Kristin Revere and Mariela De Santiago discuss how preparation during pregnancy can impact your postnatal recovery phase. Mariela hosts the New Mom Podcast and is the founder of the Carlsbad Mom Crew.
Hello, hello! This is Kristin with Ask the Doulas, and I am thrilled to chat with Mariela De Santiago today. Mariela is the host of the New Mom Talk Podcast, and she is also the founder of the Carlsbad Mom Crew. Welcome, Mariela!
Hello! Thank you so much for having me! I’m excited to be here!
I can’t wait to dive into our topic, which is the importance of preparing for postpartum during pregnancy versus waiting until after you have your baby.
I love this topic.
Before we get into it, I would love to hear more about your journey as a mom and how you got into podcasting and supporting moms with your Carlsbad Mom Crew.
Yes, so it all started with me being a first time mom, which I think many of us can relate to. I realized I had a ton of questions and found myself on Google when I should have been napping. You know how they tell you to nap when the baby naps. I could not do that. I was on Google, everything from why do my boobs hurt; oh, my gosh, that’s a clogged duct. How many diapers should my baby be going through? What’s the difference between cloth and disposable diapers? You name it, anything and everything. And I thought to myself, why isn’t there a podcast that just brings experts on to answer these commonly Googled topics? So I created it, and then out of that, I took over what was originally Carlsbad Moms and I’ve had that for just over a year. I’ve since then rebranded, built it up to what it is today, expanded to now have Sandiego Mom Crew, and that came out of that desire of wanting to connect with other moms that were also in the same place as I was, being a first time mom, being new to the area, not knowing other moms, wanting to just connect and have meet-ups at, like, a park. Just being able to invite a friend and say, hey, do you want to go do tummy time underneath a tree in the shade? It’s just so hard when you’re a first time mom, and if you’re the first one out of your mom friends, things change and you need to build new relationships.
Exactly. I had kids later in life, so most of my circle of friends had advice that wasn’t relevant. So many changes, as far as feeding and baby gear and even safe sleep has some changes. So their advice was helpful, but I learned that hiring experts is the way to go.
Yes. Well, I feel like also just the science has evolved. What’s accessible to us, things that you hear – I mean, I will say that I did not know the difference between a doula and a midwife until I started my podcast. I also did not know what pelvic floor physical therapy was until I started my podcast. That was eight months after I had a baby. Isn’t that crazy?
It’s so common. That is the biggest misconception is that we are actually midwives and catch babies, and people are so confused about the non-medical doula role and the role of a homebirth midwife.
Yes. So I just wanted to be able to educate moms and provide the answers in short little snippets. With that came my love and passion for the whole postpartum stage, which again, I didn’t realize until I was in it.
And with the Mom Crew, again, you’re getting women who may feel very isolated, whether it’s baby one or baby four, and it becomes this overwhelming time where people may bring you a meal, and it’s all about the baby after birth, but then the mother feels left out of it and has emotions they want to process. Being with other moms who are going through the same thing at the same time – and you talked about going to classes together or meeting in a park – can be so beneficial.
Yes. Yeah. I mean, you’re discovering who you are as a new person. You’re all a sudden in charge of another human. You’re sleep deprived. Your body is so different. Being able to find the connections or the support that you need for yourself is so important.
Exactly. And I know that your podcast is all about interviewing experts in the birth and baby space, similar to mine, but you learned a bit about doulas; again, the role for a doula versus a midwife. You mentioned pelvic floor therapists. What other experts do you feel are important to know about during pregnancy to plan for the postnatal phase?
The differences between the doulas, so being able to research or determine, do you want both a birth doula or a postpartum doula? You can have both. What would serve you best? Meeting with pelvic floor physical therapists to help you during that prenatal phase. Obviously, check with your doctor before, but finding a workout to help you during this stage. For me, that was yoga. So there are plenty of prenatal yoga classes that really help you with the stretching and relieving some of the discomforts. I think that’s so important because you’re moving slower, but you probably still want to move and get stretched out and do some sort of a workout. So for me, prenatal yoga was very important. I already had been working out prior. I know that some of the recommendations change depending on whether you have worked out prior to being pregnant or not. That’s very personal.
Find a sleep consultant if you think you might need one. I know that this is kind of a hot topic. I am all for, you do what’s best for you. If you think that a sleep consultant is going to serve you, then do that. If you don’t need one or don’t think you’re going to need one, then maybe just hold onto a contact for later on and you can start to interview.
And sleep consulting gets a bit of a bad rap. We have four sleep consultants on our team. I think there’s a difference between sleep training and, say, the cry it out method, and a customized plan that is based on your family’s needs and goals that a sleep consultant would walk you through and support you by text and phone and sometimes in person to implement even very gentle strategies. It doesn’t have to be letting your baby cry, closing the door to the nursery, and feeling like you’re abandoning your baby.
Yeah. And we did sleep training. We did the Ferber method when my son was probably five months old or so, and it worked. That was fine for us. We didn’t need anything too crazy or too intense. We didn’t just let him cry uncontrollably. But after two days, it was great. Now, that doesn’t work for everyone, and that’s okay.
Exactly. And you waited. Some people want to start sleep consulting or training very early, and we don’t recommend doing it until at least 12 weeks, so you waiting until that five month point in time is very helpful.
Yeah, and I felt like I knew him pretty well. He had already been sleeping through the night. We just went through a pretty intense four month sleep regression. Those are rough. And also, if you plan on breastfeeding or nursing, reach out to lactation consultants. Have one that you can connect with if it is a support that you need later on.
Exactly. Such great advice. Taking a breastfeeding class or a pumping class, if the goal is to exclusively pump or understand your options when going back to work are fantastic and involving your partner or support person is even better so they can then support your feeding journey.
Yes, because it is a lot of work. I nursed for nineteen months, and it was tough.
Yeah, that’s a commitment. Good job!
Thanks! He stopped taking a bottle at nine months, so at that point, I was home with him. It was easier for me to just put him on the boob than having to pump and then do a bottle, so it was fine for us in our situation, but I know that can’t always be the case, especially if I was working, that wasn’t going to be realistic or possible.
Exactly. And one thing I’m sure that you face, not only with your podcast guests but also in your mom crew, is childcare. I mean, we’re in a childcare crisis. Figuring out your plan on whether you use a center or an in-home licensed daycare or have a parent – many grandparents are taking on the childcare role. So figuring that out as early in the pregnancy as possible is my recommendation there.
Yes, and determining the differences. If you have a spare room in your house, maybe looking into an au pair might be a great alternative that ends up being a little bit more affordable. But now that means that you have a room that’s occupied by an au pair. So there’s a lot of options. There’s now services that are more where moms support one another. If you are needing more of just part-time or maybe a few times a week versus a full time childcare placement. So there’s lots of options. Also, it’s pretty pricy, right?
It is, certainly. And it can essentially end up being most of your salary. So again, if you’re looking at a center or an in-home daycare, it can be quite pricy. Looking at the transportation and time involved. Sometimes, as you mentioned, a nanny or an au pair is a good solution. If you’re not interested in live-in, there are overnight postpartum doulas or newborn care specialists that can come in seven nights a week or just for a few nights or, as you mentioned earlier, helping during a sleep regression.
Yes. And I would say definitely if you can, use those services because I can only imagine that transition going from you had a baby. Let’s say you only get three months off. Now all of a sudden, you’re going back to work, which is a different change of routine, and then you have a sleep regression, so now you’re even more sleep deprived. Get those supports so that you can really do your best; it’s so essential. And it shows strength, right? Sometimes I feel like we tend to feel a little bit weak when we ask for help or support, but it really does show a lot more strength for you to be able to admit what your capacity is and what you can take on and what you need to give to others to help you.
100%. And it can be uncomfortable communicating your needs to others and having those conversations. Certain personality types want to help others and it’s hard for them to ask for help, so again, in prepping for that postpartum phase, having some conversations with family members or your partner about how they can best support you.
That’s super important. Another thing that I didn’t mention was therapists. Maybe have one in hand in case you do end up suffering from – whether it’s postpartum anxiety or postpartum depression. You just want to have a contact, somebody that you either have referred to or that you met and you just had a great connection. But I think it’s so much easier to have a list of contacts to reach out to than it is to search for that when you’re in the moment and you’re overwhelmed.
Exactly. And if you have a doula, part of our role is to give trusted resources in the areas that we work, whether it’s a birth doula or a postpartum doula, so we certainly have trusted mental health therapists that specialize in perinatal mood disorders or sometimes there is a traumatic birth or other issues that could certainly use either a support group or one on one therapy.
Yeah, and I always tell my husband, if we have another one, I am 1000% getting a postpartum doula if we can. Just the difference between having a doula that has those connections that can recommend different services to you, that knows proper care, somebody that – I mean, I always say this, and I know it probably doesn’t sound that great, but paid help versus having your mom or your in-law – somebody that is helping you with the baby, there’s a big difference. I personally would feel a lot more comfortable telling a postpartum doula what I needed help with because I know I’m paying for that support, and I can always ask questions, such as, hey, can you take a look at my scar? I’m feeling a little uncomfortable on this side of the C-section. Those types of things were – you know that they see it all the time. This is their specialty. They’re constantly being educated in the newest and latest versus somebody that maybe had a baby five years ago or even three years ago. There’s a big difference, right?
Yes. Such a big difference, and if it’s a family member, sometimes there’s a bit of judgment, or they may want you to focus on sleep in a way that worked for them or even one of your other siblings, and having an expert that has the evidence-based information and is not there with any judgment, no agenda, can be very helpful.
Yes. And also, they can advice you on the best meals or types of things to eat to help with the recovery process. They can also just help you out with telling you what you need for recovery as far as, let’s say, the mesh underwear, or maybe more pads, whatever it is. A lot easier to talk to an expert or a friend about that than it is to, I don’t know, let’s say, talk with your mom about that.
And if there’s anything that needs a referral, we can suggest calling your OB, calling the pediatrician. We know what’s in the realm of normal and can encourage our clients to get additional support.
I love this topic, just because it’s something that I feel like we tend to not think about very much. It’s more that we prepare for the baby. We prepare for the nursery. We prepare the registry. And then all of a sudden, you have a baby, and your visits with your care provider really diminish. You might have hair loss. You are crying all the time. All of a sudden, your body is swollen and different. So we aren’t thinking about what is it that we might need during this stage, to just feel as close to human and the best person that you could be for yourself at this time while also caring for a new human.
It’s beautiful. And certainly, I’ve seen a big trend in friends and family members gifting postpartum support or a housekeeper or a diaper service. Different services that can make life easier versus buying that stroller or things that you might not even use until your baby is a year old and just sit around and clutter up your house.
Yes. And we spend so much money on baby items that they’re going to use for a few short months. One perfect example is a very expensive bassinet, like the one that rocks and is over $1000.
The Snoo, yes.
Yes. And I had some people mention that. I personally did not want to go that route because my thought was, that’s really expensive. If I need it, then I’ll buy it, but I’d rather just go with the one that the Uppa Baby came with. We did that. My son was in the bassinet for two months because he did not like the bassinet, and I did not have to spend over $1000. I could have used $1000 to go towards, let’s say, a postpartum doula or, yes, a housecleaner or some meal prepping service that would just drop off fully cooked meals and not just Door Dash. There’s just a lot more that I could do with $1000 to actually help me out versus a bassinet.
Yes. And then again as you’re setting up a baby registry, you don’t know what’s going to work. Some babies don’t like a certain swaddle, and you think – you know, your friend had a great experience with it, or with a bassinet, as you mentioned. And there are rental services with the Snoo and some higher end bassinets, but that’s still expensive. Some babies don’t take to them.
I always say, keep that registry as minimal as possible, and then if you need it, get it, but don’t spend so much on something that you’re not sure if you’re going to need. A stroller? Yeah. Highly recommend that you spend on a stroller that you love. You’re going to need it.
Right. A car seat, a crib. I mean, there’s some basic things, whether you purchase them yourself or register for at a baby shower or a sprinkle. That can be helpful. But until you get into it, you don’t really know what your baby is going to need. And some bottles might be great for your sister, but may not work for your own baby.
Yes, I’ve heard so many stories about that, and that’s tough.
Yes, because they can be pricy, and if you buy all the different nipple sizes and inserts and then it doesn’t work, then you either are cluttering up your house and you get frustrated and then you have to try something else, which may or may not work.
Yeah. And another option, too – there’s a lot of milk freezer freeze dry services now, so that’s another great option for postpartum support. You could have people give you money to go towards that, especially if you’re wanting to give your little one breast milk for a longer period and you have to go back to work. Well, just get your milk freeze dried. It’s expensive, but now that’s so much easier for you because you don’t have to worry about all of these milk bags potentially going bad, depending on who’s feeding your baby. It’s a small powder form like formula. That’s a great alternative. I plan on doing that.
Great tip! So what else are you thinking would be essential during pregnancy as far as preparing for a new baby?
Have a list of items that you want people to do when they come visit the baby. So yes, people always want to come and visit and hold the baby, but you still can’t host, and you shouldn’t. So I tell myself this: I will have a list of things, whether it’s like, hey, thank you so much for coming to meet my baby. Can you just switch the laundry load for me and then you can hold my baby? Can you unload the dishwasher? Just have them do something for you because any little thing like that helps you so much when you’re recovering. Like, you’re moving slow. You really need as much support as you can get, and I don’t think anyone is going to say, oh, yeah, I’m not going to load your dishwasher.
Right. And some people want to help, but they don’t know how to help. Having a list of tasks helps so much.
Yeah. And they can just pick out of that.
Some of my clients will put a little sheet on their fridge with a checklist of options that would be a great help, and then a family member or friend can check off the tasks that they completed. Folding a load of laundry, for example, of newborn clothes or towels, or unloading the dishwasher or cutting up some snacks and refilling water. Things that a postpartum doula would do.
Yeah, and they’re very simple tasks. It doesn’t take very long. That help goes so far.
Yes. Or running a vacuum. We’re not supposed to vacuum after giving birth.
Oh, wow. I don’t think I knew that. But I didn’t vacuum!
That’s good! It’s just about lifting. You’re supposed to reduce the number of times you go up and down stairs. Again, a friend or family member could run downstairs if you’re in your room and bring something that you needed, so you’re reducing that. And part of it is, if you’re too active, then that can cause more bleeding in recovery. Your body will tell you, you need to slow down.
Other things that you can also add into this registry, which are all of these that we’ve already mentioned – I know some people want to have a birth photographer at their birth. Maybe that’s something that you can have people give towards instead of that onesie, or a newborn photo shoot where you have a newborn photographer come to your home and catch those moments with your little one as opposed to you going to a studio and doing all of the little newborn things. The newborn photo shoots are super cute, but we opted for doing the ones where they’re in our home, and it was so special because we didn’t have to go anywhere. They catered to the baby’s schedule. If you’re feeding, they take pictures of you just in the moment catching what your reality is at that point.
We did the same thing, and it’s documentary style, very lifestyle focused. I love those. I did some in studio, as well, but the ones at home are my favorites, for sure.
They are, and you can turn those into a book. We did that. That way, you have all of the pictures somewhere that you can actually see them instead of in a computer.
Excellent. Yes, we have so much with digital photography. It’s great, but to actually take the time to print doesn’t always happen. For me, I need to catch up. My kids, with all of their activities – to put a book together is something that is always low on my to-do list.
It takes a long time!
Yes! Any other tips, Mariela?
Yeah, I think the biggest takeaway is, your body is really going to change. It’s not going to come back right away. You’re bloated for months. So invest in quality clothes that are going to make you feel good and comfortable with where you are. And accept that it’s going to change later on, but just really get things that make you feel good with the place that you’re in because I didn’t want to do that, and I always felt frumpy. If I had just done that one thing, I feel like I would have felt a lot more put together.
I love it. And you never know if someone’s going to pop over, so having some cute tops that are easy to breastfeed in or a nice PJ set – it does make a difference, and that soft material is a game changer for sure because you don’t want anything starchy or rough, especially with feeding. You’re so tender during that time.
Yeah. When you’re building this registry, really think about what you’re going to need after you have the baby, and ask for it. I think we’re in a place now where we are so willing to support each other and say, oh, I love that this person is asking for these nursing bras, or that beautiful shirt for themselves; I will get that!
Yes. And there are some great postpartum subscription boxes that have items that are geared not only toward baby, but also for the mother and self-care and some clothing and nursing bras. I love that trend.
Yes. I just really hope that all moms out there think about themselves. It’s so hard to do, especially with your first one, but make sure that you don’t leaver yourself out, because this is your time, your moment of transitioning, discovering who you are. So make it what you want it to be.
We don’t get a do-over of this postpartum phase or birth, so I agree, preparation makes a huge difference! So how can our listeners connect with you, Mariela?
The easiest way is to go to my website, newmomtalk.com. On there, you can find my podcast and Instagram page. If you’re in the San Diego area, you can find me on Instagram @carlsbadmomcrew or @sandiegomomcrew. I would love to connect. Please be sure to tune in and sign up for my newsletter. If you have a topic in mind, please reach out. I love hearing from moms and supporting moms. It’s something that I’m very passionate about, after having one!
I can tell! Thank you for all of your work in supporting moms in the San Diego area. Your podcast has such an incredible reach and is certainly educating moms everywhere. I appreciate the work you’re doing, and I would love to talk to you again, Mariela!
Thank you for having me!
IMPORTANT LINKS
Birth and postpartum support from Gold Coast Doulas
