Kristin Revere and Dr. Lora Grasso discusses small changes that can help you maintain your health after having a baby in the latest episode of Ask the Doulas. Dr. Grasso is the founder of APEX Coaching.
Hello, hello! This is Kristin Revere with Ask the Doulas, and I am so excited to chat with my friend, Dr. Lora Grasso. She has an extensive background in health and education, and our topic today is focused on health as a new mom and small changes that can be made to stay on top of your health at such a challenging time, whether this is your first baby or your fifth. Welcome, Dr. Lora Grasso!
Hi! It’s so nice to be here, Kristin! Thanks for having me!
Yes! I’m excited to get into it! And again, your background is so extensive. I figured it’d be better for you to really walk us through your journey in health and education and how it led you to focusing on supporting new moms with health coaching.
Sure thing. So I started off – I was always in health. My entire professional career, I was in health and education. And I started off with getting my bachelor’s degree in health and physical education. I taught in public education for a little over a decade until I had my wonderful twins, who are now eight years old. In the process, I also got my master’s degree in exercise science, and I, of course, tend to take on the world, and I worked on my doctoral degree right as I was having my newborn twins.
That really was a wakeup call to this whole mothering thing and being able to do it all. Then when I went back into the workforce, I went into virtual education. I could be home with my kids and be there for them and have my own thing in education. I quickly worked my way up to assistant director at that company. I really loved it. And then I just went on to find an opportunity teaching at an elementary school of my children, and that just did not work out for me. It was not for me. The schedule was tough with being basically a single mom at that point.
And if a kid is sick, it’s not like you can call off work. So much to navigate. Although the thought, obviously, was good, to be in their own school.
I always tossed around the idea of coaching because I’ve been trained as a personal trainer. I have a certification in personal training and a health coach certification, both of those since around 2001 to 2004. I’ve trained all age groups, all capacities, all skill levels. I really love that. I’ve always been involved in the exercise arena. I’ve also competed in figure competitions, which is another thing a lot of people don’t know about me, but it’s a branch of body building. That taught me a lot about nutrition, really. That gave me a lot of my background in that. And I said, why not now? I always wanted to do health coaching. So why not now, and I left that job and decided to go out on my own and start my own health coaching because I knew mothers needed it. I know we always put ourselves last. I know we need all the help we can get, and just that support, too, of each other. We’re all going through this. We’re there to help each other. What can I do to make that whole process easier and simpler and just make your everyday life better and not let your health go by the wayside because you’re raising little ones?
Exactly. And your business, APEX Coaching with Lora, is so focused on moms and women, based on your own personal experience, so I would love to get into some tips for our listeners and how to, again, make some actionable changes, what it might look like to work with a coach like yourself. You’re not the typical health coach, with such an extensive background. So I’d love to hear more about how you can be helpful and what moms can do.
Right. Well, one of the biggest things here is there’s no one size fits all, and there’s no fast fix. We all want that. We all want that instant gratification. Sure, it feels great, but it’s not going to stick with you for life. So if you cannot look at a health change or a plan and say that you cannot stick with this for your lifetime, or a very long time, then it’s not the plan for you. And everyone is different. The programs that I build are very comprehensive. You can’t just look at what you eat and how you move. There’s much more to it than that. Your daily behaviors, handling your everyday stress, your habits. Sleep is a huge one, and I’ll talk about that more with new mothers because that impacts every aspect of your health: mental, physical, social.
Absolutely. That is what we stress as postpartum doulas and sleep consultants. It can affect so much more than mental health. I mean, it compounds. So I love that you focus on that in your plans, as well.
Yes. And there are lots of little tricks you can do. That’s my philosophy, too, that if you want to sustain change, if you want something you can stick with, it can’t be this huge all-encompassing, overwhelming change, like a lot of these fads are. It has to be small, sustainable ones. So what I do is I look at what you like, what would stick with your schedule, how can it fit with your life, not making your life fit to it, but how can it fit in your life. So sleep, for example. We know that first year, we try as hard as we can, but we’re not going to get as much sleep as we want. It’s very baby-focused, that first year, at least. And we do the best to get it in where we can. But there are other tricks, too, like using light is very important for maintaining your circadian rhythms and getting more quality sleep, even if you’re not getting quantity. There’s a lot that you can do to help with quality. Like that first sunlight and sunset – there’s a lower angle light that comes in. If you get that early light and the evening light, it helps to set your rhythms, which help you get better quality sleep. When you sleep, ensuring that it’s cold, it’s dark, it’s quiet. Those are other things. Granted, you could have a crying baby. We all know that that’s going to happen. We all know it’s not realistic to think we’re going to have the perfect sleeping environment. But when you do get sleep, doing that, if you need to take a midday nap, have blackout curtains. If you can, have someone else watch the baby so you can be in a quiet, dark, cooler place. That’s going to make you feel better.
I always say don’t make any big decisions when you’re sleep deprived because it affects you so drastically. I mean, I’ve been there. I know how it feels. I know how those days can seem way worse when you don’t have that sleep.
Especially with twins. That’s a whole different experience, navigating feeding two, and different sleep schedules, trying to get them on the same page as far as all of their activities throughout the day and night. I give you a lot of credit!
Absolutely. But any new mother – like you said, after the fifth child, even though you have the experience, it’s never a breeze, and every child is different. We know there’s some children who are going to be more colicky and more difficult to handle. Think about what works with them, too. You want them on as much of a schedule as you can. Right? You want to do that for yourself, too. Going back to circadian rhythms and trying to get quality sleep – things you do throughout the day, like when you eat, when you move, any type of movement. It doesn’t have to be an extreme, regimented exercise routine. Just walking. Doing that at consistent times every day helps set that rhythm as well.
Yes. I love that. So Lora, as far as your typical coaching client, are their concerns more about getting back to their old size they had before having kids, or is it more in getting energy? What are the top concerns? Is it weight or having a better diet or energy?
I think the biggest ones are fatigue and your pre-baby body, which really, we have to learn to love and accept who we are after children because there’s just no way that you’re going to be exactly what you are and who were before you had kids. We think about physically, we’re not the same. My feet grew! That’s one thing. I have extra skin. Those are things that are just there. But you’re also – you are different inside. You know how life-changing having a child is, and we have to learn to accept that. We have to learn to accept the way our bodies are. But with that said, there are definitely things that we can do to make us feel more confident and stronger and gain more energy because the most common complaint you hear about motherhood is I’m tired. I’m just tired. That creates that cycle, too, because you’re too tired to feel like you can exercise, but in the end, exercising is going to give you energy. So it’s hard to get past that, and the biggest thing is building habits. There’s a great book by James Clear called Atomic Habits. I highly recommend a read for anyone out there.
I love that book, as well.
So good! One of the examples I like to explain that he gives in the book is that when he’s trying to get someone to go to the gym, and he said, just go every day for five minutes. You probably think, what’s that going to do for me? What you’re doing in the beginning is strictly setting the habit. Get into the habit and change the identity and everything else is going to follow. Once you start doing that, you’re like, I am the person who exercises regularly. And you start to do it more. So the idea is don’t bite off more than you can chew. Even something as simple as, you want to meditate every day. Just start by getting your mat out everyday and then go from there. Especially as mothers with very limited time – and I always take that into account when I’m working with clients – we need to know what our schedule is, what’s realistic. If you are absolutely not a morning person, morning workouts are not going to be for you. You’re setting yourself up for failure if you’re like, every day I’m going to get up at 4:00 a.m. and I’m going to exercise. You just have to do what’s realistic and what’s going to work for you, and you can always go up from there. You can always take more baby steps – since we’re talking about babies, right? It’s about being realistic and taking those small steps that you can sustain, that you can stick with.
I love it. And how do you factor in breastfeeding or pumping moms as far as their goals and their diet and ability to have the time to even work out when you’re feeding a lot more frequently than using formula?
Well, a couple of things with that. I think a lot of us get stuck in what it means to work out or exercise, and it doesn’t have to be this, going to the gym, doing this many sets and reps, or doing this YouTube workout. Really, put it in your mind as movement, especially that first year. Get out and walk your baby. Take them on a daily walk. Move more. When you’re parking somewhere, parking further away. Just getting strictly more movement in. And one thing, a misnomer I’d like to clear up with breastfeeding: you do need more calories, right? You need 350 to 500 more calories. But you also need to keep in mind what that is because I think a lot of people think – and that’s when their weight can get carried away – that they need to eat a lot more to sustain this. But in reality, up to 500 calories is three cups of popcorn. It’s two slices of cheese on toast. It’s one and a half bagels with cream cheese. It’s really, when you think about it, not that much. So being careful with that, and I’m not a big proponent of calorie counting. I do it in the beginning with a lot of my clients just to see kind of where we are, and it’s usually a wakeup call to see, oh, I didn’t realize it was that much. But again, do you want to count calories for the rest of your life?
Obviously not!
Right! So realistically, we just need to do an assessment at first, and then realize what we can sustain and what makes sense as far as the amount to make up for what we’re doing, whether that’s breastfeeding, whether that’s working out, whether that’s training for something. I think people get a little carried away, and people do this, too, when they’re pregnant with cravings. Like, I need to eat so much more for the baby. I need to eat so much more. You definitely don’t want to deprive your baby, but you also don’t want to be misled on what you’re intaking. It’s setting yourself up for something that’s hard to rebound from.
That makes perfect sense. And hydration, obviously, is key, especially if you are pumping or breastfeeding and having water throughout the day is so important.
Absolutely. Hydration is huge. There’s actually a link between your amount of sleep and hydration, so especially when you’re not sleeping as much, you need to drink even more. It will be more trips to the bathroom, but very important as far as your health.
Exactly. Thank you for that! What are your other tips for small changes that mom can make in that first year?
I think a support system is huge, as well, if you can have accountability and support with other moms. There’s great Facebook groups. I have a Facebook group I started. I’m going to put it out there – anyone is welcome to join. It’s called Momentum Wellness Lounge. There’s support in there. There’s tips in there. I think another thing to keep in mind with those small things is your mental health. Having time for you – and everyone is like, I don’t have time! It comes down to priorities. You have to make time for you, and I’m not saying 20 minutes, even. I’m saying 5 minutes. Everyone can take 5 minutes out of their day to step away, to read for 5 minutes. Just lay there and do nothing for 5 minutes. Once again, it’s the little things, and that’s something that you can look forward to everyday, as well, when you’re in the chaotic realm of motherhood. That’s so important with your mental health. Writing things out, too, getting things off your mind and onto paper helps a lot of people.
100% agree. Yeah, we talk about writing out the birth story and doing some journaling and meditating. Taking that time, and I know there’s always that temptation, if baby is sleeping, to get on social media or answer some emails, but taking, as you mentioned, 5 or 10 minutes for yourself can change your entire day.
Yes, and I also say with social media, just be very careful. I mean, it’s the perfect storm for depression, right, because you’re sleep deprived, which every single mental illness is linked to sleep in some way. So you’re already sleep deprived. Your world is around this baby. You have this whole new identity that you’re still trying to learn about yourself. And then you’re going on social media, where people are depicting their best lives. People are going on vacations. People are having a blast. So it can be great for support – like go to some of those mom groups and vent or get advice – but also just be careful and just know everyone is putting out their best selves. There’s a lot of people on there who are dealing with the same stuff that you are.
Right, and I do like that there’s more vulnerability now on social media, and people are showing the messy house or talking about mental health struggles. But there’s still so much of that Pinterest perfect and Instagram lifestyle photos that are hard to keep up with. I really like your tips of finding a community, like your community where you have moms going through the same things at the same time, supporting each other.
Yes. Something that I will admit I struggle with, too, is asking for help. Ask for help. Someone – I think it was Brene Brown – brought this up in one of her books, about think about the other side of the help offer. Like, I know when someone asks me, I love to help. I love when people reach out to me and ask for help, so think about that next time that you’re asking. Typically, especially the people who care about you and are around you would want to help you. It’s hard for us.
And we’re not mind readers. We often don’t know how to help, so it’s good to have that clear direction.
Yes, even for those five minutes to step away, I think anyone would love to help a new mother for five minutes.
Absolutely. So Lora, what does it look like to work with you if our listeners are interested in moving forward with a consultation? Can you walk us through that?
Yes, I offer free consultations, and that’s just us getting to know each other and making sure that we’re a right fit for each other. From there, we’re going to talk about everything. I mean, in order for it to be personalized, I need to really know what you like, what you don’t like, what you’re doing, what you’d like to do, your goals, your habits, your behaviors, where you see yourself in five years. We go through a pretty in-depth analysis of where you are and where you’d like to be. And from there, you’re going to get a very personalized plan. We try to do it – again, I mean, that’s a lot of factors that I take into account. So we pick out the big ones first, which usually means nailing down the sleep. And I’ll tell you, I’ve had clients and I’ve read in several pieces of literature and articles too about people solely changing their sleep and seeing all these changes from it before even doing nutrition and exercise. So that sleep is going to be a big factor for new moms, especially. But I’ll do it in a way that you’re not overwhelmed because it’s a lot of factors, and it will be very personalized to you. There will be constant feedback, constant communication, as far as, “Lora, I don’t really like this part or I’m not doing well with that. What can we change?” And then it will be consistent check-ins. Some of it, depending on the needs of the client, will be that I will assess and say when we need a check-in, but sometimes client preference, too, as far as what works best for them. It’s really a matter of getting to know the client, them getting to know me and my style, and figuring out how we can reach those goals together.
Love it. What is the average length of time that a client works with you? Is it a year? Three months? Or is it different for everyone based on their needs?
Right. It’s a little different. There’s three months, six months, and one year programs that we start with, and then people will renew, or some people will feel like, I’m good. I feel like I’m good where I am right now. And some of those people come back, too. I always say I’m here. This is up to you, what you feel that you need. I’m going to give my feedback on where I feel that you are and where you need to be, as well, as your support and your coach. But we have many ways to meet your needs.
Beautiful. Any final tips that we didn’t chat about, Lora?
Something I always say is think of what you would tell your best friend when you’re giving advice – because we’re so hard on ourselves, you know, just as being a mother and trying to juggle it all. Now that you have kids, think of what you would tell them. Think of how you would tell them to make sure they’re taking care of themselves. Now we’re always being the model for them. They have such unconditional love. They’re going to love you no matter what, but they’re watching what you do. So if you’re not taking care of yourself, what are you showing them?
So true. Excellent advice. How can our listeners find you, Lora?
My Instagram is @lorae5. It’s a mesh of personal and some professional tips on there, as well, but it’s important for people to know me as a mother, too. That’s why I do that. I have my website. And then the Momentum Wellness Lounge, on Facebook, as well. Just send a message that you want to join, and I’ll approve you and bring you in!
Excellent! Thank you so much for sharing all of your wisdom with us! Appreciate you, Lora!
I appreciate you! Thank you! I’m rooting for all you new moms out there!
IMPORTANT LINKS
Birth and postpartum support from Gold Coast Doulas
