Baby Sleep Tips for Exhausted Parents [From an Overnight Doula]

Overnight duola

The average parent loses 133 nights of sleep before their baby turns one. No wonder you’re exhausted. And while sleepless nights are often part of the parenting journey, it doesn’t mean you have to just power through with no direction. Here’s something you might not know: overnight doulas are filled with valuable insights on how to get babies to sleep, it’s their job!

Luckily, we have insider baby sleep tips from Kristin Revere, an overnight doula expert, the founder of Gold Coast Doulas, and co-author of the award-winning parenting book Supported: Your Guide to Birth and Baby.

Let’s help you reclaim some of that lost sleep–because you deserve it.

Sleep Tip #1: Make sure baby gets plenty of daylight

Getting your baby in front of natural light as much as possible during the day is incredibly beneficial for their developing brains–AND sleep cycles. In fact, all babies come into the world without a developed internal clock (or circadian rhythm) to tell them when they should be awake versus go to sleep.

For us, it seems so simple: sleep when dark and wake up when it’s light. But babies don’t know that yet. That’s why exposing your baby to light early on can help kick-start this circadian rhythm learning process.

“When baby is awake during the day, try things like sitting by a window or getting outside,” says Kristin. And when it comes to feeding during the day, feed baby in a bright room. “If it’s dark, you’re signaling to your baby’s brain that it’s sleep time. But if you feed in a well-lit room, the sunlight will hopefully keep your baby awake, which leads to a longer feed, a fuller belly, and hopefully, longer sleep,” she adds. That’s the ultimate goal. Plus, you can find an entire chapter on baby sleep tips in Supported: Your Guide to Birth and Baby.

Sleep Tip #2: Separate feeding and sleeping at bedtime

First, it’s important to say that if you feed to sleep, and it works for you, then by all means, continue! It’s only a problem if you think it is. But for some families, this doesn’t work for them, and it’s often the reason they ask for help, says Kristin. These families typically have a routine that has ‘feeding’ and ‘sleeping’ right next to each other in that order. So, of course, baby learns that in order to sleep, they need to eat first. Put it all together, and now parents need to help baby back to sleep by feeding them every time they wake up.

Here’s a bedtime routine Kristin suggests: feed, diaper change, put on pajamas, read a book, turn off the lights, sing a song, turn on the sound machine, then put baby into the crib or bassinet for bed.

Do you notice how feeding baby is separate from sleeping in the routine? The sooner you can detach those two activities, the sooner you can get longer sleep stretches. And if feeding to sleep is already working for you, then there’s no need to change it.

Sleep Tip #3: Listen before you intervene

New parents are often surprised at all the strange noises babies make when snoozing. Grunting, yawning, fussing… but interestingly enough, these are all completely normal. And most of the time, babies will put themselves back to sleep after chatting it up. P.S. You can learn exactly what to listen for in Supported: Your Guide to Birth and Baby.

“There’s no need to jump out of bed immediately. Wait and listen, then intervene when you know they need you,” recommends Kristin. If fussing is turning to persistent crying, you should definitely intervene. But if it’s on and off, most babies just like to hear themselves talk for a bit.

Sleep Tip #4: Cap longer naps

Here’s the thing. Babies who get too much sleep during the day won’t feel the need to sleep long hours at night, Kristin points out. Babies love to sleep, and the younger they are, the more they can–and will–sleep for hours on end during the day. Knowing when to cut their longer naps and gently wake them up is key.

Be careful though, you also don’t want to cut their sleep too much. Trying to get an overtired baby down to sleep is very hard. And being in this overtired territory can even throw your entire routine out of whack.

Here’s a tip: Learn your baby’s daytime awake windows based on their age. This is a great hack for navigating the delicate balance between getting too much and too little sleep.

Save this baby awake window cheat sheet:

● 0-3 weeks
○ Awake time: 5-30 minutes
○ Feeding: Frequent

● 3-6 weeks
○ Awake time: 40-75 minutes
○ Feeding: Frequent, more predictable

● 7-11 weeks
○ Awake time: 90 minutes
○ Feeding: Every 2-3 hours

● 3 months
○ Awake time: 1 hour 45 minutes
○ Feeding: Every 3-3.5 hours
○ Daytime sleep: 4-5 hours (3 naps/day)

● 4 months
○ Awake time: 2 hours
○ Feeding: Every 4 hours
○ Daytime sleep: 4 hours (3 naps/day)

● 5 months
○ Awake time: 2 hours 15 minutes
○ Feeding: Every 4 hours
○ Daytime sleep: 3.5 hours (3 naps/day)

● 6 months
○ Awake time: 2.5 hours
○ Feeding: Every 5 hours + starting solids
○ Daytime sleep: 3 hours (3 naps/day)

Sleep Tip #5: Work with an overnight doula

It’s okay not to be able to do it all, we weren’t meant to. That’s why our ancestors strategically lived in small, tight-knit communities surrounded by their mothers, grandmothers, aunts, cousins, and close friends. In those early months, new parents could get some rest while family or friends watched the baby.But today, hiring an overnight doula is a great alternative to getting relief. These special doulas are trained to help with overnight newborn care, sleeping, breastfeeding, physical and emotional support for the parents, and setting up systems. If you’re in West Michigan, our team of overnight doulas at Gold Coast Doulas are highly trained and ready to get you some sleep. If you’re not in the area, check out resources like Doula Search to find support around you.

Honestly, raising tiny humans can be tough–especially when you’re exhausted and getting no sleep. Just know this phase won’t last forever, and asking for help is more than okay. If you’re looking for more support and advice on navigating postpartum and sleep, grab a copy of Kristin’s book, Supported: Your Guide to Birth and Baby. It’s written by moms, for moms. You’ll get expert tips on building a support team, budgeting, infant feeding, sleeping, and all the prenatal and postpartum goodies.

Kristin Revere, MM, CED, NCS, is a certified birth and postpartum doula and the founder of Gold Coast Doulas in Grand Rapids, Michigan. She is also the co-host of Ask the Doulas Podcast and co-author of Supported: Your Guide to Birth and Baby.