Like, you don’t think about it when you’ve got a full-term baby and they come home seven pounds and four ounces. But then you have a 3.4 and a 3.7 and they go down to the three pounds, and it’s like, you gained an ounce today! That ounce is huge! I exclusively pumped. We attempted latching, but they never really got the hang of it. Even with bottles, they were still like – part of the reason we were in NICU so long is because it took them a while to understand that oh, I have to suck, swallow, breathe. I have to eat. After about two weeks in for the most part they were feeder/growers. The first couple weeks were a little bit of one step forward, two steps back. Because Keira was under 3.5, she had to do a routine eye exam, which is because there’s a disease that they can get in their eyes if they’re on oxygen for too long. Their birth weight’s low because most of these babies who are that little are on oxygen for a while. And they also have to do a head ultrasound because there’s risks of breathing. And with her routine head ultrasound, they found a pseudocyst in the left ventricle of her brain, which looked more like a blood clot. It didn’t seem to affect function; didn’t seem to be anything too different. They ended up doing a head ultrasound of Rosalind because they’re identical, so they were curious if it was a thing. Both of their left ventricles are bigger than normal, I guess. I don’t really know what that means. Everybody’s brains look funny. The doctor made it out like, “They’re bigger than what the normal brain is, but if we were to do a head ultrasound on you, your brain would look funny too.” Like, there’s a very vague, “this is how your brain is supposed to look” concept. And so they both had bigger left ventricles, but sister did not have the pseudocyst. So they think the pseudocyst was part of delivery. Either that blood transfusion aspect where sister was getting her blood and she was giving it, or just with the placenta and delivery being a little bit more traumatic on her little body.

Alyssa: So is that something that goes away? You just watch it, or did you have to –

Tricia: It did. It did. They weren’t 100% sure. It’s not something that we studied much here. The doctor had to get a study from Sweden because they have more availabilities to that. If it did not go away, the doctor had said that it really wasn’t going to affect any function. It doesn’t affect anything. Hers did dissipate. That might be the wrong word, but it did disappear about eight, nine months in. She had an MRI. She’s had a couple of them, and so we are officially – neuro is done. She’s clear. She had a little bit of – she had to do some PT for a little bit for her right side because of just making sure everything crossed, but otherwise you would not know that she had that at all.

Alyssa: So you said after a couple of weeks, they became feeders/growers. Is that like a common term for NICU parents? Like, they’re feeding well and growing, and that’s their main goal is just to keep them feeding and growing?

Tricia: It is. In the NICU, you start in the back. The littler you are, you start in the back. That tends to be –

Alyssa: So you kind of graduate towards the front?

Tricia: You graduate towards the door. So when we got there, we were in this little corner, and it was both girls’ beds, and you’re in the back. And you can tell that you take a little bit more. A little bit more nurses, a little bit more machines. You’re back there. Like I said, we were 32-weekers, so we were kind of surrounded. There was some 26-weekers. There were some 24-weekers. So when you’re toward the back, it’s generally – in this NICU, you’re a little bit more of a – “We need to monitor you. You’re not as stable.”

Alyssa: A little higher risk.

Tricia: You’re a little bit higher risk, yeah, which it’s not that you’re not stable. It’s just that nurses need to be checking in a little bit more and a lot of times you’re in the kangaroo pods, which are the big isolettes, and you need the darker lights and you need to be a little bit more quiet. So you get put back there so that you can really sleep and grow, and it’s more womb-like towards the back, as womb-like as you can be in a room filled with monitors. They give these blankets. Each baby gets to go home with this big, oversized blanket that they put over top of the isolettes so that it can stay dark. My girls still sleep with them at night; they’re their little NICU blankies. Then as they get a little bit bigger, because newer babies come in that are the younger and need the quiet and the more monitoring, you get moved to the front. And so my girls had about two and a half, three weeks and then got moved to right next to a window and right across the nurse’s station. So yeah, then they get put into little basinets because they start being able to control their body temperature, and they are starting to breathe better, and they don’t need the c-pap. They just have the nose canula which is a huge – the nose canula looks really scary. It’s actually a lot better than to be intubated, but it looks a lot scarier. So it’s got all these bigger monitors and whereas with the nose canula it’s just these little things of oxygen and it can hide behind the bed. So yes, as they get bigger, yes, they get closer to the door.

Alyssa: Okay. So for a good three, four weeks they were feeders/growers?

Tricia: They were.

Alyssa: When do they graduate? At what point do they say, okay, they’re good to go?

Tricia: They have to be breathing on their own. They need to not have bradys within – I want to say it’s 48 or 72 hours. It’s a decent amount of time. It might be 72 because that’s part of the reason that Rosalind ended up staying longer than Keira did is that she had a couple episodes and they can’t send – they have to make sure that she can go home not breathing. Now, there are babies that are sent home with breathing machines and with monitors and whatnot depending on where you are and what your baby needs. Every morning, the doctors come and they give you updates on how they fed that day and what they’re thinking about food-wise; what they’re going to add; what they’re going to change; positives that baby did. And then they also, if you’ve got questions, doctors will sit and answer your questions. They go through rounds. It’s the way that they can do the nurses from the morning to the night, keep everybody up to date per baby. So they also have to pass a car seat test. Mom and Dad have to sit and watch three different videos. There’s a car seat safety test. There’s a CPR class. There’s another one. I cannot remember off the top of my head.

Alyssa: But they want to make sure you’re going home prepared? As prepared as you can be.

Tricia: Yep, yep. They come home, and they’re really – the nurses are all trained. They’re trained for feeding; they’re trained for various different – there was one that was a lactation consultant, so she sat and worked a lot on trying to get the girls to latch and have to figure out some of that. They’re really knowledgeable. They have also social workers upstairs that come down weekly and are like, “What can we do to help?” My husband and I had a 45-minute drive. Our NICU gave us gas cards weekly to help pay for driving there and back and there and back. Because there is a house that’s like right next to it, but you have to be within an hour. So we were just close enough that really – and we had a toddler at home, so we wouldn’t have been able to really use that much anyway, but it was nice that they were like, “What can we do to help your family make this less—”

Alyssa: A little less stressful.

Tricia: A little less stressful; a little less, yeah. And then usually they do a room-in, so they send you upstairs, and you’re on your own with baby. They’ll come in and do vitals every three hours. It’s basically like you leaving the hospital –

Alyssa: If you would have had a full-term baby? So you get that night, maybe, day –

Tricia: Yep, you get that night.

Alyssa: It’s like, okay, I can do this alone before we go home.

Tricia: Mm-hmm. You go home; babies are off all the monitors. It gets a little bit of normalcy to this. They’ll wheel you down in the wheelchair, and the whole, like, this is what you do. Like, I did not leave from the maternity floor when I was sent home because I could not leave from that floor empty-handed. I was like, I’m leaving from the NICU floor. You can put everything back down to the NICU floor, I’m just leaving the hospital and then coming back. If I leave this floor, it’s –

Alyssa: Something in your brain just won’t let you –

Tricia: Something in my brain. I was leaving my girls. I was leaving my girls together. It was that – I’m not leaving as a postpartum mom. I’m leaving as a mom. And I think that for whatever reason, that made a big difference.

Alyssa: So last question I have is you finally get to take them home. Well, one, and then the other, but you finally have both babies home. How do you deal with the nerves of what if they stop breathing? I mean, every parent has this fear of what if they stop breathing in the night. There’s all these what-ifs, and you have like a hundred more. How do you handle that?

Tricia: I know some parents buy the little Owlet monitor thing. There’s a bunch of different sleeping monitors. My girls came home on a schedule, so we kind of kept their schedule. I will be honest; I was over their crib just kind of watching them breathe for a while. Because you don’t, and you can’t. There’s really not – there was an oversized chair. I pumped in their room a lot, so I could watch them breathe while I pumped. You kind of just eventually get a little bit less – I don’t know if it ever really goes away.

Alyssa: Does it ever go away? I mean, I still check my almost-five-year-old daughter’s breathing at night before I go to bed, so that never really goes away, but you get to a point where you’re like, okay, these girls are healthy; they’re going to be able to sleep through the night, and now I can sleep through the night.

Tricia: Yeah. I mean, I had a post-partum doula that I talked to for a while because I did have a lot of anxiety.

Alyssa: The same one that was with you in the hospital?

Tricia: Yes. Due to just – yeah, I had a lot of anxiety from NICU; a lot of fears. So talking through a lot of it helped too. I think being able to talk it out and being, you know, they’re okay. They’re here now. My big thing is they’re here; they’re healthy. They’re happy. They’re fierce little things. But they’ve had a really long day. They’ve had a long rough road. Writing it out helped too. They have a book they both will get that is their full NICU journey.

Alyssa: So you would write every day?

Tricia: Pretty close. Regularly. I wouldn’t say every day, but pretty close. It has their updates; it has their weights. It talks about when Keira came home. Actually, that was probably the hardest day of NICU was taking just one of them home because it felt so foreign to me. I needed – I was supposed to have two. There’s two of you. And they’d never been apart. At least when I left, they were still together. It was really weird to take just her home. It was a very bittersweet day. Our family’s all like, “But you get to get ready for one.” I’m like, yeah, for two days, and now I get to take this infant in and out of the hospital. It’s not as great as you think it is.” I mean, it had to happen. It was fine; it was great; it was four days, and they left her bed and they made it as comfortable as they could. So their book talks about that a little bit. And I was a little bit more open with them in their book than I was with, like, Facebook-updating my family.

Alyssa: Oh, I’m sure. It will be a beautiful thing for them to read when they get older, I’m sure.

Tricia: Mm-hmm, for them to see how far they’ve come.

Alyssa: Yeah, and for you to remember because I feel like, you know, even a year ago, you forget little stories, and I’m a huge proponent of writing things down especially during the newborn stage because you are in this fog, and if you don’t write it down, you probably will never remember. And kids love to hear those stories about themselves, so I think that’s a beautiful way to track that.

Tricia: Yes.

Alyssa: Well, thank you so much. I feel like we have a million different multiples topics we could talk about, like your pumping alone. I think that could be – we will definitely talk about that again.

Tricia: Yes, I could talk for days for that, and all the places I’ve pumped.

Alyssa: We will talk about that for sure. Well, thanks. If you have any questions for Tricia, contact us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com. And you can find us on our website, goldcoastdoulas.com. Thanks for listening in today. We will talk to you soon.

Podcast Episode #9: How to Handle a Six-Week NICU Stay Read More »

Podcast Episode #6: Dispelling The Goddess Myth

Ask The Doulas Podcast, Birth / Alyssa Veneklase / birth doula, childbirth, doulas, pregnancy

In this episode of Ask the Doulas, Alyssa and Ashley talk about The Goddess Myth and how it affects your birthing experience. You can listen to this complete podcast on iTunes.

Alyssa: Hi, welcome to Ask the Doulas with Gold Coast Doulas. I am Alyssa, co-owner and postpartum doula, and today we have Ashley Forton with us.

Ashley: Good morning.

Alyssa: She is also a birth doula and postpartum doula. We both just recently read a Time Magazine article called The Goddess Myth, and it raised a lot of questions. Ashley, what was your first – well, why don’t you give us a synopsis of this article?

Ashley: Yeah, so the article kind of starts out talking about this “goddess myth” and how there’s this rise in natural birth, and how a lot of women are trying to achieve this image of being a goddess and having this perfect natural birth, and that they’re kind of blaming that on a lot of women feeling failure or feeling regret or feeling like they couldn’t live up to this perfect image that we’ve created. And it kind of stood out to me that, that’s still possible. If you want to have this beautiful, natural birth, bodies are capable of that, but it also brings up a lot of points that that’s not best for everybody. And so I found it really interesting some of the things that they brought up about different women’s experiences and where their emotions went if it didn’t go according to that perfect plan they had in their head.

Alyssa: Yeah, I’ve kind of thought that – you know, there’s all this knowledge at our fingertips. You get pregnant, and you can just know so much. And then you have this goddess myth, where you didn’t birth good enough if you didn’t do it naturally. I’m glad that there’s an awareness about this and that women are asking questions and knowing that it’s a possibility to birth this way, but on the flip side, there’s so much feelings of guilt and shame and regret if you say, “This is the only way I can have my baby,” and then it doesn’t happen that way. And then there’s all this mom-shaming of “Well, I did it naturally.” Or, “Oh, you had an epidural?” Or, “Oh, you’re not breastfeeding?” There’s so many good things happening within the community and within the medical field with natural births, and I think it’s beautiful and amazing, but a Caesarean birth is also a birth. If you had an epidural, it’s still a birth.

Ashley: Absolutely. And I think a lot of that – I don’t think the goddess myth or this desire for natural birth is the problem. I think that part of it is us as moms, as women, who come into this new journey of parenthood; we try to compare. I think comparison is the root of all this evil because what happens is when I compare my birth to yours, we’re not comparing apples to apples. You bring a completely different emotional history; a completely different physical experience. You have different genetics. Our bodies are not identical. So there’s no way for me to say what I think is best for me is also best for you because I don’t know the ins and outs of your life and your emotions and your physical experience and your relationship with your partner. And all of that plays into birth, so when we have a baby, no matter how we have it, and we go sit down with our friends and we say, “Here’s how I had my baby,” we start to compare. We start to say, “Well, this is how I did it.” “This is how I did it.” And none of those are greater or less than the other. We all need to take a step back and go, “Do you feel good about that? Do you regret anything about your birth?”

Alyssa: Did you do what was best for you?

Ashley: Yeah, and that’s a lot of why I became a doula because in the beginning, when I first got pregnant with my daughter, I thought natural birth was the only way and this is best for everyone. And I started talking to my friends and talking to women who had different experiences, and going, oh my gosh. My experience has nothing to do with your experience, and I can’t say what’s best for you. And I wanted to start changing my own mentality to looking at it as, if you look back at your birth story and feel like you made great decisions and you love your birth, regardless of what those intricacies of that birth were, that’s what matters. Because women carry their birth story with them forever, and you start motherhood with birth. You start with pregnancy and your experiences that lead up to birth, and if you have regrets and you feel like a failure, that’s going to follow you the rest of your life. But if you feel like you have made the best decision for you; not comparing it to anyone else, just the best decision for you in that moment: you can’t regret that. You can’t look back and say someone else should have done it differently. You made the best decision for you, and then you feel like you just conquered the world because you got – even if it was curveballs, you did the best for you throughout the whole thing. And so you start off motherhood with this confidence rather than comparison and failure and feeling less than another mom.

Alyssa: Yeah, it’s so important, because starting off that way just leads to continued problems, emotionally, physically. And then the comparison starts, when, you know, “How is your baby sleeping?” “Is your son potty-trained yet?” It’s a non-stop battle. You’re constantly comparing. And you know what, stop.

Ashley: Right, because every kid is different. So I mean, having two kids myself, I can tell you there are so many differences just between my two children, who genetically – they share my genetics! There should be something in common. But so comparing to my friend, it’s like your kid’s way more different than my kid, so again, we should quit comparing. We shouldn’t be comparing to each other, our kids to each other. Yes, there’s a lot in common, but we need to start finding our own joys and successes on our own, not trying to get our success from being better than someone else.

Alyssa: Right. There was something else in this article, too, so after the article, looking at the magazine here, there was another little side article called The Well-Intentioned, Misinformed, Oversharing Pregnancy Experts. And one line that I highlighted says, “When you’re pregnant in public, you learn quickly that everyone’s an expert.” And this gal was talking about how she liked to enjoy her coffee still while she was pregnant, and the barista, this 20-something guy, would give her this look, and say, “Are you allowed to have this?” And she’s like, it’s one shot of espresso in my coffee! And everyone becomes this expert, and I think deep down, they’re well-intentioned statements.

Ashley: Right. They think they’re looking out for your health and safety, somehow.

Alyssa: Yeah, but again, it becomes another form of mom-shaming.

Ashley: Absolutely. We talk about that a lot in hypnobirthing, where I tell my moms not to compare to others, like I already talked about, but I also tell them, when someone gives you advice, take it with a grain of salt because they do mean well. When your mother-in-law says to you, “Oh, well, I did it this way,” she thinks that’s the best way, and she wants to help you. It doesn’t necessarily come across that way, and you can kind of take it or leave it, but know that you get to make those decisions that are best for you. If a cup of coffee is what you need, and you’ve cleared that with your ob., if you feel good about it, drink that coffee, girl! You don’t need your barista’s opinion. They’re not your ob. They’re not your healthcare provider. So yeah, it’s like, take everything with a grain of salt. Know that it comes from a good place. Instead of just getting super pissed off right away, which is easy to do, just know that, okay, they probably mean well, and you can still go do whatever the heck you want.

Alyssa: So I think bottom line, we as mothers have to learn to build each other up and encourage each other and talk about our birth stories together because talking about it is imperative, but sometimes we don’t want to talk about it with our friends or neighbors or family because we know we’re going to be shamed. So if we knew that we had a judgment-free person just to talk this birth story out with, it would be so beneficial for mothers and encouraging, and I think, bottom line, we just need to support each other.

Ashley: Absolutely, and recognize that everybody is going to do things a little bit differently, and that’s okay. And so recognizing that in others and in yourself, it takes practice to not initially come to a judgment. It’s hard to look at something and not compare. So it’s easier said than done for me to say, “Let’s quit comparing,” but I think we really do need to focus on that, and when a friend comes to you and opens up and says “Hey, there’s this thing that happened in my birth, and I do feel like a failure, or it didn’t go as planned,” give them the space to talk through that without reinforcing the judgment they’re already feeling. Just be there for them and let them talk it out. And if a friend comes to you loving their birth story and they did it completely different than you did, celebrate that joy with them instead of saying, “Well, I did it differently.” Just let them share that joy with you.

Alyssa: Yeah, I agree. All right, if anyone has any questions, comments, anything about this episode or ideas for future episodes, email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com and remember, these moments are golden. Thanks, Ashley.

Ashley: You’re welcome. Have a great day.

Podcast Episode #6: Dispelling The Goddess Myth Read More »

Podcast Episode #4: When to Hire a Doula and Why A Team Works

Ask The Doulas Podcast, Doulas / Alyssa Veneklase / birth doula, childbirth

In this episode of Ask the Doulas, Alyssa and Ashley talk about Gold Coast’s team model for doulas and about the right timing for hiring your doula. You can listen to this complete podcast on iTunes.

Alyssa: Hi, welcome to Ask the Doulas. I’m Alyssa, co-owner and postpartum doula at Gold Coast Doulas, and we have Ashley Forton in today talking about the question of when should I hire a doula? And Ashley is a birth doula, so we’re going to talk about births specifically. What have you seen lately? When does the average client hire?

Ashley: Well, I can tell you that some clients will hire as soon as they find out they’re pregnant, which is awesome, because what happens when you hire us – the minute you hire us, we are at your fingertips 24/7. So if you have a question, you get out of a prenatal appointment, you text us. “Hey, this came up. I’m not sure how I feel about this.” You need somebody to talk through; that’s what we’re there for. If you are on your way to a coffee shop and you’re like, “Hey, my girlfriend just mentioned this. Have you heard of this type of birth before?” We’re there for all those questions, and it really helps us get to know you throughout that nine-month period of time. So we certainly have clients that hire that early, but we also have clients that hire us at 36 weeks, 38 weeks.

Alyssa: They’re like, oh, shoot, I’m nervous. Maybe I should hire a doula!

Ashley: Yes, yeah! And a lot of times, people are like, I’m 36 weeks. Is it too late to hire a doula?

Alyssa: And what do you say?

Ashley: Absolutely not too late! No. It gives us a little bit of a time crunch, so it makes things a little bit more time-sensitive, just in case you go early, but one of the things we do is whenever you hire us, we try to get a prenatal visit on the books, so whether it’s one or two, depending on what package you choose, we want to come to your house and talk to you about any and all concerns that you have about your upcoming birth. Do you have a birth plan or birth preferences? Do you need help coming up with that? Do you have any medical concerns that you have brewing in your mind that have caused some anxiety? Do you have any sort of questions about birth or maybe even right after birth? What happens when I bring this baby home? Are there other resources that you need? We cater that appointment totally to what the client needs in that moment. So sometimes it’s that we create a birth preferences sheet right there on the spot. Sometimes it turns into, “Hey, I’ve got questions about what does labor look like? How am I going to know I’m in labor?” So we really cater that to what they need to talk about, and that’s time for us to get to know each other. So even if you hire us at 36 weeks, we’ll get that on the books right away, and we want to get to know you as best we can, so we know what type of comfort measures might be good for you. How do you relax on a regular basis? What is relaxing and comforting to you? We want to know all those things. Do you not like being touched? Should we not try and massage you? Are there certain things that you don’t want? And all of that kind of goes into building our relationship so that when you do go into labor, it’s not the first time that we’ve met. Now, granted, that has happened. I have been to a birth where I had not even met the mom. She hired us, had not even met me yet, and I went to her birth, and it was an amazing birth. Part of doulas’ training is attuning to the needs of the client, so if you get into a room with somebody that you’ve never met, paying attention to their body mannerisms; how they’re acting; what they’re emotionally acting like; seeing what do we think that this person might need; relying on the partner. “Hey, is there something that you think might be helpful?” So you can still have a beautiful birth in that situation, but hopefully we’ve had plenty of time to get to know each other before we get into that labor room.

Alyssa: Right. And our birth doulas at Gold Coast work in teams. Can you explain your take on the team approach and why that’s so important for a client?

Ashley: Yeah. So hiring a team of doulas, you get two doulas for the price of one. So let’s say you’re about 20 weeks pregnant, and you decide to hire a team of doulas from Gold Coast. You usually will meet with us, we’ll do a consultation, and you can decide if that’s a good fit personality-wise. Once you’ve signed that contract and paid the deposit, you have access to both of these doulas. So you get two brains to pick. You get two sets of separate experiences. Sometimes you’ve got one that was trained by DONA, one that was trained by ProDoula, so you’ve got different trainings that they’re pulling from. They’ve all been to different births. So you get twice the experience, which is pretty awesome.

Alyssa: Maybe one of your doulas had home births, and one of your doulas had C-sections. Or one of your doulas had hospital births with epidurals. And then yeah, all the clients you’ve supported. So you’ve probably supported every single type of birth possible.

Ashley: Absolutely. So it’s really great to have those varying sources of opinion and experience to draw from, and you’ve got twice the support. You’ve got two people in your corner without an agenda, without any judgment. There’s no comparison; there’s no, “Well, I would do it this way.” We’re not giving you our opinion. We’re not there to say, “This is how I would do it.” We’re there to say, “What do you think? How does that make you feel? Tell me more about that,” so that you can kind of navigate the waters with someone in your corner, so it takes a little bit of the pressure off. You’ve got extra information. We can give you evidence-based resources. We do that a ton. “Hey, this came up at my appointment. The doctor answered some of my questions, but I’d love some more statistics, more information, before I make a decision.” And we can send you some information so when you do make that decision, you feel like you’ve got everything you need. You don’t feel like you’ve got questions still brewing, but you’ve been stuck in a spot where you have to make a quick decision.

Alyssa: Yeah. So you have a team throughout pregnancy, and then what happens when your client goes into labor?

Ashley: So usually our teams have – everybody does it a little bit differently, but we’ve all got an on-call calendar, so it’s split up between the two doulas, and you call the person that’s on the calendar. And we figure out who can get to you the fastest. If one of your doulas is sick, we don’t want to send them to you. We want you to get the healthy doula, and that’s the benefit, too. If you hire a solo doula, you may not know their backup. So you may have spent nine months getting to know this doula, and they have the stomach flu. And they’ve got a call-in backup, and it may be somebody you’ve never met or never even heard of. And that benefit of having two doulas that you know equally, and you’ve gotten to know them through prenatal visits and everything; you know them, and you trust them going into that birth experience regardless of which one shows up. And so it’s really great to have that bond and that security because trust is really important when you’re in labor, and you need to trust every person that’s in that room. It’s an intimate experience regardless of cesarean, hospital birth, home birth. It’s an intimate experience, and you want to know that everyone in that room has your back and you know them and trust them. And so when you call, we figure out who can get to you, and that person comes and supports you. And sometimes it turns into a longer birth. Maybe it’s been 16 hours. And you need a refreshed doula. We want you to have an energized, ready to go, encouraging doula at your service at all times.

Alyssa: I think parents don’t think about that when hiring solo doulas. “I’m going to have this baby and my doula’s going to come, and then we’re done.” Well, what if it is long? You don’t think about “Well, yeah, I as the mother am tired, but how is my doula doing? And if my doula is tired, how well is she going to support me?” So yeah, saying, “Okay, you know what? I’m kind of done here. I’ve hit my max. I need to go sleep. I need to rest, for your sake. I’m going to call in the other team member, and they can come support.” Relieve the doula, relieve the tired doula, and then you have refreshed doula to support the mother.

Ashley: Which is especially important when you get to the end of labor. If you’re laboring and having a vaginal birth, those last few hours is when you really need to rally and have the energy and the encouragement to get through that. And so that’s when a refreshed doula really comes in handy. And it’s also important, too, that you partner’s getting rest during this, too, so you always have a support person. You’re not looking at your husband going, “Oh, I can’t believe that you’re sleeping right now.” You’ve got a doula supporting you. And then that husband can be refreshed to support you in the end stages, as well. So I really think it benefits everybody. The doulas working in a team; it makes it more sustainable for us so that we can have sick days and not be worried about who’s going to be with my client that I’ve developing this relationship with. You know and trust that partner. And so it’s easier for us to take care of our own kids when they’re sick.

Alyssa: I’ve read a statistic somewhere that the average burnout rate for a solo doula is three or four years or something.

Ashley: It’s two or three.

Alyssa: Really? I can see that. You’re on call, and you have your own families, and to not share that call schedule with another team member, yeah, that’s definitely hard, and that’s why Gold Coast chose this model. It’s much more sustainable, and we don’t want our doulas to burn out. We want to keep you.

Ashley: Right, right! And I want to keep doing what I love! And I’ve really loved it. I am really glad that I’m part of Gold Coast and this team model, and it’s worked out really well. We’ve had so many clients tell us how much they’ve loved it. And the bonus, too, is if you have both of us come to your birth, then both of us are coming to your post-partum visit. We’re both going to come check in on you and help you process your birth, see if you need any resources, how are you healing? How are you feeling emotionally? How’s Baby doing? Do you have any baby care questions? And yet again, you’ve got two brains to pick. And our relationship doesn’t end when you have your baby. If your baby’s six months old and oh, my gosh, what is happening? This crazy thing, now he’s not sleeping, and drooling like crazy. Maybe it’s some teething stuff and we can kind of help you work through that. But we love to hear from clients down the road. We don’t want to just “see you later” as soon as we’ve done your postpartum visit. We want to maintain that relationship as well.

Alyssa: Yeah. Awesome. Well, I think that answers a lot of questions for the listeners. Thank you for sharing your information and expertise. If anyone has questions, email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com and we’ll look forward to talking to Ashley again in the future.

Ashley: All right, thanks!

Podcast Episode #4: When to Hire a Doula and Why A Team Works Read More »

Podcast Episode #2: Having Kids Later in Life – Kristin’s Birth Journey

Ask The Doulas Podcast, Birth / Alyssa Veneklase / antepartum doula, babies, birth doula, childbirth, postpartum doulas, pregnancy

In this episode of Ask the Doulas, Kristin shares about her birth experiences and how she started the journey to become a birth doula. You can listen to this complete podcast on iTunes.

Alyssa: Welcome to another episode of Ask the Doulas with Gold Coast Doulas. I am Alyssa, co-owner and postpartum doula, and today we’re talking to Kristin, the co-owner and birth doula.

Kristin: Yeah, birth and postpartum.

Alyssa: She interviewed me last episode about my journey throughout pregnancy and what made me want to become a doula, and today we’re going to talk about her journey and what made her want to become a birth and postpartum doula.

Kristin: Yeah, so I had kids later in life, so I got myself into that high-risk category by age. I was 36 with my first pregnancy and had my daughter at 37. And I had a really great pregnancy, despite a high-stress job in political fundraising, and my nurse midwife kept saying throughout the pregnancy that I was having the perfect pregnancy and there were no worries. My health was great. My diet was great. And I planned myself the perfect, natural birth. I took Lamaze classes; my husband and I practiced; I watched all the documentaries; read all the books. I like to plan my way through life in general, and I thought that everything would just be the way I wanted it to be. And at 37 weeks, I got diagnosed with preeclampsia. My blood pressure was rising; that was the first of the signs. And so I got put on modified bedrest, which was super stressful for someone who felt like I had to do a million things before baby arrived: getting all of the things ready, the car seat installed, and running all the errands and finishing up work and all of that. And so I had to really take it easy, and every midwife appointment was beyond stressful because you get the blood pressure check. And so I was nervous about that.

Alyssa: Which made your blood pressure go up.

Kristin: It made it worse. So they kept watching me, and every week, there were more and more signs. So I got put on full bedrest, which was really frustrating. I was lucky enough to live above – for those of you that live in Grand Rapids, we had just moved back from Lansing, and I was living above The Electric Cheetah, and we had this place that was very modern, very open, the first tenants. And all of a sudden, we get married and pregnant, and there wasn’t a whole lot of room for a baby and not the ideal place to be pregnant. But the staff at The Electric Cheetah became like neighbors since we didn’t really have neighbors on Wealthy Street, and so they would bring up food to me when my husband was at work. They’d serve it to me on their fine china. He would call in different meals for me, and they would bring it up to my place.

Alyssa: So nice!

Kristin: Yeah, it was amazing. So that’s how I handled bedrest. I certainly could have used an antepartum doula for bedrest. I didn’t know what one was back then. My daughter’s almost seven, and so that wasn’t something that people really knew of.

Alyssa: Yeah, most of our postpartum doulas do bedrest, too.

Kristin: Yes, and our birth doulas do some of that as well with birth planning and some of the different aspects related to getting ready for birth. So yeah, I didn’t have a bedrest doula or anything like that.

Alyssa: I’m wondering, for those who don’t know much about preeclampsia, besides high blood pressure, why do you have be on bedrest? And for someone who may be worried about it or someone who may have it?

Kristin: Yeah, essentially, they don’t want you to be too active so the blood pressure keeps rising.

Alyssa: And what causes it?

Kristin: I’m not going to get into all of the different medical things, and women have it for different reasons, but of course, if they’re worried about a stroke, the providers are watching to make sure that mom doesn’t have a stroke. They’re worried about baby as well as the mother. Some women develop headaches. I did not. Some women develop swelling in their ankles. I didn’t really develop that, but by the time I was on full bedrest, I had protein in my urine, which they worry about kidneys and different organs going. So I was starting to have trouble with my kidneys, and I got an induction. So I ended my bedrest with an induction in a hospital. I remember being overwhelmed. I didn’t have doulas; again, I didn’t really know what a doula was with my first. So I called my Lamaze instructor; like, how do we do this? I still don’t want any interventions. Still working with the midwives. And it was very scary because I felt like I was alone in my room with my husband, and inductions can be long and boring, and you don’t really feel a whole lot. I had my membranes swept the day before and went in and had Cervidil, which can be taken out if there are any reactions with the baby. So mine was inserted, and my daughter didn’t react that well, so I didn’t have it in as long as they’d intended. And things ended up going quickly, but I had a lot of back labor, and again, I was alone. I didn’t want my husband to touch me because he couldn’t provide enough pressure. I felt like I wanted him to just, like, punch my back. Nothing was firm enough. And he didn’t know what to do; he was just in over his head, completely overwhelmed, kept referencing manuals. We had to make all these decisions as far as interventions and what’s the best thing to do, because my daughter had decelerations in her heart beat, and they were worried about her, and there was the threat of a cesarean. But I was very fortunate in my journey, other than back labor, which is an experience in itself. I didn’t have any major interventions; I never had Pitocin. I wasn’t on magnesium for my preeclampsia. I did not have an epidural. I was able to move around the room, and a nurse came in, who certainly had some doula qualities about her, and helped me move my baby, and we did hands and knees on a birthing ball on the bed, and all of a sudden, she turned, and I was able to push her out. I could feel her turn, and all of a sudden, it was like, I feel like I’m pooping. And Patrick’s like, you’re really not.

Alyssa: That’s exactly how I knew.

Kristin: And I said, “Can you just check, because I think I’m pooping!” And my daughter was born four pushes later, and it was a crazy experience, an overwhelming experience, and I remember – we’ll get into some of my journey with my daughter after she was born in another episode, but I remember going into my midwife at the six-week checkup, and she was talking to me about family planning and what to do, and because I was 37 and had preeclampsia. There were big decisions that needed to be made if we wanted to expand our family with another baby. We had my stepdaughter and then my daughter, and we wanted to have a third child. And so my midwife recommended that we give it some time for me to heal, but that I should probably start trying when she was about a year. And so I got pregnant pretty easily and quickly, just like the first time. I was very fortunate in that, but I was worried about getting preeclampsia the second time. There was a lot of chance that I would have that recurrence, so I was watched throughout the entire pregnancy. And so I hired doulas before I even told anyone else. They were the first call I made, and I wanted that support through pregnancy even more so than at the birth. I felt like if I could go through what I did without any sort of interventions the first time with preeclampsia and back labor, then I could rack out the birth, but the pregnancy scared me. Preeclampsia, getting that again, scared me. And so they supported me through the pregnancy; gave me a lot of resources. I listened to my midwives, did a lot of swimming, kept the stress down. I wasn’t working in politics like I was before. I was doing consulting. And I talked to lactation consultants because I was nursing my daughter through my pregnancy, and so –

Alyssa: So that’s not a failsafe planning method.

Kristin: No, it’s not.

Alyssa: There are a lot of people who think it is.

Kristin: No, it’s not failsafe. So yeah, there were a lot of things that I felt like having doula support really helped me with during that pregnancy, and I had an amazing intervention-free birth, and my son was huge, but he had no issues. He wasn’t in the NICU like my daughter. I never had any elevated blood pressure; no headaches, no signs of anything. But I was on that high watch, especially because I was getting closer to 40 by that time. I had my son at 39, so I was definitely in that advanced maternal age category by then, so it was a journey. So I started becoming more and more curious about doula support, but I don’t like blood. And I don’t really like hospitals. I didn’t; I do now. I didn’t like hospitals. I remember any time my dad had a procedure in a hospital, I was always just overwhelmed by it. I didn’t like to visit friends in the hospital who had babies. I didn’t want to be a patient myself. I had never had anything, no surgeries, nothing done in the hospital. And so for me to be a doula, where most doulas do the majority of their work in the hospital, didn’t really make sense, but I was still fascinated by birth and everything to do with it. So after having my daughter I got really active in breastfeeding groups and brought a national nonprofit to Grand Rapids. We had a big rally and speakers, and that was phenomenal. And that started me getting to know other birth workers, and I kept in touch with my doulas, and I started teaching Sacred Pregnancy classes after my son was born because that book really helped me, again, to avoid preeclampsia with the mental and spiritual aspect of birth and really also to be intentional about my pregnancy, because with your first pregnancy, you can connect with that baby, and there’s so many special moments between you and your husband or partner. But when you had a toddler running around or other children, it’s hard to connect to your baby. So Sacred Pregnancy gave me that outlet in journaling and meditation and affirmations. It did so much for me that I decided to become one of the first instructors in the US and went to a training with my whole family when my son was four months. So I had signed up for everything during my pregnancy, and I started – I had promoted my classes, because I’m an overachiever like you, before I even went to the training, and so I had a class set up two weeks after I got back, and ran the first class for my training class, and I had this amazing experience in Virginia with Anni Daulter, who’s one of my dear friends and the author and creator of the Sacred Pregnancy book and the Sacred Living movement, and that started my journey. I started teaching classes, and my students wanted me to be their doula. I’m like, “No, I can’t be your doula.” They’re like, “Yeah, you can. Just be at my birth. You know, we’ve spent all this time; you’ve been great.” And so I started teaching my classes under a doula collectives umbrella and decided that I was getting enough inquiries that I might try it out. Sacred Pregnancy started a doula training program, so again, I took my whole family to Florida this time so I could nurse my babies and go through this training program. It was four days, very intense, and a lot of journeying for me in some of my fears that I had surrounding being a doula, especially with blood. Like, it was pretty wild. We wrote our fears on each other’s body parts, the other doulas, and mine was blood. Everybody’s joking because they’re like, “There’s no way you can be a doula. That’s all you see is bodily fluids. There’s going to be fluid everywhere.”

Alyssa: So how did you do it? How did you get past that?

Kristin: I feel like I just set the intention that I could do it.

Alyssa: That there’s a purpose behind this.

Kristin: And it’s not a big deal, and there was so much more to being a birth worker. So my first birth, I feel like it was a sign, but my client had a lot of blood loss and hemorrhaging and so on, and I didn’t pass out. So I was like, I can do this!

Alyssa: Test completed.

Kristin: This is a big test, and I rocked it. And I have so many husbands or partners that have that fear, and I’m like, “I’ve been there, and I’m actually a doula.” I never really liked to be around blood. I would cut myself and freak out. But it’s different because, yeah, it’s not a cut. It’s not an injury. It’s a natural, normal process. So I became a birth doula and started doing some postpartum ceremonies through Sacred Pregnancy. I had gone to another four-day training, this time in Georgia, and it was all about mother roasting and doing closing ceremonies and belly binding and herbal teas and herbalism, which I didn’t get into all that much, but I really loved the ceremonial aspects of the postpartum traditions and studying Malaysian culture. But I kept focusing more on my love of birth and helping mothers through pregnancy and their transitions, especially specializing in high-risk moms because that was my background, as well as moms who were seeking a natural birth. It was a year-plus into my birth journey before I supported a client with an epidural, and the first epidural client I had, I was like, this is amazing. We had fun, music was going, like, wow. This is totally different than anything else I had experienced because I was supporting very high-risk clients who were maybe even on bedrest their entire pregnancy; had medical conditions; they were getting cesareans that were scheduled and they wanted me to support them through that. Or clients who were either having a homebirth or seeking an unmedicated birth. And some had Pitocin and didn’t choose an epidural. There were all of these factors, but I didn’t have an epidural for a year, and I was taking a couple clients a month, so that was a wild experience. Now I have everything, but when I started out, it was kind of one or the other. High-risk, or someone seeking an unmedicated birth, and a lot of my clients were my students in class, which I was able to have this amazing bond with them for eight weeks with women connecting with each other. So yeah, I just fell in love with it, but I feel like the postpartum end of things is so needed, as well. It’s not just the pregnancy; it’s after, and women feeling like they don’t have a village and that they’re alone. And I, certainly, with two-under-two was overwhelmed and needed support, and it was hard to go places with two. The store was a challenge and going to the pediatrician’s office if my husband couldn’t help in the winter, because I had babies during – well, a Halloween baby, and a mid-January. So that’s not always that easy. So I could have had a doula come along with me to the store or the pediatrician or whatever, bundling two young kids. So I just love supporting everything to do with the journey to be a parent and to expanding the family and I feel like – you know, women in traditional cultures, they have this village to rely on; they have a sisterhood, and here, especially with people being so transient, we don’t necessarily have our families. People oftentimes isolate you if you once you have a kid, it’s like, okay, I’m going to give you some time to just deal with your baby. But really, we need help, and doulas do things that are different than what friends do or what parents do or other family members. We’ll do whatever we can, but we’re not just focused on the baby; we’re focused on the mother and her emotional needs as well as the father and his needs, which can be very different in the processing of becoming a parent for the first time, or the second or third time. So we focus on the family unit as a whole which is so unique and so needed, in my opinion.

Alyssa: You can email us at info@goldcoastdoulas.com. Check us out at our website, goldcoastdoulas.com, and find us on Instagram and Facebook. We hope to hear from you.

Podcast Episode #2: Having Kids Later in Life – Kristin’s Birth Journey Read More »

Make Your Hospital Room Feel Like Home

Birth, Parenting / Alyssa Veneklase / babies, birth doula, birth support, childbirth, doulas, home birth, hospital birth, Hypnobirthing, pregnancy

Today’s blog comes from one of our past birth doulas, Courtney Garvelink. Her experience with birth clients, as well as being a licensed massage therapist and previous HypnoBirthing instructor, makes her an expert on comfort measures in the delivery room. See what she has to say about making your hospital birth feel more like home.

If you are preparing for a birth, you are getting your body and your mind ready for what may be the most important and wonderful experience of your life to this point. There are so many options and decisions to make leading up to the birth itself, one of which is where you will deliver; home, birth center, or hospital? Maybe, for you, it’s not a choice. Your finances or insurance may limit you to one option, usually a hospital. And some families just feel more at ease in a hospital. If you are among the many who will be welcoming your new babe in a hospital setting, there are still ways create a warm and comfortable atmosphere that reminds you of home during your stay.

I believe the environment you are birthing in can greatly impact your laboring time. Before we look at what you can do to make your hospital stay feel homier, let’s understand why that would matter. Your surroundings and birth environment can have a real impact on how you cope and progress during labor. The way we feel and our perception of comfort during labor directly effects our hormones during birth. We are not much different than animals, in that when they give birth they find a dark, secluded space where they feel safe. This allows the hormones needed for birth to kick in and flow well, shutting down the fight or flight response that happens when we feel unsafe or uncomfortable. During labor, we want our body to produce all the oxytocin it can, keeping adrenaline at bay. Hospital rooms are often bright and cold, with visible equipment you may or may not need. They can lack the welcoming feeling you get when you arrive home, ready to relax. Here are several ways you can make your hospital labor room feel more home-like.

Dim the Lights
Giving birth is about as primal as you can get, so take a note from our animal friends. Hospital room lighting is adjustable, and it’s your room, so adjust away. You can ask the nurses to keep the lights dimmed down, they usually have no issue with it. If they need to brighten the room so they can see what they are doing, they will usually turn them back down for you when they leave.

Room Temp
There will almost always be a thermostat in each room. When you get there, adjust the temperature to what you would normally have it set to at home or maybe just a touch cooler. It’s normal for women to run a little warmer during labor. You are probably working harder than you ever will during your birthing time.

Turn on Some Candles
LED candles are great for setting up a relaxing atmosphere. Please don’t bring wax candles to burn, this is a fire hazard. If you like to burn candles at home for the aroma, my next tip can help with that.

Essential Oils
There are several essential oils that are safe during pregnancy and labor that can be beneficial for boosting your energy, easing discomfort and muscle fatigue, and creating a calm aroma in the room. You can mix some water with your favorite essential oil and mist the room or linens you’ll be using. Check before using a diffuser in the room, as some staff may have sensitivity to certain aromas or the hospital may not allow them. You can also dilute the oil and apply to the skin directly. Be sure to get good quality oils or find an aromatherapist who can help you decide which oils are best.

Bring Your Own Pillow/Favorite Throw Blanket
When you are ready for relaxation or sleep at home and you lay your head on your pillow, you are conditioned to relax and sleep. This will be comforting at the hospital when you’re laboring. Use your pillow as a cue to relax as you move through different positions.

Play Some Tunes
Create a playlist of your favorite music, whether it’s calm or upbeat. Music can help reduce stress and the perception of pain during labor. Start working on that playlist while you are in birth preparations by finding what genres or artists are soothing/relaxing to you. Listen to those tracks or stations throughout your pregnancy; it’ll be familiar during labor and help promote relaxation.

Bring Your Own Gown
Lets be real, no one likes wearing the standard hospital gown. They are dull and unflattering. They remind you every time you look down that you are in a hospital. Bring your own button-down gown or an oversized button-down shirt. The buttons will help give easier access for breastfeeding and skin-to-skin. You can also find cute birthing gowns online.

Pictures From Home
Do you have a favorite picture from home that makes you happy or brings with it a feeling of calm? Bring it to the hospital! Maybe not your large canvas print, but something you can pack in your hospital bag. Having a piece of home can be comforting and calming during your stay in the hospital room.

The Best of Both Worlds
Did you know Spectrum Health now has two natural birthing suites at Butterworth (pictured above)? If you are low-risk, it’s a wonderful option. The rooms have a queen sized bed, lamps for softer lighting, birthing balls, and a Jacuzzi tub. And they didn’t forget about Dad; the rooms also have a recliner, flat-screen television, free Wi-Fi, and a pullout sofa. You cannot bring oil diffusers or wax candles, but overall they feel much more home-like than most hospital rooms.

Hire a Doula
Okay this sounds great, but how will you remember all this when the time actually comes? A birth doula can be your best resource. Let them meet you at the hospital and get the room ready for you. Let your birth doula take care of creating a home-like environment as well as pain management techniques and encouragement along the way.

To learn more about Courtney and ask her questions about birth doula support, you can fill out a contact form on our website or join her at an upcoming “What is a Doula?” event at EcoBuns in Holland.

Make Your Hospital Room Feel Like Home Read More »

Meet our new doula, Tricia!

Doulas / Alyssa Veneklase / birth doula, doulas, gold coast doulas, multiples, postpartum doulas, twins

Meet Tricia Buschert, our newest birth and postpartum doula. She is also our new multiples expert! Let’s learn a little more about her.

1) What did you do before you became a doula?

I’ve been a stay at home mom for the last four and a half years.

2) What inspired you to become a doula?

My kids were my biggest inspiration to become a doula. After I had my son, I knew I wanted work with families, but it wasn’t until after our twin daughters were born at 32 weeks, spent 6 weeks in NICU, exclusively pumped for 10 months and struggled for over a year with postpartum anxiety did I figure out exactly what I wanted to do: become a birth and postpartum doula.

3) Tell us about your family.

I’m married to my high school sweetheart, Zach. He is an accountant and is currently working on his Masters Degree in accounting. We’ve been married 6 and a half years and have three kids. Our oldest, Gideon, will be four in a couple weeks. When he was 15 months old we were surprised to find out we were expecting identical twins. Kira and Rosalind just turned two, and being a twin mama has been one of my favorite roles ever. We also have two cats named Shanele and Layla.

As a family we love to be outside, go bowling, and go to the zoo. Gideon also loves to play Super Smash Bros with Daddy.

4) What is your favorite vacation spot and why?

My favorite spot that my husband and I have traveled to is Myrtle Beach. The beaches were gorgeous, and we had so much fun exploring the city together. One day we would love to go to Europe and travel to Scotland, Britain, and Germany.

5) Name your top five bands/musicians and tell us what you love about them.

I grew up on country music and I still love it. It’s primarily what I listen to, but I also listen to some pop and rock. I love country because there is songs for all feelings- when I’m sad, when I need some encouragement, and when I just want to dance around. I listen to pop when I need to dance around the kitchen with kids and get my heart racing during a workout.
Carrie Underwood, Keith Urban, Rascal Flatts, Tim Mcgraw, and The Chainsmokers are some of thel bands/artists I listen to often.

6) What is the best advice you have given to new families?

A nurse in the NICU told me to find something positive in each day and I’ve shared it ever since. Even if it is “my meal was warm today” or “the baby didn’t puke on me” or “I got to snuggle the baby”. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. Just to find one good thing in the day that made you happy. In the beginning, with three children under two, finding something positive made the 25+ diapers, the 6-7 hours attached to a pump, and the 2 hours of broken sleep a little easier.

I also tell new parents to ask for help. Raising children takes a village, especially when you have multiples, and asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. You have to take care of you to take care of them.

7) What do you consider your doula superpower to be?

The ability to encourage others.

8) What is your favorite food?

Currently its chicken ceaser salads. I’ve been really loving them lately!
I also love sausage and egg souflee, apples with peanut butter, and Mocha lattes with coconut milk.

9) What is your favorite place in West Michigan’s Gold Coast?

I love the Rockford Dam. There are local shops nearby, food, and our favorite ice cream place. The trail is close by for our family walks, there are often activities, and it is a fun place to bring our kids. My husband also proposed to me there and so it holds a special place in my heart.

10) What are you reading now?

Sensory Yoga for Kids: Therapeutic Movement for Children of all Abilities by Britt Collins

11) Who are your role models?

My grandmas are my biggest role models.

Meet our new doula, Tricia! Read More »

Meet our new birth doula, Angel!

Doulas / Alyssa Veneklase / birth doula, birth support, doulas, gold coast doulas, pregnancy

1) What did you do before you became a doula?
I have been a stay at home mom for the past (almost) four years. Before that I worked as a medical assistant in a few different areas, end of life care and a neurosurgeons office.

2) What inspired you to become a doula?
I was so inspired to become a doula by the amazing support I had with my two births. I was so greatly moved and spent the last four years saying I wish I could do that. And one day it hit me -Why not? Timing and opportunity aligned and I feel so fortunate to see my wildest dream coming to fruition.

3) Tell us about your family?
My husband Erik and I have been married almost five years. We moved to Rockford from Fort Myers, Florida two years ago. We have really been loving West Michigan, especially the weather! Our son Benjamin will be four in September and our daughter Hazel just turned one in February.

4) What is your favorite vacation spot and why?
What’s a vacation? Ha! Kidding of course! We usually spend our vacation time in Fort Myers. We have lots of family there to visit and it’s always good to escape during the long stretch of winter!

5) Name your top five bands/musicians and tell us what you love about them.
I am a lover of so many different kinds of music from old to new. I love Bob Dylan and Neil Young and the Backstreet Boys (please don’t judge my inner fan girl) and John Mayer! And don’t even get me started on Bob Seger.

6) What is the best advice you have given to new families?
My favorite thing to tell a new mom, which was also told to me when I had my first is you’re the mom and you know best. Listen to your instincts, trust yourself and your judgement. You know your baby better than anyone else.

7) What do you consider your doula superpower to be?
My doula superpower would be my passion. I want every woman to have the birth she desires. My wish is to support women in every angle of birth. Physically, mentally, emotionally… I want to give well-rounded support and will dedicate myself entirely in order to achieve this with my clients.

8) What is your favorite food?
I love food with big flavors – Mexican, Indian, and Thai, but I’m going to be really honest here and tell you, I love a turkey sandwich. If you and I were at a restaurant together 9 times out of 10, I’m getting the turkey sandwich!

9) What is your favorite place in West Michigan’s Gold Coast?
How amazing is Lake Michigan? Salt free, shark free, jelly fish free! I grew up going to the beaches in South Haven, and I still have a soft spot in my heart for the pier there and sitting on the black river having a bite to eat. Since we’ve moved back to Michigan we ventured out to Kirk Park in West Olive and I was blown away. Such a beautiful park and the water was so clear! Looking forward to more visits along the coast!

10) What are you reading now?
Right now I am reading Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth And Modern Maternity Care by Jennifer Block. It’s pretty eye opening. Just questioning whether we are over-using medical technology to manage births at the expense of mothers and new babies.

11) Who are your role models?
My role models are the two women who were vital in helping me achieve the births I wanted so desperately for my own kiddos. My doula Jaci Seiben (out of Fort Myers) was amazing. Her energy was so calming and reassuring. She was exactly the person I’d prayed to have at my side during the birth of my son. For the birth of my daughter, my midwife Shannon Pawson blew me away. She was the definition of care. She was so knowledgeable, and empowered me to make informed decisions. We spoke about everything pertaining to birth before I was even in labor, so all she had to do was come, be a quiet presence and support me and my plan for birth. Both of these women have touched my heart and they are truly who I wish to model myself after.

Meet our new birth doula, Angel! Read More »

Midwives and Doulas

Birth, Doulas / Kristin Revere / birth doula, doulas, midwife, postpartum depression, postpartum doulas

Gold Coast Doulas is pleased to present a guest blog from Mandi Garvey She is a certified birth doula, Masters trained health educator, and EMT serving families in West Michigan in both clinical and non-clinical labor support roles. When she’s not at a birth in one capacity or another, she’s napping in preparation for the next one.

Doulas and Midwives

… but if I have a midwife, why would I want a doula?

Building the perfect care team to support your upcoming labor and delivery can feel daunting. Do I choose a midwife or a physician? Will my partner accompany me in labor? Should my mom be in the room? All of these questions race by while you try to sort out the best way to meet your needs, often without knowing exactly what the needs will even be once labor begins. As doulas, we often hear the suggestion that those being attended by midwives or those laboring outside of a hospital would not benefit as much from the presence of a doula. We think doula support can be beneficial in all scenarios from home birth to planned surgical delivery. Here’s why:

The Research Says So

Twelve separate randomized trials comparing outcomes between labors supported by doulas and those that were not found doula support significantly reduced the length of labor and the odds of surgical or medical interventions like cesarean section, forceps delivery, oxytocin augmentation, and pharmaceutical pain relief. People in the doula supported group also rated their labors as ‘less difficult’ and ‘less painful’ than those in the unsupported group. Doulas were also found to reduce anxiety levels, increase positive feelings about the birth, decrease rates of postpartum depression, improve self-esteem, and increase rates of breastfeeding success. Evaluations of partner-only or other non-doula support person labors did not see the same results. (Scott, Klaus, & Klaus, 2009)

Doulas Have Only One Job

While midwife supported labors are awesome, and we adore their dedication to supporting safe and healthy labor experiences, their primary focus is not the same as a doula’s. Your midwife is tasked with monitoring labor for complications, managing the physical aspects of delivery, and keeping the laboring person and the baby physically safe throughout that process. This often means their hands, eyes, and attention are on things other than the continuous non-judgmental complete emotional support of the laboring family, and rightly so! We love midwives for the excellent work they do, but in situations when you might need the most support, they are likely going to have to focus on your physical needs and those of the imminently arriving baby. Doulas do not have this conflict. We are there to devote 100% of our attention to you, your partner, and y our emotional needs.

Doulas Are Not Healthcare Providers

Your healthcare provider has a sense, from their experience and training, about how they think labor and delivery should go. Based on the risks in a given situation, and always wanting to keep the health and safety of all involved in mind, even the most inclusive provider has a way s/he would like decisions made. Your doula, by contrast, has no personal preference in what decisions you make. We support you regardless of how you decide to proceed. We will not try to persuade you in any particular direction. Your provider is always motivated by safety first (as they should be!!). Your doula is motivated by you, first and only.

Doulas Are All About Relationships

When you hire doula support from Gold Coast, you’re getting two doulas dedicated to getting to know you, your family, and your needs. We work alongside you from that first meeting through the postpartum period. You know our names and faces. We make it our job to know your rhythms, preferences, and fears. As a healthcare provider myself who works separately in both capacities, as a birth attendant and as a doula, I can say the experiences are vastly different. When I’m working as a clinical provider, I often do not meet laboring families until the last hours of their adventure, sometimes skating into the birth space only moments before your baby arrives. When I work as a doula, we spend weeks getting to know each other. I know you really wanted to be the first to touch your baby when it emerges. I know you prefer constant light touch for affirmation. I know how scared you were a month ago, and how strong you feel right now. While choosing a small practice of midwives often gets you a similar relationship to this, hiring a doula guarantees it.

Doulas Are Great Team Players

There is seriously nothing better than a having a whole team of people ready to support you through your labor and delivery. Doulas love attending births with midwives. We love knowing the kind of excellent care and attention our clients will receive in the midwife-led model. We love providing a complementary service in supporting laboring families’ emotional and informational needs while the midwifery team handles the rest. The question should not be, ‘do I hire a midwife OR a doula?’, but rather, ‘how do I get both?’.

We love midwives. We love the work they do, the care they provide, and the positive force for change they are in the healthcare system. We also love doulas. Their presence improves labor outcomes, regardless of who the healthcare provider is, and creates space for positive experiences for laboring families. We think midwives and doulas collaborating to provide the best in practice and support can be a perfect combination for laboring families. There’s no need to choose one. You really can have it all.

* Scott, K., Klaus, P., & Klaus, M. (2009). The obstetrical and postpartum benefits of continuous support during childbirth. Journal of Women’s Health & Gender-Based Medicine, 8(10), 1257-1264. doi: 10.1089/jwh.1.1999.8.1257.

Midwives and Doulas Read More »

Sick Day Doulas

Doulas / Kristin Revere / birth doula, postpartum doulas

I could have used sick day doulas when I had the stomach bug.

I helped a friend out a couple of weeks ago and watched her babies while she was in the hospital. Her house had been hit with the stomach bug. I ended up getting it soon after I got home and my husband and son had just left to visit family out of state. I was alone with my five-year-old daughter and was sick to my stomach.
I could have used a birth doula to get me a cold washcloth as I was stuck laying on the cold bathroom floor.

I could have used a postpartum doula to run and get me saltines and Vernors.

I could have used a birth doula to remind me that this was one less vomiting session to deal with…that I could do this and that I was strong.

I could have used a postpartum doula to set up art projects for my daughter to keep her entertained.

I could have used a birth doula to bring me a warm rice sock when I got the chills.

I could have used a postpartum doula to wash my laundry and fold it afterwards.

I could have used a birth doula to hold my hair as I got sick yet again.

I could have used a postpartum doula to tuck me into my bed.

I could have used a birth doula to rub my back.

I could have used a postpartum doula to make me broth when I finally got my appetite back.

I could have used them both. I got through it and my daughter managed to stay healthy. We can get through anything, having support makes it so much better though.

Sick Day Doulas Read More »

Birth Doulas and the Partnership Model

Birth, Doulas / Kristin Revere / birth doula

Since Gold Coast Doulas launched in October of 2015, our birth doulas have been operating under the partnership model. Karlye and I are big fans of this model of care both as owners and as partnered doulas. We love having someone to bounce ideas off of. We love creating sustainability for our families and careers with a shared call schedule and we appreciate having our partner relieve us during a long birth.

Our clients love this model of care as well. Don’t take our word for it, here are testimonials from two of the first birth doula clients we worked with in this team approach.

This is what Jessica had to say:

“I am a first time mom and decided to look into the option of a doula. Before I was pregnant, I had never even heard of a doula. I knew I wanted to have as natural a birth as possible but still have it in a hospital location just in case anything went wrong. But really that is all I knew. I was not even sure what that really meant, what questions and decisions would come up before and during labor, what is really required in labor and what is not necessary. It was all new to me.

When I heard about a friends’ sister who lives out of state using a doula I decided to look into the option. She gave me a website and I found Kristin and sent her a message. She immediately called me and right from the first phone call she made me feel comfortable. I was not feeling very confident with my ob/gyn office, and never really have with any doctor’s office. It seems you are always rushed and the thought that the doctor you have been seeing your whole pregnancy may not even be there at delivery is a scary one.

My husband was really unsure and couldn’t figure out why we couldn’t just use our doctor, but he graciously went to the meetings and what Karlye and Kristin said in the first meeting really resonated with him. I liked the fact that in our first meet and greet both Kristin and Karlye were there. They both seemed knowledgeable and really supportive and kind. Knowing that one of the two of them would be there during labor and delivery was definitely a better option than just having a solo doula.

We did meet one other doula, as I felt we should see more than one, and she seemed great also, but the thought that we had two and that both turned out to be great made the decision to go with Gold Coast Doulas a really easy choice. I really liked knowing that no matter what, either Kristin or Karlye would be there with me and would both be there at every meeting beforehand to help provide some comfort.

Some solo doulas may have a backup but they are not attending every meeting with you. That difference was extremely comforting to me. I can honestly say I would have been happy with either of them equally, which I think would be hard to find. I can’t say enough about what I received from having a doula. There was always someone there to ask questions and help you through your concerns throughout pregnancy. I honestly do not think I could have had the birth I had without them.

It was important to me to have as little intervention as possible and the support I received from Karlye (who ended up being the one on call for my birth) really made that possible – Not sure I could have done it without her. She was also great with my husband, giving him things he could do to stay involved, comfort and support me. He was also very happy in our decision to hire Gold Coast.

Karlye also teaches HypnoBirthing, which really helped me through labor. The experience she brings, with previously working as a nurse in a hospital, was awesome. She worked really well with the nurses and one nurse even commented she liked having Karlye there. My son ended up coming at 35 weeks so we had not even gotten to our last appointment with Karlye and Kristin. With him being early, there were definitely things that came up that we had to make decisions about, decisions that were not part of my birth plan. Karlye listened and helped me through the pros and cons of each decision, and I can say I had the best outcome and was happy with the way everything turned out. I would not have changed a thing. If I were to have another baby there is no doubt I will use them again. These women are amazing individuals who are doing this because it’s their passion. They have a way of both providing you with knowledge when you ask and being so caring and supportive. There is no way we could have had the experience we had without them.”

We love all feedback, but clearly we are thrilled to receive this type of testimonial. The experience Jessica and her family had very much typifies what we want all of our clients and families to experience, particularly in the feeling of unconditional care and support throughout our time together, regardless of birth plans or labor and delivery settings.

Here is another testimonial from Jeremy and his wife Patricia:

”I’ll be honest, I was skeptical when my wife told me about her wish to hire a doula. However, from the beginning, Kristin and Karlye were amazing. They were both there as a support system prior to the birth of our son and answered all our questions. When we went into labor, Kristin calmed my wife and gave me confidence. She showed me how to help with pain management techniques and different types of positions, for comfort and to help with progression.

We are so thankful for Gold Coast Doulas’ partnership model of care. Karlye was on-call when we went into labor, but was already attending another birth. However, since they work as a team, Kristin stepped right in.

I know my wife is grateful, but I am not sure I could have done it without you!”

Patricia said she would recommend Gold Coast Doulas for several reasons.
“They were excellent in providing emotional support, encouragement during the birth process, breastfeeding assistance and recommendations on healthy sleep patterns for the baby.

As a first time mother, I was nervous and excited about having a child. I had a lot of questions. What does real labor feel like? How can I be successfully preparing myself for a natural birth? What do I include in my birth plan? What can I do to prepare us for an enjoyable delivery? Who will advocate on my behalf if I am too exhausted during labor? It was a long list…

After discussing my concerns with my doctor, she recommended Gold Coast Doulas. My husband and I meet with Kristin and Karlye to discuss their services and how they could offer emotional support. They were very patient and answered all of my questions, along with helping us prepare our birth plan and making recommendations for the health of the baby and mommy (allowing the umbilical cord to pulsate after delivery, warm baths to help with Braxton Hicks labor, and breathing techniques).

During labor and delivery, Kristin provided encouragement and support to both of us. It gave me confidence and ease with her in the room. She was great with the nurses and encouraged the use of the natural pain management with the stability ball, walking, stretching, massage and deep breathing. Even at the most painful moments, and when I faced complete exhaustion, Kristin stayed positive and upbeat for us. Throughout the entire birth process, she remained by my side and was an emotional support coach.

After the birth of our son, Kristin came to our home. This was extremely helpful. As first time parents, we had more questions about the health and safety of our baby. (How often should we feed him? How much sleep does he need? Will he be okay in his bed by himself?) Kristin answered our questions and helped address our fears. Additionally, she offered advice on breastfeeding and assisted with helping the baby latch on.

Again, we would highly recommend Gold Coast Doulas. Kristin and Karlye are extremely organized and qualified in their field. We were blessed to share our pregnancy and birth with them.”

Ahem… Thank you. We are humbled and honored.

Contact Gold Coast Doulas to find out if our partnership model will work for you and your birth. We would love to have the opportunity to support your family during this amazing and often overwhelming time.

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Riding the Waves

Birth / Kristin Revere / birth doula, childbirth, pregnancy

Gold Coast Doulas is excited to feature a guest blog from Lauren Rauseo. Lauren is mom to Dylan, Liv and Fiona. She works part-time as a graphic designer is working to become a postpartum doula as well. Her favorite things are coffee, manicures, wine, yoga, and family dance parties in her living room. Now that she’s done birthing her own brood, she has moved on to sharing her enthusiasm for natural birth with others through her book, Natural Birth for the Mainstream Mama: A practical guide to achieving a drug-free birth in a hospital setting. You can follow Lauren at www.facebook.com/MainstreamMama.

Last summer my family went to the beach on vacation. As I jumped the small waves with my 6-year-old, he held onto me with a surprisingly tight Kung Fu grip. This was the first summer he wasn’t completely terrified of the ocean, so despite him being nervous about waves that were only up to our ankles, we had made great progress.

Holding his little hand, I remembered being a small child myself, about his age, when my dad took me into the ocean. He carried me out beyond the breaking point, where the water was calm and manageable, and I could ride the waves like a smooth and steady roller coaster.

After a few minutes, I was ready to return to the sand and I began to swim toward the shore. I approached the location of safety, where I’d be past the massive arches of water and be able to easily walk the last few feet of wet sand to the beach blanket where my mother sat reading her book. Just then, a wave came crashing down on me. Startled but not yet defeated, I got my balance and stood up just in time for the next big wave to knock me down again. I became stuck in this cycle of attempting to fight a force much bigger than my small body, only to be repeatedly overcome by it.

Eventually, my dad saw me in distress and came to what I’ll loosely call “my rescue”: he picked me up around my waist and urgently threw me toward the shore. I rolled through the next big crash under the salty water while loads of sand traveled under my bathing suit. I made it to the warmth of my mom wrapping me up in a towel physically intact, but not emotionally unscathed.

What I didn’t know that summer was that in order to rival an opponent like the ocean, I needed to work with the force, not against it.

The waves in birth.

When you’re in the throes of active labor, your contractions work a lot like those waves at the beach. When they’re strong, they come with power and intensity, and they can easily knock you down. When each one is over, you barely have time to brush yourself off, take a deep breath, and prepare yourself for the next one before that one consumes you, too. Live through this cycle for a couple of hours, and you will likely feel tired, overwhelmed, and ready to give up. You may long for someone to rescue you, like my dad saved me when he propelled my body ashore.

But you may not realize the same piece of information I was missing on my childhood vacation. When you’re dealing with a force as intense as a baby moving out of your body, you need to work with the waves, not against them.

What does this mean exactly in birth? Stop fighting your body. You can’t just wish these waves away. You must work with them. Move with them. Change positions. Breathe deeply. Make noise. Moaning noises. Deep moaning noises. Watch yourself in a mirror. Change positions again. Walk around. Lean into the sensation. Have a snack. Have a laugh. Have someone rub your back or put pressure on your hips. Let go of your fears. Let go of your expectations. Let go of the tension in your body. Just let go. Look deeply into your partner’s eyes. Look deeply inside yourself to find your inner strength. Look ahead to your future, holding your beautiful baby. Believe in yourself. Ride each wave with confidence. YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS. You can do THIS. You only have to ride one wave at a time.

We can all get through anything if we take it just one hard thing at a time.

My son and I stayed in the kiddie end of the ocean that whole week last July. But I gifted him with important information I had not been so lucky to get. “If you ever find yourself up against a big wave, just face it head on, and dive right into it,” I told him.

As with birth and most other hard things in life, it is the only way to come out the other side.

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Riding the Waves Read More »