Breast Milk Sharing with Kelly Cox of Share the Drop: Podcast Episode #251
Kristin Revere and Kelly Cox discuss milk sharing and her new platform called Share the Drop on the latest episode of Ask the Doulas.
Hello, hello! This is Kristin Revere with Ask the Doulas, and I am thrilled to chat with Kelly Cox today. Kelly is a registered prenatal yoga teacher, a birth doula, a former mental health therapist, and a breast cancer survivor. Her experience in working with pregnant and new mothers for 15-plus years led her to create Share the Drop.
Welcome, Kelly!
Thank you for having me! I’m so excited to talk!
Yes, I would love to hear more about your story! Obviously, you’ve worked in the prenatal and postnatal phase for quite some time, but to create an app and get into the tech space is a much different venture than working in this service business.
Absolutely. I am the least tech-savvy human you may ever meet. My friends laugh that I’m in this tech space, but I just had this idea, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so here I am.
I love it! It’s all about solving problems. So tell us a bit more about the informal breastmilk sharing concept and how you’re able to connect donors to families in need virtually.
Well, I operated a pre- and postnatal yoga studio here in Charlottesville, Virginia, for about ten years. We closed during COVID. And I was always working with prenatal clients and doula clients with kind of a more therapeutic hat on, of thinking about what they were going through, trials and tribulations of getting pregnant, staying pregnant, preparing for how everything in life was about to change, but really wanted to think more about mental health-wise, how were they doing?
And it wasn’t until I really started working with doula clients and started paying attention to how the moms were returning to the studio that it became very clear to me the stress and anxiety wrapped around how you feed your infants.
100%. Totally agree.
I think we spend so much time getting pregnant, and then we worry about how we’re going to get the baby out, and there’s very little prep for what actually happens after.
Yeah, and we went through a formula shortage, so people who needed to supplement or were unable to breastfeed were struggling and having to order European formula. This obviously was all during that time of your big idea to create this platform.
Yes. So I was constantly at the studio being bombarded with women who said, hey, I have so much milk. I don’t know what to do with it. And then other women were just scrambling and saying I either can’t produce enough, I have to go back to work, I have a medical issue, and how do I get breastmilk? And so for years and years, I sent people to Facebook groups, and always they came back with the same response, that it’s so clunky. It takes time. Once you get into a group and get accepted, it was all forum-based posts, so someone might post at 6:00 in the morning, you have 100 ounces to give, and then someone else is posting right on top of that. And so they just said as new moms, we don’t have the time to do this. So I just was personally introducing women in town.
Beautiful.
This happened for years and years at the studio, and I always thought, there should be another way. It’s a long story, but I actually came up with this idea because one night I was emailing two women. One had milk to give; one needed milk. And I knew they lived a couple miles away, so I was introducing them via email, and my phone went off with a notification from Bumble saying, oh, I had a match. And it was like this life-changing moment. I was thinking, oh, my gosh. If I can go onto an app and create my ideal mate and then the algorithm works like it does and matches me with this perfect mate ten miles away, I thought, okay, this has to happen. So it just sat in my head, and I was really busy. I had a studio and I was a doula and I was doing all these things. And so when we closed during COVID, the voice wouldn’t stop. I was like, I have to do this. And so because the process is so clunky on these forum-based groups, I really wanted it to be in real time. So if you go onto Share the Drop, either a donor or a recipient just goes on and creates an account, and then we use zip codes. That’s one of the main things you put into the account because my idea is not find a donor two states away, have them pack up the milk, pay for shipping, have to wait for it. Let’s not only meet someone in your own community who might have extra milk but also meet your neighbors. We used to raise babies together in community with aunties and grannies and sisters, and that just doesn’t happen as much anymore. The biggest thing that happened after a decade of owning the studio was – like, prenatal yoga is great. Postnatal yoga is great. I can do that kind of work in my sleep. But it was really the moms who would meet on their mats, newly pregnant or new to motherhood, and then they would keep coming back and sitting next to each other, and then I would see them having coffee after. This community I live in is not that big, so now I see them three kids later. They’re still hanging out with the same moms that they met in a yoga class. And I realize it’s the community aspect that parents really, really need and can benefit from.
100%. And certainly not every community has a milk bank. We have one about an hour away from Grand Rapids, but there are so many restrictions. It’s basically NICU babies and the most need. So not everyone qualifies. And then there are restrictions as far as donating, so as you mentioned, there are all of these Facebook groups, and before I found your app, in researching for our new book, Supported: Your Guide to Birth and Baby, I really only was referring to either the milk bank or some of those Facebook groups to our doula clients.
Yes. I think there’s 33 milk banks in the country. So it’s rare that someone is going to live very close. First of all, the process to get approved for those formal milk banks can take 30 to 45 days, and then like you said, not everyone can donate. And so my idea of peer to peer milk sharing is really based on a lot of what Eats On Feets has been doing for a lot of years. I believe that if there’s a woman who has excess production and more than her baby could ever consume and that baby is gaining weight and meeting developmental milestones, that would be the perfect option for people who can’t produce breast milk, can’t find formula on the shelves, can’t afford formula. I just think that this whole conversation around breast is best, fed is best, is causing a lot of anxiety and feelings of inadequacy if you can’t produce enough. And there are people in your community who have excess, and if you do this safely – we talk a lot about dating your donor. It’s the exact same questions you would ask if you were on a dating site. What is your lifestyle? We have filters on there for do you drink caffeine, do you drink alcohol, do you take prescription medication. Are you allergic to anything? We want to know what’s in the milk. And then it’s all about recipients making good choices for themselves.
As a doula, I’m not of the mindset that there’s only one way to have a baby. I always tell my clients, this is your birth, your body. Do all the research you can, and then you can make the best informed decisions on what you want to do during birth. And I think it should be the same thing if you’re going to use someone’s milk.
Yes. So it’s basically a trust. You’re having people fill out the forms, but you’re not requiring blood work, for example. They’re just listing if they take medication or if they’re drinking coffee and so on?
Yes. And then we do ask donors when they’re onboarding – we say, are you willing to share any recent medical lab work with a recipient if asked? Clearly, we’re not uploading that to the app because of HIPAA, but if they would, we put a little medical icon on their badge, so that’s one more safety feature that recipients know, hey, this woman is willing to share her recent lab work, which is great.
That is. That’s a big relief for some families who want that information.
Absolutely. The part about using zip codes is not only can you meet your neighbors, but you can vet. You can say, oh, Kristin, did you use a doula? Who’s your pediatrician? To get to know who you’re talking to, but then to say, do we have any friends in common? And then vet them that way. We talk about meeting in a safe place, meet during the day, when it’s light out. Meet in a public place. I have a neonatologist on my board of advisors, and he said in the very beginning, the questions you should ask someone before you take their milk are the same questions you should ask someone before you sleep with them for the first time.
Yeah, makes sense!
It’s totally the exact same thing. I get a lot of feedback of, oh, this is gross; why would I drink someone else’s milk? And I just kind of sit back and say, well, we drink cow milk and we drink sheep milk. It is the perfect food. If you can breastfeed, fantastic. If you’re an exclusive pumper, great. If you find a formula that works, great. I don’t think there should be any shame no matter how you feed. And I think informal milk sharing should be in the conversation.
I agree. And it’s also, I have found in working as a doula, that some of our families experience loss and want to donate milk in that way. Do you have stories of, as a way of grieving, where families are longing to share breast milk to help other families in need?
Yes. Actually, I had a client at my yoga studio, and it was after her loss that I really started to think more about this app. She was pregnant with her second. At 38 weeks, she delivered a baby still. And it was very important to her that she honor that life, and so I helped connect her to a local woman who was pregnant with her fourth baby. Just diagnosed with breast cancer and knew she had to have a mastectomy right after delivery. So that woman, the grieving mother, pumped for six months and delivered it to this other mother in need, and then the rest, gave to our milk bank her in Norfolk, Virginia. This woman is so sweet. I see her all the time, and we always talk about what a healing process that was for her.
It really can be. That’s beautiful to have that story as part of the journey in starting Share the Drop and that it can certainly, with grieving, benefit so many other families and is a way to give back in such a personal way.
Yes. I have users who have reached out and said, you know, my first baby was in the NICU. We received donor milk. It made such a difference, and that’s why I want to give my excess now.
I love it.
I remember in the beginning of this, looking for investors and talking to some people, and I was in a room with a group of men, and one of them said, why wouldn’t you pay donors for milk? And why would someone just do this out of the goodness of their heart? And I couldn’t think of anything to say other than that women are amazing. We’re the healers. We’re the ones who are going to save the world. So I don’t see where the question is.
Right. But I’m sure that as an investor, they’re looking at the potential income that paying for the milk could help grow your business, certainly, and help grow their investment in your business.
They did invest in me. And they’ve been fantastic cheerleaders. One of the biggest ways we keep this safe is we do not pay donors for milk. I understand the time and effort that goes into pumping and storing and donating. However, I think when you open the door to monetizing a human liquid, you risk opening the doors for fraudulent behavior. You can water down anything, sell it as milk, and this is when babies get sick. So the app is free for anyone to create an account. Donors always use it for free. Recipients create an account for free, and then you can see who’s in your feed, and you never have to pay. There’s a $9.99 a month subscription fee. You never have to pay that until you find someone you want to message, and then that’s unlimited. I waive that fee if they’re WIC or SNAP eligible. I want no barriers to entrance whatsoever. And then I also have a giving program where anyone can go onto the website and purchase a subscription to give out. And I have had some people go on there and just say, hey, I got donor milk years ago. I’d like to just feed it forward. I just want it to be accessible.
As far as apps, it would be on the Google Play store? How else can our listeners find Share the Drop?
We are on the Google Play store. We are not on Apple. I spent months and months rewriting code, trying to resubmit. They have finally come back and said that this is not a concept the Apple store condones. There is an app on their platform that does exactly this; however, they do pay donors for milk. So at that point, I was not interested in fighting with Apple, and so I pivoted, and I made a web app. So at our website, Share the Drop, you can create an account right there.
For me, running a business, this means I don’t have to give Apple 30% of my proceeds. But users can use it on a computer. You don’t have to have a smartphone. You can use it on a computer at the library. It actually makes me more inclusive. It did sting a little bit not to be on the app store. You think you’re going to build this app and of course it’s in all the big stores, and the more I pulled away from it, I realized, I own the web app. It works just as fine. It works just as savvy. You can get push notifications. And so yes, it is on Google Play, but anyone else can just go directly to the website and create an account.
Yes, and I agree with you that it’s so much more accessible. Not everyone has a mobile phone that has data, internet, and so on. As you mentioned, being able to go to the library and log in is very helpful.
So what’s next for Share the Drop?
It’s built. It’s running well. My biggest hurdle right now is just knowledge that it’s out there. So that’s why I reach out to everyone to tell them about this. I think if it’s an option, even if families need it in the very beginning until their milk supply comes in, it could be a short term option. It could be a long term option. But I really just need folks to know that it’s available. So if you are on Facebook groups sharing and you’re finding that that’s cumbersome and takes too much time, go create an account. It’s free to create an account and to look, so it’s really just spreading the word, which is a huge undertaking. I’ve been working in my community for 15-plus years marketing a studio and marketing my doula services, but I’ve never had to take it to this national level. And so yeah, just spreading the word as far and wide as we can.
I love it. So Kelly, what kind of insight do you have as far as the states that you’re in and cities? Where are you most located? Would it be in your home state, or what are you finding as far as data?
Yeah, so most of our users are from the central Virginia area where I am, so Richland, DC. We have quite a few users in DC. I’ve been able to build some great social media partnerships. Doula agencies in Boston and Chicago and Atlanta, so those are our top markets. However, we’re available nationwide, so I’ve just been asking users – I have users email me and say, hey, I’m done donating. Can you help me create my account? And I’m always like, absolutely, but tell your neighbors who are having babies. Tell anyone you know with excess. Really spreading the word like that. I mean, advertising is one thing, but when you deal with moms, you quickly realize that moms just talk about everything all day long.
They sure do, yes.
What they’re eating, what they’re drinking, what they’re buying, what their babies are doing, and so trying to, little by little, build this little army of moms who will continue to spread the word.
That’s what it’s all about. And then as you know, being a fellow doula, part of our role is to give our clients trusted resources and recommendations, just like your app. And that is, again, one of the most common needs for families is milk sharing, where to donate. And so you’re solving so many problems and still keeping it local and not having to deal with shipping out of state. As you mentioned before, even having relationships or seeing the person that you’re donating to can make a big impact.
Yes, absolutely. I really believe that what we’re missing out most in our current world and our society is community. We’re a lot more transient. If you can just meet your neighbors, talk to them more, no matter what stage of life you’re in, and be active in your community. Understand who the helpers are. I think we can solve a lot of what’s plaguing families right now. Especially coming out of COVID. I realize it’s been a while, but it still feels like we’re in it in some ways. It was the communities and the neighbor partnerships that really, I think, solidified families and took care of them during that time.
Agreed. Yeah, it does feel like things have not fully gone back to pre-pandemic times, and there’s still more isolation. You feel like there is less community, and a lot of businesses that did support prenatal and postnatal moms had to close during the pandemic. Some are opening back up, but there is that missing link since the pandemic.
Yeah, and I see a lot of prenatal offerings coming back, but I don’t see as much as postnatal as I think there should be. You know, I always tell yoga clients and doula clients while they’re pregnant, do your research about pregnancy and labor, but really, really focus on breastfeeding. Take a breastfeeding class if you can. Go sit in on a Le Leche League meeting. Have extending family members taken an online breastfeeding class so that they can understand more and be supportive. If we put more steady time into what’s really going to happen that first year, I think new moms would fare a lot better.
Agreed. So Kelly, for our listeners who are pre-conception or early in pregnancy, what are the benefits of donating breastmilk? The second part of that question is, what are the benefits of receiving donated breastmilk?
Every woman I have ever met with excess breastmilk understands how important it is and what a vital nutrient it is. I have never had anyone say, hey, can you help me sell this? They’re always like, this has done so well for my child. I can’t believe I’m making so much. Can you help me find someone? I mean, I think any woman helping another woman – that’s the biggest benefit. Years ago, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I had a lot of women come to me, other survivors, saying how can I get milk, but a lot of other women saying, hey, I understand. This has opened my eyes to the fact that, of course, a breast cancer survivor, if she had a mastectomy, couldn’t feed. Can you please help me find a survivor? Absolutely. The benefits of donating are really altruistic. Helping your neighbor. I’m a big fan of karma. I think everything comes back. Any time I’ve been able to help someone, it’s made me feel better about my life.
For a recipient, if you just are having trouble feeding for any reason but you believe that breastmilk is the best option for your infant and you don’t want formula or you can’t find formula – it’s out there and it’s safe. It’s the perfect food. It has the perfect blend of carbohydrates, proteins, fats. We have huge companies trying to replicate breastmilk because they know how good it is. So if you choose it and that’s what you want for your infant, great. Here’s an option to get it. I do have people asking about safety. We talk about safety measures and how to meet your donor and all these questions to ask, but if you’re really worried, you can buy testing strips for alcohol. My friend Dr. Trill over at Free to Feed has just come out with a new testing strip that will actually test for certain things. If you know your baby has some allergens, it can test milk that you get to see if there’s any gluten in the milk or dairy.
And then last but not least, you can do home pasteurization, which is very simple. It’s a very vital food that you can get from a neighbor. But what if you can’t find your formula? We just had another formula recall, I think, three weeks ago. Some formulas have been difficult to find. And families are struggling financially, so you think about a $9.99 a month fee, as our admin fee. It’s so much cheaper than buying formula.
It is, no doubt.
And if there’s excess out there, I think it should go to infants in need and take that financial piece out of it. We talk about being commerce free. I do tell users, if you find a trusted donor and they’re giving you milk on a regular basis, buy them new storage bags. Replenish that, so that they’re not spending their own money on that. But I think we can set the standard for helping your neighbor a lot more than we do.
We can. Totally agree. So any final tips for our listeners, Kelly?
Just go onto our website. You can read about us. Anyone, anytime, can email me. It’s kelly@sharethedrop.com. Ask me any questions. Give me feedback. I’ve got pretty thick skin. Realize that we don’t have huge users in every city, and so it might be a while before you find people in your community, but you can create an account and then keep signing on and seeing what’s there. But just talk to people about their experiences. Did you ever donate milk? Have you ever received milk? Listen to what that experience was like.
Agreed, yes. It certainly helps to have personal experience. Ask your friends. Having your personal testimonials and stories that you shared today is also helpful. If you just venture on a site and don’t have the background information that you shared, it can be a little overwhelming and scary.
Yes, absolutely. It’s all about the more you know. So read, ask questions. I’m a big fan of any sort of informational support groups, whether that’s about getting pregnant, delivery, the first three months. Go into your community and see who else is talking about these things because the knowledge will help in every aspect of parenting.
Agreed. Well, thank you so much for sharing your story, Kelly. I so appreciate the work you’re doing.
Thank you so much! Thanks for having me on today.
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